An informat told me that about 3months ago my husband took a lady to his friends house during office hour to have sex with her.
I then confronted my husband which he denied, but when I presented him with facts, it was then he Confessed to the said issue and apologised.
However I find it hard to let go, I can't beleve he actually slept with another lady. Am so depressed as a lot ve been running thru my mind.

please I need advice 4m married woman who had caught their husband cheating how they handle the situation.
Thank you

In April you complained that he was flirting with a woman on BB.

Now you are saying he cheated on you three months ago?

That is to say, the first time he did it in April wasn't the last time? He did another one in June/July? And Coogar said it was a harmless banter the first time.....

My sister,them no dey carry man matter for head o! Men are flirty in nature.no matter how hard you try to monitor your husband's movement through phones or informants,you will end up hurting yourself.no man is a saint when it comes to extra marital affairs.you are the woman of the house.he lawfully married you.then why bother about his extra marital life? In this part of the africa where we come from,women are always subjected to all manner of treatment by their spouses that's why we are termed "enduring wives".I advise you to be prayerful and concentrate on your kids.if the man flex finish na im go tire.I don't let my man's extra marital affair give me headache and high blood pressure!

berem: My sister,them no dey carry man matter for head o! Men are flirty in nature.no matter how hard you try to monitor your husband's movement through phones or informants,you will end up hurting yourself.no man is a saint when it comes to extra marital affairs.you are the woman of the house.he lawfully married you.then why bother about his extra marital life? In this part of the africa where we come from,women are always subjected to all manner of treatment by their spouses that's why we are termed "enduring wives".I advise you to be prayerful and concentrate on your kids.if the man flex finish na im go tire.I don't let my man's extra marital affair give me headache and high blood pressure!

na wah I missed this lesson during marriage prep

berem: My sister,them no dey carry man matter for head o! Men are flirty in nature.no matter how hard you try to monitor your husband's movement through phones or informants,you will end up hurting yourself.no man is a saint when it comes to extra marital affairs.you are the woman of the house.he lawfully married you.then why bother about his extra marital life? In this part of the africa where we come from,women are always subjected to all manner of treatment by their spouses that's why we are termed "enduring wives".I advise you to be prayerful and concentrate on your kids.if the man flex finish na im go tire.I don't let my man's extra marital affair give me headache and high blood pressure!

Wow, trying to console yourself are ya? Like someone said, we must have different mothers from different generation because my mum and even my dad did not lecture any of us like you just did.

While it is not advisable to worry about what you cannot stop, you should be worried about the possibility of your husband infecting you with STDs from his concubines.

berem: My sister,them no dey carry man matter for head o! Men are flirty in nature.no matter how hard you try to monitor your husband's movement through phones or informants,you will end up hurting yourself.no man is a saint when it comes to extra marital affairs.you are the woman of the house.he lawfully married you.then why bother about his extra marital life? In this part of the africa where we come from,women are always subjected to all manner of treatment by their spouses that's why we are termed "enduring wives".I advise you to be prayerful and concentrate on your kids.if the man flex finish na im go tire.I don't let my man's extra marital affair give me headache and high blood pressure!

Would contracting HIV / AIDs be enough to give you High BP or "headaches"?

What you've just posted up there is every "would be" & "chronic cheat's" idea of the perfect wife.

How far are you honestly prepared to turn a blind eye to his "indiscretions"? Till he asks you to serve him his favourite food, while he gets it on with his concubines on your matrimonial bed?

Not being rude here o! Only trying to understand this concept of the "enduring wife" better...

This is a tough one OP and I empathize with you because when you trust somebody and he betrays you , it's like you've been back stabbed .

Have you guys talked about this like a sit down convo or even thot about seeing a marriage councillor? this would really help you through this time.

Was he remorseful when he eventually confessed?

