1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.

2. Be ambiguous. Always.

3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.

4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago,

5. Make them apologize for everything.

6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.

7. Accuse them of having an affair with their secs in the office.

8. Play Alanis Morissette's 'You Oughta Know,' loud. Look at them. Smile.

9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.

10. Fart during sex and blame it on them

11. Get mad at them for everything.

12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.

13. Hold grudges.

14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply,

15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.

16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his 'little princess.'

17. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.

18. Talk about your ex-boyfriend. Compare and contrast.

19. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness

20. Cry without ceasing. (no try this one for my house oh, else you go cry till water no come out again! )

21. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.

22. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.

23. Gather many female friends and dance to 'I Will Survive' while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.

24. Correct their grammar.

25. Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister.

26. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.

27. Leave out the good parts in stories.

28. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.

29. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.

30. Declare that you are not wacko.

31. Criticize the way they dress.

32. Criticize the music they listen to.

33. Criticize their hair.

34. Ignore them. When asked, 'What's wrong?' tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.

35. Try to change them.

36. Try to mold them.

37. Try to get them to dance.

38. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.

39. When they screw up, never let them forget it.

40. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.

41. Blame everything on PMS.

42. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.

43. Whenever there is silence ask them, 'What are you thinking?'

44. Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.

45. Read into everything.

46. Tell them their mother ain't as pretty as you are.

47. Make it your goal to make them cry.

Reading and cramming. Hmmm drive the guy nuts

@ Kronky,
Which one u no dey now? No be man u be? Why u dey fall our hand like this? Mind ya self oooo?

@ Aisha
U r loving this abi? Hmm, makes me wonder . . .

Ninjabyte, my dear, wonder away

thank u for the advice kronky, she wont there try all this with me

@ninja,
me exposing this should make you know how to counter attack when any of the moves comes on show.

av written them down, gonna make sure i read it every morring

Printed and pasted by d bedside so i can memorise them.
Thanks Poster,will let u know how well it works.
Can i mail it to ur babe? she would luv to practise on u!

hmmmm

@Kronky
I go print am for grandma to use

y not great grandma

all these will make me love her more and more!

do u know why?

cos i love weird people[b] [/b]

lol

rotflmfao

@Segun

U love weird people? Can i link u up with naijagurly

no, link him up with prostitute, that would do for a weird person.

@ ituen

grandma has got loads of this in her head. she just figured out that there's just one that does the job better than the others, which is NAGGING!

@ LORUZ

mailing it to her will bring back ugly memories to her. she knows i got all the counter-attacks to all the moves.
don't make her hunt you down.

@segunpc

weird people? abeg tell saucekid to find naijagurly for you. she is one sweet weird psychic chic. you'll enjoy her.
that's guaranteed!