Ike-D,

You had me until you said something about brothers being in and out of jail or being financially dependent on women.  That is a bigoted statement.  I am sista and I have never known brothers who were dependent on me financially or jailbirds.  It is like being buying into the global consensous that Nigeria is a nation of theives. 

But it is okay.  We all are entitled to our feelings and opinions.  We can only go by our own experiences.

Odabo

Moukous,

You are right. I don't quite have a positve view of most Nigerian men generally. However, I still have an interest in conversation with a certain type. There are a few I really appreciate. There is still some fascination, though enough of a fascination for me to marry one again. The best man friend I have had during my lifetime is an African man(Ghanian).

No I have never assisted anyone in getting their papers. From my experiences, this is the primary reason African men seek out the sisters.

Big Sis,

You truly leave me dumb founded.  I am not one who seeks to call people names or characterize but you are a walking contradiction.  I earnestly do not believe you have valid a stance on this issue.  You take it upon yourself to join a forum that is primarily engrossed with Africans (hence the name Nairaland) and continue to insist that African men are users in some manner; however, you have the same mind to attempt to correct another poster when they make generalizations about Black American men. 

BigSis:


You had me until you said something about brothers being in and out of jail or being financially dependent on women.  That is a bigoted statement.  I am sista and I have never known brothers who were dependent on me financially or jailbirds.  It is like being buying into the global consensous that Nigeria is a nation of theives. 

What a contradiction.  It saddens me when people who have such limited experience and knowledge regarding a certain culture are so quick to make generalizations.  Granted I applaud you for seeking to know and become aware of the African culture, but that acknowledgment is very limited.  I question your motives.  I understand that this may sound peculiar but I truly do question your intentions.  If you are so leery of African men then why do you associate with them?  Why do you seek to involve yourself with them?  You appear to be similar to a white person who has very limited knowledge about Blacks, but is quick to say, "I have black friends."  Do you not see how silly that is?  That my dear is how you come across. 

Please, if you truly want to learn and appreciate the African culture you must first learn to accept it as a whole, including all its good and all its faults.  This culture is one that runs so deep in many intricate manners.  To know the African culture is to love it.  However, to get to this point you need to preclude from protraying oneself as a person who knows it all, and actually open up your mind so as to gain the knowledge that is necessary and beneficial in order to have a better appreciation.  And sorry to be the one to burst your bubble but what you claim to know is very little.  What you know about African men is what you have heard from others with bad experiences (and believe me some of it may also be played up for show).  Oh, and by the way congratulations for being married to an African man and having one as a close friend, but remember what good does it do you when all you think is bad of the men that derive from their country? 

I have never believed in division and supporting the notion that certain people should only mingle with "their kind," but after encountering a person such as yourself I would highly promote you remaining with Black American men and leaving my African brothers alone.  But if I supported such an idea I would only be feeding into a very shallow and simple minded behavior as you have already demonstrated from your posts.  Therefore, my only advice to you is this: if you have any true genuine interest in learning or understanding this culture you need to have respect for it--that includes having respect for its people.  Again, despite your beliefs not ALL African men use Black American women for papers or are they with them for such.  And by the way, while you are making your generalizations I don't want you to forget about your fellow Black American sisters who intentionally and personally seek out foreigners to marry to help get papers--oh, did you forget about them?  Yes, they do exist and they do prowl seeking my African brothers--trust that! So if you are seeking to point fingers and make generalizations first look at your people and cast stones, then when you have cleared that mess may you seek to clear the mess of others.

Mokw,

Let's agree to disagree. Let's just remember the thread creator's original question. We are still arguing back and forth, and I believe she has moved on to something else. It's all good. . The woman asked a question, and it was obvious that no one was willing to give her a straight answer. Again, let's agree to disagree.

Humans are complex creatures. Come on Mokw we don't have to be enemies. We just have a differing of opinion.


