Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! - Jokes Etc (2) - Nairaland
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Fresh And Funny Pictures To Crack Your Ribs. / Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) / Best Jokes Of D Year.laughing Gas. (2) (3) (4)
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 9:19pm On Aug 03, 2012 |
D day God created chinese, he was very tired so he just copy n paste, copy n paste... 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by ichiezubby(m): 10:46pm On Aug 03, 2012 |
oh boi,dis jokes funi die,i 4 get heartache 4 here o |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by Sirmikky1(m): 1:16am On Aug 04, 2012 |
A couple abt to wed died in an auto accident.They asked the angel @ pearly gates if they cud get married in heaven,the angel replied"yes",askd dem to wait while he goes to get a priest.4 days later,d angel returns wt a priest en d groom asks "in case i wnt to file for a divorce later,wld i be able to do dt?"Angel replies angrily "it took me 4 days to get a priest,hw long do u think it'll tk me to get a lawyer? .....sori,lawyers in d house 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by Freddieyankee(m): 4:28am On Aug 04, 2012 |
DicksonDonny: Laugh out loud!!! Patrick Obiahagbon drives into a petrol station in his sleek,state of the art range rover sports: Patrick: guy,abeg give me full tank. Attendant: i only speak english, sir. Patrick: ok brother,good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorised automobile. Therefore i cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptable of the said means of perambulator to the brim. Attendant: bros na play i dey play o, my name na Omoh,you fit talk am for benin!. Guy thank you... Na God go bless you and add more brains to your brain... You really they make me laugh like say tomorrow no dey |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by bright007(f): 7:36am On Aug 04, 2012 |
bros,most of d jokes here have been posted here by other jokers before.I only credit you for d compilation work pls post new and current jokes |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by Hadeyeancah(m): 9:46am On Aug 04, 2012 |
DicksonDonny: This is how tomorrow's children may end up learning ABC.Hmmm, funny |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by Nobody: 12:55pm On Aug 04, 2012 |
bright007: bros,most of d jokes here have been posted here by other jokers before.I only credit you for d compilation work pls post new and current jokes |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 2:09pm On Aug 04, 2012 |
pretiEbony if u call dem stale,why not proof it, by adding urs?? |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by Sunebanty(m): 8:42am On Aug 05, 2012 |
Broda u 3 much,dis should be on d front page |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by habayommy: 3:19pm On Aug 05, 2012 |
An Edo man invited friends for his mother's burial, after lowering the coffin, they put yam, rice, meat etc,into the grave. An Hausa man asked why? The Edo man smiled & said, "According to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get". The Hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "When the food finish, buy more". The Yoruba man also dropped N50,000 and said, add this incase it’s not enough. The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of N200,000, dropped it in the coffin & took the N150,000 notes as change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o...it is going to be a dangerous journey we don’t know how many robbers are out there"so is beta u go cashless |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by MrTAnonymous(m): 5:42pm On Aug 05, 2012 |
DicksonDonny: Na wa for all these rich people ooo. I went wit a frend 2visit her guy frm a very rich family.D maid approached me &asked MAID: wat would u lyk 2have,fruit juice, yoghurt,tea,chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee? ME: tea pls. MAID: Ceylon tea,Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea,bush tea or green tea? ME: Ceylon tea pls. MAID: how do u want it, black or white? ME: white. MAID: milk or fresh cream? ME: with milk. MAID: goat milk or cow milk? ME: cow’s milk. MAID: freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow? ME: umm, lemme go with d freezeland cow. MAID: would u lyk it with sweetner, sugar or honey? ME: sugar. MAID: bee sugar or cane sugar? ME: cane sugar MAID: white, brown or yellow sugar? ME: abeg, forget abt d tea, jst give me a glass of water. MAID: mineral, tap or distilled water? ME: mineral water. MAID: flavored or non flavored? ME: infact get me an empty glass! MAID: do u want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug? ME: abeg, free me, i go swallow my spit.Guy,I don laugh sote I won break my ribs ooooooo. 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by MrTAnonymous(m): 5:42pm On Aug 05, 2012 |
