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*THE CHRONICLES OF AZUKA* _Episode 3_ by: Pat Ashinze It was midnight. The sky was starless and the moon was on a date with darkness. On ground, the electricity was not running. The atmospheric heat was hellish and hot enough to cook any food if placed outside with the right ingredients, thanks to the hostel generator that has been decrepit and out of function for about three weeks. Heaven knows why. Azuka was in bed, cupping his mouth with his hands as he choked with wry laughter. The laughter was stubborn. It came from the anguish that his roommates; Eric, Abefe and Sodiq were passing through. The anguish was from Azuka. It was intentional and for this, Azuka had slept on the floor to make his intention _equitable_. The heat was enough uneasiness but the unwholesome flatulence that remorselessly gunned out from Azuka's buttocks was another agonizing augmentation for the room folk. Eric, the Ajebo Lagosian lamented. _Zuka, ow far nah? This is not fair, nigger. What the… Arrrgh_ Abefe, however took the matter native, rattling off in coarse Yoruba invectives with a tacit Ilorin accent: _Eleribu leleyi faa. Zuka, o ni lakaye faa. Oniso oshi. Omo ale jati jati_ Miraculously, Sodiq was dead. Metaphorically. To both the heat and the unwanted farts. Sodiq's had always slept like a dead body, getting barred from any sensual inteference of any kind. As long as awareness was concerned, it is only God that wakes Sodiq up. Azuka feigned a courteous slumber, downpressing his laughter with instinctive dexterity as he rolled and twirled on his big mattress. He endured the hideousness of his own missiles with scatological precision, ensuring that the farts were silent and ample. Azuka was sharp. A sharp man is wise. Azuka is wise. Azuka blamed Aunty Bimbo's beans. He knew it was the beans. He remembered buying and eating Aunty Bimbo's beans package late last night before retiring to bed. He had ordered a full take-away package and long loaf of Jogodo bread. Aunty Bimbo liked Azuka very much. She had dashed him the last two boiled eggs that remained in the saucer also. Azuka was a regular customer. Regular customers deserve tip offs. Azuka was sharp. Azuka was lucky. A sharp man is a lucky man. But Dr. Charles Okonkwo, The medical practitioner that spoke regularly on Zoe Radio FM had once advised the populace that proteins are indispensably vital for the body. The doctor said inadequate protein can cause Kwashiorkor, something-itis and something-pathy. Azuka loved his health. He did not want to be like Deborah, the bricklayer's 12 year old daughter whose legs and hands looked like chewing sticks and her belly swollen like an inflated tyre on steroids. He must consume protein. Eggs are proteinous. Beans too. And Isiewu. And kuli. Azuka was lucky to be informed. Lucky men are wise. It was now 4.am in the morning. Azuka stifled his anus. Enough with the farts. He had to sleep. He had to garner strength. There was a 9.am class in the morning. Prof. Arigbagbowo's class. He had to go. He must sleep. He was already into sleep. But one more proteinous explosion before total somnolence. Just one. _Toooooooommmmffff_. It was fast but loud this time. Abefe cursed Azuka this time in pidgin english. Azuka was deep in sleep. He heard the curse in his sleep but he was already too tired to reply or do anything. He knew the curse was pidgin and that it came from Abefe, the Ilorin boy with the long tribal marks. Azuka hated the marks. Heck, the person that etched them must have had a poor handwriting. Tufia… The curse can not do him any harm. Azuka was a good man, a sharp one for that matter. Curses don't catch sharp men. Epilogue: Azuka wants us to have commonsense. He wants us to eat proteinous food with sense especially when we are going to sleep. Especially when we have roommates that know how to curse and cry. Azuka wants us to be sharp and considerate with flatulence. Azuka wants us to have mercy on others. Good people have mercy on others |
*THE CHRONICLES OF AZUKA* _Episode 2_ by: Pat Ashinze. … Azuka looked at the time on his phone. It was seven forty-five in the morning. Like a gazelle on heat, Azuka sprang up to his feet, yawned and gave a limb stretch to kill the last blob of sleepiness that might remain in him. The weather was beauteous and ravishing as sparse banks of silvery white clouds adorned the blueness of the high skies. The sun, itself was fast rising as if it were in a hurry to accomplish an important task. Heck, he was going to make a goodness out of this day but first, he must pray. No. He would be praying in his heart. He had to go to class. Eight o clock class for that matter. Professor Lukas was no latecomer. God sees the heart. God is considerate. Azuka serves and believes in a considerate God. By 1'o clock, classes were already over. It was indeed going to be a free day: a Friday. Azuka decided to walk with Fikayo, (the girl that celebrated her 21st birthday last week in class,) to the hostel. Fikayo was the razzed talk of the guy folk in the class. Azuka knew why. A good man must know things. Azuka is a good man. Fikayo had a flat backside. And a not so great chestside too. Azuka pitied Fikayo. Puberty was not nice to her. Puberty was