vassilli:

Flog am now, You no knw hw 2 do am the African way?
because that kind pikin na "Ogbanje" we dey call am. Ask your Husband
Can hlp u out sha; [b]to test 4 witchcraft Flog and wit broom and your already
refigerated pepper spiced cain[/b]
Wen me i dey grow i no get say whether to go church or not
Wen them never finish to dey sell "egba pankere"

i agree take am back to Nigeria but b4 u do that probably u should think about changing church
probably sample some other more exciting churches around and ask her if she likes it there

but if that does not work, flog am blue black and change her school
enjoy

Please Go to.
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-103728.0.html

But the fact that she said she is an athiest, that is a big problem. But the fact is that we are at the period of the end of the church age, when God is commanding us all to come out of the church. as a parent I wont even want my child to go near the church even though my grand father and father are both Revd. and Pastor respectively. I grew up in the church. But if we are truely saved, we will obey the warning of GOD to come out of the churches and congregations.

Prayer is the only solution, remember that the heart of a king is in God's hands. . .pray fevently, fast if you can. . .and try speaking to her with love and motherly care. Don't force her, God will definately play his part.

@seun
Buhahaha. Atheist kids don't get pregnant that easily. They use contraceptives.
It's the church kids who get knocked up because they can't be seen buying contraceptives

i beg to disagrree on that.

@poster
i have a broda who chose to leave home for the past 10 years or so but recently he has become sober and contrite and wants to come home, what is the lesson, just like the prodigal child who choose his way, if she insist let her, but continue to pray and trust God's Spirit which i believe you have in you and let her be. strssing her will make her run to the worldd the more trust the Spirit of God to express His love thru you in prayer, care love etc towards her and i hope in due time she would come to her sense and say like the prodigal son Luke 15:17
17 And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
(KJV)
Luke 15:18-20
18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.(KJV)

and you wil be happy becos of what the Spirit of God has done remeber if the heart of king is in His hand, then what of the heart of a 13yr old ?

@seun
Buhahaha. Atheist kids don't get pregnant that easily. They use contraceptives.
It's the church kids who get knocked up because they can't be seen buying contraceptives

i beg to disagrree on that.

@poster
i have a broda who chose to leave home for the past 10 years or so but recently he has become sober and contrite and wants to come home, what is the lesson, just like the prodigal child who choose his way, if she insist let her, but continue to pray and trust God's Spirit which i believe you have in you and let her be. strssing her will make her run to the worldd the more trust the Spirit of God to express His love thru you in prayer, care love etc towards her and i hope in due time she would come to her sense and say like the prodigal son Luke 15:17
17 And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
(KJV)
Luke 15:18-20
18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.(KJV)

and you wil be happy becos of what the Spirit of God has done remeber if the heart of king is in His hand, then what of the heart of a 13yr old ?

Outstrip:

Yes you can make her. Why not. Will you force her to go to school if she says she does not want to. Yes you will. You cannot force her to accept Jesus but you can make her go to church with the rest of the family. She does not get to make her own rules.

gbam!!!!
she has no choice but to go where her family decides.
She is afterall a child under your roof and under your care.
like the poster above,what will you do if she decides to stop school move in with a man?
won't you be fighting tooth and nail to stop her?

Tomorrow is Sunday,call her and tail her to iron her best clothes
If she refuses,take away her priviledges,Ipods,phones,TV,no friends over etc.
she's only entitled to food, water and shelter from now on.
If you don't get a control of this defiant attitude,you may have an unmanageable girl in your hands in future.
She is your child not ours.
Let her know who is boss.

Church no be school.The parents are legally obliged to ensure their child attends school regularly,no such obligation applies to attending church.If she pushes it too far,social services will be paying her a visit.

