Hi guys. I love what's happening in this section what with the nice stories and the comments they get. I am a scriptwriter who wants to go into production with a script of mine. So please check out my TV sitcom titled INSPIRED and criticize constructively.

EPISODE 1
FRIENDSHIP INCORPORATED

SC 1A INT. EDET/IKENNA’S ROOM - DAY
CAMERA opens on a sparsely furnished room with a bed. It pans to Ikenna, mid twenties, is seated reading a book ‘’Get Inspired’’. He smiles as if he has just gotten an idea and shouts ‘yes’ pumping his hands into the air. The picture freezes on him while a female voice over comments.

VOICE OVER
This is Ikenna, a neighbor of mine who has no job and thinks that he can get back at the world by dreaming up grandiose schemes to get rich quick. His stupid plans never work of course but one thing I will give to him is his persistence as it seems that book he is always reading get his brain gears turning.

Picture unfreezes as Ikenna is excited.

IKENNA
We have to get inspired to respire so that we don’t expire.

The door bursts open and Edet, Ikenna’s roommate rushes into the room.

EDET
Guy how far? Any show?

Picture freezes on Edet.

VOICE OVER
They say birds of the same feather flock together. That’s the case of Edet here, a fellow idiot who feels that he and Ikenna can rule the world with their nonsensical ideas. These guys cause a lot of commotion in the compound and getting a good night’s sleep is difficult as you’re not sure if they might be planning to sell you just for a few naira.

SC 1B. EXT. COMPOUND - DAY
CAMERA on an agitated young man, Mustapha shouting.

MUSTAPHA
(Shouting) That is pure rubbish. How can the two of you do that? This is a travesty of justice...

Picture freezes on Mustapha.

MUSTAPHA
This is Mustapha, who likes to feel important just because he can speak English which he uses in his charge and bail law practice. This guy feels he is holier than everybody else and therefore believes that it is his God given right to observe and comment on everything in the compound. As such he doesn’t have so many fans here and sincerely we can’t wait to see him out of the compound.

SC 1C. INT. MR ANAYO’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Mr Anayo is happily counting some money when a shout “Oga Landlord” startles him. He hides the money and stands up shouting “Who is that”. Picture freezes on him.

VOICE OVER
We wish this guy could disappear too. But that’s not possible as Mr Anayo is our landlord. A greedy man who relishes in terrorizing his tenants, the only time he smiles is when his grubby hands are enclosed over fistfuls of naira notes and when he sees anything in skirts. That’s why he is a favourite target of Edet and Ikenna as his brain is no bigger than a mustard seed.

Picture unfreezes as Mr Anayo goes to open the door. We see a young lady in her mid twenties Scarlet who smiles. Mr Anayo makes an attempt to smile at the beautiful girl. Picture freezes on Scarlet.

VOICE OVER
Scarlet here is a born hustler who uses what she has to get what she wants. The object of every man’s desire and of course every woman’s jealousy, Scarlet has a heart that is the same color as her name so guys be warned as she aims to put a distance between you and your money.

SC 1D. INT. FOOD CANTEEN - DAY
Beauty a woman in her 30’s is shouting instructions on the cooking.

BEAUTY
How many times will I tell you to add enough water to this beans ehn?

A young suited man comes in to buy food. Beauty sees him and taken in by his looks tries to make herself presentable and smiles. Picture freezes on Beauty

VOICE OVER
This is my mother Beauty. A woman who dreams of settling down with a man and will do anything to advance that goal. To be honest she is beautiful for her age but it’s quite embarrassing when you have to compete with your mother for guys. As such I’m afraid of bringing my boyfriend home.

Picture unfreezes.
BEAUTY
Good morning. How can I help you?

CAMERA pans to an embarrassed Evelyn who had been our voice over all this while.

EVELYN
And that’s the crazy life I find around me. As for me I am Evelyn a young vivacious girl with nothing to hide and….

MALE VOICE OVER
Kai stop lying. You think we no know you?

