Am 23 years and wants to get married to a British Girl here in less than 2 months. But, i still see my coming marriage like just a normal thing. I dont take it serious because its going to be a court thing. Although my girl brought bt the marriage thing and we have already sheduled date for it and planing. But i feel like its something i can just rush into. But, am scared of early married or is early marriage worth giving a trial?

Although my girl brought bt the marriage thing and we have already sheduled date for it and planing.

Personally, I don't feel you really want this. If you really wanted it, you would have proposed. Do you have a good job, are you financially capable? Have you met a marriage councelor? I'll advice you to try meeting one.

If u plan to marry for real, and u aint convinced about it, u'd better off saving yourself all the headaches. I'm assuming u are financially stable and u are set up and ready to start a family; cos marrying at 23 isnt a big deal, marrying for the wrong reasons is!

Goodluck!

I don't think you are ready. You did not mention anything about loving eachother or caring for eachother.

Nothing wrong with early marriages.  In fact a support it with all ma heart than waiting later.  So you can have ALL your kids earlier than 30.

But in this case, frankly you are not ready because your heart is ambivalent.  I think this "Brit-girlee" knows what she wants more than you do.

I hope she is not like 35 or something and this is not a "paper" marriage oh and you are just not telling us that.  No that there is anything wrong with it oh.

Just come out and tell us what kind of marriage it is.

No need to congratulate you just yet!

I'm not so sure about this. There's no harm in marrying early,but there'll be alot of trouble if you marry early for the wrong reasons. If you are getting married because you really love the lady in question,then all well and good;but if you are doing this simply because she proposed,then brace up for the storm ahead dear.

You did not mention any such thing as love in your post,and that has set me thinking. My dear,use your tongue to count your teeth.

goodluck.

"Doubt means Don't", according to Oprah.

You sound like you are hesitant, so why don't u just wait a while and see how things pan out,

This is not trial and error ooh!

My dear "brother"

Best of luck.

Hello,

The british Girlis 18 and will becoming 19 on our wedding day. We have been going out for about 2 years now and am sure we do love each other. Her parents are aware and they are supporting in everyway they can. Well i will say i am financially stage for my age and will be graduating as a journalist this year.

The only thing am scared of is early marriage.

hmnnnnnnnnnnnn i think the qualities essential for a good mate are often not appreciated until the middle or later twenties (26 above), because it is likely (for her or u) to mistake infatuation for love as this frequently happens where the person with whom you thinks you are in love with (or vice versa) at ur early twenties would not attract you at all at the age of twenty-6-7-8 when your decision would have become more mature.

Finally, from what i can see here, it seem you are not yet prepared for this,it shouldn't be done with force or with rush,just take it easy and errthing is g.onna be iight

cheers!

LAO. .  . poster 4give me o! just can't stop laughing

Groom - 23
Bride   - 19

Weigh yaself thoroughly and see if u're ready for this!  If u finally conclude that u love this girl enough to marry her, financially sound, ready to raise kids, ready for up and downs, satisfied to be with her for the rest of ya life. . . no probes then, n gat nothing to be afraid of!  Marriage, hmmmmmm my dear, is not like u think!!! Can be fun and can be can be suicidal as well.

Congrats!

So you started sleeping with her when she was 16 or 17 while she was still in high school?   I even thought you were age mates and you were in the same school or something. You are about to finish your 1st degree and you are keeping her locked up in your room shackled to your bed posts and her parents are aware?  With no degree?  Journalism?  You left Nigeria to go all the way to UK to study Journalism? Are you a truly born and bred Nigerian?

You know what?  I had a lot of respect for you on this forum as on of the most decent young guys around here with some level of seriousness, believe it or not.  For I have observed most of your posts.   I would not have been surprised if it were one of these 1-post unserious Nairaland members.  But quite frankly I will have to tell you in plain language:

You yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab!

Infact,

GOODBYE THREAD!

almondjoy:

So you started sleeping with her when she was 16 or 17 while she was still in high school? I even thought you were age mates and you were in the same school or something. You are about to finish your 1st degree and you are keeping her locked up in your room shackled to your bed posts and her parents are aware? With no degree? Journalism? You left Nigeria to go all the way to UK to study Journalism? Are you a truly born and bred Nigerian?

You know what? I had a lot of respect for you on this forum as on of the most decent young guys around here with some level of seriousness, believe it or not. For I have observed most of your posts. I would not have been surprised if it were one of these 1-post unserious Nairaland members. But quite frankly I will have to tell you in plain language:

You yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab!

Infact,

GOODBYE THREAD!

I think u r ignorant of some points. Am not any kind of street boy or lost son that will tak up any course to study ok? I have a great talent in writing thats why i chose to study journalism. I am not in the Uk too. Two of my Novels are in review now and i know what i am doing. Studying Journalism will expose you to so many work if you are doing it profesionally just like i do. Do u know how much journalist in western world earn? or u are lookig at it in Nigeria perspective.

