You have to apply wisdom in whatever you do. I have been there. being the 1st and catering for 4 siblings and parent. If you continue this way, you would get to your break point quickly. I'd like to ask a few questions.

1. What are your siblings doing to assist the family?
2. If you die today, will your family not survive?
3. Do you actually spend all of your income on issues like you claimed?

The truth is that, no matter how much you spend on your family, they will one day rebel against you when you decide not to spend again. This is the truth.

Be a leader and not a cash cow.

Here are a few tips,

1. Handle only basic necessities of the family. Any one that desires more will source for income on their own. (This teaches them to be independent)
2. Keep some percentage of your income for medical emergencies
3. Keep a percentage of your income as savings. (Strictly do this)
4. If the demand of the family becomes huge, spread it through several months income. (This shows your assertiveness. Instead of waiting months for you, they will source for money else where)
5. Be a source of encouragement to all. and advise when necessary.

These are just a few tip. Or else, you would attain 45 and still be complaining.

You have a life ahead. Being a first is not a reason to waste it.

And as the first child of my mother (for my father), although Dad has children from first wife that are already well established, I'm in close situation. The only difference is that for my father's side, there are other people to support, relieving me of burden, but for my mum's side, I'm highly looked upon and the pressure was quiet high. It wasn't easy in my first few years of working too I must admit, but you just have to take care of your mum, no matter how. Spend productively on your siblings too so they can relieve you of burden when they also come of age. Sometimes, it involves denying youself of some things.

Even as an Oil and gas person, I wasn't and still not so glamorous because I knew 'the son of whom I am'. There are times I go broke sef after putting all my money in a capital project I'm doing for my mum, but I have this sense of fulfilment.

Take care of your siblings now and delay marriage, you will be a lot happier for it in future when they are all in good positions and you don't have to feed them. I am the first of 6, lost my dad at 16 when i was going into second year in university i completed my degree course and by 20 i had finished my NYSC. My immediate brother is 5 years younger so u can imagine the ages of the others however with the help of God almighty i was able to get a job immediately in one of the Merchant banks then in 1990 and went on to finance all my siblings. 2 medical doctors, an investment banker in New York,Chartered Accountant and Lawyer, they are all very successful now that if i need anything from them and thankfully i don't, they are ready at the drop of a hat. I did not marry until 34 and that is late for someone who graduated at 20; but it was my choice to see the last one finish law school before marriage. Help them now, yes it is a sacrifice but it is better now than to ignore them and carry all your life.

See all the first son dey complain here ....while my brother, the first son is having the time of his life. Only what he knows is eating, wine, and smoke ganja! He doesn't care about anyone...just say, in my family it's the ladies that do stuff for parents and younger ones. Even though we know the property are willed to the boys. My brothers don't just care!

OP, you have an option, to take care of your family or live life like my family first son.

I think you are better off with the former. Cheers

isuomo: Take care of your siblings now and delay marriage, you will be a lot happier for it in future when they are all in good positions and you don't have to feed them. I am the first of 6, lost my dad at 16 when i was going into second year in university i completed my degree course and by 20 i had finished my NYSC. My immediate brother is 5 years younger so u can imagine the ages of the others however with the help of God almighty i was able to get a job immediately in one of the Merchant banks then in 1990 and went on to finance all my siblings. 2 medical doctors, an investment banker in New York,Chartered Accountant and Lawyer, they are all very successful now that if i need anything from them and thankfully i don't, they are ready at the drop of a hat. I did not marry until 34 and that is late for someone who graduated at 20; but it was my choice to see the last one finish law school before marriage. Help them now, yes it is a sacrifice but it is better now than to ignore them and carry all your life.

Classic example of why I advise you shouldn't regret spending on your siblings and mother.

Even though am not d 1st child, i know what dy pass tru, seeing my dad 1st son& 1st daughter, both hustling inorder to help we oda siblings, i pity them. Sometime i wish God should bless us dan what we think

You have a job and a career. Its something to be thankful for.

Pls dnt loose hope bt continue wt ur struggle at least for ur mum who's a widow. Dnt abandon them bcus u ar their hope nw,ur nw like a father to them.
God is seeing u and wl always provide for u so that u wl hv enough to offer to them.
Am the first issue bearing all the burden of my family,my parents are alive bt too old nw. I cather for my elder sister and her children cus her husband is dead,also for my younger sister who is still jobless after five years of graduating. Her husband lost his job and they hv bn living frm hand to mouth,i also assist them. I work bt my monthly pay is nothing to write home abt yet I dnt know hw am still able to cope.
I somethings bcame angry wt them bt each time I did,my mind wl never rest and I wl still reach out to them wen the situation bcame worst for them.
Am even older than u bt nt yet married bt am planning to do it soonest. Upon all my expenses,i still hv enuf to save yet I dnt know hw that is possible bt only God knows.
@op, pls dnt abandon them bcus soonest u wl see urself in a better condition than this.

