My Sister some people are naturally expressive some are shy.
It took me a lot too to start showing Public display of affection. The first time my husband gave me a full french 2 minute kiss at the airport I almost died of shame, people actually stopped to watch us, when I was walking to board people were laughing and pointing, I felt the ground should open and swallow me. Meanwhile he was still standing no shame blowing kisses, shoutig "hurry back babe"
One Man told him "Oga na only you get wife"? Trust my husband to have an answer prepared for every situation he replied "and how is it my fault if you choose not to express your love to your wife? I choose to and she is my wife so walk pass or close your eyes if you feel offended because I won't stop".
Meanwhile I had to contend with gossip and remarks on the plane people telling others who in turn turn back and stare rudely, some even coming up to ask how I "tied" my husband.
My point is your husband is expressive and you are shy, the fact that he calls again means he wants to hear you affirm your love.
He is your husband not some hidden runs, tell him
you love him believe me he knows you and he knows who you are and will respect you still even more.
Now I have learnt to deal with PDA and even initiate it, when he visits me in the office or I do the same I get a full kiss as welcome and goodbye. These aare normal things for married people dear and I have learnt there is nothing to be ashamed over, it keeps things hot and probably keeps intruders out (even though it is up to the couple), what I am saying is your husband is your husband, there is nothing to be shy about, I overcame it, slowly you too can

debrief08: My Sister some people are naturally expressive some are shy.
It took me a lot too to start showing Public display of affection. The first time my husband gave me a full french 2 minute kiss at the airport I almost died of shame, people actually stopped to watch us, when I was walking to board people were laughing and pointing, I felt the ground should open and swallow me. Meanwhile he was still standing no shame blowing kisses, shoutig "hurry back babe"
One Man told him "Oga na only you get wife"? Trust my husband to have an answer prepared for every situation he replied "and how is it my fault if you choose not to express your love to your wife? I choose to and she is my wife so walk pass or close your eyes if you feel offended because I won't stop".
Meanwhile I had to contend with gossip and remarks on the plane people telling others who in turn turn back and stare rudely, some even coming up to ask how I "tied" my husband.
My point is your husband is expressive and you are shy, the fact that he calls again means he wants to hear you affirm your love.
He is your husband not some hidden runs, tell him
you love him believe me he knows you and he knows who you are and will respect you still even more.
Now I have learnt to deal with PDA and even initiate it, when he visits me in the office or I do the same I get a full kiss as welcome and goodbye. These aare normal things for married people dear and I have learnt there is nothing to be ashamed over, it keeps things hot and probably keeps intruders out (even though it is up to the couple), what I am saying is your husband is your husband, there is nothing to be shy about, I overcame it, slowly you too can

this is an eye-opener to me, im also an extremely shy person, but now, im gradually changing, with this, i think im gonna do better. Thank you.

Lol Madam CC, as My husband will say "If you kissed your wife more not only when you want s3x, then we might get closer to world peace".
I don't understand why people find it so gross for couples to love each other, a man goes to have a drink with his friend and carries his wife along they will be frowning but these same friends will be happy and more accomodating if this same married man brought a girlfriend.
With our own hands we have destroyed and joined to destroy marriages yet we will come and blame western civilization.
We hold hands a lot too, feed each other and off each others plate, you go see how they will be eying me, one woman angrily got off her table walked to me and wishpered, wait until you are 10 years all this nonsesense will stop, my husband asked and asked I refused to tell him or else that matter no go end. I just smiled at her, later I told her Madam, my kissing my husband and loving him is not responsible for any wahala in your own marriage, let me enjoy mine in peace.

It amazes me really why people insist a married couple can't be happy. You hear comments like " He will soon get tired of her, is he not a man? Am sure he has girlfriends outside, let her keep decieving herself, is he a saint? The day she will catch him cheating she will come down to earth from her fake paradise" sometime I wonder if marriages are meant to suceed her because good marraiges get so much venom and bad once get more empathy, people were nicer to me when I had a bad marriage, now some act as if I am committing a crime and I feel sometimes it is part of their prayer point that my husband starts hurting me lol.
I really worry about the sanity of our people sometimes oh. I have had to talk to wives of collaegues who refused to believe and appreciate that their usbands are not cheats one even told me "that he hasn't done it yet doesn't mean he won't, I am just preparing my mind for the worst" haba, is it wrong now to be faithful and right to be a cheating man?
Do we really want hppy homes or we prefer enduring homes? A friend I met soetime back refused to share any of her husbands past times because she had a father who cheated, brothers who cheat and her sisters husband too, so even when the man will be begging to hang out she will just hold on to her kids and say "let him live his life, I will leave mine, after all I have kids to care for". It took a lot of talking, cojoling and scolding from me before she started acting like a wife. Now she is like a teenager in love, always smiling and giggling.
We must start to believe that some men are good and people only get away with what you allow them, if you are lucky enough to marry a man who isn't a sadist then relax and enjoy your happy times even if sad time comes later don't waste happy times anticipating doom that hasn't happened

