I honextly dnt care if dis an old or new jokes,weda paste n copy,abi copy n paste...I dnt care...Laff if u wan laff,even 4get to laff,na u sabi




A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house fora play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”
“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personalquestions, and really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”
“That is enough questions, honestly!” Theexasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”
The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”
“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.
“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”
“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”
“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”
“Because you got an F in sex.”

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and findsa young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husbandtells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he getsangry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

10 Ten Reasons it sucks to be a dick
1. You've got a hole in your head.
2. Your master strangles you all the time.
3. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
4. You shrink in cold water.
5. You never get a haircut.
6. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
7. Your closest neighbor is an a**hole.
8. Your best friend is a pussy.
9. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.
10. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to hernervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice,"Skippy!".
The woman thought,"This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't evenhesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled,"Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought"Yes!".
A few minutes later the woman had to let anotherone rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she s**ts 4 ur head"

An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea.". Churchill's response,"Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it."

Mtsheeeew...nxt joke pls