nnamdiosu:



thats human beings for you. because they never been in someone else shoes....they think they are wiser and better. funny enough, the jobless man might be more prayerful, hardworking and morally upright than you. perhaps you have a job and things are going fine for you, so you add the degree of lawyer, judge and executioner to your school cert and university degree abi? my candid advice for you...DON'T MAKE GOD ANGRY BY DOING HIS JOB IF YOU DON'T KNOW SOMEONE , YOU'VE NEVER SEEN HIM OR THE EFFORTS HE MAKES, DON'T EVER EVER PASS THOSE KIND OF COMMENTS. THE RACE IS NOT TO THE SWIFT OR SKILLFUL. IT'S JUST TIME AND CHANCE THAT HAPPENS TO US ALL. (DON'T EVER FORGET THAT) #NoOffenceMeant


OP......Women like you are scarcer than fuel sold at N30 per litre. God will surely bless you for these efforts. truth be told, there are a million and one reasons why things are happening like this. NO ONE ON NAIRALAND CAN GIVE YOU THE PERFECT ANSWER OR SOLUTION. THEY MIGHT TRY AND SUGGEST GOOD SUGGESTIONS BUT THE BEST SUGGESTION and SOLUTION COMES FROM ONLY GOD.take out time to seek the face of God.Bless your husband and pray for him every day as he goes out. hope he isn't keeping grudges with anyone
? ask him if he needs to do any sort of restitution. buy things for children then you and ur husband kneel down and ask the kids to lay hand on ur heads and pray.....God that sees the heart will see you through. send me your acct number by pm. i will try to raise something no matter how little for you guys ONCE I GET PAID MY SALARY. pls be strong. solution is on its way.

amanda2013:
Nigeria is getting interesting

boddie:
Madam u r in the wrong place to seek for advice o. 50% of nairalanders go read comot,40% just wan read ur story and talk non-sense,the remaining 10% sef na like 3% fit help the remaining 7% go ask for personal details like say them go help,all na story.
God will help O! My sister. But tell bros say make him sef no look any hustle as too hard or too dirty. Me sef get son wey be 2 years and I still dey University @ 31 years old,I am self sponsored and no work wey I no dey do. Bricklayer,join-man,E.t.c. But na dog business be my main back bone and God dey bless my hustle. no depend on help here sister,na setup.

StiffDick:
Yebo36. Your husband is loosing weight and has lost appetite, yet you still want to ration food for him. Pls give him food as usual. How can a family live on 30k?

Your husband is lazy and you are pampering him. He has no excuse. Really disgust me to read that he doesn't like teaching. Despite the hardship he still has preference for certain jobs. When the need is not available, then the available becomes the need. If you break down or have no income guess he will commit suicide?

You make too much excuses for him. He needs to be a man. Let him go out there and hustle any job no matter how dirty it is or no matter how low the money is. It's like he is enjoying poverty. He needs to fight poverty like an enemy because kids are involved even if he doesn't like the good life. Kids deserve the best.

Even handicaps hustle hard. I have seen poverty in 3D. I use to hate my broke days with a passion. Being broke is not a state I had like to go to.

Your man needs to get off his back side and hustle like a real man suppose to. He has no excuse not to give you guys a good life. You have taken over his role and made him comfortable in it. He needs to acquire new skills, in this modern times having a bsc is not enough. with skilled job you can't go hungry. If he lacks motivation let him visit Nairaland business section see what ladies and guys are doing to make legit income.

Sorry if I come across as someone rude. But that is reality. Less I forget. For the supportive and wonderful woman you are....Send me a mail.

To every faithful woman out there supporting their husband in times of difficulties. #Respect# Thumbs up.
x..x.x™

You don't sound rude sir. At times i blame myself for being so open, humble and supportive all this while. I wonder were i went wrong, trying to be like my mom but its not working for me. Saw how my mom stood by dad but I guess i forgot that they both had jobs.

ogawisdom:
Op @ yebo
I dnt agree with the idea of making your hubby a full time house husband even when hard working men cant afford to have house wives. Times are hard and the family needs both hands working together to support it.