My In Laws, even after years of marriage and loads of kids still actlike teeangers.
My father in law does this thing that trips me, anytime they eat out he takes a servette or napkin and cleans her mouth carefully, Baba Says it is to get the stains off without spoiling her make up, we tell him it is for the kiss he gets after doing this. They no send anybody, even when they are on the high table in the full glare of people they do their thing.
Someone once wisphered behind me "shameless old man, instead of him to be preparing for heaven he is here acting like a teenager" ha, Human beings oh. The other person answered "it is not his fault now, it is the old woman who is supposed to tell him to stop yet she is acting like one queen there, agbaya, they no know say their time don pass"
So full of bile.

Thanks debrief.I know I will overcome it with time

This is the kind of topic I like,not all those finger pointing and e-fighting topics.
Well,concerning PDAs,me and mine sweetie are experts. We do it all from going to see movies together to just going to eat ice cream on a hot sunday afternoon.
Sometimes,we have to remind ourselves that we are no longer in UNILAG O!!

Lol Safe Love I feel you jor, enjoy.

@greatgod and @mrs Manson

Do yous live in Nigeria?

jennykadry: @greatgod and @mrs Manson

Do yous live in Nigeria?

yes

greatgod2012:

yes

Okay. Guess that's why you are shy .

@

@ chaircover, you are right, i thought im d only person thinking towards this direction. Go to churches, see how married women kneel down for their pastors, some are not even up to their age, yet, they cannot kneel down for their hubbies at home. Go to clubs, joints, cinema houses, see how men shamelessly hold their gilfriends, kiss her, even sometimes, ask her to sit on their laps for hours, yet, they can never do a quarter of it for their wives at home. Towards d end of d month, see how men promise girlfriends a fortune of things, yet at home, their wifes dont even know when and how much he is being paid. Some parents are very lovely, jovial and approchable outside but at home, they are terror, their children dare not look at their face, except they are ready to be injured, some children cant even say much about some parents,but when you see them outside, you think they are d best. I can go on and on and on, what is really happening, do we still call these marriages or "manages", what exactly do we call it?

My husband told me how he met a friend on his way from the market. The guy was shocked that he (my husband) went to the market. In his usual igbotic-mentality-attitude he 'bragged' that he can't remember the last time he went to the Market and he can't imagine himself going to the market now; as if it was something to be ashamed of.
I thought to myself, with that kid of attitude, no wonder his wife looks constantly stressed and un-kept. Poor woman probably runs around trying to manage the home, the kids and her full time job, while her hubby (who works in a bar) sits around forming 'big man'. SMH!

CC, I taya I tell you. Greatergood, what of women who cook the best meals for their pastors serve in the best plates and leave cold food in coolerss for their husband and kids.
One woman told me that husbands are for having kids and now that I have finished having kids I should remove my mind from my husband so that when he starts misbehaving it won't hurt me.
I get asked severally how I "tied" my husband because he helps out, does laundry, makes his own breakfast, takes us out regularly and hardly socialises without us. I tell them these are normal husband roles and not miracles.
So many aggressive people going round because they have refused to build their own homes and lack peace everywhere. A man who thinks he is a baby and so musy misbehave and imagines that a wife overlooks his cheating and hence she is a good wife is digging his own grave. You simply cannot get 100 percent from your family if you choose to be irresponsible.
I wonder how we are so churchy and shout God every minute when we practice so much wickedness.
When a couple decide to marry is it for show and to harras others or isit to live in peace, happiness and partnership?
So much games and schemeing I tell you.

We know how we spend money, we know how we make money, we know what we do with our time, we have chosen to live openly and simply yet it is a crime according to majority of the society, My husband sometimes when he is out with his colleagues at a store buys me sanitary towels, My powder and items he knows I need and they laugh at him, same men will buy BB Porshe for a girlfriend yet laugh at a man because he buys pad and tampons for his wife

Even here when you discuss about the positives of marriage you are told you are lying and leading others astray. They prefer stories of unhappineness and grief. Some have even said those with happy homes are not qualified to give advice.
I have learnt a home is built not by 1 but 2 people, I previously believed only a wife builds the home another lie, God made the man the leader it is how he leads the home will go.

debrief08: Even here when you discuss about the positives of marriage you are told you are lying and leading others astray. They prefer stories of unhappineness and grief. Some have even said those with happy homes are not qualified to give advice.
I have learnt a home is built not by 1 but 2 people, I previously believed only a wife builds the home another lie, God made the man the leader it is how he leads the home will go.