Meri Later,

interesting post this is

BigSis:


I would agree that the creator of the thread may be upset to some degree that her own men don't give her the time of day.  That can be painful.  I know of a few sista girls who have allowed themselves to date foreign black men in hopes of finding good one who will treat them right.  I even heard about black girls in college being ignored by the brothers, and they reluntantly date foreign black men, rather than be alone.

i think the Negro Americans need to change their approach toward Africans, if black Africans can not get some respect and love from black Americans i wonder how you black Americans can be respected in that society!! because you're bullshit in America because you hate the ones you need to make a major minority group in American politics, who are the hispanics? they people of different races from the content of south America and they go like brothers because they only share same language and some nasty black Americans like the girl that wrote this is calling Africans foreign black men and black Americans are brothas and sistas

i feel bad that a black African can not date a black American girl because he is not a (a lazy down for what ever in the hood brotha) you have every where in America. you people are becoming the minority of minorities in America for rejecting other black people and it serves you people right

i use to love everything black American until i talked to my friend on the phone sometime ago and she told me all ills black Americans do to black Africans i felt sad but i reserved my comments until i came across this thread even though it was started for another topic

if you reject your own black blood because they are not Americans!! you'll never be accepted in American society and ( i am not hating just saying my own mind too)

just to get a reply on this

Romeo,

I didn't want to let your comment hang around in the air without a response.
I feel your anger and I understand. Its very sad that "some" black Americans
will consider other black men living in the US as "foreign black men". That goes
to highlight the depth of the problem we as black people have today in America.

And you are right, the Puerto Ricans, Cubans, Mexicans, etc. inspite of their
differences, for the most part see themselves as hispanics. As a matter of fact,
not all of them even agree on the name hispanic, some prefer Latino. But for
the most part, the level of distrust between this groups is nothing compared
to that which exist between African Americans and Africans. Not to say the
African are without any fault in this regard.

Bottom line, we all need to learn to appreciate each other more. There is a lot
Africans immigrating to the US can learn from blacks here. In the same vain,
there is a lot that blacks with interest in Africa can learn from Africans. At least,
how about developing a strong and genuine interest in Africa. Africans are not
the only ones immigrating to the US and for all its problems, there are places
and people doing far better in Africa than you can find in parts of Asia. But our
people here need to be made to realize this.

Lastly, when Katrina happened, the entire world saw how our people were
treated in New Orleans - the pictures on the TV screens weren't any different
from what people were used to seeing in parts of Africa in times of crisis.

Romeo,

I could not resist responding. Do you realize that I am considered a foreigner when I am in Nigeria? I am an outsider. I am not offended. So my question is why would you think black people would perceive people of African descent as any different when you are in the US. It is simply human.

When you are outside of your cultural group in Nigeria, are you considered a foreigner? I don't understand the anger.

mokwuosa:

To be honest (and for the sake of not sounding rude) the post that was made was extremely ridiculous.  Forgive me for stating so, but you are a 35 year old woman who was married to an African man and have only dated African men.  You have experienced dating for all this time and you have not quite grasped the understanding as to why "African men" approach you (i.e., are attracted to you) more so than Black American men?  Is it me or is there something simply silly about this question?  Forgive me for asking but when you are dating these men, you mean to tell me that you have never bothered to find out as to why they are interested in you?  As I continued to read your post, I noticed that as others were providing you with advice, it appeared as if you knew the answer to your own question.

You are a Black-American woman from the south who was born and raised here in the States.  You have not ventured to Africa (I presume), however, you have not understood as to why Black-American men are not attracted to you?  There is seriously something wrong with that statement and idea.  I earnestly believe that it is just a purposeful attempt to find justification to something that you already know the answer to. 

My question to you then is this?  Do you have a problem with only African men being interested in you?  I believe that you do, otherwise you would not have made such a post.  You should save your time by not seeking answers from others making posts on this forum and simply ask the next African man that asks you out.  Then will you be able to ascertain a more concrete answer.  Remember, in your years of schooling and earning that Bachelor's Degree and some graduate work, you were taught how to solve a problem in the most reasonable and deductive manner.  I advice you to do so in this situation. 