@OP
actually to be the first is very challenging, you need to ask God for more wisdom and understanding when taking some decisions.
As a leader of your family, you should be able to differentiate needs and wants, a lot of problems were on ground before you were born, and most of them will be there when you depart this world, you are not meant to solve all your siblings problems, you suppose to know you have a life to live, family to raise in your own name(marry), have a project in your name,bills to pay. However bear in mind only change is constant in life, that your job is not forever, they (your family) will still query you tomorrow about your achievement during your years of working. the earlier you start paying your self 20% of your salary at the end of every month the better for you, because it will help you facilitate your savings.place your mum on salary too, then this will help organize your life a little
Bible says" Love your neighbor as yourself " not love your neighbor more than yourself.

that's my peanut advice

[color=#000099][/color] Brother just knw that the position of the first born is not a post you campaigned for neither were you there when God took the decision to make you one. I must confess its nt really easy but with God and understanding from your siblings you will for sure enjoy it. Aldou u are 2years older than me its same for me but i have 5 siblings thank God ma deputy has graduated so he is off. God bless us all

Opps just writting this to encourage u.

I am the 1st son in a family of 7. My parents are not working, i paid d sch fee of my sis who is in yaba col. of tech. 2day. And paid feeding money into d account of the one dat is doing NCE today. I ve instructed another one to buy jamb form 2day. She shd start english-literature in unical by next year. D last 2 re in secondary school. Did i mention that i bought a Job wiv 300k last year for my immediate junior? He is still training and yet to earn a salary.
I am 30, i was lucky to find a good job post graduation. All my friends in the office are married. I still want to sacrifice to train dis kids, but people most times see me as an irresponsible man cos am not married yet. One thing i do is to try as much as possible to balance this responsibility with my personnal development. I am corrently in school too.
When it some times seem overwhelming i do what i can and live the rest to God.
I forced one to do part time so she can combine work with school and it is really helping.
The issue is if i abondon this responsibility today, it will still hunt me by tomorow. So i embrace it. And it has tot me never to run away from my fears, but to always confront them.

Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders.

I am quite down on moralle today and that is because I am the 1st child and son in a family of 4 and I must say that resposibilities aTtached to my position is overwhelming me. My dad is late and my mum is just managing. I work as an engineer and for the 2 yrs I have worked I have nothing to show for it, no savings no investment, no girlfriend sef. All of my income has been used to attend to this or that, I am 28 yrs now and I wonder if my dreams of being successful wld someday come true, or. Should I give up on my puruit for happiness.the bad thing is that my thought are beginning to affect my relationship with my mum and sibblings. Sometimes I just want to run away, bur again some friend told me to face my fears. When wld I begin to live for myself, the tought of marriage is far from me though I wld love to marry someday, infact I don taya. Kindly advice.

you be graduate, you even get Job sef.thankGOD! Ur mama dey alive,thankGOD! U no dey sick,ur siblings no dey sick bed.u get time to think of woman.thankGOD!

Opps just writting this to encourage u.

I am the 1st son in a family of 7. My parents are not working, i paid d sch fee of my sis who is in yaba col. of tech. 2day. And paid feeding money into d account of the one dat is doing NCE today. I ve instructed another one to buy jamb form 2day. She shd start english-literature in unical by next year. D last 2 re in secondary school. Did i mention that i bought a Job wiv 300k last year for my immediate junior? He is still training and yet to earn a salary.
I am 30, i was lucky to find a good job post graduation. All my friends in the office are married. I still want to sacrifice to train dis kids, but people most times see me as an irresponsible man cos am not married yet. One thing i do is to try as much as possible to balance this responsibility with my personnal development. I am corrently in school too.
When it some times seem overwhelming i do what i can and live the rest to God.
I forced one to do part time so she can combine work with school and it is really helping.
The issue is if i abondon this responsibility today, it will still hunt me by tomorow. So i embrace it. And it has tot me never to run away from my fears, but to always confront them.