Dont mind the people who says you are lying when you discuss the positives in your marriage, rather understand where they are coming from. Also understand that maybe Men like your husband are a breed apart. I have been married for over 7 years, has loads of married friends so pls believe what i have just told you. Most married Men these days believes that the suceess of a marriage is 90% dependent on the Woman. Now when you have a Man who actually has a vision for his Family; what he expects and he is even willing to sacrifice and allign his actions to get the desired result then you have a Man. How many guys reads books on marriage? very few, they do exist but are not in the majority.
Things will begin to get better when the guys actually learn to accept their God defined roles as leaders and act that way in all aspect of life.
Nice thread sha, hope it doesnt get derailed!
Back to the thread, My Husband said he loved me a couple of days(Maybe he read the post on Nairaland oh) back so i said "really! did you just say that, oh its so nice to hear". he immediately got on the defensive and said "ha! but i say it a lot now"> when i finally quizzed him to remember when last he said it, the guy just shamefully admitted that maybe once every four months and i just started laughing.

[quote author=mrs flawless]


Dont mind the people who says you are lying when you discuss the positives in your marriage, rather understand where they are coming from. Also understand that maybe Men like your husband are a breed apart. I have been married for over 7 years, has loads of married friends so pls believe what i have just told you. Most married Men these days believes that the suceess of a marriage is 90% dependent on the Woman. Now when you have a Man who actually has a vision for his Family; what he expects and he is even willing to sacrifice and allign his actions to get the desired result then you have a Man. How many guys reads books on marriage? very few, they do exist but are not in the majority.

Things will begin to get better when the guys actually learn to accept their God defined roles as leaders and act that way in all aspect of life.
Nice thread sha, hope it doesnt get derailed!
Back to the thread, My Husband said he loved me a couple of days(Maybe he read the post on Nairaland oh) back so i said "really! did you just say that, oh its so nice to hear". he immediately got on the defensive and said "ha! but i say it a lot now"> when i finally quizzed him to remember when last he said it, the guy just shamefully admitted that maybe once every four months and i just started laughing. [/quote

There are so many positives in marriage but like you wrote, how many people took their time to read good books about marriage or still read? My husband tells me how much he loves me everyday and it's because he does (I don't need to start looking for reasons why he should be lying, if he says he does, then it's true). There are so many warped beliefs about marriage and the reasons people go into it. If it's just for procreation, then once you' ve had the kids, that's it! How anyone could have such ideologies is beyond me. I hold hands, display affection publicly with my honey. He's mine and I'm his. And for the men that wants to get married so their wives can look older than them, just get a house help! Why won't you help? If you see her as part of you, then you'll do anything to reduce her stress. There are some house chores that I hate doing like hoovering, sorting plates out for dishwasher and you'll never catch me mowing the lawn or taking the car to garage, my husband does that. I guess some people will say i'm lying. That's your own cuppa. For the home to progress, it requires both parties to be selfless. Oh Debrief, mrs flawless and chaircover loving you ladies.

Hahahaha, Poor Uncle.

True my sister, a wife has to be dead or gravely ill before a typical Nigerian Man enters the market, yet this same man will enter the market and bargain so hard when he is a bachelor, when he marries it is automatically a taboo. Same thing with women who are self sufficient before marriage but when they marry they become total dependants.

When My Husband comes with me to the market the women have this pitying look on their face at the "poor man", the men look as if they will hit him any minute, they totally ignore the fact that both of us are giggling and laughing and happy with each others company.
My husband accompanies me when he needs something or is trying to bribe me, the good thing is he knows where everything is so when I travel for work and I don't get back till saturday night I ask him to pick up items for soup so when I get back I can cook for sunday and the week, Imagine coming back from a local Government tour and having to enter the market on sunday again just because my husband has too much of an ego to help out.
Down in the North sha, women hardly go to the market, the man does.

Anytime I get ready for the market and he says, "let me come along, I am bored" I ask him "hmmm, za ka chu che ni ke nan" "You want to cheat me be that, or bribe me" and he says "na wa oh, I no do you say I no do, I do you say na bribe, I just want to hang out with lovely madam, lefi na (na crime).
Meanwhile people will be pitying the man "tied" by his wife not knwoing the man is loving and enjoying time with his wife and actually making sure I don't detour to the shoe and gown shop on my way.

Honestly, I just don't know why Nigerians think this way. As a bachelor, most men go to the market and nobody raises and eyelid. The moment he gets married, it's assumed as a taboo to see him in the Market.

.

Hehehehe, CC or when I take my Husband out for lunch or dinner and the waiter/waitress automatically assume he is paying, they are nice to Him and totally ignore or barely acknowledge me, when Time to pay and their tip don reach and they realise na the person wey dem do like poo na her dey pay, You need to see the look in their eyes, Pain, regrets, anger and apology all in one.
Trust My Oga. He will openly laugh at them and give them a small lecture and say oya say sorry to my wife. Lol.
I love that man abeg