angry with while dishing out voluptuousness to the daughters of men. The guy folk in the class mumbled and laughed in concealed mockery each time Fikayo passed by. Every guy clique had a way of concealing mockery. Azuka was part of the guys. A good man must laugh with his friends. Every good man must have friends to laugh, cry, talk and philosophise with. Azuka was a good man. Azuka is a good man. Fikayo was not like Henrietta, the only lady in the class whose curves had enough power and might to stop men in their tracks. But Fikayo had a great smile and a fine self-esteem voice. Her voice was also a bountiful feast for the ears. She seemed not to worry about her curve-lessness. Fikayo was flat, yes she indeed was but that smile was her passcode. It was an harmless smile, dimpled by an harmonious dentition and spotless eyes. Azuka liked harmless girls. A good man must like harmless things. Azuka was good. Azuka is good. Now well, they've reached the hostel joint. Azuka bids Fikayo a good day and joyous weekend ahead. Fikayo reciprocates in a samely manner. _Good day, Zuka baba_. Fikayo moved onwards to the female hostel. Azuka moves onwards too but tarries for a little while to take a thrifty gaze at Fikayo's backside. _Chai, Eiyaaah!_, said Azuka to himself in an inaudible whisper. A good man must have pity. Azuka is good. Epilogue: Azuka wants guys to stop making jest of and making jokes out of things ladies cannot control. Azuka wants the brethren to know that females don't select the size of their breasts or buttocks. They don't get to choose it. They grow and assume into the allotted construct of God's omniscient design. Azuka wants the brethren to ask for forgiveness so that they will not go to hell. Azuka wants people to stop mocking the flatness of Fikayo's buttocks and the inconspicuousness of her chest. It is because of mockeries like this that affected persons have had artificial insertions, ignoring and damning the consequences and complications that might ensue. Azuka wants us to know that girls like Fikayo are not dry or flat. _They are filled in places we cannot see._ The End. … Written by: Pat Ashinze, For the People, 2018. |
THE CHRONICLES OF AZUKA. Episode 1. … Azuka loved Guinness. He had ordered six small stouts. The hops and barley mix was enough to make him _"okay"_. If it was not Guinness, then it would be Gulder or Heineken or Goldberg. Nothing more, nothing less. Azuka did not believe drinking was a sin. For all he cared, did Christ not turn water to wine in Cana, Galilee? Tufia… Drinking is not a sin joorr. Azuka however preached moderation. Azuka loved his conscience. It was a cool conscience, not like that of the big-bottomed Bro Brutus whose conscience was so seared with self-righteousness that he had reported Azuka to Most Senior Pastor Prophet(Dr) John Ihejirika, the head preacher and Overseer of Jesus Quick Quick Ministeries. Well, that is a story for another day. Tonight, however was a special night. Azuka had hit a jackpot with the Ponzi scheme that Sarafa, the perpetually red-eyed, babber had introduced him to. Sarafa's eyes were not red from birth. No. They were made unwhite by street weed and Rothmans cigarette. Azuka was a steady spanker of big bounties but this was the biggest hit he had ever seen. 1 million bloody naira. Choi! Azuka had nearly ran mad. The money was white and fresh. He wanted to testify of this great goodness in church but he was afraid of going to hell so he succumbed to conscience and repressed guilt. Azuka loved safety. If there was any reason why he attended church or feared God at all, it was because he did not want to go to hell. Azuka was scheming how to spend the money. He would not pay tithe. The money was impure. He would however donate to the Church project. The Overseer had instructed the brethren to donate some good money for the church expansion in China. The Jesus Quick Quick ministries was expanding and now it is seeding up in the Orient. Azuka would donate some money to that. He loved the Church. Very much. Azuka planned on paying Ifeanyi's school fees. She was his babe. Yes, his missus darling, a 300L Sociology student at The University for that matter. He would give her some extra cash also. Oh… Azuka remembered Bruno, the American Ibo boy. He owed Bruno #200,000. He would pay him back too. Bruno had saved Azuka's head from cult boys in Warri. That is a story for another day. Azuka remembered his parents too. #50,000 would be enough for them. Azuka remembered Calistus, the scientist. Calistus had sold Azuka some drugs that he could not get at Okon's pharmacy. Calistus was the one scientist that knew how to mix the royal blend that made the youths see heaven… a mix of Tramadol, Schnapps, Bitters and Codeine. He owed Calistus about #70,000 worth or something like that sha. He would pay Calistus. After apportioning cash to many quarters, Azuka was down to 300 grand. That was enough for a big boy. Azuka was wise and righteous. Yes, he was righteous. Azuka knew he would enter heaven. He was sure. He who is wise is righteous. He ordered one more bottle of Guinness, making seven in total. Seven is the number of perfection. Seven is the mark of righteousness. Epilogue: Azuka wants people to mind their business. Azuka believes that the only class of people that can enter heaven are those that mind their business. Blessed are those that mind their business. Azuka is righteous. Righteous people mind their businesses. ... Written by: Pat Ashinze, For the People, 2018 |