It is a big task. To be candid, it is not easy having a brother that just enrolled into a University in Naija, sisters that are out of work and a mum that is having health issues. When my dad passed on earlier this year, I thought the world has come to an end. I started mumbling like atheists do, sometimes asking God why I am still alive. Why this responsibility? Sometimes, I dared God to come down and strike me dead, even asked God to show his existence.

Even some friends asked me to abandon my siblings and mum to fend for themselves. Something in me got angry and told those friends to STFU! My argument was when my dad was alive, he ensured I never lacked in school, he ensured no one in our family lacked any basic amenities, he even extended his assistance to other relatives as well. So why should I run away from my siblings and mum?

As a result, I remained strong, I chose to play defensive in life by ensuring that whatever I am doing to make money that I do it excellently. And with the help God and His promise of greater future, I forged on. Now I am able to handle most of the challenges I feared initially, even the friends that asked me to abandon my family is now asking me for a loan.

My advice for you OP is pray to God. In praying to God go into dialogue, negotiate, ask for further opportunities - Abraham did this for Sodom and Gomorrah(at least Lot and his daughters were saved), even David negotiated in the case of Bathsheba(Bathsheba became a Queen mother while Solomon ruled). In addition, you need to work hard, that's what first-borns are know for, we work hard to deliver.

Remain strong.

OP - you simply demostrate your hopelessness, remember without you they will survive and shame will be on you later. so trade cool blood is ticker than water.

Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders.

I am quite down on moralle today and that is because I am the 1st child and son in a family of 4 and I must say that resposibilities aTtached to my position is overwhelming me. My dad is late and my mum is just managing. I work as an engineer and for the 2 yrs I have worked I have nothing to show for it, no savings no investment, no girlfriend sef. All of my income has been used to attend to this or that, I am 28 yrs now and I wonder if my dreams of being successful wld someday come true, or. Should I give up on my puruit for happiness.the bad thing is that my thought are beginning to affect my relationship with my mum and sibblings. Sometimes I just want to run away, bur again some friend told me to face my fears. When wld I begin to live for myself, the tought of marriage is far from me though I wld love to marry someday, infact I don taya. Kindly advice.

This is me right here. Am also faced with the same thing. Am also and engineer and my job aint paying either. The burden of my 3 siblings and mum is also weighing me down. Seems we are facing the same thing. You just said me here. Please guys, make una advice us o!!

Try ur best and leave the remaining one for God. I confirmed the challenges!

The responsibilities that accompanies being a first child. For some, it is financial, for others it is psychological. You can hardly be impulsive because there are siblings who may "copy" you. You can't afford failure (academically, financially etc)for the same reason. If your parents are not retired, you're the financial adviser who must also make sacrifices in order that other siblings may enjoy.
This phase now, it scares the fvcking ish outta me, really. And you can't reveal all these because you're a "man" or simply because there is no one to reveal it to.

OP, hang in there brother. One thing is certain, this is just a phase, by the time it elapses you won't even remember how hard it was. For whatever this is worth: you are not alone.

wen i was readin dis i tut u were referin 2 me......jst d same storey of ma lyf....4rm d number 2 ma age ,2 ma work and d number of years i ve been workin so far....bt d truth is dat its nt been easy bt God has jst been faithful....pls dnt get tired as 1day u will b happyy u did......may God help u.

I understand your plight bro i am also one and married to one too, i know how tiring it can be particularly when it seems there is nothing to show for your work just remember that the little you are providing to an extent is helping to shape your siblings destiny cos if you dont help out you dont know what other vices they might involve themselves in. Just keep praying that God provide more than enough for you so you can give without complain and have this attitude that there is joy in giving . God will help you. Remember you proberbly didnt have much help from anybody so remember all you went thru and help your siblings

@OP, I can relate wit u, mine I have 5 siblings, 2 nephews,1 cousin and my mother, all under my roof, I literally pay d bills even to toothpaste.sometimes I feel same way, bt I alws thank God for his provision, cos I must confess I really dnt knw hw I manage wit the little money I make. I believe God has a reason for making me the head. All I want is to take dem to dat level where nobody will be a liabilty to anoda. Bt all these does not stop me frm enjoyin myself, when I want to pamper myself, I really do, and dey do understand. I have only one life to live, if I die now dy will still survive. So try and balance it

a very first child is a special child from God and a strenght to the family, am talking to u from the house of experience and wisdom.i hav 5 siblings,then my dad has been on sick bed for yrs. my broda, no matter how u may manage the situation u can never save a penny, because ur wealth can never come from savings and a second is enough for u to bcom a milonaire at the appointed time by God. belive me he knows what u r passing 2ru, just be doing it with deligent n good faith, very soon ur light will shine. 2day am doing very gr8, hav a house of my own and 3cars. bt when i look bak i know is a blessing of God for all those selfless services. i wish u will understand

Kobojunkie: @Poster, you need a serious re-orientation here. You, like millions of Nigerians, are stuck believing that there is a manual when it comes to how to achieve happiness, that you probably fail to step back and enjoy what you have in your love right now. That is a quick way to failing in life.

