Illinois
• "Dwarf-tossing," the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it's dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
• A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. (Repealed)
• A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
• According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".
• An Illinois state law requires that a man's female companion shall call him "master" while out on a date. The law does not apply to married couples.
• Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
• Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire; It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Spitting is forbidden
• Cicero: Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
• Crete: It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog; Cars may not be driven through the town.
• Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
• Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
• Evanston: Bowling is forbidden; It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween; It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
• Fairfield: It is unlawful for "Negroes" to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
• Freeport: It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
• Galesburg: There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
• Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
• If the Rushville, Ill., city council doesn't have a quorum, those sent can have the cops go out and arrest absent members and bring them to the meeting.
• In Illinois it is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer's face.
• In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
• In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
• In Chicago, Illinois, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
• In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.
• In Minoola, Ill., it's illegal to take your clothes off and "expose the naked
• In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
• In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
• It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
• It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog.
• It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
• It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
• It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
• It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
• It's not clear what this has done to the bar business, but a law in Chicago, Ill., makes it illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
• Joliet: Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
• Kenilworth: A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow; Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
• Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
• Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
• Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited; There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
• Morton Grove: You may not own a handgun
• Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
• Orland Park: No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
• Ottawa: Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
• Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
• Peoria: Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
• Pullman: It is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb; It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck; It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
• The English language is not to be spoken.
• Take some elocution lessons if you're going to Joliet, Ill., where it's against the law to mispronounce the city's name. Offenders can be fined up to $500.
• The people in Manteno, Ill., do not want used facial tissue, period. Hence, you cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie "upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway."
• Under a 1872 law still on the books, an alderman in Chicago can carry a gun. Some do.
• You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
• You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
• You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation.
• You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
• Zion: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.
Indiana
• "Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.
• A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
• A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b)
• A sports agent is supposed to give a college 10 days notice before luring a star athlete into the professional ranks.
• A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
• All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
• Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
• Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
• Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine and the trial costs.
• Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
• Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
• Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
• Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
• Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
• Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
• Drinks on the house are illegal.
• Due to a typographical error, a routine ordinance in Shelbyville, Ind., about charging for bad checks started out: "Whereas, the city of Shelbyville through its various governmental fascists receives numerous checks, " This was changed to "governmental facets."
• Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
• Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
• Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It's In the Book".
• Gary: Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
• Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
• Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
• If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
• In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
• In Indiana it is illegal to sell laughing gas with the intent to induce laughter.
• In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
• It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
• It is illegal in Elkhart, Indiana, for a barber to threaten to cut off a youngster's ears.
• It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
• It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
• It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
• It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.
• Liquor stores may not sell milk.
• Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
• Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
• Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
• No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
• One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
• MouthAction is illegal.
• Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
• Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
• South Bend: It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
• State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
• Taxpayers of Bainbridge, Ind., used to have to swear a solemn oath that the values they placed on their taxable property were the fair market values.
• Terre Haute: No one may spit on the sidewalk.
• The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415.
• Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
• You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
• You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
• You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.
Iowa
• A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
• An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
• Don't plan on running a "tab" in Iowa; it's illegal.
• Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
• If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
• In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
• In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
• In Marshalltown horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
• In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."
• Indianola: The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
• It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
• It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
• It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
• It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
• Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
• One-armed piano players must perform for free.
• Ottumwa: Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.
• Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
• The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
• Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
• You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.

Kansas
• Dodge City: It is illegal to spit on a sidewalk. All places of business must provide a horse water troft
• If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
• In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington" without adding the phrase "blessed be his name," can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.
• In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suites.
• In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.
• In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
• It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch.
• It is illegal to hunt whales.
• It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.
• Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
• Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. No one may wear a bee in their hat.
• Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
• No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
• Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
• Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
• Russell: Musical car horns are banned
• Salina: It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
• The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
• Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
• Wichita: Before proceeding through the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehicle and fire three shot gun rounds into the air. Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon conviction, be fined. -City ordinance 349 of Wichita, Kansas.
Kentucky
• A person can be sent to jail for five years for merely sending a bottle of beer, wine or spirits as a gift to a friend in Kentucky.
• An ordinance in Murray, Ky., says the superintendent of sanitation "shall determine whether a person is small, medium or large." Why the superintendent should make this determination is left unsaid.
• A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses."
• All nude people in your house must be registered in Kentucky.
• An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club". The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds,
• Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." - KRS 436.140
• Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
• By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".
• Each year, the mayor of Danville, Ky., must appoint "three intelligent housekeepers" to the Board of Tax Supervisors.
• Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
• In Danville, Ky., it's illegal to throw slops or soapsuds in the street.
• In Kentucky, according to an old law, it's illegal to use any kind of reptile in a religious service. It's not certain if the law would withstand First Amendment scrutiny today.
• In Kentucky every citizen of is required to take a shower once a year.
• In Kentucky you need a license to walk around nude on your property.
• In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
• It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
• It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
• It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale
• It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
• It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
• Lexington: It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
• No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
• No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
• Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission. One may not receive anal sex.
All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)