Anyways , like somebody already said, he chose you and you gonna have to work through this , that's one of the life's surprises that came with a package named marriage, don't let anybody beat your self esteem down and it's not your fault, like Debrief always said, he's a grown a€ssed man , that's his choice , that's his burden not you, umm and something about avoid pity party(Debrief a beg help me here)

And don't listen to anybody that tries to spit rubbish here , pick and chose and be wise. Nobody except on NL can say their own marriage is smooth and peachy.

My main advice; if you don't have a job. get one and feel good about yourself, do something to avoid thinking about it , I know it's hard but try.

The Devil you know'............

The Lord is your strength .

cotton101:

na wah I missed this lesson during marriage prep

Me too.

This "lesson" on endurance is gonna do wonders for my self-esteem and that of my daughter's.

Efemena_xy:

Would contracting HIV / AIDs be enough to give you High BP or "headaches"?

What you've just posted up there is every "would be" & "chronic cheat's" idea of the perfect wife.

How far are you honestly prepared to turn a blind eye to his "indiscretions"? Till he asks you to serve him his favourite food, while he gets it on with his concubines on your matrimonial bed?

Not being rude here o! Only trying to understand this concept of the "enduring wife" better...

So what's your advice aunty Efe?

Efemena_xy:

Me too.

This "lesson" on endurance is gonna do wonders for my self-esteem and that of my daughter's.

Lol. I believe the OP is smart. I remember her comments from her previous thread, she has a good head on her shoulders and let me just console myself and say that she would figure this out eventually.

I am the most "hated" female nairalander on this section, simply because I did not join the bandwagon that tell women to stay put and endure whilst they die in silence. Cheating isn't something one can just look past, there are health reasons involved, life in danger here.

I repeat, why did our parents send us to school if we are unable to deal with immoral issues that arise in our lives?

I told this op once that, that man has got the seed of cheating growing inside of him. I could strangle disrespectful men. I swear I could

jidegirl12:

So what's your advice aunty Efe?

What do you "think"?

LMAO

Efemena_xy:

What do you "think"?

Ehm hem ....I already posted what I thought , didn't you see?

234GT: While it is not advisable to worry about what you cannot stop, you should be worried about the possibility of your husband infecting you with STDs from his concubines.

I agree

jennykadry: LMAO

Jenny don't laugh o!

Some people here think it's okay to dish out "Nollywood" advice.

@ Jidegirl12, my advice is for the @poster and fellow Nollywood advisers to spend some quality time with HIV / AIDS victims. And I mean real time. Get to understand the hell they go through daily.

Next, go find out how the orphans of AIDs victims fare after the death of their parent(s). Understand their sufferings and ask them if it was worth the gamble for the deceased parent(s).

Now, that's my advice.

I am not laughing

@op, I quite understand ur plight, d thot of my hubby wooing A̶̲̥̅̊ lady alone will make me feel so bad let alone confessing to sleeping with someone, though av not read ur previous posts but I guess dis isn't the first time, pls pray ova it, infidelity is A̶̲̥̅̊ bad habit and hard to give up, it is well.
Ki olorun saanu awa obirin o

Efemena_xy:

Jenny don't laugh o!

Some people here think it's okay to dish out "Nollywood" advice.

@ Jidegirl12, my advice is for the @poster and fellow Nollywood advisers to spend some quality time with HIV / AIDS victims. And I mean real time. Get to understand the hell they going through daily.

Next, go find out how the orphans of AIDs victims fare after the death of their parent(s). Understand their sufferings and ask them if it was worth the gamble for the deceased parent(s).

Now, that's my advice.

I understand your point and your beef bout cheating men and endurance rubbish advice even though I feel you're just teasing ,

As per HIV/ AIDS, I will conclude the OP will know what to do for herself( run tests) and her hubby unless she's risking her life,

it's just common sense you would think an educated person should know. Unless I'm being naive here.

And what's nollywood advice if I may ask.

Ok this is your own personal problem and it can only be solved by you because na u know the whole gist. I know a lot of women who don't care if their husbands cheat on them, as long as he does what he ought to do for them and the children and does not embarrass them in public, all is fine. Are u that kind of woman?

