Malice,
He's just enjoying making u suffer. He obviously lacks conflict resolution skills.
Take good advice given here

But this reminds me of a comment I saw on NL years ago and the man who kept malice with his wife said the day he realised it was dumb was when He would refuse to eat her food and talk yet his wife would continue cooking and eating in front of him as if nothing spoil

Then one day he realised he's just punishing himself abi no be him put down chop mmoney?
Well na dere it end oh

Dear adl,

You have received wonderful and splendid advice from here and please don't forget to give us the feedback.

Please bear this in mind:
1. Boost your self confidence and esteem by seeing yourself in a positive light and saying good things about yourself.
2. Being submissive doesn't equate to foolishness, stupidity or being a doormat.
3. Give yourself some ME time and have fun.
4. Your happiness and peace of mind is very important for you overall wellbeing.
5. Whenever he starts with the insults, don't response. It may not be easy but you can do it if you put your mind to it.

Pls try to make your marriage work. Firdt five yrs are always the toughest. Look for common interests to discuss with him. Search for what interests him and be a part of that even if you habd not been before now eg footbaLl. Do a root cause analysis to know why ur husband always searches for "motive" in all your communications. Try to play the mouse always for a while and let him play the cat and see if that helps. Look for reasonable common friends and couples, being around them could stir up communications and interactions. Finally, pray and commit your union to God. If you acess your self as more intelligent/richer ... You need to add several bouts of humility and make him look as though he is totally in control; he may have ego challenge also!

jennykadry: Seriously not again.

Have you got kids? If none, keep It that way.

Can't you just ignore him and go about happy? Don't you have CD player at home to listen to some Adele even add pitbull join inside go about happy, singing. If you know the time he comes home from work go out and come back home after 2 hours and when you come in just go about doing your business. Watch movies, Go out with responsible female friends, go visit an aunt and stay there all day.

You are giving him so much attention so retrace your footsteps. Some attention seeking men will get back to their senses when you take all the attention away from them When I say ignore I mean correct ignore. You need to be tough to tame that man. When two craziness jam, the lesser one will bow.

Abeg, where Do you people find these men? Which kain market man did you get married to? A man that bad mouths his wife. These are the kind of men that need ultimatums. You go out and tell people nasty things about me? Then you have no peaceful infact no home to come back to.

Congratulations! You've just won the prize of being a real home breaker. I hope that's how you run ur own home

salsera: Malice,
He's just enjoying making u suffer. He obviously lacks conflict resolution skills.
Take good advice given here

But this reminds me of a comment I saw on NL years ago and the man who kept malice with his wife said the day he realised it was dumb was when He would refuse to eat her food and talk yet his wife would continue cooking and eating in front of him as if nothing spoil

Then one day he realised he's just punishing himself abi no be him put down chop mmoney?
Well na dere it end oh

Lol

Becacia_Barbie: This is scary!!! Marriage is scary!!!

Abi o! Thats why I always advice ladies to wait till when they clock 35 then, it will less scary

why does kobojunkie never have anything useful to say?

Haba! It's Obvious, that's not the real Kobo but an impostor. The real Kobo does not have time for such trivialities.

@ Topic. . .Sort of!!
I'm lauging seriously at Obowunmi trying to win his girl back while trying to toast the person helping him get his girl back at the same time.

[color=#000099][/color] Just as the others have said,you should let him be for now if really you've tried making peace with him,and concentrate more in making yourself happy. Remember Y.O.L.O=you only live once so,ignore him and let your happiness be your utmost priority. He will come around when he notices you ain't giving him the attention he wants anymore. All the best

Just as the others have said,you should let him be for now if really you've tried making peace with him,and concentrate more in making yourself happy. Remember Y.O.L.O=you only live once so,ignore him and let your happiness be your utmost priority. He will come around when he notices you ain't giving him the attention he wants anymore. All the best

jennykadry: Seriously not again.

Have you got kids? If none, keep It that way.