There is no straight template when it comes to happiness, and there is no rule on how old you need to be to get one thing or another. You don't have money saved up for marriage at 28, so what? What stops you from saving up by the age of 35 or even 42 for marriage? So you don't have a galfriend at the age of 28? So what? What stops you from getting one by age 51, or before? or even after that? You don't have a house built by age 28, na by force? Where is it written that you must build a house by then or . . . ? I suggest you go back and think again on what it means to live. I don't see what your being the first child has to do with anything. Thinking that way reveals firsthand that you have no clue what life is, still.

So you have had a job for 2 years,great. Keep working hard and make sure to enjoy life even as you work. And when I say enjoy life, I don't mean the stu_pid nonsense that passes for enjoyment in Nigeria. I am talking even of the simple things like enjoying food, breathing in fresh air, enjoying the scenery, spending time with your mother and siblings and enjoying each other's company the much you can. So many of those whom you probably envy do not have such luxuries. Many of them have no option but to keep working like dogs to maintain what they have so far acquired. Many of them are happy but they know what they had to pay for it. So, before it is your turn, learn to enjoy yourself where you are, on the way to where you are going and stop throwing yourself pity parties and worrying over nothing. Like the bible says, no amount of worrying will make things happen.

GBAM!!! Thread closed!

Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders.

I am quite down on moralle today and that is because I am the 1st child and son in a family of 4 and I must say that resposibilities aTtached to my position is overwhelming me. My dad is late and my mum is just managing. I work as an engineer and for the 2 yrs I have worked I have nothing to show for it, no savings no investment, no girlfriend sef. All of my income has been used to attend to this or that, I am 28 yrs now and I wonder if my dreams of being successful wld someday come true, or. Should I give up on my puruit for happiness.the bad thing is that my thought are beginning to affect my relationship with my mum and sibblings. Sometimes I just want to run away, bur again some friend told me to face my fears. When wld I begin to live for myself, the tought of marriage is far from me though I wld love to marry someday, infact I don taya. Kindly advice.

please continue to foot their bills make sure ur sibblings become somebody so the burden will be reduced and dont ever stop taking care of your mother tell her to continue to pray for you one day wonder will happen in your life thank God u have the capacity to give them what if you dont have life would have been more miserable but my candid advise to u on your sibblings is to only give them want they need to become somebody and not all what they want May God continue to be with you and give u a wife that will not require u spending kobo on her i feel u bro but u are d bread winner God has given you them so that you will help if not he would have sent another person May God reward you

My candid advice to you is this, count it all joy that you are the one opportuned and privileged to be taking care of your mum and younger ones. There are some that are first sons but don't have jobs but desire to be playing the role of bread winner to the family. I am convinced that your father wherever he is will be glad that you are not failing him. Kindly carry out this task with joy, knowing that God who has given you the grace is faithful to make you succeed even in your quest to have your own fasmily tomorrow. Have you stayed to ponder the joy that your mum and siblings have because you are doing this for them. Definitely, your siblings will all come out from school and start working and become useful to you and the family as well. Whether they remember your sacrifice or not, know that God is faithful and will always have a way to bless and keep you. Goodluck

Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders.

I am quite down on moralle today and that is because I am the 1st child and son in a family of 4 and I must say that resposibilities aTtached to my position is overwhelming me. My dad is late and my mum is just managing. I work as an engineer and for the 2 yrs I have worked I have nothing to show for it, no savings no investment, no girlfriend sef. All of my income has been used to attend to this or that, I am 28 yrs now and I wonder if my dreams of being successful wld someday come true, or. Should I give up on my puruit for happiness.the bad thing is that my thought are beginning to affect my relationship with my mum and sibblings. Sometimes I just want to run away, bur again some friend told me to face my fears. When wld I begin to live for myself, the tought of marriage is far from me though I wld love to marry someday, infact I don taya. Kindly advice.

@poster: Man no need to complain ooo just carry your cross the best way you can. Do what you can and bone the res. Afterall you no go die for person.
On a lighter mode sha, you for dey complain if your papa dey 95 years and get like 1billion naira for him bank acct? No be u for dey remind the guy say you be him first pikin and also first son at that?