Or are you the type that doesn't even want her husband looking at another woman. If so then u need to take a step back and look at your marriage, maybe u can determine why he is cheating. has he found love somewhere else or is it just physical sex? If its love wahala dey then because your marriage is threatened, If it is just physical, then know he will cheat again when he gets the chance and believe me such opportunities abound. If you decide to stay make sure he is the kind that will always use a condom.

But this is an opportunity for you to create an identity and life for your self. Don't be the woman that in old age will regret not having lived life to the fullest. It s possible to have a career and a family. we give up so many things(our dreams, hopes, aspiration, plans, holidays, money etc) for our husbands and children and a lot of time we end up regretting it. Also please do not be depressed, it wont solve any problem, u will only look older and that wont help ur battle to make ur husband face u alone. Ascertain the problem is not something u caused (maybe u deny him sex or wont do certain positions) and please pray. Pray, Pray, Pray!!

God bless U

I no get advice again, Just go to any of the adultery threads, copy and apply as you want.
I no fit shout abeg before them curse me, make I enjoy the peace and warmth of my family this delicious holiday.
Jidegirl, so you want to tell me that a man who disrespects his family enough to cheat will respect her enough to agree to go for HIV test? When people say Women whose husbands cheat should deny s3x without protection I laugh. Lol
In the same breathe this women will be told to give it in all positions and never deny him, again they will be told to protect themselves.
How many Nigerian men will agree to sleep with their wives with condoms, is it not here some time ago when a man who knew he had an STD was angry because people were scolding him for sleeping with his without protection and getting treatment telling his wife to get tested and treated.
Jidegirl, a man that will disrespect his wife by cheating doesn't care about his wife or his health nor hers. How do we tell a woman who is be blamed for not giving skin to skin to protect herself from a cheating husband?
We say ignore and pretend, accept disrespect then again we say protect yourself, what exactly is the role of the head of the home who is meant to love and protect

debrief08: I no get advice again, Just go to any of the adultery threads, copy and apply as you want.
I no fit shout abeg before them curse me, make I enjoy the peace and warmth of my family this delicious holiday

Lol #adultry threads.

Holiday? In October ?? I soo want to be you right now .

[color=#990000][/color]

strangeworld: An informat told me that about 3months ago my husband took a lady to his friends house during office hour to have sex with her.
I then confronted my husband which he denied, but when I presented him with facts, it was then he Confessed to the said issue and apologised.
However I find it hard to let go, I can't beleve he actually slept with another lady. Am so depressed as a lot ve been running thru my mind.
please I need advice 4m married woman who had caught their husband cheating how they handle the situation.
Thank you

Hi i am sorry for what youre going through right now. As someone who experianced the pain youre going through and still dealing with it. The betrayal will always linger in your mind and every time u see him talking to another woman your heart will race faster . So in my situation i chose my health and asked for separation because the pain was just too much to bear but people are different so if u want to cry do so and if u want to scream do so as well to ease the pain. Dont let him off the hook easily for as long as youre hurting let him feel it. Man can be very selfish. Its always about them in relationships but if u were to be the one cheating he will paint u black to hid whole family. Hugs and get someone to talk to as well

jidegirl12:

I understand your point and your beef bout cheating men and endurance rubbish advice even though I feel you're just teasing ,

As per HIV/ AIDS, I will conclude the OP will know what to do for herself( run tests) and her hubby unless she's risking her life,

it's just common sense you would think an educated person should know. Unless I'm being naive here.

And what's nollywood advice if I may ask.

I don't do teases on threads in the Family Section. There is a specific section for teasing called the JOKES SECTION. People come here with real problems, seeking real life solutions / help.

Infidelity is a serious act and is no joking matter. It can be life threatening and that's aside STDs.

You ask what Nollywood advice is? It's "small-small girl" advice, designed to paper over large yawning cracks in a relationship. Stoopid stuff like: "Ignore him, e go tire", "cook better for him", "dress s/e/x/y", and so on. That's rewarding bad behaviour.

