In my opinion,i think staying married should occupy the mindset of every human being.when you are in a relationship,it should serve as a breeding ground for possible marriage,but must not lead to marriage.it is obvious that some of our girls are only interested in getting married-even to the wrong man.And that leaves us with many broken homes.
My main concern is the children,there is nothing as bad to a child to grow up without one of the parents,it affects him/her even in academic work.Please,lets look well before we marry.

Well said my dear, but just ponder for a second. Would you stay married to a man who beats you up at the slightest provocation or none at all?would you for the sake of your children's ''academic'' stay married to someone who would cheat on you when the oppurtuinity presents itself? or would you stay married to a guy who knows nothing about being married,but thinks a woman is a baby making machine?

My dear,one advice for you tonight

do not tolerate anyone treating youvlike garbage simply because you want to stay married for the sake of your kids' education. If the time comes in a marriage for you to move on,then the chapter is closed. You move on with your life and make a meaning out of it.Yes ,it's good to be married,but do not make yourself a slave to anyone for just that reason. i am married,and happily for that matter.So i'm not saying one should not make sacrifices. Every woman knows when it's time to bail. When the time comes,you do just that: BAIL

@ amsky

I agree with most of what you have said.

However, this present generation are not patient, no tolerance. perseverance and endurance.

Marriage is the only institution ordained by GOD and is the first thing the devil will fight.

One of the key to succesful marriage and relationship is first to be friends and when crises comes as it surely will come for couples to take stocks and pray together and find solution before this new mentality 'moving on' ( if relationship/marriage becomes violent no doubt it should a last resort option to move on.

Then each of the couple should cool down and take sometime before any 'new venture'

As the grass is never greener on the other side and there is no guarrantee in any relationship new or old. However, old relationship with the right ingridents and love will always stands tests of times.


Getting married to the right person and staying married through thick or thin is the most important thing.

my 2 cents

hey vigasimple.i'm so happy to hear this from a guy. We women would love to stay married,but most times,we need to make smart decisions. you get me?

of course staying married should be the main priority, after the wedding(getting married) comes the marriage(staying marriage)

But why would someone want to just go through the ceremony and not one to actually stay in the marriage.

adeboo:

But why would someone want to just go through the ceremony and not one to actually stay in the marriage.

Answer to your question:  MOTIVES.


It depends on the reason or motives for either of the party getting married.

1. If you get married to settle down for the rest of your life because of love with your man or woman. then even challenges will come and you will understand them and they will pass.

Good example is SHAPEY and HUSAND and to some extent AMSKY. I gleaned from their post that the got married having found a companion and they think is for the rest of their lives. Because when crises comes they could have use the opportunity to jump ship

Unlike some people who get married for some sinister reasons, so at a moment of small cough or hiccup, they quickly remember that they are not compatible or remember all the sins of the other person.

2. For papers ( as in stay and green cards), taxes (common among aristocrats) money, lust, all those things will not last as change is the only permanent things, when changes happen, the reason for getting married is no longer there, they will not stayed married.

There is an example posted on this site by a lady called 'LONDONLADY' about her friend who is getting married to have papers, have one child for the dude and divorce. that is an example of good sinister plan. someone is thinking of divorce before she get married.

I think people should just prayed for God to reveal to them things about their proposed partner so that they do not waste valuable time of their lives especially which is mostly unfair on the woman for obvious reasons but ironically they are more than likely to plan along this sinister lines, men would do it as well but very few men than women.

When you think of marriage, don't just think of the ceremony because the marriage starts after the ceremony and it is a rollercoster ride and if anyone can just hold tight they will eventually enjoy the ride. and they will have a most wonderful life.

Good luck everyone.

amsky:

Well said my dear, but just ponder for a second. Would you stay married to a man who beats you up at the slightest provocation or none at all?would you for the sake of your children's ''academic'' stay married to someone who would cheat on you when the oppurtuinity presents itself? or would you stay married to a guy who knows nothing about being married,but thinks a woman is a baby making machine?