Prologue: The Chronicles of Azuka is an episodic story. It centres on the day-to-day activities of AZUKA, a fictional chatacter. The chronicles speak the language of nonfiction in a fictional voice. Read. Enjoy. Share. Cc: Divepen1, Obinnau. |
This is a poem for all who can read and decode the beauty in metaphors and aphorisms. It was written by Pat Ashinze. ... Cc. Obinnau DivePen1 Mynd44
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ameri9ja:English |
Cc. Divepen1 Obinnau Mynd44 |
... The hideous thing about familiarity is that it breeds undue intimacy. It waylays the sweetness of communal respect. From mild, arid jests to infuriating mockery and contemptuous teases, you get to see the ugly side of casual familiarity taking full metamorphosis. And the one problem in coexisting without friction is moderation - knowing how to gauge extremes and establishing boundaries; knowing what is funny and what is not funny; knowing the difference between concealed disrespect and sheer, harmless sarcasm; knowing true love from opportunistic leeching; amongst other scheme paraphernalia. Familiarity gives the way for tolerance to be abused. This is why the worst enemies anyone can have are those that were once true, brotherly friends. Sole loneliness is much better than familiarity when moderation is lost because without the caution of moderation, familiarity becomes the bane and woe of a friendly symbiosis. The truest sweetness in life often lies in finding strength and happiness in solitude. Seek and ye shall see. Pat Ashinze, Earth and Sky, 2018.
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BlueScholar:You welcome. The clustering is the poetry |
Thanks for the compliments, everyone. Thank you kindly |
Heromaniaa:Hmmmm... Deep |
SamgoldBaba:Thanks, |
Cc. Obinnau Mynd44 HumbledbYGrace |
The Theory of Puberty puberty is more than a word. it is more than an escape of hormones, more than heights and fat and flesh, more than bleeding mounds and voices, more than pictures of dance and hate, more than girls hipping up in lingeries, more than boys taking their first, hard breath as men in jean trousers and cotton singlets. puberty is a boy crawling into punctured silence over tasteless salts and nightmares puberty is a girl trying hard not to cry, over mossless hills and arid portals. puberty is prejudiced, the type that colours entrants in the paint of passion or grief; in the paint of luck or acceptance; in the colour of butterflies or worms. Pat Ashinze, Earth and Sky, 2018 ...
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IamShiningStar:08165933237 |
08165933237 |
Cc. Obinnau DivePen1 Mynd44
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Cc. Mynd44 Lalasticlala
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NOBLEMAN CREED Hold on, my soul friend. Let Patience lay her hands on you. Let Love heal the big fractures that has made your heart broken and heavier than what God made. Let your wounds find refuge in courage till they become thinned crevices that eventually metamorphose into fine, white scars - beautified by time and good faith. Be still, ye sea of tossed stars. The Sun shall soon find your land, The seas shall soon wet your void. The times shall soon chant your feats and the Holy High shall cleanse your sins Be at rest, ye tempted comrades from smokeless fires and spineless fears For life is finite and mad The stormy squalls have raged for too long Even winter must surrender spring. Be at one, my shackled celestial, The wingless shall soon be king. Pat Ashinze, Isle of Isles, 2017 Cc. Obinnau Mynd44 DivePen1 Lalasticlala
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ATIKUISM: THE PHILOSOPHY OF POLITICAL HARLOTRY The political atmosphere of Nigeria is heavily mosaicked with political parties and sad as it is, almost, if not even all of them lack the orientation that characterises the rightful thinking of a democratic party. Ideologically, there is nothing worth gratifying about any of these political parties as none whatsoever, be it APC or PDP or Whatever-Party/Movement, has evidently brought about a positive change in the lives of the nation's citizenry except for propaganda, blame games and true lies. We have past leaders whom during their tenures, did not improve the standard of living of the masses or deliver the dividends of democracy but rather upon assuming office, derailed by default to enrich their pockets and sanctimoniously, maintain the status quo of playing dices with the commonwealth of the people in the course of their God-forsaken administration. These interplay of selfish appetites with regards to the vision and mission of Nigeria's political parties has made the leadership of Africa's most populous nation a jungle of bad political culture bereft of sound, selfless, equitable and practicable ideologies. I belief, affirmatively that it is because of this ideological emptiness on the part of Nigeria's polity that the issue of this partisan "cross carpeting" is very much rampant. Politicians hop