EVELYN
How dare you stop me? You think you know me?

MALE VOICE OVER
Eh hen?! What about that runs that you and your friends had on the Island or that one you did with IK or…

EVELYN
Okay! Okay!! Okay!!! Can we start the show afterall they are not interested in such details.

SC. 2 INT. EDET/IKENNA’S ROOM – DAY
Different shots of Edet looking frantically for something all over the room checking under the bed, the closet and under the chairs. Ikenna enters the room holding his book.
IKENNA
Guy wetin you lost wey make you dey scatter house like rat?

EDET
Imagine rat don chop the last garri I buy. If I see that rat ehn...

IKENNA
(Laughs) So na why you wan kill yourself be that when your mates dey hammer all over the place.

EDET (FRUSTRATED)
(Sitting on the bed) Guy this no be laughing matter. I dey H seriously! Infact my hunger no get part two.

IKENNA
Eh come eat me now. See your yam head.

EDET
Even if I be cannibal I no go come near you. God knows how much poison you don chop in the name of food. Even mosquito no see blood draw from you again.

IKENNA
(Looks at himself) Well I know it is for a short time. I have gotten one nice runs that will make us rich in no time.

EDET
Does it involve stealing top quality Ijebu garri because that is what is occupying my brain now?

IKENNA
I said it. Poverty has finished your brain. In this life you have to think hard to make it. There is money in this country. You know Dr Richie Cash said that for one to be rich we have to supply a product and I have the perfect product that we can supply.

EDET
And what is that wonder product?

IKENNA
Simple, sex!

Edet looks at Ikenna as if he had lost his brains.

IKENNA
What’s wrong with this guy? All I said is that we will supply sex to men who are ready to pay to sleep with women. That is one of the biggest industries in this country. I read on the internet that female runs industry in this country is worth more than a billion naira. Imagine that. Many men will do anything to sleep with a fine babe. That is one very large market and dey no dey price am at all. On a good day a babe can make worse worse at least thirty k for just one night’s work. There are even some that make up to a hundred k. That is serious money my guy.

EDET
(Smiling) Kai see money wey some people dey use for woman when I dey look for money to chop. Come are you thinking what I am thinking?
IKENNA
Eh hen correct guy you don dey wake up.

EDET
But where will we get the female dress and the make up that we will wear for the runs?

IKENNA’
(Disappointed) Kai God I swear you be fool. What I was saying is that we should be the ones to supply the girls to the men. You know that many big men don’t like being seen toasting all these small girls so all we will do is set up a company that will arrange babes for them. We go package well and do our own at a corporate level and only supply rich men. You catch my drift?

EDET
Hmm nice one! But what will we call the company and how will we make money?

IKENNA
That one simple now! We will call it friendship incorporated and we will target all these smallies for area. Then they go register with us and we will get an album of these girls and contact all those corporate guys with our services.

EDET (DELIGHTED)
That na correct business. (Shakes his friend) Nice one my guy.

IKENNA
Wetin you expect before? As Dr Richie Cash always says, we have to be inspired to respire so that we don’t expire.

SC. 3 INT. FOOD CANTEEN – DAY
Beauty, a lady in her mid 30s is shouting instructions to her teenage daughter Evelyn about the cooking in the kitchen. A few customers are eating in the low class canteen.

BEAUTY
Make sure that rice doesn’t get burnt or else your school fees don go be that.

Edet and Ikenna enter the canteen. Beauty sees them and frowns.

IKENNA (HAILS)
Beauty! Beauty!!

BEAUTY (ANGRY)
Wetin una dey find here? You haven’t paid for all the food you’ve eaten and you want to eat again? Better vamoose from here before I descend on una.

EDET
Ah ah beauty why you dey spoil your fine face with this your boning?

BEAUTY
Who no go bone with all the money wey you never pay me?

IKENNA
Beauty you should know us by now. We will pay you.


BEAUTY
That is what you’ve been saying all this time. Na so so mouth una get but at the end nothing. Infact today no food for una!