My dear,one advice for you tonight

do not tolerate anyone treating youvlike garbage simply because you want to stay married for the sake of your kids' education. If the time comes in a marriage for you to move on,then the chapter is closed. You move on with your life and make a meaning out of it.Yes ,it's good to be married,but do not make yourself a slave to anyone for just that reason. i am married,and happily for that matter.So i'm not saying one should not make sacrifices. Every woman knows when it's time to bail. When the time comes,you do just that: BAIL

Question: Why get married to a man that abuses you?

both ---- respectively.

Wether these girls think getting married is more important, once the ceremony is over, they are married. they had better work their ass to make it work.

@ richyblack
heeeeyyyyy you again

anyway.you may not know that the guy is abusive.i know there are people who do not court long enough,but only get married to discover another side of their spouse.What do you think. it happens. what i'm saying is this: when you see things are turning sour(ie physical and emotional torture/abuse) what do you do? You quietly take off your shoes, put them underneath your arms and borrow leg. Abi?

Staying married of course is harder--and more important!

i strongly believe in staying marriage with the right guy! But i used to be married that was forced by my mother on the ground of two reason:

(1) my parent does not believe in wedlock pregnancy
(2) my mom was very skeptical of how a deaf child (me) raise her own baby ALONE.

My ex-husband was not right one, no matter how hard we tried to make our marriage work thru marriage counseling. It does not work! I do not support domestic violence I cannot tolerate! As of result, irreconcible difference/abusive/neglected/abandonment was my finalized divorce! (14 yr now)

uspry1:

i strongly believe in staying marriage with the right guy! But i used to be married that was forced by my mother on the ground of two reason:

(1) my parent does not believe in wedlock pregnancy
(2) my mom was very skeptical of how a deaf child (me) raise her own baby ALONE.

My ex-husband was not right one, no matter how hard we tried to make our marriage work through marriage counseling. It does not work! I do not support domestic violence I cannot tolerate! As of result, irreconcible difference/abusive/neglected/abandonment was my finalized divorce! (14 yr now)

My Gosh!  Uspry1--that is deep! Just sounds like you could not win anyhow.  I wish you well!

Thank u, AJ!

Now, I am very much happiness where I am stand! My mom already regret to pay the price to leave me alone---my own decision, not her! After she saw what kind of man my exhusband is!!!

I do wish to have someone special to share with my love life, but most men cannot handle ONE FLAW, my deafness they saw me ALL THE POTENTIALS and IDEAL WIFE they want. All lame excuses are extra baggage, to another!

I better off remain single until someone fall from the sky to win my heart!!!

uspry1:

Thank u, AJ!

Now, I am very much happiness where I am stand! My mom already regret to pay the price to leave me alone---my own decision, not her! After she saw what kind of man my exhusband is!!!

I do wish to have someone special to share with my love life, but most men cannot handle ONE FLAW, my deafness they saw me ALL THE POTENTIALS and IDEAL WIFE they want. All lame excuses are extra baggage, to another!

I better off remain single until someone fall from the sky to win my heart!!!

Yes ma'am!--You are better off single and not put up with any abuse from anyone! Thank God for your daughter! Till the right one comes along--remain blessed always!

AJ stop giving feminist advise and give feminine advise. Women have to realise they are weak and therefore destined to be subjected to continuous abuse from the strong ones.

Yes men are the strong ones and we must obey them.

Jokes apart, Uspry you made the right decision. No human being deserves to be maltreated and no matter who the abuser is we must not let them continue.

michelin89:

AJ stop giving feminist advise and give feminine advise. Women have to realise they are weak and therefore destined to be subjected to continuous abuse from the strong ones.

Yes men are the strong ones and we must obey them.

Jokes apart, Uspry you made the right decision. No human being deserves to be maltreated and no matter who the abuser is we must not let them continue.

I hear you sista! It is just so annoying!

almondjoy:

I hear you sista! It is just so annoying!

