bigtt76: ...And so he does not deserve forgiveness from his daughter? We don't even know how she was conceived sef whether as a love child or what happened? Do we even know if her mother rejected all entreaties from the dad when she gave birth? These are salient issues we need to consider when advising the poster. If he saw nothing good about her, he would not have requested what he did.

Remember the story of Jacob and Esau? Jacob obviously was loved by the mother and always home to do her bidding. This also translated to Jacob assisting the mother in feeding their father Isaac as at when due but when it came to blessing time ...Esau was the chosen one by their father and only missed it through their mother's act. To the poster's issue ....this might just be a re-enacting of the story.

A lot of you merely comment on stories without having any idea what the issue is.
1. From what i can gather, the OP has not said she refuses to forgive her father so i have no idea what your first question was all about.

2. So what if she was conceived as a love child? Does she not deserve to have the protection of the man who conceived her? How is it her fault how she was conceived?

3. Even if her mother rejected all entreaties by the father... it doesnt appear to me that he even tried at all to find her. I'm sorry but if you think these are the "salient" issues the OP should address in this case then i dont think you have ever truly met kids who have had to go through life knowing their own father rejected them.

4. I get weary with all these over-religiosity from nigerians (i am a christian by the way). What has the story of Esau and Jacob to do with the OP? Did Isaac ignore Esau all through his life by refusing to acknowledge him or be responsible for him? Do you even understand what you are responding to?

This is where the Christian Faith defers from others. You are never to repay evil with evil. Send him whatever you can afford and are comfortable with, but do not let him put a strain on your Finances.

chucky234: Many comments here have so far made it clear that you owe him nothing but to be sincere you owe him something more important than all the love your mother showed you in his absence,you owe him your life because he made it possible for you to grace this world.
I had a similar experience but today I give him indirectly by offering assistance to the children of his second wife,OP you owe your father your life and should offer him assistance whenever you can to appreciate the fact that he made it possible for you to grace this world and have a living.

She owes him her life? You gotta be kidding me.

It is usually hard to forgive people who wrong us.
I am pretty sure you would not have thought twice about giving in to his demands if he has been a "good" father.
However hard it may be to forgive him, even though he may not be deserving of your forgiveness, please do forgive him and give him what you can afford.
If you are comfortable enough to place him on a salary and buy him the generator please do.
I had a similar issue with my dad though the situation was slightly different.
In fact , our last meeting was just about when I graduated from the university and we had a serious argument because he was always in the habit of saying he had no money to give. That we should go and meet our mum for our needs. Though he gave sometimes but most times he would say go and meet your mum. Though he has been dead for 12 years now, I still miss him because no matter what, he was my father and no other person could be that.
Recently at one of my younger sister's marriage, I actually cried because I had to play the role of father and would have wished he was there to play his role.
Please harken to what your mum said about honoring thy father and mother so that it shall be well with you.
I pray for God guidance for you as you make your decision on what to do.

bigtt76: Exactly my thots too. He's probably using the request as a way to bring her closer to him. I mean with 36 books to his credit (hope say o be Wole Soyinka or Chinua Achebe e bi sef ) ....de man for fit sell half or still de get royalties except say na those get rich quick books oooo

I've heard worst stories. I know a woman whose mother left her and her sister with an Uncle who raped both her and the sister until marriage age. The mother knew her brother was mentally unstable but made the decision to keep her children there. One of the sisters is divorced and the other in a physically abusive relationship.

The women didn't receive therapy for their abuse but they take care of their mother. The only sister their mother took care of, now calls her a witch and refuses to see or take care of the mother. Karma is real. I'm sure your father maybe asking because his other kids doesn't give a hoots about him.

owo lo nje moba e tan (If you are wealthy and influencial people will become your relatives either you like it or not) do it for him if you are bless otherwise you owe him nothing.

This is certainly a fake story.
Your father wrote 36 books. And he's looking for money to buy generator??.

mrrock: This is certainly a fake story.
Your father wrote 36 books. And he's looking for money to buy generator??.

nigerian writers dont make money you know.

Rooneyboy: Monthly salary !!!

What for ?

Or are u employing him to be a dad to u ?

For alomo and shekpe allowances I guess

freecocoa: She owes him her life? You gotta be kidding me.

Honey without that man OP might probably be in heaven sucking,that man gave her life and that alone makes him deserving of her care whether he was there for her or not.
I am not saying she should giving in to all her father's demand but she shouldn't hesitate to give him the things she can afford,you would not be here without your father's seed.