I think you need to put your foot down and she needs to go to church with the rest of the family. I mean, she's 13, just starting her teenage years. This is just the beginning of the inevitable show-downs that teenage daughters always have with their parents during their teens. Your decision on this would lay the foundation for future 'disagreements'. Besides, I think the issue is an important one. As her mum, it is your responsibility to make sure that she doesn't lose touch with God. When she becomes 18, it becomes her decision but you have to lay the groundwork for her to make an informed choice. Don't force her blatantly, but let her know that at her age, certain parental decisions have to be adhered to and put your foot down and don't lift it.
If she's really stubborn about it, then no doubt she has a close friend (or group of friends) that's influencing her ideas. Or perhaps she has had some experience which makes her doubt God, that she might not have told you about. You should find out these things, try to get her to make better friends (i know that won't be easy!), and pray.
Also, how youthful is the church you attend. Do their youth activities fit into the sort of thing your daughter would like to participate in. You might have to consider going somewhere more "youthful" for the sake of your daughter, though it has to still be somewhere firm in the Word. She probably needs that sort of environment that makes her undertstand that she can be in church and still be a teenager. But definitely get to know her circle of friends, I have no doubt that's the source of her atheism or at least a major influence.

Well as an athiest too, and i've been one for more than 20 years. And in my opinion there is no amount of praying, reading the bible, talking to her or even changing churches that will change the young girls mind. Your typical African religious ideas are not going to solve the problem. And as she get older, so will her athiest beliefs get stronger too. Just leave her because there's nothing you can do. You can force her to go to church but you can't control her athiest mind. Trust me i know what am saying

@D-reloaded I know who you are love

Its quite clear the mother has lost control of her daughter. I mean what is it like? Does she scream and shout at you when you tell her its time for church?

Theres no such thing as free will at age 13. When shes over 21 she can do whatever shes likes it still doesnt mean her parents cant advise her and point her in the right direction. Buts shes still a baby who needs help and care.

Children nowadays are raised so badly. Me and my brothers who are born in the UK would never ever dream of calling police or telling anyone when our mother gave us the beating of our lives!

Yes some parents go to far but its not all and its for your own good. If talking doesnt make you listen a good slap to the face will!

4 Play:

Church no be school.The parents are legally obliged to ensure their child attends school regularly,no such obligation applies to attending church.If she pushes it too far,social services will be paying her a visit.

That is the problem I have with our people in the west.
We come here and become more oyibo than Queen Eliza.
The last time I checked,a 13 year old is a minor.
I don't say she should be lashed with koboko lined with razorblade but she ought to know who the boss is and what the non negotiable rules are.

The day she gets in trouble (God forbid),the same social services will gladly take her to holloway prisons.

LadyT:

@D-reloaded I know who you are love

Its quite clear the mother has lost control of her daughter. I mean what is it like? Does she scream and shout at you when you tell her its time for church?

Theres no such thing as free will at age 13. When shes over 21 she can do whatever shes likes it still doesnt mean her parents can't advise her and point her in the right direction. Buts shes still a baby who needs help and care.

Children nowadays are raised so badly. Me and my brothers who are born in the UK would never ever dream of calling police or telling anyone when our mother gave us the beating of our lives!
Yes some parents go to far but its not all and its for your own good. If talking doesnt make you listen a good slap to the face will!

Please say it loud and clear!!!
Being born and raised in London is no license to disrespect one's parents.
A mother can forbid her daughter from hanging out with friends that she thinks are leading her astray.
I say the poster needs to put her foot down firmly and read out the riot acts
The relationship here is parent /child not girlfriends.

babyosisi:

That is the problem I have with our people in the west.
We come here and become more oyibo than Queen Eliza.
The last time I checked,a 13 year old is a minor.
I don't say she should be lashed with koboko lined with razorblade but she ought to know who the boss is and what the non negotiable rules are.

The day she gets in trouble (God forbid),the same social services will gladly take her to holloway prisons.

For real, and then you'll get blamed for being a bad parent!

you can't force anyone to go to church. Rather let your life be an example unto them (and pray for them) then the Holy Spirit will do the convincing!!

My daughter does not want to go to church and says that she is an atheist.  It has been going on for about 6 months.  

I feel it is my Christian duty to bring my children up in the church, but is there any point in forcing her if she doesn't want to go?  

Will this turn her away from God even more.  She is 13 years old.  