As the wise ones that we are, let's feel no anger because as they say: it's easier said than done.

Make one man come meet me come dey tell this nonsense, na that day he go see kaki nor be leather!

I'd say NONE!
Being happy is the most important thing.
Yes you could be married but not happy, fulfilled or at peace with your GOD!
Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful to get married even God endorses it but make sure it is done the right way with the right person for the right reasons.
Don't marry due to pressure or because "all your friends are" or because "he's this or she's dat".
Marry for friendship, love, and everything good!
So my friends you now know it isn't just being called "married" but "happily married"!

Well said my dear, but just ponder for a second. Would you stay married to a man who beats you up at the slightest provocation or none at all?would you for the sake of your children's ''academic'' stay married to someone who would cheat on you when the oppurtuinity presents itself? or would you stay married to a guy who knows nothing about being married,but thinks a woman is a baby making machine?

My dear,one advice for you tonight

do not tolerate anyone treating youvlike garbage simply because you want to stay married for the sake of your kids' education. If the time comes in a marriage for you to move on,then the chapter is closed. You move on with your life and make a meaning out of it.Yes ,it's good to be married,but do not make yourself a slave to anyone for just that reason.  i am married,and happily for that matter.So i'm not saying one should not make sacrifices. Every woman knows when it's time to bail.  When the time comes,you do just that: BAIL

Well said my sister,but wait a minute,in as much as i don't support any man that batters a woman,i still know that 90% of the reasons why men beat their wife comes from the woman herself.
Most often we talk about this wife battering,we end it up the way the western world talk about 419-one sied.An american is interested in buying the Nigerian owned Refinry in the middle of the night,before Nigerians wake up,at last he found out that he(the intended duper),has been duped.my analogy is that while we msut condem the man for battering his wife,we should also remember to tell the wife to respect the husband,stop nagging,etc.
Sister you also talked about the man sleeping around.i don't support it at all,it's not holy.But you and i know that men are not the only one in it,they do it with married women and single girls,these girls that go out with married men,will definitely marry to cheat their husband.so infidelity in marriage cuts accros board.
Bailing like you said,is not the solution to our family problem,Bailing comes with it's own problem.that is when you will remember you want to spend time with your kids at the same time their father want them.the reason why i raised this issue is not for us to pass bulk,but rather to look inward and find those things that are tearing our family system,not to refer us to the western way(BAIL).
Part of the reason is that a lot of people,girls mostly,marry for the wrong reason.just for the fact that we went out for five years,at which i found out that we are not meant for each other,the girl will want you to marry her,not because she loves you,but because she is 29yrs,and maybe Tope her friend just got married.some because the man lives a flashy life,so they think he has money and want to the enjoy the money.Or the man wanting to marry the girl,because she is working in oil company,or that the father of the girl is one rich man.These are all the wrong reasons,lets marry because we love each other and want to uphold the institution of God.
The truth is that for a marriage to work,the man as well as the woman must believe in the marriage first,then both will work assiduosily to make it a reality.
Another cause of broken home i have found out,comes mostly from the family of the girl in a marriage,maybe because she has like four brothers with large chest,any misunderstanding,she will run to them,and they,in their foolishness,will come to 'WARN' the man.Brother i tell you most solenmly,the day you take side with your sister in a matter she can easily settle with her husband,and made the mistake of going to 'WARN' the man before your sister,you are planting the seed of broken home in your own sisters family.Because at any chance the woman will say to her husband you have started,you know how my brother dealt with you last time,this time will be worse.And girl,only few men can stand this piece of insult.most men will want that heaven to fall that day by beating her.PLEASE DON'T CHICKEN OUT BY BAILING,RATHER,SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

it's when you get married you can stay married!

but staying married is more important

Many people are marrying for the wrong reasons.I think staying married is more important than getting married. You may have the best wedding party or whether your wedding was featured in ovation magazine, the question is can you be a wife or husband? Marriage is about giving yourself sacrificially and unconditionally to your spouse, believing in God that its going to work.