And @ Big Sis, comments such as yours is why many of our African men get such bad reputations.  Not all African men are seeking Black-American women only for papers.  Don't get me wrong there are some out there, but not all.  However, you need to also understand that such characteristics and actions are common with men from all different countries who are desperately seeking legalization in the United States, and from men within this country who are seeking to simply use the woman for their own needs.  No offense if you got burned, but please restrain from making such generalizations--especially when you are making such discriminatory comments about our people on our forum ground.

@mokwuosa

Girl, In the department of analytical thinking you score 100%. I am still speechless. Way to go sis.



@Bigsis

I  am a nigerian man with a lot of educated African American friends that definately do not think like you. To stereotype African Americans as only dating africans out of desperation is just worng. The few in the family that raise their eyebrows to their family marrying an African are just ignorant. Every culture has its good and bad. stereotypingis born out of the fear of the unknown and can also be attributed to attempts to validate yourself and hide your insecurities by demonising a group of people.

I hear some African Americans critisize the white man for stereotyping them with a lot of derogatory things (I am ashamed to mention) only for the same people to turn around and stereotype people they share the same roots with. This is very hypocritical, shallow and outright disgraceful.

Ikye-D,

I am beginning to like you a little.  If you are ever out in public and a friendly black woman chats you up, it might be moi, please be sure to flash those pearly white teeth and chat me up.  Promise!

Have you ever heard of an author by the name of Tananarive Due?  She writes under the the science fiction genre.  Her writings are more suspense and the supernatural.  You must read her book My Soul to Keep and the sequel, the Living Blood. The primary character David/Dawit is a 500 year of African immortal.  He begins his journey in ancient Abyssinia, now Ethiopia.  There are 59 others who live in the ancient city of Liabella.  They have a covenant - no one else must know or join.  He has lived the last 150 years in the US.  In the 1840's he was slave in Louisiana.  In the 1920, he was a famous jazz musician.  In the 1990's he is a professor in Miami with with Black American wife and daughter.  The drama unfolds at this point.  The drama takes him from Absyinna to Louisiana, Chicao, Miami, Nigeria, back to Ethiopia, South Africa, and back to Miami.  He has no special powers.  He just lives forever. 

He breaks the covenant.  I love this author and this book.  Let make up brother.  Why don't you get your read on. It is the kind of book both genders will like.  Oki doki!  Check out the reviews in amazon.   It is a great love/suspense story. 

I love this author because her books are fiction with depth.  She incorporates history and bring the characters to life.  She also incorporates tradional African sprituality. After reading this book, the question I asked, if there were a such a thing as immortality, would I covet it?  The mental anguish the character goes through is agonizing.  If  you ain't scurred, why don't you read this book.   

BigSis,

Thanks. I will be on the look out for that friendly black woman, Trouble is I am so used to
frowning, You are making me blush!!!!

BigSis,

I replied too soon before seeing the rest of your post. No, I am not familiar with the
author - but it sounds interesting, Trouble is, I am not much of a reader any more.
I used to read a lot ages ago - now all I read is news (what a shame?), there is so
much fake news via the usual media outlets so I have to feed myself - multiple sources,
US news, Nigerian news, Jamaican News, Google News, that kind of stuff. Sorry to
disappoint you, No hard feelings at all.

As per immortality, I don't know whether I will covet it or not, just don't know,

Romeo,

Please don't be angry, channel that energy into the next time you come across someone that is not familiar with our brothers and sisters from Africa and educate them, you show them, that we are the same. Not every black woman or man in america view africans as foreigners. I embrace the black race regardless of where you're from. I think that may just be the southern girl in me. I agree with you, I wish we would stop separating ourselves by saying black americans or feel slighted if we say african americans in front of africans. And the sad part is the only way we ever know that someone is from Africa (per se) is once they speak most times (in regards to those of us in the US).

I think there are so many myths that the media has shown us about Africa, that we only know one part of Africa, and unfortunately that is South Africa. But until those of us that have lived in the US all our lives begin to educate ourself and embrace our brothers and sisters from Africa, well will continue to be ignorant, thus making ignorant statements. We all have dark skin, and that makes us family. Every family member won't like each other, but we need to know WHEN to stand together to make things happen, do you all really realize the difference we can make in this WORLD!

