My maid has been stealing my food stuffs and provisions to give to her boyfriends whenever am not around. she has 2 boyfriends that she feeds with my food regularly.
I just discovered and she confessed to me. am not even sure she doesn't steal my money as well. please NLS what do I do with this girl?

When we advice that people stop looking for cheap labor with adolescent girls and hire professional maids they will say no be so.
If you are not ready to deal with teenage drama and raging hormones then hire a real maid, with spefic work hours on pay and who you can deal with professionally. If you insist on getting a live in teenage then handle it the way you will handle a misbehaving teenage that was your blood.
We just want them to come and work and don't consider this stage of their lives a stage we as women have all passed through but because we were in the comfort of our homes our mothers handled and managed us well, when it is a maid it is national headline.
Girls at that age will be intrigued by boys, have you spoken to her about s3x, pregnancy and contraceptives? Are you just orried about your stolen food? Having a live in teenager is beyond paying school fees and paying agent, God will hold you responsible for her formative years, that is why I advice those always claiming "help" to either go the full lenght or leave the child with their parent and help.
That girl may get pregnant, contract a disease or get invovled with bad company that will ruin the rest of her life and your concern is stolen food. Anyway, its the Nigerian way, as long as she works her life and what she does with it no concern you.
Sit her down and talk with her, tell her about s3x and what she needs to know, if you insist on a teenage maid be ready to raise a teenager

Impeach her and declare her post vacant

cut her salary n lock up ur foodstuff if possible or u fire her cos such gurl can be dangerous. infact fire her b4 the worst n unimaginable happen. dnt put up wit thiefing maid.

debrief08: When we advice that people stop looking for cheap labor with adolescent girls and hire professional maids they will say no be so.
If you are not ready to deal with teenage drama and raging hormones then hire a real maid, with spefic work hours on pay and who you can deal with professionally. If you insist on getting a live in teenage then handle it the way you will handle a misbehaving teenage that was your blood.
We just want them to come and work and don't consider this stage of their lives a stage we as women have all passed through but because we were in the comfort of our homes our mothers handled and managed us well, when it is a maid it is national headline.
Girls at that age will be intrigued by boys, have you spoken to her about s3x, pregnancy and contraceptives? Are you just orried about your stolen food? Having a live in teenager is beyond paying school fees and paying agent, God will hold you responsible for her formative years, that is why I advice those always claiming "help" to either go the full lenght or leave the child with their parent and help.
That girl may get pregnant, contract a disease or get invovled with bad company that will ruin the rest of her life and your concern is stolen food. Anyway, its the Nigerian way, as long as she works her life and what she does with it no concern you.
Sit her down and talk with her, tell her about s3x and what she needs to know, if you insist on a teenage maid be ready to raise a teenager

I have always loved your comments on NL but most times u are fast at judging people. My kind of Job will not allow me to hire sm1 that will work and go and besides this girl we are talking about is not a teenager she is a adult, I have educated her on all you mentioned and have always told her to be patient, I provided her with learning tools and ensured she has something she can do and be on her own in the future. but the fact that she is not patient by allowing those that cant even feed themselves to deceive her is the reason why am disappointed in her.

Julesbloom: cut her salary n lock up ur foodstuff if possible or u fire her cos such gurl can be dangerous. infact fire her b4 the worst n unimaginable happen. dnt put up wit thiefing maid.

When i told her to pack her things she started crying and begging, promised never to do it again she also has the habit of calling people to beg whenever she does anything wrong. just imagine the situation but i must act on this particular issue cos i dnt trust her no more.

it sounds fair to dismiss her

nonylove:

I have always loved your comments on NL but most times u are fast at judging people. My kind of Job will not allow me to hire sm1 that will work and go and besides this girl we are talking about is not a teenager she is a adult, I have educated her on all you mentioned and have always told her to be patient, I provided her with learning tools and ensured she has something she can do and be on her own in the future. but the fact that she is not patient by allowing those that cant even feed themselves to deceive her is the reason why am disappointed in her.

So sorry for being quick to judge it is due to the fact that most people who act the way you described are teenagers. My apologies. Hmmmm, I am sorry about what you are going through but some quick questions:
DO you pay her at least a minimum wage?
Is she well compensated for staying over night?
Does she stay with you and work in return for opportunities?
I am really happy and impressed that you provided her with information, nice watching out.
Please stealing I dont tolerate i really imagined she was a teenager, perharps she had a bad childhood background and those issues were not sorted out. Tell her stealing is a No No, if she wants to give her boyfriend anything let her buy from her salary. An adult that acts like this should be fired or be severally warned and put on probation. If you decide to keep her, get her to sign an undertaken, she steals again she is out.

If she is an adult that she has a boyfriend or 2 boyfriends shouldnt be an issue, she is an adult and as long as you have educated her she is free to date, My employer doesnt have any business with who I date, or my personal life as long as it doesnt affect my work, the problem is taking your food to fund her relationship.
My last maid married from my house and she dated while she was with me. Let us respect each others boundaries

I'm not sure I agree with the "locking up food" aspect here. I'm assuming she's got kids and this girl is responsible for feeding and looking after them in her absence?