IKENNA
Beauty you know you are looking scintillating this morning. In fact your beauty can make a rag look like the most wanted fashion accessory.

Beauty is touched by this praise but tries to put up a front.

BEAUTY
What do you think you’re doing? My friend better stop that thing.

IKENNA
But you know we can’t help it standing before a paragon of beauty like yourself. (Beauty smiles) That is why we come here to eat as that beauty gets into the food and makes it world class thereby making our day complete.

Beauty admires herself as she adjusts her clothing. It’s obvious that she has being smitten by Ikenna’s praise. Evelyn comes in and is appalled at what’s happening.

BEAUTY
Are you serious?

EDET
Yes O! You know this your beauty will spoil business for doctors as a sight of you alone will heal a man of any disease he has.
BEAUTY
Oh thank you. I always know that I am beautiful. I just don’t understand why these men can’t get it.

IKENNA
Don’t worry Beauty. Your man will come as a knight in shining armor on a horse.

BEAUTY
No O! I want him in a big jeep wearing a flowing agbada.

EDET
(Sees his chance) Em can we have rice and beans with plantain and that your delicious fish?

BEAUTY
Before nko?! Evelyn, get Edet and Ikenna their food quickly.

Evelyn just looks at the two smiling guys.

SC 4. INT. EDET/IKENNA’S ROOM - DAY
Edet and Ikenna are relaxing after having had lunch at Beauty’s canteen. Edet is using a toothpick when Ikenna belches.


IKENNA
That food is delicious. Beauty is the best.
EDET
Thank God. We for don die today if not for her.

IKENNA
Speak for yourself. As for me I know say that before I die I must hammer. After all I no come Lagos count bridge.

EDET
Eh ehn make we rub minds on that runs. My body don charge now.

There is a knock on the door.

MR ANAYO
Edet! Ikenna! Open this door.

The guys get scared on realizing their landlord is at the door.

EDET
Yee! Mr Anayo. What do we do?

Ikenna heads for the closet but Edet stops him before he can close door on himself. They struggle among themselves to be the one in the closet. The knock goes on intermittently.
IKENNA
Guy behave yourself now. You go and open the door. If he carries you away I will carry out our plans and give you your share of the money.

EDET
You’re mad. Why don’t you go and open the door?

MR ANAYO
(Knocks) I know the two of you are inside. Open this door now. (Knocks)

The two guys look at themselves. Picture cuts to Ikenna opening the door. Mr Anayo comes in with an angry look. The two guys greet him.

MR ANAYO
Keep your stupid greetings to yourself. (Opens hand) Oya where is my rent?

EDET
(Hesitant) Em...Mr Anayo, you know things are not easy.

MR ANAYO
And because of that I will not eat ehn? Do you think I maintain this house with air?

IKENNA
It’s not like that. We will pay you your money. Just give us more time.


MR ANAYO
More time, more time. That is the rubbish you boys said the last time. All your mates are working making money while you boys are busy dreaming your lives away. I can’t continue letting out my property to riff raffs like you. There are people out there ready to pack in the moment you’re thrown out.
EDET
(Kneels) Please sir. We are working on a project which is almost near fruition. Once that is done we will give you your money.

MR ANAYO
You and your stupid projects that never see the light of day!

IKENNA
But sir this one is true. We’ve just gotten the Nigerian franchise for an international dating service called friends incorporated. Once we start operating we will pay your rent as we’ve started getting enquiries for the business most especially from females.

MR ANAYO
Did you say females?

IKENNA & EDET
Yes sir

MR ANAYO
Females as in girls?

IKENNA & EDET
Yes sir.

MR ANAYO
Young beautiful girls?
IKENNA & EDET (SMILING)
Yes sir. We’re starting next week.

MR ANAYO
Ok then. Next week.

IKENNA & EDET (RELIEVED)
Thank you sir

MR ANAYO
But…I want one of your girls along with the payment.