Its funny how people think she should show appreciation for being brought into the world through money. What is wrong with her providing time or advise? Take note that due to the man's promiscuous youth he probably has a million kids and concubines to take care of. Tell me how that became her cross to carry? Any responsible father will not demand money from their child, not to talk of one that was absent in the child's life. Any responsible father will not have multiple wives and kids without planning for retirement to the extent that he can't afford a generator. Please don't buy into your mums crap. Who knows if she is using you to get back at the wives or the man. "Afterall my child you abandoned is feeding you. I and my child were not good enough, but now we feed you and your wives". Am sure his other kids send money, but the guy has created more problems for himself than he can handle. Take care of yourself first, and pay yourself first. Any jara you have you may give if you like. Don't buy generator or give salary. Forgiveness does not include money. If he really cared and you were not a means to an end, he will demand a relationship instead of money. What if your father was an armed robber rapist? Will you still give him salary because he donated sperm? . You can't buy love, forgiveness or a father so don't even try.

slimyem: Ask yourself this question...
Would you help a random person if they needed help?
Would you help an old neighbour?
I know its different and you feel bad about the relationship you didn't have with him but he is human first before he is your father.
I'm sure he regrets that mistake even if he doesnt say it out loud..
..maybe he is acually taking advantage of you...
..maybe he isn't...but i think you shouldn't dwell on it so much.You can't change the past but you can affect the future.
See it as a chance to have a relationship with him now...
If he truly needs help and its within your means....please do.

mind u this lady was by her dad's side when he was sick. She provided for him oo. He is not sick now.he needs monthly income. For what? Is he out of job? He needs gen set for what? These are wants and not needs.does he even apreciate ur suport while he was sick? Whatever u do for him now, he will see it as his right.he will still demand for more. Pay him visit regularly.provide him with whatever he lacks and u think he will need and u can provide, and not for him to be taxing u.he will just use ur money to marry another wife.

chucky234: Honey without that man OP might probably be in heaven sucking,that man gave her life and that alone makes him deserving of her care whether he was there for her or not.
I am not saying she should giving in to all her father's demand but she shouldn't hesitate to give him the things she can afford,you would not be here without your father's seed.

Gave her life on what grounds actually? You think giving a woman belle and abandoning your child is giving the child life? Heck who knows how she would have turned out if she lived with him, she may not even be alive now.
My love please anybody can give a woman belle that doesn't automatically mean the child owes the person his\her life, the man didn't care about her and so he shouldn't be making demands, I'll never agree with you that she owes him anything so please don't even try explaining any further.

You cannot reap where you did not sow.

Intermittent assistance is encouraged but blackmail to pay a monthly income is not.

I give my Dad money intermittently and sometimes in large chunks, but he did everything for us as a father from childhood , and even in his old age he thinks more about the future of his children than himself.

Be wise , do not be cajoled.

Finally, honour your father and mother means to respect and revere them, not to bankrupt yourself in the process.

;DYou don't owe him nothing and if he has dignity for himself,he will just back off and let you be. Tell him thanks though.lol! That's all and thank God for how you turned out

chucky234: Many comments here have so far made it clear that you owe him nothing but to be sincere you owe him something more important than all the love your mother showed you in his absence,you owe him your life because he made it possible for you to grace this world.
I had a similar experience but today I give him indirectly by offering assistance to the children of his second wife,OP you owe your father your life and should offer him assistance whenever you can to appreciate the fact that he made it possible for you to grace this world and have a living.

This guy sounds kinda familiar.

@op, no, you owe him nothing. If you wish to help him, it can only come from the goodness of your heart. Even had he been a real father, that would still have been my answer.

Bottom line: your help can only be on your own merit, not his.

chucky234: Honey without that man OP might probably be in heaven sucking,that man gave her life and that alone makes him deserving of her care whether he was there for her or not.
I am not saying she should giving in to all her father's demand but she shouldn't hesitate to give him the things she can afford,you would not be here without your father's seed.

No . . . God gave her life.

The man only donated his sperm . . .

Being a father is much more than donating sperm. IMO she owes him NOTHING!

Not saying she shouldn't help, but she doesn't owe him that and certainly doesn't owe him her life!

I am tired of all these parents that abandon the kids only for them to make claims later. Unfortunately , this generation of fathers would be worse.

Ops.

Obey the biblical command. Honour your parents. You dont have to go out of your way. But honour him.