Many people are marrying for the wrong reasons.I think staying married is more important than getting married. You may have the best wedding party or whether your wedding was featured in ovation magazine, the question is can you be a wife or husband? Marriage is about giving yourself sacrificially and unconditionally to your spouse, believing in God that its going to work.

@ dara-mi
I am happy hearing this from a female,it shows we have hope.the family system has a long way to making nigeria great.and if nigeria most be great,every family must take good care of their children,bringing all up under the same roof and by both parents.BAILING will not impact positive values.and only when this is done can nigeria set march on the path of greatness.less area boys,less armed robbers,less touts-more security and civility.

Neither!
My happiness has NO BEARING WITH EITHER!
Marriage is only a necessary INCONVENIENCE at this stage in my life!
I have had an OVER-DOSE OF IT!
A hallucinogen that has lost it's potency for sure!
Sheeeeeeeeeesh!

Kanwulia: Neither!
My happiness has NO BEARING WITH EITHER!
Marriage is only a necessary INCONVENIENCE at this stage in my life!
I have had an OVER-DOSE OF IT!
A hallucinogen that has lost it's potency for sure!
Sheeeeeeeeeesh!

aunty kanwulia ekasan o,long time,how you dey,its been a while you don show for nl



by the way i stumbled on your post when you were still 'calloti' i didnt know you were a 1960 something generation,emabinu if i had been calling you 'kanwulia' hence forth,ill be putting aunty for front.egbe awon auntymi.lol


meanwhile you are too funnu,you dont even sound your age,you talk like you are a young lady


n.b as you say make i no pm you the other time in one thread,na why i type am for here

kulyie: aunty kanwulia ekasan o,long time,how you dey,its been a while you don show for nl



by the way i stumbled on your post when you were still 'calloti' i didnt know you were a 1960 something generation,emabinu if i had been calling you 'kanwulia' hence forth,ill be putting aunty for front.egbe awon auntymi.lol


meanwhile you are too funnu,you dont even sound your age,you talk like you are a young lady


n.b as you say make i no pm you the other time in one thread,na why i type am for here

Thank you my pickin.
Because we are all faceless on NL ke. . .LWKMD!!!!
It shall be well with your soul. May your children and grand-children be sources of joy to you always. Amen.

I am always a happy-go-lucky person my dear o. . . .I don't look my age either. GOOD GENES!
I am enjoying my one month vacation visiting 3 continents again . . . .One more week to go. . . OUCH!!!!!

You are as old as you wanno be or feel. . . . At 90 or 100, I will be the same o!

I do not return PMs. . . I dismiss such requests on sight. Those days are long gone on the cyber highways, never to return. I have moved on.

NL is strictly business only dear. . . I will be here for the longest time. This is my play ground. . . .

*Today is one of my kid's birthdays. . .time to prepare her 50 birthday packs and cart them to her boarding school. . . . I DON BRAID MY HAIR. . .HALLELUJAH. . . I LOOK 15 AGAIN*

Kanwulia:

Thank you my pickin.
Because we are all faceless on NL ke. . .LWKMD!!!!
It shall be well with your soul. May your children and grand-children be sources of joy to you always. Amen.

I am always a happy-go-lucky person my dear o. . . .I don't look my age either. GOOD GENES!
I am enjoying my one month vacation visiting 3 continents again . . . .One more week to go. . . OUCH!!!!!

You are as old as you wanno be or feel. . . . At 90 or 100, I will be the same o!

I do not return PMs. . . I dismiss such requests on sight. Those days are long gone on the cyber highways, never to return. I have moved on.

NL is strictly business only dear. . . I will be here for the longest time. This is my play ground. . . .

*Today is one of my kid's birthdays. . .time to prepare her 50 birthday packs and cart them to her boarding school. . . . I DON BRAID MY HAIR. . .HALLELUJAH. . . I LOOK 15 AGAIN*

lol,wish him or her happy birthday for me and amen to that your prayer