The priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one saturday night the cockerel was missing.
The priest suspecting foul play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a c**k? To which all the men stood up.
"no, no," he said, somewhat flustered, "that's not what i meant". Has anybody seen a c**k? All the women stood up.
"No, no", he said, "that not what i meant either. Has anyone seen a c**k that doesn't belong to them?
Half the women stood up.
"no,no", he said, now thoroughly embarrassed. Parhaps i should rephrase the question. Has anybody here seen my c**k? All the choirboys stood up.

Various signs churches put up to get members.
"if u can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the shepherd".
"running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up".
"This is a ch--ch. What is missing?"
"forbidden fruit creates many jams".
"looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal live insurance soon".
"if u don't like how u were born, try being born again".
"come work 4 d Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world".
Now my favorite, very applicable to this nation. Here it comes....
"God so loved the world that he did not send a committee".

Feel free to add urs.