My Cent

freecocoa: Gave her life on what grounds actually? You think giving a woman belle and abandoning your child is giving the child life? Heck who knows how she would have turned out if she lived with him, she may not even be alive now.
My love please anybody can give a woman belle that doesn't automatically mean the child owes the person his\her life, the man didn't care about her and so he shouldn't be making demands, I'll never agree with you that she owes him anything so please don't even try explaining any further.

ok my love,you won.

what of if it was other way round i mean if the mum was in her father,s shoes, cuz there are loads of kids who were raised by single fathers as well. would you advise her to set the salary thing for her mum or not ? just a question

slimyem: Ask yourself this question...
Would you help a random person if they needed help?
Would you help an old neighbour?
I know its different and you feel bad about the relationship you didn't have with him but he is human first before he is your father.
I'm sure he regrets that mistake even if he doesnt say it out loud..
..maybe he is acually taking advantage of you...
..maybe he isn't...but i think you shouldn't dwell on it so much.You can't change the past but you can affect the future.
See it as a chance to have a relationship with him now...
If he truly needs help and its within your means....please do.

Eventhough I strongly agree with you but I do not feel he should make demands, that can cause extra conflict (which it has already caused). . . . To me, he looks ungrateful and unremorseful. . . . He sounds as if he isn't sad for not being a part of her life. . . To me, she should nicely forward his requests to his other kids. . . .

About the bolded part, her relationship with him should not be about money but rebuilding burnt bridges

My own father maltreated me, cursed me, and disowned me. He told me in the presence of my all siblings that he can never depend on me because he's so sure that i will never do well. Beside, he believes that his pension and gratuity will sustain him after retirement. Now that pension & gratuity is not fortrhcoming, I am the one taking care of him. I have learnt to forgive and move on with my life. (To be sincere, it was dificult for me to forgive him)

Your father is however not taking advantage of you, it's your responsibility. The past is dead, don't ever allow yourself to be hunted by its hurts, sincerely forgive him and see if God will not bless and increase you.

gv hm if u hav... if u dnt leav it like dat

jjgirljay: [b]i was raised by a single parent,i turned out great and made my mother proud. shes made it a big issue for me to meet my dad,i finally did and honesty we had nothing much to talk about and to my surprise i am a carbon copy of him.

my dad is had 2 wives since then and loads of half caste kids. i got close to my sister and we did keep in-touch,shes the opposite of me. she made her beauty get her all she wants.

my fathers kids are all grown up and living around world,i moved back few years ago and again my mother reunited us. (she say honor your father and you mother so that your days may be long)

my dad fell sick and money was needed,i gave more than half,now hes recovered and he wants a generator and a monthly income from me.

my questions; do i owe this man anything?
he did not in anyway provide for me,why is he asking me for anything?
hes a writer and of all the 36 books he wrote,i was not acknowledged in it.

what do i really owe him?[/b]

You don't owe him anything, but still do whatever you can oblige to do as favour to keep your family united.
You are family and you need your family, whether poor or rich.

Ya'll comments r annoying! D man deserves nothing @all. My father attempted the same thing on me. I warned him and he said it was a joke, try'n to save himself. It's jus like some1 driving ur car everyday and when it time for repairs the person abandons d car and comes back when it's b repaired it's total BS! He did d sweetest part n ran away n ya'll r tell'n her to help him? F.uck ya'll!

Forgive the old man. Two wrongs never make a right. Give him whatever he wants if you can afford it. You will certainly reap a good reward.

Busy_body:
Wow, is all I can say for now. Many hugs to you too.

Yes he is taking advantage of you, like the typical Nigerian parent, but if you have the means to help him, then go for it.

@bolded, Ahn-Ahn! Madam, is that not too much?

OP, your father's dereliction of his duty to you is not the same as your own obligations to him as a child. I am not saying you should coo-up to your father but give him basic respect and courtesy. You don't need to go overboard if he is living decently in terms of spending. However, if you can spare it, why not? It makes you the better person.

you can only help where u feel it deems fit, he has to figure out the rest for himself

Do it if you want to and if you have, not because he's blood. He probably thinks all has been forgiven and forgotten. Maybe you should bring up the subject, you need healing of the heart. I think you should settle all these out before donating a single dime to him.

Ymodulus:
you are the slowpoke here. fo.olish dirty he goat, stu.pid nigerian. people like u shud be denied access to the net. why insult the lady?! cant you just give her your advice without the insult! besides she owes him nothing!!!

guy no provoke my spirit dis morning because i fit bomb dis plane wey i wan enta dis mornin

Jo nitori Olorun, abeg how dem dey beg una where you come from?

You owe him everything! Without his sperm entering your mums vagina, you will not be here typing away. Anyway, I understand your feelings. I will tell you what I will do If iam in your shoes. I will consider it an honor and if I can afford his demands I will do it lovingly. Eventually, he will on his own accord apologize to you. You will be able to forgive him. You will emerge the winner. I believe that old people should be treated with so much love. They need it to live longer. Pls for my sake forgive your father.