Can't you just ignore him and go about happy? Don't you have CD player at home to listen to some Adele even add pitbull join inside go about happy, singing. If you know the time he comes home from work go out and come back home after 2 hours and when you come in just go about doing your business. Watch movies, Go out with responsible female friends, go visit an aunt and stay there all day.

You are giving him so much attention so retrace your footsteps. Some attention seeking men will get back to their senses when you take all the attention away from them When I say ignore I mean correct ignore. You need to be tough to tame that man. When two craziness jam, the lesser one will bow.

Abeg, where Do you people find these men? Which kain market man did you get married to? A man that bad mouths his wife. These are the kind of men that need ultimatums. You go out and tell people nasty things about me? Then you have no peaceful infact no home to come back to.

Seconded!!!!

@OP from º°˚Ʊяº° post  can conclude that Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ have got A̶̲̥̅̊ loud mouth. Must Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ †̥a̶̲̥̅ℓ̲̣̣̣̥k̲̣̣̣̥ back when he talks †̥ Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​. If he gets angry n hit Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ cos Ơ̴̴̴̴͡f̶̲̥̅̊ º°˚Ʊяº° mouth, Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ §ǻƴ he ¶§ A̶̲̥̅̊ wife beater, n if he abandones Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ wit º°˚Ʊяº° loud mouth, Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ §ǻƴ he ¶§ keepin malice.  used †̥ have A̶̲̥̅̊ gf like Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ n τ̲̅ђe only corrective measure ¶§ one slap, A̶̲̥̅̊nd̶̲̥̅̊ everythin returns †̥ normal, if not N̶̲̥̅̊o̶̲̥̅̊ talkin †̥ each other for A̶̲̥̅̊ month.

^^^^^^^^^^^so if she is insulted and abused, she should not talk back to him, is that it?.....

RESPECT begats RESPECT....

tiniyata: @OP from º°˚Ʊяº° post  can conclude that Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ have got A̶̲̥̅̊ loud mouth. Must Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ †̥a̶̲̥̅ℓ̲̣̣̣̥k̲̣̣̣̥ back when he talks †̥ Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​. If he gets angry n hit Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ cos Ơ̴̴̴̴͡f̶̲̥̅̊ º°˚Ʊяº° mouth, Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ §ǻƴ he ¶§ A̶̲̥̅̊ wife beater, n if he abandones Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ wit º°˚Ʊяº° loud mouth, Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ §ǻƴ he ¶§ keepin malice.  used †̥ have A̶̲̥̅̊ gf like Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ n τ̲̅ђe only corrective measure ¶§ one slap, A̶̲̥̅̊nd̶̲̥̅̊ everythin returns †̥ normal, if not N̶̲̥̅̊o̶̲̥̅̊ talkin †̥ each other for A̶̲̥̅̊ month.

gfh%%$$*&^)) & †̥a̶̲̥̅ℓ̲̣̣̣̥k̲̣̣̣̥!! †̥ have A̶̲̥̅̊

†̥a̶̲̥̅ℓ̲̣̣̣̥k̲̣̣̣̥? See º°˚Ʊяº° Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ º°˚Ʊяº° right?

I don't think its scary...just the manner with which both parties approach it
Very wise counsel has been given by a few people .. I hope the poster updates us

Becacia_Barbie: This is scary!!! Marriage is scary!!!

ronkebp: ^^^^^^^^^^^so if she is insulted and abused, she should not talk back to him, is that it?.....

RESPECT begats RESPECT....

Whoa! You speak jagbajantisnese??

adl: Been married for 3years now. The problem is that I can't have a discussion with my hubby without it turning to a big fight. Once we discuss anything and I have a contrary opinion, kasala don burst. No matter what I discuss with him, he believes there is an alterior motive and he throws insults at me, when I can no longer take it, I throw back the exact insult at him then the malice starts. He cld go on for 2weeks where he tells everyone that cares to listen what a terrible wife he has at home. No amount of begging or sweet talking gets him out of the mood until I go to him and really attack his person then he gets over the fight and at that point, he has a lot of terrible things he can't forgive his wife for. The problem is that I can't fight anyone for a day not to talk of someone we live together and am sick and tired of the cat and mouse game I play with my hubby. What do I do please?

