bukatyne: Dear,it's teh duty of parents to sweat for their kids. I wasn't referring to the girl-child but the mother. What will the mother be doing when the son is breaking his back providing for the family?

I know and I agree with you.

Nevertheless, once you succeed to make money as a woman, your family will ask you to help out, too and you will face similar problems that the guys are describing here.

I feel ur pain I am the first son and second child in a family of four with two cousins whose parents are late it is not easy at all but When they are doing well in school you get some consolation three of them are first class students others not doing badly in school. Don't worry when they start graduating the satisfaction u will get will wipe away any unhappiness in you. Brother we are all in this together.

vanstanzy: "UNEASY LIES THE HEAD THAT WEARS THE CROWN", CAN BEST DESCRIBE THE FIRST BORN. AM ONE OF 'EM.

Very true!

Kobojunkie:
Having others contribute even in significant ways to your life is no unique thing to Nigeria or the Nigerian environment.


Communal living is not unique to the Nigerian environment, so stop believing that somehow the Nigerian situation is UNIQUE in some way. It is practiced everywhere on the planet, especially in the western world where individuals, organizations and companies are strongly urged to contribute to the development in their locale and the world at large.
Siblings all around the world also feel the sense of responsibility towards their own blood and most certaining go all out to help when they need to.

Blaming austerity for this man's poor choices, that has led him to feeling miserable in his own life is denying what is right in front of you. This young man has refused, I say refused to carry his own burdens and instead chosen to carry that of others, while his burdens sit in the corner waiting and weighing miserably on him and it's not like he is doing a great job handling the burdens he has taken on. He is not able to save for the future of himself or even his family . . . if he drops dead tommorow, that is it, they will find another person to heap their heavy load on and this will be the story of yet another man who accomplished near nothing . . not even happiness.

What this man needs is to drop his savior complex and carry the load he was designed to, and in the long run, he will be better able to help himself and others after, not before.

[Stereotype]I'm aware white folks don't do the kinda brother's-sister's-aunt's-cousin's-grandfather's elder nephew relationship we do here [/stereotype]
Like all stereotypes, the above is weak without evidentiary support.

This represents my opinion: you can't advise the OP or anyone for that matter, to refuse support to his family. The support he gives them satisfies a need he craves. His inability to conveniently fulfil this need is the major reason why he's here. Thus, the closest to consolation he should get is "sorry OP, it's a matter of time...take it easy...do your best and leave the rest...". This is my take.

seunajia:

[Stereotype]I'm aware white folks don't do the kinda brother's-sister's-aunt's-cousin's-grandfather's elder nephew relationship we do here [/stereotype]
Like all stereotypes, the above is weak without evidentiary support.

This represents my opinion: you can't advise the OP or anyone for that matter, to refuse support to his family. The support he gives them satisfies a need he craves. His inability to conveniently fulfil this need is the major reason why he's here. Thus, the closest to consolation he should get is "sorry OP, it's a matter of time...take it easy...do your best and leave the rest...". This is my take.

It is highly likely that inability stems from the fact that rather than first deal with his own problems, he chooses to share out limited resources, claiming to help parents, thereby prolonging his own problems and never really solving any. It is simple math. If you have a $1000 rent that you need to pay, and you have $900 in your pocket, but your father approaches you that has a $900 rent of his own to pay, what do you do? The way you decide on how to spend the money in your pocket will determine how you live and what you will likely do next.

Kobojunkie:

It is highly likely that inability stems from the fact that rather than first deal with his own problems, he chooses to share out limited resources, claiming to help parents, thereby prolonging his own problems and never really solving any. It is simple math. If you have a $1000 rent that you need to pay, and you have $900 in your pocket, but your father approaches you that has a $900 rent of his own to pay, what do you do? The way you decide on how to spend the money in your pocket will determine how you live and what you will likely do next.