DicksonDonny: Na wa for all these rich people ooo. I went wit a frend 2visit her guy frm a very rich family.D maid approached me &asked MAID: wat would u lyk 2have,fruit juice, yoghurt,tea,chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee? ME: tea pls. MAID: Ceylon tea,Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea,bush tea or green tea? ME: Ceylon tea pls. MAID: how do u want it, black or white? ME: white. MAID: milk or fresh cream? ME: with milk. MAID: goat milk or cow milk? ME: cow’s milk. MAID: freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow? ME: umm, lemme go with d freezeland cow. MAID: would u lyk it with sweetner, sugar or honey? ME: sugar. MAID: bee sugar or cane sugar? ME: cane sugar MAID: white, brown or yellow sugar? ME: abeg, forget abt d tea, jst give me a glass of water. MAID: mineral, tap or distilled water? ME: mineral water. MAID: flavored or non flavored? ME: infact get me an empty glass! MAID: do u want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug? ME: abeg, free me, i go swallow my spit.Guy,I don laugh sote I won break my ribs ooooooo. 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 7:48pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
10 funny akpos jokes Girl: I'm warning you, my Mummy is coming back soon.. AKPOS: But I'm not doing anything.. Girl: That's why I'm warning you, Hurry up CASHIER: This is the 5th movie ticket you've bought tonight Sir, Why?.. AKPOS: Yes, that I.diot at the entrance keeps tearing it TEACHER: What's your favorite flower?.. AKPOS: Chrysanthemum.. TEACHER: Spell it.. AKPOS: I was joking o. My favorite flower is Rose R-O-S-E Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the other one was beautiful. Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl. Akpos: Hello! Ugly girl: Hi!! Akpos: Wanna dance? Ugly Girl: Yes (excited) Akpos: OK, Go and dance, I wanna talk to your friend. Papa Akpos: My pikin say you drive am commot for school, Wetin he do? Akpos'Teacher :- Your son is not brilliant at all, he cant even spell "LION" ... Papa Akpos : Ah Ah...You know say na SMALL pikin......You for tell am make he spell SMALL ANIMAL like " MOSQUITO"...... Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a woman. What do we learn from this? Akpos: We should stop wasting time in studies and find that WOMAN Teacher: Make a Sentence with Big Akpos: The Ram Is Big Teacher: Make it longer Akpos: The Ram is big ooooooo OPERATOR: 911, wat's your emergency? AKPOS: Two girls are fighting over me.. OPERATOR: So?.. AKPOS: The ugly one is winning. Teacher: Who can state one diff btw a Bird and a Fly? .. Akpos: A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird. Ochuko: Akpos, where have you been? Akpos: Watching a football match? Ochuko: Who played?.. Akpos: Ivory coast vs Cote d ivoire 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 7:50pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
APPLICATION LETTER BY AKPORS Dear sir, I am Name is tenager, I apply to my job of security guard to you boss in your company of ECO BANK... I am complete to Sitted 7 examination certificate in 2003. My skool here... Okingo OBE very good. ... I am 29 years to be Born of age and no waif and no childish. My father dead long time ago and my mother is marry in BENIN REPUBLIC country there 10 years now, no sees her until now, so nobody known to help me...no money and food and tea and drink. My certificate is just sitting in home for itself, but passes in Mathematics, Geography, Science and all subjects but fail in English because of Ofuaku Albert teacher teaching me is look jelous of myself. Me because wear expenses cloth and shoe than teacher igbo. I here that people you want security guards to your company and I...... tell you I am one of that job experience for 2 years looking video for Rambo I, II and III. I also shot thief dead. I want to join the company of You and chase criminal and thief out with SMG of me. I can fight for SMG, arrow, spear, panga, knife, stick and stones. Me also can fight for boxing like Tyson. Please consider my aplication very careful and call me any time because me have handtelephone now. I am red for interview with you if you like me. Me have no photocopy certificate because the photocopy machine there at Niger Delta shop is a long time and very old it can mistake spelling in the certificate, that is why.I am very hornest and I didn't steal since I born until now, I can speak English free. I have no very much to right I have end here. Please also greet your wife and childish! Yours faithfully Akpos. Bye bye |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 7:53pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Musa goes into a library to ask for a book on suicide. He met with Akpors the Librarian. MUSA: Please do you have a book on suicide? AKPORS: Wetin you wan read that kind book for? MUSA: I wan commit suicide! Akpors stares at him for a while and says, “Abeg comot for here! Who go come return the book!?” |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 7:54pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
" When some girls Sit down to lie, even the devil sits in a corner, quietly listening and...learning" 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 7:56pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Imagine this conversation... Chichi: Do you smoke? Akpos: Yes.... Chichi: How many packs a day? Akpos: 3 packs. Chichi: How much per pack? Akpos: N200. Chichi: And how long have you been smoking? Akpos: For 15 years. Chichi: So, one pack costs N200, and you have 3 packs a day, which puts your spending each month at N18,000. In one year, it would be N216,000 correct? Akpos: Correct. Chichi: If in one year you spend N216,000 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at over N3,000,000 correct? Akpos: Correct. Chichi: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now easily bought a brand new Range Rover HSE Sport? Akpos: Do you smoke? Chichi: No. Akpos: So where's your Range Rover HSE Sport then? 