Let's say you had to decide to choose between your mum's advice and your husband's.

Both have a contrary opinion with reasons that make sense and are both right.

You have absolutely NO opinion on the matter and will hapilly go with anyone.

Neither of them are insisting so the decision is actually yours to make.

Problem is . . . if you go with hubby, mum might feel you dis-regarded her advice and if you go with mum, hubby might feel betrayed!

What will you do

[s]PS: Mods Please don't post on front page. Thanks[/s]

Well, it depends on what the issue is. You've got to provide us with a bit more information Uju.

Ouch . . .

do I really need to spell out the details?

Yes, you do. How else can we give our opinion? Unless you're asking: "Generally speaking, whose advice would you follow? Your mum's? Or hubby's?"

Did you tell one or both of them what the other person suggested?

If you decide to make a decision right now would they know about it?

Give us more info that way we can tackle it properly.

Ujujoan: Let's say you had to decide to choose between your mum's advice and your husband's.

Both have a contrary opinion with reasons that make sense and are both right.

You have absolutely NO opinion on the matter and will hapilly go with anyone.

Neither of them are insisting so the decision is actually yours to make.

Problem is . . . if you go with hubby, mum might feel you dis-regarded her advice and if you go with mum, hubby might feel betrayed!

What will you do

[s]PS: Mods Please don't post on front page. Thanks[/s]

No matter what, go with ur spouse' piece of advice so that u can both tackle it together when the chips are down.
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And the two became one....not with mother....let the mother go and make decision with her husband!
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Mother might be gone soon, so u will be left all alone to deal with the problem she caused u both.
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Deal with any problem as a couple.....SIMPLE!

jennykadry: Did you tell one or both of them what the other person suggested?

If you decide to make a decision right now would they know about it?

Give us more info that way we can tackle it properly.

Yes, they are both aware of the other's opinion and they'll both know which way I decide to go!

Efemena_xy: Yes, you do. How else can we give our opinion? Unless you're asking: "Generally speaking, whose advice would you follow? Your mum's? Or hubby's?"

That's actually what I'm asking . . . indirectly!

ayobase:

No matter what, go with ur spouse' piece of advice so that u can both tackle it together when the chips are down.
.
And the two became one....not with mother....let the mother go and make decision with her husband!
.
Mother might be gone soon, so u will be left all alone to deal with the problem she caused u both.
.
Deal with any problem as a couple.....SIMPLE!

Thanks for reminding me that my mum will be gone soon and I'll regret every thing I did to make her unhappy, directly or indirectly!

Looking at it that way, I'll have my hubby forever but mum . . . I dont know!

How about you incorporate both in your decision making. Take a piece of each and work with that

Ujujoan:

Thanks for reminding me that my mum will be gone soon and I'll regret every thing I did to make her unhappy, directly or indirectly!

Looking at it that way, I'll have my hubby forever but mum . . . I dont know!

I have to say that guy's post was very depressing. Accusing a woman of causing problems and already talking about her leaving the earth. Tufiakwa

How about you incorporate both in your decision making. Take a piece of each and work with that

Nope. It's one or the other!

jennykadry:

I have to say that guy's post was very depressing. Accusing a woman of causing problems and already talking about her leaving the earth. Tufiakwa

Very very!

My mum will be the last person to cause problems in my home and hubby knows that as well. So I think it's best to ignore that poster!

ayobase:

No matter what, go with ur spouse' piece of advice so that u can both tackle it together when the chips are down.
.
And the two became one....not with mother....let the mother go and make decision with her husband!
.
Mother might be gone soon, so u will be left all alone to deal with the problem she caused u both.
.
Deal with any problem as a couple.....SIMPLE!

That's a horrible thing to say Ayo.

Uju, like I said, it really does depend on what's actually discussed. A person's background to a large extent, determines how they would react to a certain situation, and the actions they'll take. Take for example, issues surrounding how to discipline a child, finance management, etc.

I understand you not wanting to go into specifics here. So in that case. I'll advice you to go with what you feel more comfortable with.

You don't have to share the details.
Pick whichever one makes you happy and explain to the other person.
Personally, i always prefer to go with my husband's advice [s]and then explain to the other person that you felt it was better to do it that way (not that its hubby's opinion).[/s] I just read the other contributions.

Or just go with the flow and let life pick one for you.

I think the problem is I really want to go with my mum, but I understand hubby's reasons perfectly.

hmmm

There is nothing I had more than when people say things to like "Choose between this adult or that adult " . . . in reality, nothing in life is that way but people CHOOSE of their own to make the simplest things about choosing BETWEEN ONE PERSON OR ANOTHER . . . . You can choose between two inanimate things . . . jobs, shirts, ties, etc. But you cannot CHOOSE between two people and I really suggest people look for better ways to processing situations like this rather than assuming it has anything to do with choosing between two people.

