Types of Sh*t or "The Sh*t
List!"
1.The Ghost Sh*t
The kind wey you feel shit
come out, see shit on the
toilet paper, but there's
no shit in the bowl.
2.The Clean Sh*t
The kind where you feel
shit come out, see shit in
the bowl, but there's no
shit on the toilet paper.
3.The Wet Sh*t
You wipe your ass fifty
times and it still feels
unwiped. So you end up
putting toilet paper
between your ass and
your underwear so you
don't ruin them with
those dreadful skid marks.
4.The Second Wave Sh*t
This shit happens when
you've finished, your
pants are up to your
knees, and you suddenly
realize you have to shit
some more.
5.The Brain Hemorrahage
Through Your Nose Sh*t
Also known as "Pop a
Vein in your Forehead
Shit". You have to strain
so much to get it out that
you turn purple and
practically have a stroke.
6.The Corn Sh*t
No explanation necessary.
7.The Lincoln Log Sh*t
The kind of shit that's so
enormous you're afraid to
flush it down without first
breaking it up into little
pieces with the toilet
brush.
8.The Notorious Drinker
Sh*t
The kind of shit you have
the morning after a long
night of drinking. It's
most noticeable trait is
the skid mark left on the
bottom of the toilet bowl
after you flush.
9.The "Gee, I really wish I
could sh*t" Sh*t
The kind where you want
to shit, but even after
straining your guts out, all
you can do is sit on the
toilet, cramped and
farting.
10.The Wet Cheeks Sh*t
Also known as the "Power
Dump". That's the kind
that comes out of your
ass so fast that your butt
cheeks get splashed with
the toilet water.
11.The Liquid Sh*t
That's the kind where
yellowish-brown liquid
shoots out of your butt,
splashes all over the side
of the toilet bowl and, at
the same time, chronically
burns your tender poop-
chute.
12.The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing
in size and/or appearance
that you have to show it
to someone before
flushing.
13.The Crack Flapper Sh*t
This shit seems to create
its own weather system.
Your butt cheeks feel like
they're flapping in the
wind when this shit
comes out.
14.The Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a
lengthy period of
constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your
old self again.
15.The "On the Clock" Sh*t
This is any shit that you
take while you are
punched in at work.
Lunch hour and coffee
break shits do not qualify.
16.The Ritual
This shit occurs at the
same time each day and is
accomplished with the aid
of a newspaper.
17.The Guinness Book of
Records Sh*t
A shit so noteworthy it
should be recorded for
future generations.
18.The Aftershock Sh*t
This shit has an odour so
powerful than anyone
entering the vicinity
within the next 7 hours is
affected.
19.The "Honeymoon's Over"
Sh*t
This is any shit created in
the presence of another
person.
20.The Groaner
A shit so huge it cannot
exit without vocal
assistance.
21.The Floater
Characterized by its
floatability, this shit has
been known to resurface
after many flushings.
22.The Ranger
A shit which refuses to let
go. It is usually necessary
to engage in a rocking or
bouncing motion, but
quite often the only
solution is to push it away
with a small piece of toilet
paper.
23T.he Phantom Sh*t
This appears in the toilet
mysteriously and no one
will admit to putting it
there.
24.The Peek-a-Boo Sh*t
Now you see it, now you
don't. This shit is playing
games with you. Requires
patience and muscle
control.
Go ye into the toilet and Sh*t some more.