Siena:

Did you read properly, and understand what he's trying to get across? Or does verbal abuse simply come naturally to you?

olas2u: i read through and i have my understanding of the post

Siena: To be honest, I can't blame you for wanting to turn your back on Nigerians in Nigeria.

I've had similar experiences.

My eldest sister too has fallen foul of our kid sister (she's 36). She's the only one who was born in Nigeria, and it would have been a simple issue to get her to the UK as a dependent, whilst she was under 18 (as we were all orphaned quite young). My elder sister sent her money to sort out her passport, visa and stuff. She blew the money, and claimed she was "duped" by a "visa agent."

My elder sister sent her more money, and the same thing happened - this time, she said it wasn't enough, she needed to pay certain people. Again, it never happened.

Again, my elder sister wanted to open a Dom account, our kid sister said she could do it. She was sent money back in 2010, and till date, no Dom account, no money.

Lastly, she was sent £500 worth of goods to sell; the idea was she made a profit, and sent the balance back, then more goods could be sent. So building up a business that would benefit herself. This was at the tail end of 2010. She sold the goods, and never sent a penny back. She claims "her customers are owing her." For two years??

Never again.

bigheart2013:


...I am wondering why people from other African countries don't behave like this? We can't say it's poverty because Nigeria is not the poorest African country yet Nigerians are among the most religious in Africa...everyone is born-again attending tarry nights, Shilo, night vigils, crusades, prayer nights, etc. Now you understand why our citizens are rejected visas to abroad. We have very low quality of life, suffering and despair persist despite our so-called godliness, intelligence and smartness. Maybe Nigerians deserve what they are going through now. It is called 'Karma'....they have sights but lack visions..very sad!!

bigheart2013: Please does anyone have the same experience as me?


1.I’ve opened three different business outfits in Nigeria (a business center, digital photo lab, transport biz with 4 buses) that all wound down due to theft, dishonesty and fraud by employees.

2.I have helped about 5 unemployed relatives in Nigeria to start businesses either by loaning them money or shipping them goods to sell. Once they got the money/goods they started the usually cock and bull stories and excuses. Today we are all enemies because they either can’t or refused to pay back.

3.My old uncle I trusted to help me fence my house in Nigeria ( a pastor) turned it into a private business; he used N2mil to fence one plot of land in the village.

4.I recommended a graduate female friend for employment at a friend’s company at Lagos, she embezzled the company’s funds and bolted away. My friend now views me with contempt.

5.The last straw is that my own 24yrs old little sister (unemployed graduate) has abandoned a business I just started for her and followed a mere boy who has no job and not even a place of his own, yet promising to marry her. She’s now at war with me.

In all I’ve lost over $350,000 dollars in the past five years trying to help one person or the other in Nigeria. I am considering a resolution to have a ‘blanket’ shutdown (no texts, no calls, no emails) never to help anyone living in Nigeria with finance again but my girlfriend is a Christian and keeps preaching to me to forgive and keep doing good for the sake of God. What’s your own experience helping people living in Nigeria and how did you avoid this type of situations? I live in the USA now.

bigheart2013: Please does anyone have the same experience as me?


1.I’ve opened three different business outfits in Nigeria (a business center, digital photo lab, transport biz with 4 buses) that all wound down due to theft, dishonesty and fraud by employees.

2.I have helped about 5 unemployed relatives in Nigeria to start businesses either by loaning them money or shipping them goods to sell. Once they got the money/goods they started the usually cock and bull stories and excuses. Today we are all enemies because they either can’t or refused to pay back.

3.My old uncle I trusted to help me fence my house in Nigeria ( a pastor) turned it into a private business; he used N2mil to fence one plot of land in the village.

4.I recommended a graduate female friend for employment at a friend’s company at Lagos, she embezzled the company’s funds and bolted away. My friend now views me with contempt.

5.The last straw is that my own 24yrs old little sister (unemployed graduate) has abandoned a business I just started for her and followed a mere boy who has no job and not even a place of his own, yet promising to marry her. She’s now at war with me.

In all I’ve lost over $350,000 dollars in the past five years trying to help one person or the other in Nigeria. I am considering a resolution to have a ‘blanket’ shutdown (no texts, no calls, no emails) never to help anyone living in Nigeria with finance again but my girlfriend is a Christian and keeps preaching to me to forgive and keep doing good for the sake of God. What’s your own experience helping people living in Nigeria and how did you avoid this type of situations? I live in the USA now.

AjanleKoko: What is it with us Africans and 'help' sef?
Why should anybody 'help' anybody? All this 'help' is what is killing the continent, killing initiative, and promoting unnecessary entitlement mentality and laziness in the name of 'community support'.

People should stop giving handouts to relatives. If they want to go to school, ask for the school bank account and pay the fees yourself.
If they want to set up a business, ask them to get a a job first, even if it means sweeping the streets. Why should anyone who has never worked a day in their lives be trusted to run any kind of business?
If you want to build a house back home, come back, do your research, buy your land yourself, and do the heavy lifting. If your relative is sick and needs to buy drugs, ask the name of the drugs, purchase them and send over, or at least try to get in touch with the doctor.

Do not say 'he is my brother, sister, uncle, cousin, and therefore I trust him.' Deal with anybody the way you would deal with anyone else. No free lunch anywhere, and that should not be the case in Africa.