@ the poster,I don't wish to judge but what are you modelling to this young girl.
This is a time for you to ask yourself if you've been a good example to her.
Do you bash the church,members and ministers of God before her presence?
At 13,I was still learning how to take a proper bath.
I cannot imagine a 13 year old saying this sort of thing.
Someone obviously has sown a wrong seed while you slept.
But it's not too late,she's only 13 but this is the time to act and very fast too.

Some people are saying leave her to make up her mind,if you succumb,what's next?
By the way,what's your husband saying in all this.
Is he watching Oprah and eating pancakes while you people are going to Church?

I agree with Babyosisi once you give an inch she will take a mile.

@D-Reloaded

tpia, most churches forbid contraceptive esp The catholic church which is why you see Hispanics and co with their numerous children

They never remember the part of No fornication but since they don't want to be seen as premeditating on the act,  aka KNOWINGLY buying condoms to sin, they do without hence the babies and claiming "heat of the moment"

hmmm, D-Reloaded, what of Naija Catholics? or even naija Christian kids in general?

dem sabi condom and birth control o.

On Sundays, some can even run out to buy cigarettes for a quick smoke while their parents are worshipping in church. Thinking their kids are safely learning the bible in the teen section.

Tori plenty o.

once again lots of good advice,and just as conflicting as my own train of thoughts have been along
I have given her the same argument that if she has to go to school then she has to come to church,but the last thing I want to do is to build resentment in her so that when she becomes an adult she will definately decide not to go to church.
My church is very mixed,ages,races etc She also attends a church school with her twin sister (who has no problem going to church)
Maybe this is the problem.As a twin fighting for her own identity although I have always differentiated between them on all levels.
At school they have no choice about attending services etc
The teen pregnancy is a bit of the mark. I know my daughter and I know what she is capable of.When she is not at church she is at home.We usually return from church within 2 hours anyway.I trust her as I know her.

All these na grammer una dey spak here,if the smallie no wan coperate you return am back to naija make she see wetin dey happen,dem no go tell am to hold God,dem go flog am well,when nepa take light she go shout Jesus,bring her back enuf things dey to make her reach church,no leave am like that dey speak english.

Babyosisi and Lady t I think that you are both being unfair in your comments and I wonder if you are mothers yourselves?
Firstly ladyt I have not lost control of my daughter,she respects me as much as I do her which is why I am here.She doesn't kick and fuss,but says quietly that she does not believe.It would be easier to force a child who was having a tantrum,much easier to put my foot down with a child who was being unreasonable.
And babyosisi my husband is a very decent man who has a strong belief in God.He does attend church with his family and offer encouragement.He loves our daughter.It is difficult for him as when he grew in Nigeria God and church were all he knew.Which is the difference with growing in the West, you are more likely to be surronded by non believers.
I continue to pray for her

yvskc:

Babyosisi and Lady t I think that you are both being unfair in your comments and I wonder if you are mothers yourselves?
Firstly ladyt I have not lost control of my daughter,she respects me as much as I do her which is why I am here.She doesn't kick and fuss,but says quietly that she does not believe.It would be easier to force a child who was having a tantrum,much easier to put my foot down with a child who was being unreasonable.
And babyosisi my husband is a very decent man who has a strong belief in God.He does attend church with his family and offer encouragement.He loves our daughter.It is difficult for him as when he grew in Nigeria God and church were all he knew.Which is the difference with growing in the West, you are more likely to be surronded by non believers.
I continue to pray for her

Hmmmmmm
anyway,wish you the best.

yvskc:

once again lots of good advice,and just as conflicting as my own train of thoughts have been along
I have given her the same argument that if she has to go to school then she has to come to church,but the last thing I want to do is to build resentment in her so that when she becomes an adult she will definately decide not to go to church.
My church is very mixed,ages,races etc She also attends a church school with her twin sister (who has no problem going to church)
Maybe this is the problem.As a twin fighting for her own identity although I have always differentiated between them on all levels.
At school they have no choice about attending services etc
The teen pregnancy is a bit of the mark. I know my daughter and I know what she is capable of.When she is not at church she is at home.We usually return from church within 2 hours anyway.I trust her as I know her.

you're making some very valid points here.

its good if you trust your daughter and know she doesnt move with bad influences too.