The guys look at themselves tensed up.

SC.5 EXT. COMPOUND - DAY
Edet and Ikenna are making their way out of their room excitedly intending to go out.

IKENNA
Yes, this is the breakthrough we’ve been looking for. By time we make our millions everybody in this compound go bow.

EDET
Yes O! Then they will give us the respect that we deserve.


MUSTAPHA (O.S)
Which respect?

Edet and Ikenna look behind them to see Mustapha behind them.

MUSTAPHA
How can anybody respect two grown men who refuse to work but want all the good things of life?

IKENNA
Mustapha, I have always said you’re an enemy of progress. Instead of trying to be progressive by learning from inspired people like us you’re busy bringing your fellow man down.

MUSTAPHA (LAUGHS)
Ha! Coming from layabouts like you that must be the joke of the year.

IKENNA
The joke I know of is the charge and bail lawyer who thinks he’s doing society a favor by enabling criminals go scot free. No wonder they call the law an ass.

MUSTAPHA
At least I’m rendering some useful service to society by upholding the law and am not in the same league as you two scoundrels.



EDET
You’re right. Who wants to be in the same company as an unambitious person like you who still leaves in a face me I slap you room despite all the oyinbo him dey blow? Guy make you find way improve your life instead of being an obstacle to others.

MUSTAPHA
My Good Lord! It’s a travesty of justice living in the same compound with you two. One of these days I will sue you.

IKENNA
(Holds out his hands) Oga lawyer, oya come sue us abi wetin you dey wait for? Just because we have more guts than you?

SCARLET
(Comes over) What is making you guys fowl the atmosphere with your shouting?

IKENNA
Ah my darling scarlet lady ,ask our dear lawyer?

MUSTAPHA
Hmmph!

Mustapha adjusts his well won suit, puffs himself up and goes off arrogantly.

EDET
Eh baby wetin dey now? Your boy don dey dream of you all this time O!

SCARLET
Then you better continue dreaming because that’s as close as you will come.

EDET
Ha Scarlet, you’re denying your destiny. My love for you is more than bread and butter. Infact I don’t know what to say when you’re around because you’re too much.

SCARLET
It’s very simple. Just shut up your mouth and we will all get along fine.

Ikenna feels embarrassed as his friend is rubbished by Scarlet.

SCARLET
Sorry boys I have to leave you right now. I have a hot date tonight with a real man. See ya. (She goes off)

IKENNA
Come Edet why you dey fall my hand with this babe now? See as she use you clean floor?

EDET
Ah forget that thing Ikenna. She likes me, she’s just playing hard to get. She go soon come my side. You just dey look.

Ikenna looks at Edet incredously.


SC.6 INT. EDET/IKENNA’S ROOM – DAY
Ikenna is making mental calculations about the money he will make.

IKENNA
Yes that is good money. I’m a genius. As I always say we have to get inspired to respire so that we don’t expire.

Edet suddenly bursts in and shuts the door panting seriously. He holds a placard. Ikenna is scared and wants to escape at the slightest opportunity.

IKENNA
Hey wetin happen? Which gbege you bring come again Edet?

EDET
(Laments) Ha people are so wicked, just too wicked.

Edet sits down. Ikenna cools down when he realizes there’s no danger.

IKENNA
Guy wetin be all this lamentations you dey vomit?

EDET
Ha Ikenna, you should see how people will allow themselves to be used by the devil against Godly plans.


IKENNA
Guy, if you wan preach make you waka go front. Just tell me wetin happen.

EDET
Okay, I went to a public place near the bus pack to advertise our corporate friendship club with this placard. Some people came to ask about the service which I told them. That’s how they started shouting calling me all sorts of names and almost beat me up. It was by the grace of God that I escaped. All I was just doing was advertising our service.

Ikenna laughs.


IKENNA
You’re an idiot, a nincompoop, a m-u-m-u. Na so them dey advertise this kind thing for your area?

EDET
So because I do something you dey abuse me now ehn?