from party to party all because they want to seize power for personal reasons and not as they usually admit, for nationalistic reasons. The appalling thing about this political harlotry is the fearless disregard for their own accountability, dignity, posterity and most concertedly, the People's response to such a perpetual fakery. I call this ATIKUISM, The philosophy of political harlotry which by correspondence is named after His Excellency, Mr. Abubakar Atiku, the ex -Vice president of the Federal republic of Nigeria(GCON) and by titular reference, The Turaki Waziri of Adamawa. He has fervently imbibed, cultivated and followed this unholy philosophy with great desperation. Before i proceed to my incant, let me salute Mr Atiku, for his political miscalculations and impatience. Ever since he had a misunderstanding with Ebora Owu, The former President Olusegun Obasanjo, his seemliness has never been the same. The aspiration of becoming President has always been a miss. Just imagine, from Obasanjo's PDP to PDM to ANPP to PDP to APC to PDP… all because of ambition and desperation… at the age of 71 for that matter. The prophecy of the acclaimed marabout has not been fulfilled. Damn it, fate must be a godless sadist. Now to the matter at hand. The resignation letter of Mr Atiku begs a lot of questions which i will leave to you, dearest reader to introspect upon and ask, that is, even if there would be a proper answer to your logical inquiry. To me, the reasons for his resignation, as stated in his official release are somehow funny and most honestly, lack conviction. I am attracted to the commentary about the youths in particular "APC has failed the Youths" …Only a sycophant or a retard perhaps would see sense in such baloney. Let us reason together, dearest Nigerians. If PDP and APC failed the youth as a political party, what did he, Mr. Atiku as an individual do to help the youth? Is it his university? The one that the average Nigerian youth cannot attend? Back then, he left PDP to APC because it failed the youths. Is that act not insulting to the intelligence of the Nigerian youth which in the mean while, is making a huge mockery of his own reputation if he goes back to PDP which had hitherto failed the youths? Why not stay put and build a virile and strong party that would be more accommodating to the youths without nursing any ambitions? If he really cared and loved the youths, shouldn't he be coaching and encouraging the youths to aspire for political positions without him aspiring himself? If indeed, he had a great love for the party, this would be the right time to demonstrate his selfless dedication for the party and not abandon the party for its perpetual failures. Mr Atiku sir. Your political antecedents as a vice-president is working against you and moreover your character as a person is something Nigerians( the wise ones) are not comfortable with. People will respect you if you stay in one particular party and build it. Nigerians respect Tinubu and others because they stuck with the opposition and built a solid foundation which was strong enough to dislodge an incumbent President (Goodluck Jonathan). That is what Nigerians expected you to do, but well, you have chosen to resign and follow the path of Atikuism, the art and craft of political fakery, better still - harlotry. … EPILOGUE: Atiku's ability to defect from one political party to another clearly tells the entirety of Nigerians that he is an ineffective leader. I must admit, i feel for the old man. It is not easy to be rendered useless as a political figure. It is an highly unbearable tragedy. I however believe that there is a place for redemption on the part of Mr. Atiku, the prototype follower of Atikuism, which is to get out of the political axis and help and nurture Nigeria with the wealth he has amassed( i.e scholarships, bursaries, NGO aids, political advice and other humanitarian gestures). This will be seen as a philanthropic indicant but as for me and a host of other Anti-Atikuists, Mr Atiku is not a President material. (Don't be surprised if he's elected into the seat though. It is Nigeria, anything goes). God help our Nation. Selah. Written by The noble WordSayer. Cc. Lalasticlala Mynd44 |
IamShiningStar:. |
Fame is blind. |
Soaked Garri and Dry garri. I will drink the soaked one and pour the dry one into my mouth simultaenously. |
People get bored easily, Efe. People get bored quick and fast. Make yourself a legacy while the Sun has not set. I have spoken. |
WordSayer:Let us get started from here first.. |
Investnow2017:I tell you. |
IamShiningStar:FB: Pat Ashinze IG @ikembapat |
If Man was God.. |
J Damdeyz:Start it... Anyhow!. |
B Rick9:Everybody writes so don't be hard on yourself. It is normal to have doubts and whatnots most especially as a budding writer but what is fear besides determination and courage?. I would advise that you read novels and poems. Watch epic Hollywood films also and pay attention to the subtitles. These things feed your mind with words. Write it anyhow, then refine it with concrete editing. |
swagguElite:I did deliver and she returned it to me with a huge yes. She was the first girl i ever wooed and the first girl that said yes. |
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