Your prayers are definitely needed as regards the church situation, I'd also say.

I guess its a phase most parents have to go through. Hopefully it will only be a phase and nothing permanent.

you can force your daughter, to go to church but you cant force her to listen.

So what is the use of forcing her if you cant make her listen? daydreaming

yvskc:

once again lots of good advice,and just as conflicting as my own train of thoughts have been along
I have given her the same argument that if she has to go to school then she has to come to church,but the last thing I want to do is to build resentment in her so that when she becomes an adult she will definitely decide not to go to church.[/b]My church is very mixed,ages,races etc She also attends a church school with her twin sister (who has no problem going to church)

Maybe this is the problem.As a twin fighting for her own identity although I have always differentiated between them on all levels.
At school they have no choice about attending services etc
[b]The teen pregnancy is a bit of the mark. I know my daughter and I know what she is capable of.When she is not at church she is at home.We usually return from church within 2 hours anyway.I trust her as I know her.

yvskc:

Babyosisi and Lady t I think that you are both being unfair in your comments and I wonder if you are mothers yourselves?


ladyt I have not lost control of my daughter,she respects me as much as I do her which is why I am here.[/b]She doesn't kick and fuss,but says quietly that she does not believe.It would be easier to force a child who was having a tantrum,much easier to put my foot down with a child who was being unreasonable.

And babyosisi my husband is a very decent man who has a strong belief in God.He does attend church with his family and offer encouragement.He loves our daughter.It is difficult for him as when he grew in Nigeria God and church were all he knew.[b]Which is the difference with growing in the West, you are more likely to be surrounded by non believers.
I continue to pray for her

You are a very good mother.  Keep it up.  The fact that your daughter is minor does not mean she can't be respected.  Just channel her spirituality else where and let her learn to respect herself and others that's all.  As you can see here, religion and going to church has not changed many.  They still feel they have to control everyone and everything around them.  


The reason most remain unhappy and very psychotic when they have the slightest conflict with others.  Only because it is their way or the highway. Everything is just like it is in Nigeria---A DICTATORSHIP! The reason many can never adjust to conditions outside Nigeria.  And even when they have lived abroad for 2000 years, they can never learn to respect others.  One major reason why Nigerians keep getting fired from their jobs over here.  Imposing your their views on others and trying to tell others what to do like they are back in Nigeria. Even simple "Halloween" over here na devil worship---like anyone asked them.

Good thing some of you are in the WEST.  No long talk--just keep on jumping up and down and beating your chest with your dry-raking, harassing your children.  Guns are very easy to acquire over here.  For those of you making noise about how children should be pushed around like herds of cattle, you might just put out some cheap contract on your arses and have you blown off the face of this earth.  Serves you right then!    Join the "Columbine shooters" and mourn your hearts out!   One day monkey go go market, e no go return! You think you have authority? When you cannot even think for yourselves you want to think for another. Kai! Laff wan kill me. To make matters worse, these kids are even way smarter than you.---Please go and watch "ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER"? ---Most of you will discover that your kids are way smarter than you and you have no business even opening your mouths to discuss anything with them not to talk of religion!


Unfortunately ALL kids have to share the same streets, buses, commodes and classrooms with some that move around like zombies without any cerebral activity---THE FLATLINERS!.  Since some religion or the other does all the thinking for them. When you come back to this world if you do, you would learn to respect your kids and learn to negotiate with them out of love and respect.  Not out of some sick cultural/religious authority that has no bearing with anything synonymous with progress.  I can only pray for you all.  The reason most will end up with dysfunctional homes. Then you will blame "principalities and powers" of which your are the arch bishops and arch deaconesses yourselves!

As to your last statement:

Which is the difference with growing in the West, you are more likely to be surrounded by non believers.

Let me clarify that if I may.  The difference with growing up in the west is that--people in the west know what to believe in.  They are not "non-believers".  They just practice what the preach and do NOT cater to nonsensical beliefs without actually using their own brains first. Most people in Nigeria especially will believe anything without basis--like a herdless flock of cattle.