IKENNA
You too look at what you did. This kain thing na coded way you go take advertise am instead of going the local way by advertising like a tout.

EDET
So what is the right way?


IKENNA
Simple. All we do is just to target our customers directly and discreetly. That way we will protect both our customers and ourselves from the prying eyes of the public and ensure that we hear our favorite sound ka-ching. (Giggles)

EDET
(Looks at Ikenna) Em Ikenna?

IKENNA
Yes?

EDET
Na which guy be Kaching?

Ikenna looks at Edet as if to ask if he’s a slowpoke.

SC. 7 INT. EDET/IKENNA’S ROOM– DAY
Camera focuses on two teenage girls filling forms while Edet and Ikenna smile at themselves.

GIRL 1
When will we get to meet our guys? I hope they are big boys O!

IKENNA
You don’t worry. Our company has branches worldwide and we have a policy of selecting career professionals as our male clients so you have no cause to worry. Infact you will be the one confused over the choice to make.
GIRL 2
You know I love handsome young men like the ones in the romance novels and I hope they are ready to marry.

EDET
Forget all those novel guys. All our guys will win Mr. World ten times over and they will like beautiful girls like you.

GIRL 2
Oh thank you

There is a knock at the door.

IKENNA
Edet go and open the door for our new customer.

Edet opens the door only to face Mustapha. The smile disappears from his face.

EDET
Mustapha what do you want?

MUSTAPHA
I have been getting reports of you two collecting money from people for a dating service. Is that true?


EDET
(BEAT) Are things so bad for you that you had to join the police?

Ikenna comes over to the door.

IKENNA
Mr man what are you looking for here? This place resemble the tree wey your office dey for court?

MUSTAPHA
I hope you two are not swindling people again or else...

The girls come to the door.

GIRL 2
(To Mustapha) Hi. (To Ikenna) We’re leaving.

IKENNA
Oh good I assure you of the best quality in our service have a nice day. (To Mustapha) Abeg commot make my customers pass.

Mustapha parts way to allow the girls pass. As they pass he stops them while smiling.

MUSTAPHA
(Smiling) My name is Barrister Mustapha Amego. (Brings out card). Anytime you’re in trouble just call me.
The girls collect the card and go off. Mustapha stares at them. Edet taps him

EDET
Guy forget those ones, they are bottom of the barrel. We have much finer girls. All you have to do is join our friendship incorporated club and you will gain access to the sweetest of chicks.

MUSTAPHA [ANGRILY]
Common will you stop that? You guys are cheating these young girls and others out of their money, taking advantage of their desperation to you own greedy ends. This is a travesty of justice and must be stopped.

IKENNA
Story! All we are doing is providing a useful service to society by hooking people up. You just can’t admit that I’m more inspired than you. (Holds up Richie Cash’s book)

MUSTAPHA
Ah the handbook for ambitious criminals. I hope it says something about coping in prison because that’s where you guys will be relocating to soon.

EDET
Why don’t you use your mouth for something much more useful like using it as a public address system?

IKENNA
Anyway Mr Man I am inspired to respire in order not to expire so I will advise you to leave this place before I unleash something you will not like.

MUSTAPHA
Ok. But before I go can you give me those girls phone numbers?

SC 8 INT. BEAUTY’S FOOD CANTEEN– DAY
Edet and Ikenna come into the canteen to buy food. Beauty smiles on seeing them

IKENNA
Beauty! Beauty!!

BEAUTY
Ha Ikenna and Edet my wonderful customers. How are you doing?

EDET
We’re fine. You’re really in a good mood this morning. Want to share what’s making you happy?

BEAUTY
Ah ah. Can’t I just decide to be happy today?

IKENNA
Of couse but the Beauty we know always has a reason to be happy.

BEAUTY
(Laughs) Oh Ikenna that’s so funny (BEAT) Come I have a favor to ask of you two?

IKENNA
Fire on.

BEAUTY
How can I join your friendship incorporated club? I’m interested.