Billyonaire: First son of my parents here, its not quite easy, even if you can handle the financial aspects, its not quite easy settling disputes among siblings, telling mom she is wrong in certain reactions, its cumbersome having to note that 10 people depend on you solely for supports. With about 3 going through expensive schooling. It is never easy. I figured out that paid employment won't. Cut it for me, it drove me into enterpreneurship. The responsibilities defined who I am today, and OP

Wow. A reasonable post from billyonaire in a long while. What a lovely departure from your empty boasting.

Like you, I also decided to keep paid employment at arm's length.

Being first born of a first born, a lot is being expected from me by uncles, aunties, cousins and other extended family members aside my immediate family.

Paid employment will never help you meet up to expectation and no one will understand so far you are earning salary.

Entrepreneurshp is the way forward o.

I may not be there yet but I'm pressing hard.By God's grace, I'll get there.

I'm paying with a lot of sleepless nights, one marriage-bound relationship and massive brain racking.

God is faithful. It is well. In Jesus' Name.Amen.

Yours is even better dan mine. I am d 1st son of my parent and has 6 siblings behind my dad is jobless and so is my mum. Bt thankGOD i was settled this year am even more confused dan u.

whoawa: a very first child is a special child from God and a strenght to the family, am talking to u from the house of experience and wisdom.i hav 5 siblings,then my dad has been on sick bed for yrs. my broda, no matter how u may manage the situation u can never save a penny, because ur wealth can never come from savings and a second is enough for u to bcom a milonaire at the appointed time by God. belive me he knows what u r passing 2ru, just be doing it with deligent n good faith, very soon ur light will shine. 2day am doing very gr8, hav a house of my own and 3cars. bt when i look bak i know is a blessing of God for all those selfless services. i wish u will understand

All that na lie una dey like tell una self. I am the first child of 6 myself and I bear no such responsibilities as a result of my position in the house. I live my life and help out when I can. You taking it on your person to do this and that for so and so has nothing to do with position but just the burden YOU HAVE chosen of your own to bear. My friend is the second to last in a family of 4 and helps out the most in that family -- helps with parents bills, welfare etc.

You folks should stop looking for ways to make all these out-dated and meaningless thinking continue into the future. It has nothing to do with position but compassion on the part of the fellow/lass.

Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders.

I am quite down on moralle today and that is because I am the 1st child and son in a family of 4 and I must say that resposibilities aTtached to my position is overwhelming me. My dad is late and my mum is just managing. I work as an engineer and for the 2 yrs I have worked I have nothing to show for it, no savings no investment, no girlfriend sef. All of my income has been used to attend to this or that, I am 28 yrs now and I wonder if my dreams of being successful wld someday come true, or. Should I give up on my puruit for happiness.the bad thing is that my thought are beginning to affect my relationship with my mum and sibblings. Sometimes I just want to run away, bur again some friend told me to face my fears. When wld I begin to live for myself, the tought of marriage is far from me though I wld love to marry someday, infact I don taya. Kindly advice.

Hey Smile4mee01,
No matter the situation you find yourself in life, Never give up on your dreams. Thank God for the position he has giving onto you, because I'm sure there are loads people out there who wants to be in your shoes. I have been in the same situation since I was 17 and now I'm 28, I was able to save money and travel abroad to study but I had to drop out of Uni because I couldn't cope with all the stress and bills. But I thank God for where I am today. I am into entrepreneurship and could balance their basic needs though I'm not where I am suppose to be today but I still thank God that I could give them Life that I never had when I was in their age.


Motto: You are 7ft, I am 5.8ft and you are looking up to me.

at OP, i understand what you re goin thru n i pray things get better. however, it's d duty of parents to provide for their kids and when one parent pass on, d other automatically takes over although they might not be able to fully cope wit d resulting expenses. there is a situation i term 'playing God in a situation' and that's what you re doin. u have your destiny to fulfill and living ur family's life is not an excuse. About u posters ve mentioned that ur family ll survive wit or witout u. i wouldn't be surprised if some of ur siblings re faring better than u currently. i'm not saying u shouldn't help (it'll be wrong not to) but be WISE. humans re funny! 2moro they'll ask u wat u were doing while working. Live ur life to d fullest else u'll become very bitter when u don't fulfil some of your dreams b'cos of dem. it's well wit u. P.S. this is why women should be empowered to be able to provide for their children when their husbands re gone