Making ur hubby a house husband is a bad idea, wat happens when u r sick or u lose ur job or they owe u nine months salary

U see ur hubby kws u r hardworking and can provide all d family needs pls dnt act like it, even if u can jst act like u r in pain n lacking, dnt encourage him to b lazy. I kw u will b d financial leader of dt family n may b dts y God joined u to him but he shld contribute significantly

I agree with those who said if he won't work then he shld nt eat, nothing humbles a man like hunger. Try n give him sth to eat at least once a day where possible n at times approach him for discussions on what to eat. Constantly remind him that God made him d head n provider of d family n u r his helper, let him nt kill u with load

Stop doing biz dt they owe u money, consider going into restaurant biz/beer palour biz with ur hubby. Nothing sells faster than food and u can start small n grow.

A lot of men have joined their wives to set up this biz and its payin their bills.

babygirlfl:
Yebo36,

I know a family who buys agricultural products from the north and sell in the south and they seem to be doing quite well. They started quite small and do it from home. They sell to people in bulk and considerably cheaper. I don't know if you might be interested. Good luck. You seem like a very nice woman.

Acidosis:
Can you give an estimate of his contribution to the family since January 2015?

Who paid the rent? Electricity bill?


Some are jobless but they still get some perks somehow.

Truth is I've never met a family man who contributes ZERO naira to the upkeep of his family all year round.


Are you a Christian? What's the capacity of your Church, large or small? If your church capacity is too large with exorbitant services, please change that church and attend a small or medium-sized gathering where you can always meet your pastor (without passing through irrelevant protocol) for timely guidance and of course prayers.

Your husband needs a 'push,' since your effort is failing, someone else has to try.


Some are surviving with less than N30,000/monthly. My concern isn't even about the low pay, rather its about the need for him to jointly build his family with substantial contributions.

The reason why you're still supportive is because you earn a paltry N30,000. By this time tomorrow when your income must have risen to say N300,000/monthly, it won't make any difference as your husband's zero contribution will in fact cause a total distaste. N300,000 is enough to want you to get a divorce and a sugar boy. So before it gets to that stage, something needs to change.

Jahblessme:
@yebo36

E be like say fear don enter your body

What is the real definition of marriage?It is whatever you want your marriage to be,what your vision is.Only you can decide that and make it what you want it to be.Remember what works for A may not work for B so looking at other people may send you to an early grave.Its better you and your spouse do whats best for both of you and forget conforming to what society has said marriage must be.

That is why I presented an alternative for you,if you are both willing to open your minds and forget set roles.Your husband has refused to work,if you like fast and pray,if you like nag till your eyes fall out,he will only do what he wants.Youve even tried starvation,where has it led you?

See eh,why will you allow anyone to give you premature high bp or cause you to grow grey hair for no just cause.The fact is you are giving yourself excess stress with all the nagging and anger while he's balancing and enjoying the good life.Very soon you will start looking like his mother while he's fresh like tomato.

This whole energy you are expending trying to deal with him is better spent on updating your skills,starting a biz for yourself and trying to build a safety net for you and the kids.

Since he's happy being at home,he should be doing chores and taking care of the kids without complaining while you are hustling.If he doesn't like that style,he should get a job.My point is give him something to do - tending to the home is not easy,with all the cleaning cooking and washing to do.There's no point in him being at home totally useless and jobless ontop..Let him do the homefront to keep busy. Ofcourse you will be giving him pocket money for all his efforts OR at the end of the month you both balance the family books and then you each get at least 500 naira for beer and nkwobi.

You may make peace with this sort of lifestyle if you are open to it.Some modern marriages run this way without wahala.If you look around you,you will see many people in the same situation and a lot of times,these men never get jobs.I think you should make the best of it in the mean time instead of living in constant misery.Yes,you can be sending out his cv & stuff and encouraging him to find something to do but my own is what happens now now? Let him be the home manager.He may love it,you never know.

byvan03:
Please don't deny him food, not giving him food is the equivalent of cursing out a woman for being childless. You have to be firm to make him move but he can't be active on hungry stomach.


It is a terrible situation but not unusual, be strong.

duduade:



You try. ..
Even as you knew you earned 30,000 you and your husband still went on to bring kids into this world. ..

Na wa o... I really feel for the children..

