1. Although my relationship with my son has changed, remember that I am still his mother:
“Even though you are the woman in my son’slife now, be considerate of the fact that I used to be the woman in his life.”
“The most important thing that you can do for me as your mother-in-law is to love my son unconditionally. … You’ve now taken my spot as my son’s biggest fan.”

2. Accept me for who I am:
“Don’t try to change me.”
“Accept my eccentricities.”
“Realize that I may do things differently in myhome. Try to understand my ways.”

3. Please respect my age and experience:
“I would like to know how to share some of my experience with you without offending orintruding.”
“Respect my past experiences and realize thatI understand the personalities in the family.”

4. Talk with me about hard things:
“If I have offended you, I may not know this. You have the freedom to say to me, nicely, ‘Remember when you said ______. Did you mean _____?’”
“I am not perfect. Let’s both assume that the other is doing the best she can.”
“If you are feeling hurt by something I did or said, find a way to gently bring it up. You mayeven want to ask me if you could have done something differently.”

5. Try to understand:
“When there are problems in family relationships, each person needs to overlook with grace when possible, and when not, address the issues kindly.”
“Reject bitterness.”
“Don’t judge. There are two sides to any story.”

6. Remember, we are family:
“I really appreciate it when you tell me about some of the family’s funny stories.”
“It’s nice to be invited to events with your parents, brothers/sisters, etc., ... sharing as one big family.”
“Please include me in some of the family activities and traditions.”
“I love it when you ask me to go shopping. I think my son likes the fact that we share this common bond together.”

7. Communicate with me:
“I once felt totally distanced from you and didn't know why.”
“I wish you would ask me for my opinion about some things.”
“I’d love to tell you more about my son’s childhood—please ask me.”
“I wish you would pick up the phone and call me just to chat.”

8. Get to know me as a person:
“I am a person with feelings, beliefs, and ideas, and they are not just an extension of the man you married.”
“Find things that we have in common, and let’s enjoy them together.”
“Please don’t compare me to your parents and how they did things.”

9. Express expectations clearly:
“I wish you would express some guidelines that you expect in your home.”
“Sometimes you interpret my desire to be helpful as criticism of you. I certainly do not intend this. It would help if you would tell me the best ways that I could help you.”

10. Help me know my grandchildren:
“Your children need their lives filled with Grandma and Grandpa.”
“My only grandchild lives hundreds of miles away. When you regularly share pictures of him with me, it means so much.”
“I have tried to communicate with you how much it means to me to keep me informed about my grandson.

11. Take time to express gratitude:
“When you and my son visit, it means a lot to me when you offer to help with the meals and with clean up.”
“It meant a lot to me when you posted on your Facebook page: ‘I am thankful for my mother-in-law! I am so grateful for our great relationship. It is so important! And ever since I got married our relationship has become so natural and I love spending time with her!’”
“Please take time to express your appreciation for a gift by writing a note or calling just to say, ‘Thanks!

12. Thank you!
“Thank you for believing in my son and encouraging him to stay connected with us.”
“You truly are the wind beneath my son’s sails and I really appreciate and love you. You understand my son far better than I do, and I thank God for you.”
“I’ve got the best daughter-in-law God could give. I am so blessed.”