Communication! communication!! communication!!!
ur spouse is probably going though 'depression',
or personality disorder. You need to be patient
with him, and just listen to him even if you
don't agree with... show him loads of love,
and with time, he'll come back to his senses.

Patience is a virtue, and violence will only 'beget'
violence.

Sisi_Kill:

Whoa! You speak jagbajantisnese??

...i am very good with foreign languages,...i have extra eyes!!!!

I see I have yet another Kobojunkie-wannabe in here . . .

Husband is scares!!!
Husband rocks!!!
During courtship, ladies do have their way always with the guys doing all the begging and looking for ways to keep them but after marriage the reverse is the case.
Old Lady, enjoy it while it last.

greatgod2012: @ op, sorry 4 what u're passing thru right now,i vividly understand it, that s 1 of d reasons i'm of d opinion dt men benefit more in marriage dn women because n matter what, u1e d one every1 will ask to be patient,and of course dt s exactly what i will tell u
1. Be prayerful- always commit ur marriage to god's hand, b4 u discuss anything with him,1st of all discss it wt god and tactically present d matter in a respectable and hunble manner.
2. Be humble- do not be arrogant to ur hubby at all, it destroys man's ego, and when d ego is not dre again, they feel somehow, even if u are more blessed dn him, put dt aside,and treat him as d most mpotant person after god to u, wit that, i bet u, he will love u d more wit time
3. Be patient- whenever u discuss anything wit him, always be patient enough, not everytime shd u be expecting reply immediately, it can take some days,be patient in order to avoid argument.
Avoid overdemandind- sometimes, u may not really know what is annoying him, u may just be guessing, it may be u're overdemanding,whatever u know u can afford easily,u dont need to ask even if it is 4 d house, with dt, u'l earn his respect.
5. Love him with his inadequacies-if u show him love even after he's offended him,later he wwull have a change of heart.
6.Respect him more- show him respect publicly,i've observed dt men appreciate it more when dir wives respect dm publicly, it boost their ego and at home, he will appreciate it.

P. S, all i've written here may not be easy once, but try and acquint urself with them u'll see changes, dont 4get dt we women also deserve all dse,but always remember dt marriage pays men dn women, it is we women dt always want to try all means to save our marriages, men dont care, so zgod help u.

if after all these, he still misbehaves, pls, ignore him,pretend as if he's not existing, he'd be bored and come begging, then u'l talk sense into him, but never be rude to him.
Good luck to u and God bless.

Op, I don't know you or your husband, but please disregard those who ask you to ignore. They said ignoring him will make him come back to you or notice it. Please, I advice you not to ignore him.
Why? If it were someone like me and I have a genuine reason for keeping to myself and you decide that by ignoring me you will get my attention... my dear you will only end up pushing away the more. What I mean by genuine reason.... maybe I have told you about a particular habit of yours that I don't like and you turn deaf ears and keep repeating it... I will just withdraw into my shell cos talking to you does not work...
And No, I don't mean you don't have a right to be happy. Most times, those that withdraw into their shell.... do so, only when they find it hard to keep talking over a particular issue... if he is like that, I will advice you give him time, he will eventually come back to himself. Believe me he must have communicated to you about the things that make him angry, but you chose to hear what you want to hear. Pay close attention to the man you dated for TWO YEARS when he is talking.

You can equally choose to do what the "feminist" group tell you... but if your hubby is someone like me... do so will only break up your union. That man married you because he Love you.

Abali1: What I mean by genuine reason.... maybe I have told you about a particular habit of yours that I don't like and you turn deaf ears and keep repeating it...

Abali1, can I throw this back to you? If you have a habit you keep repeating and your wife doesn't like it, will you make an effort to nip it in the bud or tell her to tolerate it?

ferhyntorlah:

Abali1, can I throw this back to you? If you have a habit you keep repeating and your wife doesn't like it, will you make an effort
to nip it in the bud or tell her to tolerate it?