I guess you will b suprise to hear i will be going into master degree o study Creative writing.

What ever i do with her from the age of 17 is none of your business. Not everyone believe in SEX and BED as relationship. She doesnt even look her age if not that i just wrote it here. I was like a friend to her, best friend to say and we just got intofull relationship about 6 months ago?

I do respect women alot and i can give u a link to one of my book reviews called "Zeal in a Woman" writing by 3 authors including me.

smile4kenn:

I think you're ignorant of some points. Am not any kind of street boy or lost son that will tak up any course to study ok? I have a great talent in writing thats why i chose to study journalism. I am not in the Uk too. Two of my Novels are in review now and i know what i am doing. Studying Journalism will expose you to so many work if you are doing it profesionally just like i do. Do u know how much journalist in western world earn? or u are lookig at it in Nigeria perspective.

I guess you will b suprise to hear i will be going into master degree o study Creative writing.

What ever i do with her from the age of 17 is none of your business. Not everyone believe in SEX and BED as relationship. She doesnt even look her age if not that i just wrote it here. I was like a friend to her, best friend to say and we just got intofull relationship about 6 months ago?

I do respect women alot and i can give u a link to one of my book reviews called "Zeal in a Woman" writing by 3 authors including me.

I have to do this because my mind tells me to come back and delete my previous post to you. I have never done this and it is because I respect you as one of the few posters I actually hold in high esteem on this Nairaland as young as you are. Because you are serious-minded like you pointed out. I really believe in ma heart you are a good guy. I cannot afford to be harsh or rude to you without feeling a pang of guilt, because you are not an unserious person and I have read a lot of your posts. Really, you write very well and I was impressed.

Having said that, what you choose to do with this 17 year old is your business, like you said. Even if it is not a sexual relationship, I do not think she has had the opportunity you have had to get an education and know what she really wants. You getting married to her at this time can derail her future for life. To make matters worse, you said she initiated this marriage and you are "scared" about early marriages.

Your destiny might lie in your creative ability and I am not God--so all I can say is goodluck. I am a woman and If I had a 19 daughter, I will not consent to her getting married to a 23 year old guy without an education herself or any means of suporting herself and you in a marriage. If she decides against my advice, then I can only wish both of you well. It all spells disaster. Then again, I am not God.

Did not mean to pry--just wanted to know more about the set up for this marriage. You are in Nigeria and she is a British citizen. If I were you, I will not go ahead with it for all the reasons I have discussed here. You are both not ready. Goodluck and see you around!

AlmondJ, I think you were rather too harsh and IMO wasn't necessary. You just concluded things in your head and made irrational statements.
What's wrong with this dude asking for advice on NL? I know NL members could be funny sometimes but I believe some people gain from the advice they get here.

He could go ask his parents but he could ask us too.

OP, I know a guy who married his girlfriend at 20 while she was 19 then. They're very happy together but I wait to see what happens in the next 5-10 years(Reason why they got married? They don't believe in pre-marital sex)

However, if you're not ready for marriage at this age or you're doing it to please the girl then I say you step out before you step in. _{Not like divorce isn't the norm these days anyway.}

I'm indifferent about how early one marries but I care a lot when the clock is ticking due to medical reasons(apart from menopause though)

R-Dynamite:

OP, I know a guy who married his girlfriend at 20 while she was 19 then. They're very happy together but I wait to see what happens in the next 5-10 years(Reason why they got married? They don't believe in pre-marital sex)

Dumbest reason ever. After they have their years of sex and realize they need more than thatb from each other n ko?

R-Dynamite:



AlmondJ, I[b] think you were rather too harsh and IMO wasn't necessary.[/b] You just concluded things in your head and made irrational statements.
What's wrong with this dude asking for advice on Nairaland? I know Nairaland members could be funny sometimes but I believe some people gain from the advice they get here.

He could go ask his parents but he could ask us too.

OP, I know a guy who married his girlfriend at 20 while she was 19 then. They're very happy together but I wait to see what happens in the next 5-10 years(Reason why they got married? They don't believe in pre-marital sex)

However, if you're not ready for marriage at this age or you're doing it to please the girl then I say you step out before you step in. _{Not like divorce isn't the norm these days anyway.}


I'm indifferent about how early one marries but I care a lot when the clock is ticking due to medical reasons(apart from menopause though)

I agree with you!  That was really harsh and uncalled for.  Good thing I went and revised the post before someone quoted it!  I have revised it for better presentation.

I will yield so you guys can advice him better and further. I have said my piece.

I just dont get why he agreed to get married when ot's obvious he's scared. Why not let the girl get a degree too before jumping into such a thing. Im so confuzzled

D-reloaded:

Dumbest reason ever. After they have their years of sex and realize they need more than thatb from each other n ko?