Do not force your child to go to church ok? Just find out why she feels that way and channel her energy into something else that will positively enhance her image and her self worth.   If you make it a big deal, she will live with it as a big deal.  Just love her for whom she is and she will find her own way.  As for the pregnancy thingy, it is not a disease and it does not kill.


Only a fool will believe that teenage pregnancy is a stigma these days--like anyone is listening to their gripe sessions about the topic. It is a reality and there is not a darn thing anyone can do about it. Even if my daughter ends up pregnant at 13 now, I definitely will not kill her. It is not the end of the world. My duty is to love and support her so her life does not get more miserable than it is. You can only do your best--WITH LOVE AND RESPECT--if your parents ever showed you love and respect.  If not, please do not bother having kids!  That is a viscious cycle that can NEVER be broken.

Once again yvskc, thank you and keep on being the great mom that you are.     You are really your kid's mom and Dr. Laura Schlesinger will be proud of you! Just keep loving your daughter and the goal is not to make her a "church goer" but a believer in God's goodness and mercy---you don't have to be a Christain to do that.  Even non Christains practice that better--as simple Nairaland has demonstrated!

yes, you should force her to go to church sir.

Each child is different and function in individual ways (in the limited sense of the word), so I don't think we random people on the internet can effectively tell you what to do. The best thing you can do, IMO, is talk to her about it - if she's willing to discuss it, that is - and really listen to what she has to say. It's good to hear that you ask her to join you guys; because it can be devastating to be cast aside by a parent simply due to differing beliefs.

In any case, all you can do is love her.



FWIW

@topic
Capital Yes! force her Ass to church, she still small 13yrs the earlier the better
afterall Okro no dey grow pass the owner the bible say "Train up a child"

buzzgonz:

@topic
Capital Yes! force her Ass to church, she still small 13yrs the earlier the better
afterall Okro no dey grow pass the owner the bible say "Train up a child"

Sure!  Like most Nigerians and nairaland members turned out!   This is becoming a hilarious subject I must say!

How to train a "zombie" for dummies!  Have a couple yourself and then come back and tell us who is the parent and who is the child!

_{Like that your bible talk, Okro no dey grow pass the owner, but insided soup and inside belle you fit tell who be the okro and who be the owner?}

I dey laff!  Like I always say--please come back in 10 years and tell us how far!---Pickin when them carry for hand or back no know say to waka hard!   Na for mouth?---

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!   Orisirisi!

LOL AJ abeg leave me alone, all this oyibo children no dey hear word esp. our naija children wey dey abroad.

Pickin when them carry for hand or back no know say to waka hard!   Na for mouth?---

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!   Orisirisi!

Omoge you just remind me of my mum for naija, na this word she dey tell me then.

Missing Naija "home sweet home" 

buzzgonz:

LOL AJ abeg leave me alone, all this oyibo children no dey hear word esp. our naija children wey dey abroad.

Omoge you just remind me of my mum for naija, na the word dey tell me then.
Missing Naija "home sweet home"

And I am repeating you mom's words again to you, because my mom said the same thing over and over again.  You miss home?  Kpele ooooooooooooh!  I no miss am!  Nothing dey for there.


Well, our kids do not "hear word" like you said because our approach is often wrong. Yes, especially our Naija ones only because their parents act like retarded pitbulls--even with all the "cloak and dagger" religious beliefs!  If you respect a child, the child will respect you.  He or she might stray once in a while--but the fact that there is no doubt that you love and respect him or her, they will always honour and respect you--even as an after thought!

In Nigeria and most Nigerian homes here---for where?  The reason the children are so out of control.  Leave them--let them learn--they will definitely figure things out.  They are not as stupid as we make them out to be.

Off to work a little jare---So I can come back and play for another 2 hours!

i concur with your comments, indeed the parents are the cause too ignorant about their children welfare.


BTW:
i'm feeling sleepy,GOODNITE.

what is this? she is just 13 ,