@Poster, how old is this girl in question? When you say you "provided her with learning tools", what exactly do you mean? A sewing machine? Does she know how to use these "tools"? Has she received training / an apprenticeship of some sort?

If you're not comfortable with her actions, I suggest you replace her with an older and more mature person. Live-in "mama's" comes to mind here...

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Efemena_xy: I'm sure I agree with the "locking up food" aspect here. I'm assuming she's got kids and this girl is responsible for feeding and looking after them in her absence?

@Poster, how old is this girl in question? When you say you "provided her with learning tools", what exactly do you mean? A sewing machine? Does she know how to use these "tools"? Has she received training / an apprenticeship of some sort?

If you're not comfortable with her actions, I suggest you replace her with an older and more mature person. Live-in "mama's" comes to mind here...

She is 24years old, I got her sewing machine that she uses to even make money aside what i pay her because she has been trained in that line.

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debrief08: If she is an adult that she has a boyfriend or 2 boyfriends shouldnt be an issue, she is an adult and as long as you have educated her she is free to date, My employer doesnt have any business with who I date, or my personal life as long as it doesnt affect my work, the problem is taking your food to fund her relationship.
My last maid married from my house and she dated while she was with me. Let us respect each others boundaries

I an not against her dating either if u see from my post but the fact that this boys she is dating are merely deceiving her otherwise they wont ask her to steal from her employer. i do not even mind if she introduce her boyfriend to us by so doing we can guide them cos i want the best for her as well but i dont want her to make mistakes. that's is the reason i preach patience to her always.

chaircover: Debrief its a different situation between househelp and an office employee. She should be allowed to date, but there is nothing wrong in her employer guiding and advising her. She lives in his house and in a way is part of the family and if anything happens to her or she gets into any sticky situations, he will be the one to bear the responsibility.

There is no welfare state in Nigeria and God forbid if she gets pregnant and tries to abort it and something happens then the poster will be the one running around, whereas if the same thing happens to a mr biggs employee, then its none of Mr Biggs business

Did you read my post? I said as long as she educates the lady then it really is not her business. Office or home an employee is an employee, if I employ and Architect to work in my home and one to work in my office what is the difference? Should I control his personal life because he is employed in my home? Like you said and I said too, advice and educate like I would do for my relative living with me nothing more. I emphasised on education and information and you did the same so I dont understand how we differ in our opinions, maybe it is the words I used, but we are saying the same thing

nonylove:

I an not against her dating either if u see from my post but the fact that this boys she is dating are merely deceiving her otherwise they wont ask her to steal from her employer. i do not even mind if she introduce her boyfriend to us by so doing we can guide them cos i want the best for her as well but i dont want her to make mistakes. that's is the reason i preach patience to her always.

I agree, Matters of the heart can be tricky, even for our loved ones we see them in bad relationships but when we talk they no go gree hear. They are not good men I agree but matters of the heart require great wisdom, Well done Madam, The truth is that Professional 7- 7 maids are cheaper in the long run, you avoid all this drama

[quote author=debrief08]
So sorry for being quick to judge it is due to the fact that most people who act the way you described are teenagers. My apologies. Hmmmm, I am sorry about what you are going through but some quick questions:
DO you pay her at least a minimum wage?
Is she well compensated for staying over night?
Does she stay with you and work in return for opportunities?
I am really happy and impressed that you provided her with information, nice watching out.
Please stealing I dont tolerate i really imagined she was a teenager, perharps she had a bad childhood background and those issues were not sorted out. Tell her stealing is a No No, if she wants to give her boyfriend anything let her buy from her salary. An adult that acts like this should be fired or be severally warned and put on probation. If you decide to keep her, get her to sign an undertaken, she steals again she is out.

Thanks. before she started at all I asked how she wished to be paid that's what i pay her. i don't think she lacks anything because outside that i buy her cloths,pay for her hairdo. and she also makes some money from home too. I really don't know where i got it wrong.

chaircover: @nonylove, lock up your food and keep tabs. Also be careful with your money. You say that you have already called her and spoken to her about the opposite sex which is good. It will be a tragedy if she ends up getting pregnant.

As regards the thefts, Let her know that this is her last chance and anytime you catch her doing this, you will send her packing. You can ask her to sign a simple undertaking to that effect. Tell her to keep a copy and you will keep a copy. You can also report her to the person that brought her to you.

If you have all this in place and she is caught again, then show her the door.