Our race is the most feared and intelligent race out there. They fear us, because they know there is nothing that the BLACK race cannot and has not conquered, but they also know we will never stick together, how sad!

And Chelly, if men that are from Africa approach you, thats your time to show them, that love has no barriers, if that person is right for you. Is your skin not the same complexion?

Ikye-D,

It is cool. I am totally the opposite. I am an avid reader. Books are the most glorious creations.

@sweetness

Although your post was directed to romeo, I cannot help but commend you on such a beautiful piece. How true and sad is this statement "but they also know we will never stick together". Thank you very much sister, if we all keep putting the word out there, hopefully the remnants of our generation and generations after will reap the fruits of the resulting unity.

Once again Thank you.

Sweetness,

I hear you to a point. But this unity you talk about doesn't exist anywhere in Africa, and they all are "generally" colored and African. Africans define themselves by ethnicity, not color or race. Again African identity is purely ethnically based.

I don't have a problem with people who want to get together. But talking all of this unity nonsense in an African forum is nonsense. It doesn't exist among the Africans. Even within in the same ethnic group, there are subgroups and prejudices. You ought to see and hear how the Nigerians fight amonsgt themselves based on jealousies and hatred for those of differing ethnic groups. And guess what Ms. Sweetness, dey all a bunch of Africans.

So my beef is how can people demand unity with people across the ocean, when it doesn't exist within their own motherland, with people you have more in common with.

I believe you should find people you have the same values and common interests, then you can unify on an agreed goal. If you expect black people to all think alike and come to a common consensous, you are dreaming.

Now Ms. Sweetness, you know that among AAs, we are not a monolithic people. There are groups of AAs that I don't like for a number of reasons. It is not humanly possible to like people just because they are black. So why should any othe people get special treatment?

Again, there are some African men I like, and many I don't. I don't like or love everybody, as everybody doesn't like or love me. So to pretend like everything is wonderful is silly. And I never said that all AAs think like. I have enough to sense to know better. I am simply speaking from my point of view. Our differing views is a testament to that aspect of human nature.

But again, I respect your opinion. You are entitled to it.

BigSis,

I will attempt to give you more respect than you are giving me or any other sister or brother of color in this thread.

The unity that you says will never exist in my "nonsense" post, will exist when you start with yourself. I can't possibly ask or suggest for something I am not willing to practice daily. As an african-american woman in the US, how can you be so judgemental of Africans in Africa (I am not separating, just putting the distinction out there right now for the sake of this post). I can't speak on the treatment in Africa of each other, because my post was in regards to brothers and sisters of color that have come to the US and the treatment we provide them with, which is so lousy. You continue to refer to them as "they" which is the same thing that white america refer to us as here in the US. See you are attempting to make us better, and my dear if you look at the prison population of black men in america, that should make you weep.

Every person from Africa is not looking to get over on you, or looking to scam you, there are just as many brothers and sisters born and raised in the US that use our women everyday. Regardless of where they are from that needs to stop. You are so worried about what they are doing in Africa, but what are you doing here to change you? You sound bitter and your ignorance throughout this thread is overwhelming. I am yet to meet a man from Africa that has approached me that is not hard-working, and has really done well with themselves in the US. You attract what you present. Check yourself on what message you are sending on those that are looking for a woman to make them a citizen.

I feel sorry that you feel like this can never happen, that simply means your mind is not large enough to accept growth and in order to grow, you have to make changes. Also on your comment about liking all people because they are black, no I don't like everyone, but if I dislike you, I promise I have a legitamit (msp) reason, and it's just not because of the color of your skin or where you came from.


But I do have a question, if you have such views of our brothers and sisters in Africa and that has come to the US from Africa, why do you frequent this board?

@BigSis
Were you spurned by a Nigerian guy? What's the beef? I'm pretty sure you know that your theory do not apply to most Nigerian guys. Give yourself another shot. There are many Naija guys that will treat you real nice. But you must be sweet.