I know _{How u doing today?}

almondjoy:

I agree with you! That was really harsh and uncalled for. Good thing I went and revised the post before someone quoted it! I have revised it for better presentation.

D-reloaded:

I just don't get why he agreed to get married when ot's obvious he's scared. Why not let the girl get a degree too before jumping into such a thing. I'm so confuzzled

That is my only concern. Sex is not the issue for I do not hold such things as big deals. In this day and age?  All I am saying is that she may start having babies and that will be the end of her life and she might end up blaming the poster for messing up her life. We are not in Nigeria where you have all the housemaids to help you so you can further your education. What does a 19 old know about responsibilities of such things.  Well, I am imagining all kinds of things and I do not want to assume.  Let the poster come and tell us more.  I can only continue to assume because the story has a lot of blank spaces.

So, over to you guys!

@poster,

Please do not let me hurt your feeling ok?  Just think of what you want to do carefully.  We know how things are abroad when you first try to settle down.  Just think of your future and this girl's future so no one feels used in the end. Once again goodluck and all the best.

R-Dynamite:

I know _{How u doing today?}

And thank you for pointing that out ever so nicely! I really felt guilty.

Oya poster come back now!  Your light is on.  No vex abeg. Okay I am going so you can discuss.

_{But I will be observing offline.}

I really like the guy for real. He always makes sense.

almondjoy:

And thank you for pointing that out ever so nicely! I really felt guilty.

Are you trying to make me feel bad now?

R-Dynamite:

Are you trying to make me feel bad now?

Nooooooooooo!   I like frankness and I am sane enough to know when I am out of line. Not guilty about your observations about ma comments but guilty concerning my comments to the poster.  You have done you job---don't rub it in! Thank you!  See the poster dey look us.

Oya poster come now! Ah!  Okay, I am going!   Na so you wan take marry?

Aight

I regret ever starting this thread, you guys can say whatever u want and its not my business.

Point of correction, am not in Nigeria, i left nigeria so many years back.

the girlfriend may be the one pushing for an early marriage. Some girls are really like that- wanting to marry early, right out of high school.

What I dont really understand is her parents' agreeing to the decision. The OP did say her parents are in full support.


It all depends on the couple, I guess. Sometimes one can never really tell in advance which marriage is likely to work out and which one will hit the rocks.

For the OP to even be considering marriage at this time when a lot of guys his age are still busy confusing themselves about various parts of the female anatomy, says a lot about his character.

Rather unusual for a NLer- at least imo. I've gotten so used to seeing frivolous and ridiculous questions in certain sections around here. 

smile4kenn:

I regret ever starting this thread, you guys can say whatever u want and its not my business.

Point of correction, am not in Nigeria, i left nigeria so many years back.

It doesn't matter where you are, darling. Just pick what you think will be helpful to you from the posts so far and then ignore the rest.

tpia:


What I don't really understand is her parents' agreeing to the decision. The OP did say her parents are in full support.

Very very possible.

@poster
I'm sure you have heard it all from my fellow landers.Don't have much to say cos it's quite obvious that your mind is made up and since you said you have all it takes to be a father and a husband i will only wish you Happy Marital Bliss in advance.Gdluck

Bblak:

Happy Marital Bliss

'xcuse me?

smile4kenn:

I regret ever starting this thread, you guys can say whatever u want and its not my business.

Point of correction, am not in Nigeria, i left nigeria so many years back.

Ah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  Just like that.

Don't regret starting this thread at all.  Thanks for coming back.  As you can see, we all care about you even if words have been used.  You can't give up just so easily--marriage is even worse.

Well, goodluck.  But please think about what we have wrote to you.

If you are scared, then there is something frightening about all this.  Please think properly before you embark on this journey. Life is about solving problems not running away from them.

R-Dynamite:

'xcuse me?

Na real 'xcuse me?

@poster
please do not be annoyed and you will probably tell me to mind my bloody business but I want to know anyway.

Is your girlfriend pregnant? Why is she pushing for this marriage? You know you can confide in us.

@almondjoy

You are d last person i wanna seek advice from, ok, so safe it.

ur words still hurt me

smile4kenn:

@almondjoy

You are d last person i want to seek advice from, ok, so save it.

your words still hurt me

I know! Those where hurtful words.  I felt them myself.  Why do you think I went to delete it?  I am so sorry.  I should save ma advice?  Marriage is not like this oh.  You cannot stay mad for a long time and you must learn how to forgive, even if you do not forget. As you see, I do not keep things in mind. I let them out and move on. The only reason I am spending my time here is that for real, I really like you. No strings attached. You are always so reasonable. I have apologized and usually will like to move on. If you are still hurting, all I can do is leave it to you and your God so you can find peace. I have moved on. I don't bear grudges.

Oooooooooooooooooooh!   I am the last person you will seek advice from eh?  

Do you think that does not hurt me too?

Please, is your girlfriend pregnant?

@almondjoy

I think u shuld visit other posts, dont just rest ur day on this one