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 7:57pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Akpos gets pulled over for speeding 88mph in a 45 zone. The cop asks for his drivers license and Akpos says, "I'm sorry officer, but my license was suspended after my 5th Accident." The cop asks for his registration and Akpos says "It's in the glove compartment, but it's not in my name because I stole this car in a car jacking and I killed the woman that owns the car and stuffed her in the trunk and the gun I used is in the glove compartment. At this point the cop tells Akpos to keep his hands in sight and he radios for back-up. When a supervisor shows up, the cop tells him the story and he walks up to Akpos in the car. The supervisor asks to see Akpos' drivers license and Akpos hands it over and it is valid with Akpos' real name and information. The supervisor asks for the registration and Akpos says, "It's in the Glove compartment." The supervisor tells him to keep his hands in sight and walks around to the passenger side and opens the glove compartment. There is the registration in Akpos' name and everything seems in order. Next the supervisor asks Akpos to get out and open the trunk. He opens the trunk and the only thing there is a spare tire. At this point the supervisor tells Akpos what the other cop had told him. Akpos says "I bet that lying son of a b**** probably told you I was speeding too huh? |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 7:58pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Jealous husband: my wife where are you? wife :at home love husband: are you sure? wife: yes husband : turn on the blender wife: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee husband: ok my love goodbye another day, jealous husband: my wife where are you? wife: at home love husband: are you sure? wife: yes husband: turn on the blender wife: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee husband: ok my love goodbye the next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother? Son: I do not know, she went out with the blender... |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 8:00pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Akpos and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sank to the bottom and stayed there. Akpos promptly jumped in to save Her, he swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out. When the medical doctor became aware of Akpos' act, he immediately ordered his discharged as he now considered him to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Akpos the news, he said "Akpos, i have good news and bad news, the good news is you are being discharged, because you were able to jump in to a swimming pool and save the life of another patient, I think you have gotten well enough and the bad news is that, the patient you saved hung herself with her bathrobe belt in the bathroom, I am sorry, she is dead." Akpos replied, she did not hang herself, I put her there to dry! |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 8:02pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
3 friends Akpors, Rukewe and Oghene decided to go for a picnic. Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried Ʈɦƹ basket and they set out for the park 10km away. It takes them 2 hours to get there. When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the mat and set out the sandwiches. After checking around, Oghene found out that Rukewe did not pack the bottle opener. They then begged Akpos to make the 4 hour trip to go for the opener. He disagreed.''You 'll finish the sandwiches before I return,''Akpos protested. ''No we won't'', assured Rukewe. After some more cajoling from them, Akpos reluctantly sets out for the opener. After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpors. They decided to wait for another 3 hours. Still no sign of Akpors. Oghene and Rukewe after waiting on Akpors for more than 8 hours were by now very hungry so they decided to take one sandwich each. As they were about to eat, Akpors pops out from behind a rock screaming:' I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN''!!! 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 8:04pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
A wife treats her husband by taking him 2a strip club 4 his birthday.@d club,d doorman says,"Hi Jim,how are u?"  wife asks,"How does he know u?"Jim says,"Oh dear,I play football with him."Inside d Bartender Says, "d Usual,Jim?"Jim says 2Wife,"b4 u say anytin,He's on d Darts team."Next a stripper Says,"Hi Jim! Do u crave d special again?"D Wife storms out dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi.D Taxi driver Says,"Hey Jimmy boy! u picked up an ugly one dis time..." Jim's Funeral is on Sunday!!! 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 8:06pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Some guys hold their girlfriend's hand at the mall because if they leave her hand she will start shopping. It looks ROMANTIC but it's ECONOMIC. 1 Like |
| Re: Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! by DicksonDonny(m): 8:09pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
An igbo man fell into a well and was screaming for help. The wife came with a rope to help, the Igbo man looked at the rope and said: "how much did you buy the rope"? The wife said "1000 naira". Still inside the well, he shouted. "What! Return it now now, go to papa Emeka at the 4th street he sells it for 300naira. Hurry up! before I die here ohhh" 1 Like |
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