Chaircover, that's exactly what have made up my mind to do. thanks

@nonylove jux becareful and apply wisdom on this matter and pray to God to guide u in ur decision

Please Dont blame yourself, she is an adult and is capable and responsible for her own decisions. Even our parents make bad choices, you have done your part, left for her to think and if she makes mistakes learn from them. If she is wise she will listen but rarely do people listen to wise counsel.
You didnt get it wrong, you did your part, she made bad decisions and wrong choices, left to her to decide to do right

debrief08: Please Dont blame yourself, she is an adult and is capable and responsible for her own decisions. Even our parents make bad choices, you have done your part, left for her to think and if she makes mistakes learn from them. If she is wise she will listen but rarely do people listen to wise counsel.
You didnt get it wrong, you did your part, she made bad decisions and wrong choices, left to her to decide to do right

With the way the situation is now i may have to do regular medical checks on her for the sake of my family. if she can take to advice then we have got to protect ourselves...

Funnily enough, what I see here is a young adult, a 24 year old blinded by "love" and itching to settle and have her own family.

Only problem is that she's going about it the wrong way. The guy in question obviously hasn't got the means to support himself, let alone both of them / a family, and she's very much aware of that. She also understands where her bread is buttered, i.e. @poster's home being her saftey net.

I sympathise with her, as I remember how I felt aged 24. Nonylove, I think the best you can do in this situation is encourage her to confide in you - so that you can advice her without judging her. Educate her on protecting herself and staying safe sexually.

All the best.

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nonylove:

With the way the situation is now i may have to do regular medical checks on her for the sake of my family. if she can take to advice then we have got to protect ourselves...

You know that medical history is personal and can only be revealed to family members with the consent of the person being tested. Anyway, I suppose anything can happen in Nigeria. Like I said a professional maid is more expensive in terms of cash but less in terms of drama

chaircover:

Two things you said

Firstly you said that an employer doesn't have any business with who the employee dates and the second thing you said was for boundaries to be respected (I assume you were referring to the employer respecting the employess boundaries).

What I said is that in this kind of employer/employee relationship, it is infact the employers biz and if anyone has crossed any boundaries, it is the house-help who has crossed hers by stealing her employers food. if she hadnt stolen the food, the poster wont even be talking about boyfriends

I meant both respect each others boundaries, like I said if any of my relatives or even younger staff were in a bad relationship I will be concerned, offer advice if the ask and education but I cant tell them who to date or not date.
Secondly, I addressed stealing as a No No, and said if she feels comfortable still keeping her she should sign an undertaken. Like I said the issue is stealing, and if she has chosen to let it go for now as far as relationships are concerned she can offer education and advice. I agree and said almost the same thing you are writing here, I said stealing is the major issue.

Efemena_xy: Funnily enough, what I see here is a young adult, a 24 year old blinded by "love" and itching to settle and have her own family.

Only problem is that she's going about it the wrong way. The guy in question obviously hasn't got the means to support himself, let alone both of them / a family, and she's very much aware of that. She also understands where her bread is buttered, i.e. @poster's home being her saftey net.

I sympathise with her, as I remember how I felt aged 24. Nonylove, I think the best you can do in this situation is encourage her to confide in you - so that you can advice her without judging her. Educate her on protecting herself and staying safe sexually.

All the best.

Efemena, Thats excatly the point I dont even tell my husband this things she does becos i know the next day she will be gone but i call her privately to talk like i will talk to my sister that is what i do with her ooo. cant let it repeat itself again because have tried.

nonylove:

Efemena, Thats excatly the point I dont even tell my husband this things she does becos i know the next day she will be gone but i call her privately to talk like i will talk to my sister that is what i do with her ooo. cant let it repeat itself again because have tried.

It really is not easy, you have tried, I cant stand stealing, I give people a free hand but steal and that is it, a teenages I can say she doesnt know better but 24, haba

debrief08:
You know that medical history is personal and can only be revealed to family members with the consent of the person being tested. Anyway, I suppose anything can happen in Nigeria. Like I said a professional maid is more expensive in terms of cash but less in terms of drama

If i can get a professional maid that can stay with me 24/7 i wont even hesitate i understand they are always better.

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nonylove:
If i can get a professional maid that can stay with me 24/7 i wont even hesitate i understand they are always better.

Most of them are 7-7, 24/7? there should be a day off na
If you will take my advice, try to work out a schedule around 7-7 because with that you avoid drama and unnecessary issues. too much familiarity breeds contempt.

debrief08:
It really is not easy, you have tried, I cant stand stealing, I give people a free hand but steal and that is it, a teenages I can say she doesnt know better but 24, haba

True stealing is wrong and this girl knows it. However, the "love" thing is pulling her in the wrong direction. I can almost picture the scenario... She goes to visit her "love", he tells her: "Babe, I'm dying here o! Hunger don finish me, I never eat since yesterday morning. Pls help me, anything no matter how small would be truly appreciated..."

She's torn between her loyalty to Nonylove (her employer) and her sweetheart.

This is no easy one. No one even knows if this guy's intentions are honourable, or if he's simply using the girl as a free meal ticket. Nonylove, I think you should discuss this matter with your husband. You might be surprised he may see things in a different light and possibilities you haven't thought of / explored...