Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously? asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the 2nd guest asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear- shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "HEY YOU ASSHOLE!!! it's ten past three in the morning!"

buahahha lol

nice kronk

thanks gurl

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"

Realizing he is in trouble he quickly says,

Yessh! Ssssombody stole my car" the man replies.

The cop asks- "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

It wasss at the end of thiss key" the man replies.

About that time, the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and, without missing a beat, blurts out- "DAMN----- THEY GOT MY GIRLFRIEND,TOO!"

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them,
and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in
town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off
and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says,
"I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far
end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy responds. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

okaaaay my sssshhon i sshaall goooo hommee *staggers out of the bar*

good piece kronk

dont gve me dat ur *tanks girl crap*

if u want it that way~~i can play kool

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put. Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.

The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, "What the heck is going on?"

The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

lol

good jab

Nice yoke joke