Rexology:
DETERMINATION is like a force that can break any barrier.
There is NO breakthrough without DETERMINATION .
DETERMINATION works like a magic.
All we need to succeed in life is DETERMINATION.
Why the prayers are not working and will never work is because your hubby lacks this vital instrument called DETERMINATION.
It will interest you to know that ALL the persons that that succeeded in the bible were DETERMINED to succeed.
DETERMINATION has the capacity to provoke the hand of JEHOVAH.
Failure is an absent of DETERMINATION.
All your husband needs is DETERMINATION, once he gets this, his problems will be over very soon.
Anybody that had used this instrument (DETERMINATION ) will testify of its potency.

tearoses:
To the people saying he must teach even though he doesn't like teaching
Would you want your kid to be taught by a reluctant teacher?
I certainly wont
Teaching is not for everyone

OP its up to you how you deal with this
He is your husband
You chose him
There must have been something that made you choose him over anyone else
You can see it as his problem only or you can make something you both attack
According to you the man had a job when he met you, its not that he was lazy then
Nigeria is very stressful and hard and with very few jobs

Right now he needs your support
Everyone has their own shoe that is pinching and cross that they bear
His is his job
For some people its health issues and some people its extra marital issues
You are on N30K a month, which shows that good paying jobs are not that easy to get on Nigeria even for graduates. God help Nigeria.

I dont advocate laziness
Infact I dislike lazy people
However one of positives of marriage is being able to support each other in trying times.
2 heads is better than one
In his weakness lend him your strength
He needs it

Sit down and discuss the future together and direct him where you both want to go during this weak period.
If he had a medical disorder, you wont abandon him but you will stick by him
I don't think that any man wakes up in the morning and hopes and prays that his wife will cater for him, only gigolos do that and that's for plenty plenty money.

Even if you want him to hustle, tell him directly what you want him to do in a clear and concise language. I know its been very hard and I applaud all that you have done up until now.

I will not support you starving him. He is not just anybody. He is your husband.

I pray that God visits your family and all this will all be a thing of the past in Jesus Name.

phemierowl:
Calm down woman, since you have discussed it with God, He will surely do it, everyone have where shoe pinches

thorpido:
The ego in those men won't let them be seen outside of the house doing certain jobs but it's just some men.A lot of men can't bear to stay home when there's a family to feed.

Yebo36,talk to the elderly man your husband respects and get him to have a frank talk with your husband.I agree he is not doing enough and men who have their wives financing the home tend to get lazy.
He should seek opportunities that require little skills and build himself from there.

marriagebliss:

I made my post before reading through the thread. Most of the questions I asked was answered in pages 1 and 2. Let your husband wrap his pride and go to town in search of what to feed his family with. Complain less and prayerfully uphold him before God and allow Holy Spirit to work in him to make him the man he ought to be.
I pray that things work out well for you and your husband so that you can take proper care of your two kids. Stay strong and remain Blessed.

Niceman4u:
it must b quite a hard time. I feel ur pains. Its nt easy. All u need to do is more prayers, u can search for jobs online, it may nt b so easy bt I knw there many job sites u can search nd register for jobs, God wil help u Madam.
I must commend u for standing by ur man despite d challenges.
Its well Madam!

Dyt:


Seem those kind of men are the types we have these days
Phew

Dyt:


He doesn't like teaching def won't like some other kind of jobs
Op pls stop making excuses for your husband
In this part if the country not everyone likes what they are doing
They are doing it cos of the pay
Excuse is a no no no

I was in this situation too
Yes we had our shouting days and very best days during this time
You gotta push him
You can't be the only one pushing while he's watching

thelish:
Madam if u pamper this ur husband join this laziness, na be say u go quick old ooo.
I was once In ur shoe. The problem is, they feel too big n proud to do some certain jobs irrespective of d cash in flow. U can report him to anybody he respects.

ogawisdom:
Op ur husband is still talking abt wat he likes n doesnt like to do when u pay rent, feed him and his children for 4years and counting. He shld man up and start thinking abt survival of his family at this point and shld b ready to do any legal thing to provide for his family. He shld
1. Learn hw to drive keke, taxi,bus, okada
2.Learn hw to Barb n start barbing saloon
3. Take up teaching job in primary/sec whether he likes it or nt his family needs d money
4. Football viewing center
5. Go to construction sites there are alot to do n earn a living there
6. Learn skills in demand in his area

He must bring sth to d table monthly, BC even God is nt happy with him as he is worst than an infidel nw. Talk to him and encourage him to hustle harder

EfemenaXY:


Good questions.

And that's why I'd like to know what he was doing for a living pre-marriage. Hustling isn't for every one and if that be the case, then she's got her work cut out, especially as there seems to be a pattern here.

He was working with Union insurance before marriage.

MurphyG1:


They owe him one year salary?

Has the hotel closed down? Didnt they pay any other staff during that period?

If your story is true then please intensify your prayers!