I know habits die hard... but I will an effort to nip it in the bud. One thing about relationship is that, it is all about compromises. When my partner keep "nagging" about something she doesn't like, I will do my best to stop or at least minimize the occurrence of such. For instance, I have a "girl" friend who is not conscious of time. I have talked and talked, but only for her to say sorry each time. I have threatened that one day I will leave her behind...
If I should marry her tomorrow, I will actually carry out my threat if only to give her a "wake up call".

Thus, my point is that partners should learn each other and be able to listen to what the other person is saying... instead of tuning off, with the hope of saying SORRY later on.

Abali1, nice analysis. I initially thought you belonged to the "school of thought" that feel men don't need to make an effort to let go of habits that are unpleasant to their women. They would want them to get used to such habits since they don't see anything wrong with the habits.

But such men would expect their women to change any unpleasant habit and do nada about theirs. Talk of double standard. This is how I view most Nigerian even African Marriages:-master-slave/servant relationship.

.

Repeated

I view marriage more or less as a partnership, where the parties involved make effort to see that the partnership works by compromising.
In the words of IBB... A little to the right, a little to the left.

If the op were sincere to herself, she will realize thet hubby did not just wake up and start behaving like this. But gradually, he must have started voicing his displeasures only to be told SORRY each time an act is repeated, without any effort to correct it.

Abali1:

I know habits die hard... but I will an effort to nip it in the bud. One thing about relationship is that, it is all about compromises. When my partner keep "nagging" about something she doesn't like, I will do my best to stop or at least minimize the occurrence of such. For instance, I have a "girl" friend who is not conscious of time. I have talked and talked, but only for her to say sorry each time. I have threatened that one day I will leave her behind...
If I should marry her tomorrow, I will actually carry out my threat if only to give her a "wake up call".

Thus, my point is that partners should learn each other and be able to listen to what the other person is saying... instead of tuning off, with the hope of saying SORRY later on.

What? That is daft!

You hate that she is late but you will marry her and leave her behind? That is recipe for disastrous marriage right there. Why not look into CHANGING FOR HER. Why not do what many men in your situation have learned to do instead? Adapt? See how person dey plan divorce in advance!

Kobojunkie:

What? That is daft!

You hate that she is late but you will marry her and leave her behind? That is recipe for disastrous marriage right there. Why not look into CHANGING FOR HER. Why not do what many men in your situation have learned to do instead? Adapt? See how person dey plan divorce in advance!

NO. It is not a recipe for disaster... When You have talked and someone chooses to hear what S/he wants to hear... then you have to do a little acting.
Believe me, I can communicate well... I only go into my shell when I believe that the other person has made up her mind to do what she wants.

Abali1:

NO. It is not a recipe for disaster... When You have talked and someone chooses to hear what S/he wants to hear... then you have to do a little acting.
Believe me, I can communicate well... I only go into my shell when I believe that the other person has made up her mind to do what she wants.

It is a recipe for disaster. Ask men who have done what you intend to do and get advice from them before you plunge a marriage that is just starting into hell that it may never return from. People, even those who have a problem with being early, don't do it to spite you. Some of them try hard ALL THEIR LIVES to go early to appointments, functions, etc. But somehow find themselves in the last minute rush. It is one of those habits that are hard to break, and so you need to let them get to the point where they have summoned up enough will to do what needs to be done.

You however taking it on yourself to teach someone you are in a relationship with, a lesson for that, will likely end up one of your biggest regrets in life.

@OP
You have been given good advice here. Most of it will eventually lead to a divorce. Why not cut out the delay and go straight to the divorce? Let's see:
Jenny says no kids, yes that will ensure a long marriage will it not. I could go on, but you get the drift. Remember : get some self esteem and get a divorce. Most of your advisers are on their third or fifth husbands and have kids for them and some about to be husbands as well, so why not you?