I suppose it's more of: he has $1000 and his net personal expenses is $700. Then his "father xmas" expenses is around $300. Thus, the man has nothing left in the end. No luxury, no savings. Living from hand to mouth *shrugs*

The man has got to either reduce those expenses or persevere.

seunajia:

I suppose it's more of: he has $1000 and his net personal expenses is $700. Then his "father xmas" expenses is around $300. Thus, the man has nothing left in the end. No luxury, no savings. Living from hand to mouth *shrugs*

The man has got to either reduce those expenses or persevere.

NO, please stick to what is given. Life has a way of forcing people to face reality especially more when if they continue to deceive themselves into believing they have it all in Control.

The vast majority of people that complain barely make enough to deal with their own problems on a regular basis, let alone carrying on the burdens of others. So they find themselves making such decisions as the one I laid up earlier, to pay off their own debt and focus on their own problems or pay off another persons's and continue to worry about how to deal with their own. And unfortunately, many of them continue struggling that way for a long time never realizing that in order to help others you have to help yourself first. Deal with your own problems, and in so doing, you can better help others.

Smile4mee01: Salute to my nairalanders.

I am quite down on moralle today and that is because I am the 1st child and son in a family of 4 and I must say that resposibilities aTtached to my position is overwhelming me. My dad is late and my mum is just managing. I work as an engineer and for the 2 yrs I have worked I have nothing to show for it, no savings no investment, no girlfriend sef. All of my income has been used to attend to this or that, I am 28 yrs now and I wonder if my dreams of being successful wld someday come true, or. Should I give up on my puruit for happiness.the bad thing is that my thought are beginning to affect my relationship with my mum and sibblings. Sometimes I just want to run away, bur again some friend told me to face my fears. When wld I begin to live for myself, the tought of marriage is far from me though I wld love to marry someday, infact I don taya. Kindly advice.

The given: OP would have been fine if not for his humanitarian work. And BTW, I agree we should not overwork ourselves. But in the end, it is the OP's call. He wears the shoe and knows where it pinches.

some-girl:
(future) parents please learn from stories like this to have less children than you can comfortably cater for.

Funny you should say this, because I think the op is going to end up in the same situation. It doesnt look like he has any savings to speak of, which makes me wonder how he plans on sending his kids to good schools, when he eventually has kids. Of course he will be much older by then, and probably cant work as hard or as long, and likely less income. Maybe he will send his kids to live with one of his juniors. Or work himself to death early and not even see his kids grow up. Or maybe he'll cut his coat according to his size, and only help to the extent that is reasonable in his power, while saving for the future. Stay tuned!

Kobojunkie: @Poster, you need a serious re-orientation here. You, like millions of Nigerians, are stuck believing that there is a manual when it comes to how to achieve happiness, that you probably fail to step back and enjoy what you have in your love right now. That is a quick way to failing in life.

There is no straight template when it comes to happiness, and there is no rule on how old you need to be to get one thing or another. You don't have money saved up for marriage at 28, so what? What stops you from saving up by the age of 35 or even 42 for marriage? So you don't have a galfriend at the age of 28? So what? What stops you from getting one by age 51, or before? or even after that? You don't have a house built by age 28, na by force? Where is it written that you must build a house by then or . . . ? I suggest you go back and think again on what it means to live. I don't see what your being the first child has to do with anything. Thinking that way reveals firsthand that you have no clue what life is, still.

So you have had a job for 2 years,great. Keep working hard and make sure to enjoy life even as you work. And when I say enjoy life, I don't mean the stu_pid nonsense that passes for enjoyment in Nigeria. I am talking even of the simple things like enjoying food, breathing in fresh air, enjoying the scenery, spending time with your mother and siblings and enjoying each other's company the much you can. So many of those whom you probably envy do not have such luxuries. Many of them have no option but to keep working like dogs to maintain what they have so far acquired. Many of them are happy but they know what they had to pay for it. So, before it is your turn, learn to enjoy yourself where you are, on the way to where you are going and stop throwing yourself pity parties and worrying over nothing. Like the bible says, no amount of worrying will make things happen.

many thanks for this insightful encouraging words. The lord will bless u mightily