EDET
Well you see we do not accept women over…

Ikenna marches Edet making him to shout.

IKENNA
Actually all you have to do is buy a form from us at just five thousand naira. Then we will be able to hook you up with any man of your choice.

BEAUTY [EXCITED]
Any man?

IKENNA
Yes

BEAUTY
Good I want Mike Ezeronye.


IKENNA
(Laughs Cynically) We don’t have Mike on our roster besides he’s married. But we have other male customers who will be interested in a beauty like you.

BEAUTY
(Admires self) Oh thank you. I know that I have it in me

EDET
Em can we have garri with ofele nsala soup and vegetable stew with turkey?

BEAUTY
Only if you promise that I will not pay to join your club.

Edet and Ikenna look at themselves.

IKENNA
(Smiles) Beauty, you should know that we have a lot of expenses which we have to cover with the registration fee.

BEAUTY
Too bad. I have a lot of customers who will pay for my food.

IKENNA
You know what? Why should we even collect money from you? You are as good as registered already.

BEAUTY
Good. For that I will serve you with two pieces of turkey each on the house.

EDET/IKENNA
Beauty! Beauty!! You too much!

Once Beauty turns her back the guys look at themselves and their smiles ceases immediately.

SC. 9 EDET/IKENNA’S ROOM – DAY
Edet and Ikenna are delighted with their success so far.

EDET
Ol boy mugu plenty for Lagos O!

IKENNA
Before nko! Didn’t I tell you that sex is the highest selling product ever? By the time we finish this runs we go hammer like mad. That’s what you get when you get inspired to respire in order not to expire. It beats sitting in an office desk waiting for a paycheck.


EDET
True talk Ikenna! People don’t recognize genius when they see it. All they do is just to run their dirty mouth.

IKENNA
Don’t mind them.
There is a knock on the door.

IKENNA
Ah more customers. Isn’t today a great day?

Ikenna opens the door expectantly and sees two women. He starts his sales pitch.

IKENNA [EXCITED]
Ladises, welcome to friendship incorporated where your dreams for companionship becomes a reality. What would you want us to do for you?
LADY 1
Are you the owner of friendship incorporated?

IKENNA [PROUDLY]
Yes along with my friend here. (Points to Edet) come in

He ushers the ladies in. Ikenna motions Edet to hand him an album which he shows the ladies.

IKENNA
You see we have a lot of variety. We can get you a man of any shape and size. Just join us and you will be pleasantly surprised.. (Smiles)

LADY 2(SEXILY)
We have a pleasant surprise for you too. We want to take you to a place that you will really relish.

IKENNA [EXCITED]
(To Edet) My God didn’t I say today is a great day?

LADY 1
Ever thought of spending a holiday in jail?

EDET(EXCITED)
With you Ladies we will go anywhere.

LADY 2
Good because you two are under arrest for defrauding people under false pretenses.

Edet and Ikenna are shocked as a policeman enters the room while the ladies show off their police identity cards.

EDET
Em …officer we can explain. It was the devil.

LADY 1
Save that till when you get to the station.

The policeman and one of the ladies handcuff the guys.

IKENNA
Officer this is not fair O! We’re just doing a service to society.
Mr Anayo comes in unaware of the police.

MR ANAYO
Ehen you boys what’s happening to my promise. I’ve been… (Notices police) Good day O!

LADY 1
Good day sir.

MR ANAYO
I hope there’s no problem.

LADY 2
We came to arrest these two fraudsters here. Were you aware of the fake dating service that they were running?

MR ANAYO (PRETENDS)
What under my roof? (To Edet and Ikenna) How dare you? Officer what are you waiting for? Take them away. Rubbish!

The police drag Edet and Ikenna who continue to plead for clemency out of the room.

Nice,is it only comical script u do write

No I write any type of story. It's just that I was looking for something that won't be expensive to produce(I want to self produce it) and people will be able to relate with quickly. I have written in other formats for various people.

Nice...