I have not discovered one lie that bigsis is telling here even now i know some delta igbos if you call them igbos they will answer "NO we are not igbos we are delta igbo its not the same.
More and more states comming up in Nigeria why??
When i started school tthere were were 12 how many are there now.
Nigerians are maybe even worse than many they do not only see black and white they are Tribalistik

mamaput:

I have not discovered one lie that bigsis is telling here,

They are lookin' to 419 you -- desperate for an American woman to secure a green card. That is what special about you. You are a US citizen. You are potential prey. They are stealth predators. Don't let them 419 you. It is a real problem that America women need to be aware of when dealing with foreigners who don't have papers.

This is how it goes. By the way, I am a Black American woman. Every poster knows why they are interested in you, but none will say. The are often agressive in the manner in dealing with you. They look for women they deem as needy or weak in some area. They wine and dine you. They cater to you. They appear to be the perfect man. The goal is to get you emotional attached, and before you know it, they profess their undying love for you. He can't live without you, and ask you to marry him within a very short period of time. Their only goal is to use, abuse, and discard you as soon as they have their papers. They spread their net wide, knowing some lonely, desperate woman will bite. It is a scam dear. Don't fall it. This is one way the marriage 419 aka scam works.

They are interested in you because you are an American, and they are desperate to get papers. The easiest way in the US to become a cititzen is to marry an American. That it in a nutshell. Sistah girl please don't be a sucker. Once these men are finished with you will poor and a basket case. They fake nice until they have what they want.

Nigeria is a desperate country, with no opportunities. They can't go back there. There is nothing for them. So desperation rules, and they will use anybody to get what they want. - BigSis

Maybe this will bring home BigSis ignorant views of the Naija man.

Take me as an example lets say am a woman of around 36 years old.
Some Nigerian comes to marry me and tells me he loves me .
He says lets have the kids later and he plays me 3 years(in Germany you have to be married 3 years) (i do not know abou USA) Then he dumps me am now 39 years old.
You have robbed me 3 years of my life . 3 years are 1 .5 babys.
You take my money and my heart.
That nigeria "Has no hope" dose not make it right.
You are not robbing my property but time of my life.

Idekeson,

Your problem with me is I know your game, an outsider.


Sweetness,

To each his own. I know too much to be bamboozled.

BigSis:

Idekeson,
Your problem with me is I know your game, an outsider.

It's no game honey. Expand your horizon about Naija men and you will see that your assumptions are completely off the mark. Except you're one of those ignorant types that I can't stand because you can't reason with them.

Idek,

Back to you baby!

I tried to resist re-posting on this specific thread, primarily due to the frustration that overwhelms one based upon the ignorance exhibited by a  specific poster; however, I cannot help but express my views yet again. 

@ Big Sis, I have truly tried to understand where you are coming from, even tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it simply appears that you are determined and adamant to convey this message of yours that Africans are bad people.  Your underlying words of ridicule and criticism is extremely annoying.  It's funny, another poster asked you this question:

SweetNess:


if you have such views of our brothers and sisters in Africa and that has come to the US from Africa, why do you frequent this board?

Why have you failed to answer?  I think it is a valid question that truly needs to be answered by you.  Many of the posters who visit this forum come with positive views and informative discussions.  However, all I have seen you provide is negativity.  You pride yourself as one who is so knowledgable about the African culture and history, but I wonder if it is something you simply picked up from watching the Discovery Channel or bits you heared from people who do not know nor appreciate the African culture. 

Nonetheless, I will stop with my rants on you because I can understand how lost you may feel and I sympathize (considering you lack a true identifiable culture of your own).  However, if there is one piece of advice I will leave you with, it is this: love and respect yourself first, then can you appreciate what other cultures bring.  Sitting and criticizing what you do not know (and yes you do not know anything about the African culture as you have exemplified in your posts) only makes you appear foolish and bitter. 

