Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:





WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
And a keyboard was on a piano!



Memory was something that you lost with age
And a CD was a bank account
And if you had a corrupted disk
It would hurt when you found out!



Compress was what you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!



Log on was adding wood to a fire
A hard drive was a trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to the commode!



Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,
Pasting, you did with glue.
The Web was where a spider lived
And a virus was the flu!

hehehehehehe

Believe it or not, these are actually TRUE!




January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.

June 1998: A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.00 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.


October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was exiting a house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.


October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500.00 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was less than sought after because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.


May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster Pennsylvania $113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.


December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the lady's room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000.00 and dental expenses.






Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon)

Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Nursing home event, Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Baby conceived naturally, scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.

Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

He get comma ooooo

good job

Keeeewwwwwl, al y0 alc0h0l l0verz, be warned!!.l0c

heheheeheehehehehe
hhahaahahahahaahaa
hohohohohohhhhohoooo

really nice.thumbs up poster

I See u poster

Weldone

Nice one ayus!