When you have serious martial issues as this, you don't sweep the problem under the carpet with the Nollywood broom. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. You tackle it head on and get to the root cause of the problem. You treat the problem and not the symptoms.

Most importantly, learn to love & respect yourself. Only then would others follow suit.

@op. Though I have not experience such but I will advise u keep playing your part as a virtuous woman. At the end u will see the result. If u choose to do it the hard way, it will only make things worse.

Funny how the bunch of women preaching patience,endurance,virtuosity and all the other blah for the op would have insulted her,cursed her and wished hell on her if she was the one who cheated on her husband TWICE!!
Women are the architects of their own problems!!

@OP
Take heart, you should know that in our culture you cannot own the man alone. He has married you and you are the "iya le" as the Yoruba call it I think. Turn your mind away from those kinds of things and love him for who he is. He still loves you. Be a good and loving wife, take care of him and your children and leave him to his "away games". You really can not stop them and they mean nothing, most likely.
I wish you the best.

strangeworld: An informat told me that about 3months ago my husband took a lady to his friends house during office hour to have sex with her.
I then confronted my husband which he denied, but when I presented him with facts, it was then he Confessed to the said issue and apologised.
However I find it hard to let go, I can't beleve he actually slept with another lady. Am so depressed as a lot ve been running thru my mind.

please I need advice 4m married woman who had caught their husband cheating how they handle the situation.
Thank you

Johndoe100: @OP
Take heart, you should know that in our culture you cannot own the man alone. He has married you and you are the "iya le" as the Yoruba call it I think. Turn your mind away from those kinds of things and love him for who he is. He still loves you. Be a good and loving wife, take care of him and your children and leave him to his "away games". You really can not stop them and they mean nothing, most likely.
I wish you the best.

sincerely, u and this ur tradition, na wa oo,this ur culture don turn u to a complete (insane) madman. U really need attention urgently. Eeyah, as young as u are they come use culture turn u to this.kpele!

slimyem: Funny how the bunch of women preaching patience,endurance,virtuosity and all the other blah for the op would have insulted her,cursed her and wished hell on her if she was the one who cheated on her husband TWICE!!
Women are the architects of their own problems!!

Do you not know??!!

It's a man's world na! Once you (a Nigerian woman) have got that much coveted ring on your finger, gotten that "Mrs" status...you become a domestic beast of burden.

What's good for the goose is definitely not good for the gander!

Johndoe100: @OP
Take heart, you should know that in our culture you cannot own the man alone.

definitely not my culture and religion

Efemena_xy:

Would contracting HIV / AIDs be enough to give you High BP or "headaches"?

What you've just posted up there is every "would be" & "chronic cheat's" idea of the perfect wife.

How far are you honestly prepared to turn a blind eye to his "indiscretions"? Till he asks you to serve him his favourite food, while he gets it on with his concubines on your matrimonial bed?

Not being rude here o! Only trying to understand this concept of the "enduring wife" better...

so what do you expect the op to do? She should continue peeping at her husband's call logs or reading his messages or sending informants to monitor her husband.for how long is she gonna do that? This is marriage and not boyfriend/girlfriend matter. I don't know the level at which her husband flirts.I haven't read any of her previous posts.in this part of the world we come from,there is little or nothing you can do? Its not like in the western world were women are highly favoured.do you advise she tells a third party? Well its up to her anyway.

berem: My sister,them no dey carry man matter for head o! Men are flirty in nature.no matter how hard you try to monitor your husband's movement through phones or informants,you will end up hurting yourself.no man is a saint when it comes to extra marital affairs.you are the woman of the house.he lawfully married you.then why bother about his extra marital life? In this part of the africa where we come from,women are always subjected to all manner of treatment by their spouses that's why we are termed "enduring wives".I advise you to be prayerful and concentrate on your kids.if the man flex finish na im go tire.I don't let my man's extra marital affair give me headache and high blood pressure!

ummm, damn! And i thought i have heard it all, screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaminggggggggggggggggggggggg with my fist wide open
did you just dished the above to the OP, na wah.