Peace 

I have been reading this post and I just have to reply here. I am a 25 year old African American woman who is married to a wonderful 26 year old Nigerian man. I am sooooooooooo HAPPY!!!! My husband is the love of my life. He is a true man of God. We pray together, go to church together, we study our bibles together, we cook together, etc, He is the most romantic man I have ever met. Sure at first we had our rough patches, but after having a long talk with his older sis we worked them all out because I began to understand him better, and she opened my eyes to things. Yes he is very, very strong, but I do not see him as being domineering or demanding, I just view him as being strong, and I love it!! I have always wanted a man who knows how to take charge. It is great to not have to worry because you know your man will take care of everything. I know how to keep things in God's perfect order by letting him be a man, and I continue to be a woman basking in ALL my femininity. You see some African American women cannot handle the strength of an African man because we come from a different culture where women exercise more control. We just come from a different culture and there is nothing wrong with that. Not all African men are after African American women for papers, some are generally interested in trying something new. My husband was attracted to me becasue I am a Christian woman, and I answer to a higher calling of God. He also found me witty, intelligent, sharp, outgoing, humorous and full of contagious laughter. Our spirits connected. So Chelley maybe your spirit just connects more with African culture. I have always loved African clothing, music, food and culture, and found it to be very interesting and charming, so when my husband found me I was honored to be persued by an African man. Everytime I go to Africa I feel like I am at home, and I can truly feel the spirit of my ancestors. The best part is his family is truly my family, we are one. I never worried about African American men not asking me out, I simply left myself open to the blessing of having a good man and loving husband, regardless of race or culture. I do not see what the problem or issue is here, we are ALL black. God is no respecter of persons and neither should we be. We, especially African American women, need to let God open our hearts so that we can let love flow freely, because alot of you are going to miss out on the man God has prepared for you worrying about silly stuff that does not matter.

@ Makeda
congrats on your union. I wish it long life and many more happiness to come.

@ Big Sis
all your criticisms are well received and you have touched on many subjects that Africans should focus on and work on to improve. For example, tribalism and different levels of female oppression is not something that should be swept under the rug because we find the truth inconvenient or too hard to swallow. Even being on this forum in the short while that I have, the amount of sexist jaundice (and to a lesser degree, tribalistic jagbajantis) that pollute it is sometimes sick enough to force you to log out with immediate alacrity, LOL. But I try to battle the temptation to do so and try to understand that our culture and the way we've been raised is highly responsible for this and cannot be ignored. Sometimes people just need to be enlightened and unconditioned. Truth is, at one point or the other, we have all touched on one or more of the subjects you've highlighted.

Having said this, though, I must disagree with your approach and the angle with which you've presented these issues. It is harder to give due respect to your views because of the way you've chosen to project it. You speak/write like an outsider who is not genuinely interested in working for the betterment or on solutions to these same problems you're presenting but someone who wants to use it as an opportunity to attack. Also, while you wrote of your displeasure at what you perceive as "BIGOTTED STATEMENTS", you continue to make similar statements (and arguably graver) accusations.

While you state that "no group of people think alike", you propel generalistic statements that reads like everybody from Africa DO act alike and think alike, to just highlight a few of your contradictions. I will stop here because I do not want to take attention away from the points you've raised, which I believe would make our society better if we focus on dealing with them. 
But I will state that we MUST work together because we can achieve greater things when we do.

Makeda,

Hey girl.  I am glad you found a good one. You go  girl. 

I have never been the type to be more African than the Africans. I rarely wear African clothing. It is the same when you hear Nigerians in Nigerians say in reference to other Nigerian, "he/she is more British than the British." I am very well versed in African American/America history and culture. So I have a strong appreciation for who I am and where I have come from.

So if you should ever see me at an event in Nigeria, I will have my sista girl Sunday go to meeting hat and a sharp dress or suit, with pumps, no stocking. It is simply too hot.


Nia,

I appreciate your sentiments.  Thanks.

ur looks? maybe?

Big sis you should just hide your face in shame and agree you are wrong. That is the only way you will learn and become a better person. Please stop been an ignoramus.

Big sis you should just hide your face in shame and agree you are wrong. That is the only way you will learn and become a better person. Please stop been an ignoramus.

Big sis you should just hide your face in shame and agree you are wrong. That is the only way you will learn and become a better person. Please stop been an ignoramus.