@Poster, why not tell them both to come up with a compromise that will work for the three of you on this decision? I mean would your husband also need to CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND HIS MOTHER? If your mother feels one way about an issue, and your husband feels another way about the same issue, you as an adult too(yes, you are not a kid and you have your brained wired up in much the same way as theirs is) have the right to remove yourself from the issue or to choose a third path.

That you are married to someone DOES NOT then imply that you must agree with that person on every issue. That you were born by someone does not then reduce your capacity as a human being. In both cases, you remain an independent being and you need to decide whether you will go with both ideas, go with one over the other without consequence(note again you are here choosing between ideas and not people), or go with none. Yes, I said without consequence because if the people you are dealing with are mature, none will impose their own Will on you. If not, then you learn something that will need attention, not only now but in the very near future.

Kobojunkie: There is nothing I had more than when people say things to like "Choose between this adult or that adult " . . . in reality, nothing in life is that way but people CHOOSE of their own to make the simplest things about choosing BETWEEN ONE PERSON OR ANOTHER . . . . You can choose between two inanimate things . . . jobs, shirts, ties, etc. But you cannot CHOOSE between two people and I really suggest people look for better ways to processing situations like this rather than assuming it has anything to do with choosing between two people.

@Poster, why not tell them both to come up with a compromise that will work for the three of you on this decision? I mean would your husband also need to CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND HIS MOTHER? If your mother feels one way about an issue, and your husband feels another way about the same issue, you as an adult too(yes, you are not a kid and you have your brained wired up in much the same way as theirs is) have the right to remove yourself from the issue or to choose a third path.

That you are married to someone DOES NOT then imply that you must agree with that person on every issue. That you were born by someone does not then reduce your capacity as a human being. In both cases, you remain an independent being and you need to decide whether you will go with both ideas, go with one over the other without consequence(note again you are here choosing between ideas and not people), or go with none. Yes, I said without consequence because if the people you are dealing with are mature, none will impose their own Will on you. If not, then you learn something that will need attention, not only now but in the very near future.

Thanks for pointing that out . . . But then again I'm not talking about choosing between them, but choosing between their advice!

Also like I said, neither is imposing . . . just suggesting. The decision is entirely mine. But now that they both know the other has a contrary opinion, any decision I make will appear to be influenced!

It's silly really!


Anyways, I already decided so thanks EVERYONE!

I love Nlders!

chaircover: Since both options seem ok and you dont mind either way, then [b]I would go with my husbands [/b]advice but explain to my mun why I have decided to go with his advice and let her know that her opinions are still very important to me.

As a married woman herself She will understand and as your mum she wouldn't want anything to cause strife between you and your husband.

I dont know, maybe it's my relatively early marriage, but I'm not quite at that stage where I go with hubby's suggestion instead of mum's.

My mum's more experienced than both my husband and myself and over the years I've learnt to trust her judgement.

Most times I just do what she says and hubby doesnt mind _{or so it appears}

Efemena_xy:

That's a horrible thing to say Ayo.

Common Efemena, I didnt mean it that way...COMMON!
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Nobody prays that his/her parents should outlive his/her spouse.
Its their joy to live us behind!
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Uju, Im very sorry if u saw it the way Efemena observed.....

Ujujoan:


......

I love Nlders!

We love u too Omo Mummy E

Hubby's advice so long you are comfortable with it should always rule.
You live with him not your mother.
Your mum is married to your dad and she probably function by his advices.

One of the common communication problems in marriages starts once the wife/husband starts listening to third parties for advices.

chaircover:

I am going by what you said, which was that both sets of advice were right and you had no preference.

That is what I read too.

erm it is the advice that should count not the person giving it. WHich sounds more sensible?

chaircover:

I am going by what you said, which was that both sets of advice were right and you had no preference.

True . . . . with regards to the post!

But I'm talking generally now

queensmith: erm it is the advice that should count not the person giving it. WHich sounds more sensible?

True

Ujujoan: Let's say you had to decide to choose between your mum's advice and your husband's.

and the two shall become one flesh. I'd personally go with hubby

Omo Alata:

and the two shall become one flesh. I'd personally go with hubby

. . .NoT ONE MIND! Let's please get that part right.

There is nothing more annoying than trying to suggest because two people share a life together, they should also both think alike. Would that not be an indictment, of some kind, on God decision to create them as two separate people with different experiences and overall desires, at the end of the day?

Kobojunkie:

. . .NoT ONE MIND! Let's please get that part right.

There is nothing more annoying than trying to suggest because two people share a life together, they should also both think alike. Would that not be an indictment, of some kind, on God decision to create them as two separate people with different experiences and overall desires, at the end of the day?

^^ _{Check a e-mail gi}!

Kobojunkie:

. . .NoT ONE MIND! Let's please get that part right.

There is nothing more annoying than trying to suggest because two people share a life together, they should also both think alike. Would that not be an indictment, of some kind, on God decision to create them as two separate people with different experiences and overall desires, at the end of the day?

The mother-in-law is still a 3rd party