Do you know, I have personally witnessed a top SS politician 'dash' someone a casual gift of US$10,000?
How would such a recipient every condemn that kind of politician, or even question how he is able to dash somebody that kind of money as 'transport'? That is how those people you say you are 'helping' view you. They believe you are abroad, and have lots of spare change, especially given the difference in exchange rate. So if they are able to access a few hundred dollars/pounds/euros from you, it doesn't harm you any, plus they can also live 'big' to some extent back home. So, no need to complain, OP. Just change your style.

AjanleKoko: . Why should anyone who has never worked a day in their lives be trusted to run any kind of business?
.

biolabee: @Op(Bigheart)
 
You have done your bit
The next thing for you is to close shop and focus on yourself and your (new) family
When you guys are comfortable (a home paid for, child care n school fees sorted out for at least 2 years. Stash money for emergencies (be it medical etc usally 6 times your monthly income ) then you can use your church/mosque/shrine mind to consider requests on merit
Until then NO NO
Also don’t loan out money you cant afford to lose
 
May God help you
 
@Ajanlekoko
Superb insight as usual. Undue reliance on benevolence has stifled the black race
Use the gifts to grow yourself and be appreciative but people believe in coming to collect fish instead of becoming fisher men
 
@damiso
Sorry about your aunt but tyour mum should have cut off long ago
That may have helped her to sit up
May God help her and u also.
 
@Siena
So you don sleep for BIG FREEZE befor o
God go repay that guy
 
@TheCongo
Thanks for pointing out this is not unique to Nigerians but it is African nay a human problem
 
 
 

tsmith: As he's to leave for naija today, he came friday to sleep over, so he cld pick the things. We went shopping together (so i cld drop him off at the bus station), only for him to be picking things for one contractor, himself, his sister etc and add to my lot at the till. WTF! He did it at 2 different stores and was saying some story abt expecting some transfers from nigeria that didnt come through. Why travel if u dont have enough money! I know he went out with my husband to pick plugs from Halfords, and i know that one wold have chopped his bananas well, as normally he is the one that falls to such pranks, but my BIL got me big time, now I wont even carry anyone for shopping again, take the bus abeg!

Woged2005: :After counseling her, the pastor took her to a hotel to meet someone for biz..turned out to be a hoax. He ended up 'drilling' her 'borehole' there. She came back very upset, feeling guilty. Fela sang "Overtake don overtake overtake o"... . Na who u go trust for naija!

biolabee:

Mechonu how u know say she no want/like am?

aniffy4eva: Oh well, maybe i should speak from the other side of the divide. Some of these people really NEED the help, either from abroad or locally. Growing up was quite difficult for me and i had 2 sets of "cousins". Type A cousins had the mentality of majority of the people in this forum - "All Nigerians are unworthy of help... blah blah blah....", treated me like shiit .. (chai i don suffer...) but i took all in stride....and then i got a whiff of one of my cousins who lived in the US. I got in touch with him and the "HELP" was consistent throughout my school years. $100 now and again.. here and there...I'll call him the Type B cousin.

Fast forward a few years later... levels don change ... i'm his (Type B cousin) kids' favourite uncle - always showing up with loads of toys etc. He's glad to be a part of my success story. We are VERY close and he's strong influence in my life!

Type A cousins are now struggling desperately hard to be "friends", adding me on FB, trying to have a "relationship" etc... it's just the christian in me that restrains me from giving them the "middle-finger salute"

@ OP.. what i'm trying to say is

Help as much as you can without causing your nuclear family harm.
Don't borrow people what you can't "dash"
There'll always be good and bad people and the "bad" ALWAYS outnumber the good - however, in your bid to weed out the bad, make sure you don't hurt the good.
IMO, i support sustainable "HELP" directed at education, capacity building etc. I usually don't do stuff like "business ideas", "marriage ceremonies" etc

damiso:
Of course some people need help cos your tone about the 'people' on this thread suggests we think they dont.

aniffy4eva: Oh well, maybe i should speak from the other side of the divide. Some of these people really NEED the help, either from abroad or locally. Growing up was quite difficult for me and i had 2 sets of "cousins". Type A cousins had the mentality of majority of the people in this forum - "All Nigerians are unworthy of help... blah blah blah....",

damiso:
The issue most people or let me speak for myself is this dependence or should i say sense of entitlement.Did you read my post?Was my aunty not helped?Dare say i she even views her hubby as a meal ticket cos when my mum advises her wont u find something to do to bring in small income you hear my hubby wont allow me he does not want me to work bla bla and then turn round and say my mum is jealous cos she had to work for luxuries and she has them given to her by her husband.Like seriously.....Is Mac powder necessity?

aniffy4eva:
There'll always be good and bad people and the "bad" ALWAYS outnumber the good - however, in your bid to weed out the bad, make sure you don't hurt the good.
IMO, i support sustainable "HELP" directed at education, capacity building etc. I usually don't do stuff like "business ideas", "marriage ceremonies" etc

Peterwins: We should also note that the OP's experience is a mixed-grill of personal and business relationships. So a clear definition of the word "help" in this context should be taken into consideration.

I may not consider as "helping someone" in a business where I invested to make a profit but I will consider it as "help" if I did it without any form of payback.

Kobojunkie:

It is "help" when you invest in a business for profit in order to provide employment/a way to make a living for any of the parties involved, even as you expect to benefit from the business through profits that are expected to come back to you as a result.

jidegirl12: Peterwins o lol..... so you want me to ship 2 containers as gift to people before its considered as 'Help'? Are you kidding? If somebody sells a N2M vehicle and transferred N1.5 .... did he work for the 500k? Or you think I'm mumu .

This is exactly how people see things back home, now I know..can you imagine? .... very sad.