Sezua:
yeah....u nid brains too

me?

BREAKING NEWS!!!
*M. Jackson is Alive*
its still shocking but M. Jackson
was Snapped by Cameras as He
was singing in the executive Club
yesterday in the City.
Its is believed that Jackson faked
his death due to the cases which
he was having in court like child
sacrifice and others and even
people wanted to kill him thats
why they lied he was dead.
Musoke Jackson a Karaoke singer
in Kampala who was reportedto
have been killed with an Iron Bar
last month is still alive. We are
bringing his photos and more
details of the story!!
Thanks 4 ur attention Nasty joke. Hahaha

Little Johnny and his father were walking down the streetone day, and two ladies bumped into one another in front of them.
The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. "You bitch," yelled the one lady.
Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, "You bag."
Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns tohis dad. "Dad, what are bags and bitches?"
"Oh, that's just another namefor women," replied his dad.
"Oh, okay," said Johnny.
The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave. While shaving, Little Johnny's dad cuts himself. "Oh shit," he said.
"Daddy, what's shit?" asked Little Johnny.
"Oh, that's just another namefor shaving your self," replied his father.
Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mothercooking a turkey. As his mother reached into the oven, she burnt her hand."F*ck!" she yells.
"Mom, what's f*ck?" questioned Johnny.
"That's just another word forcooking the turkey."
"Oh, I get it," said Johnny.
All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnnyas he runs to the door. He then opened the door to find a group of old ladies standing outside.
"Hello young man. Are you parents home?" asked the front lady.
"Hello bags and bitches. My dad's upstairs shitting himself and my mom's downstairs f*cking the turkey."

Mother: Amaka how did u get pregnant?
Amaka: I don't know.
Mother: I thought I told u dat if a guy touch ur breast u should say "DON'T" & if he touch ur pant u should say"STOP"?
Amaka yes mummy I did as u told me.
Mother: so how come u re pregnant?
Amaka: well mum he was touching d both & I said"DON'T STOP"

AKPOS was hungry and went to 'mai
shayi' (men selling tea and bread).
The following dialogue transpired between
them:
AKPOS: You get loaf of bread?
ABOKI: yes
AKPOS: bring one; slice am into two and put
two sachet of butter in between
ABOKI: (happy and thanking God for bringing
customer,is quickly doing as he is instructed )
AKPOS: You get egg?
ABOKI: yes customer
AKPOS: fry 6 eggs put am inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer
AKPOS: You get sardin for inside gongoni?
ABOKI: yes customer everything dey.
AKPOS: put two gongoni inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer (happyand doing as he is told, already enthusiastic he'll make a lot of money 2day)
AKPOS: you don finish? Oya press the bread together forme. ABOKI: See am customer, idon prepare am finish.
AKPOS: OYA CUT N10 Naira OWN FOR ME!
How Many Like For Akpos

•EXAMINATION TIME•
Winners will be Anonuced Very soon #1,500 worth of Recharged Card
•Answer the Following Question,
1. Give the Full meaning of
(I) OMG
(ii) YMCMB
(iii) LOL
2. Mention the Country and the State that Akpos The Comedian came from?
3. What are The Most Beautiful Things You Need To Know?
4. Who's the Richest Musicianin the World?
5. Who's the Father of Abraham in the Bible?
▲Selecting 50 Lucky winners!!!!
•Your Time Start NOW!!!

VALENTINE'S DAY RESULT IS OUT:
1. broken beds 18%
2. broken marriages 35%
3. 40% stayed at home
4. dumped 15%
5. 61% condom used
6. 50% HIV/AIDS infection
7. 67% went for a date
8. 5% new catch
9. 34% still single
10. 44% Virginity broken
11. 70% money remaining
12. 92% misused the words...'I
love you'
13. 20% marriage proposal
No lieeeee ooooooo
Where did you fall in?

It is february 14 and valentines day Akpors decided to take his girl frnd Ekaite to a Chinese restaurant. He had ordered her to meet him at d
gate of d restaurant on d apointed date. Akpors waited for
exactly 5 minutes befor he saw his girlfrnd alightin frm ataxi.
The taxi parked and out of itcame out Akpors girlfrnd Ekaite. Akpors couldnt beliv his eyes when he saw
anoda 3 fat fat girls wit big mouth alightin frm d
taxi wit his gelfrnd. It remain smal Akpors 4 faint o. His gelfrnd introduc dem to him.
"Baby Meet my frnds Ikechi,Sandra and Amara" Ekaite said.
Akpors was speechless, wit mouth
wide open and
nodin his head like agama Lizard. In his heart he was tinkin (na wao. Which kind wala b dis na. Dis gel don kill me die o. Na so
persn dey die. Dem tnk say i dey pluk money 4 tree. God deliva me o. Four girls over N5,000.God wher ar u.) They all went into d Restaurant satdown in a round table and a waiter, a very clean Chinese guy offer them a book containin d food list, to pick
in turn d food they want to buy, u knw dos chinese food is dificut to pronounce. U onlypik d numbers. .
Akpors was d first persn to pick. He picked no 1 and dat was just coke. As a big boy eno fit fulk
up. He got to save mor money 4 d oda girls.
Ekaite was d second to pick. She said: "giv me no 6 and no 7 and no 8 and then no 23.
Tank u.
Ikechi turn: she(flipin thru d pages of d buk) give me no 30, and em no 60 and eem em!
no 51 then
No 82 no 83 no 84 and and finaly giv me no 90. Tank u.
Akpors wan faint. But faint nocome ..
Sandra turn: she said giv me page 1, page 3
page 6 and and then page 9.
Akpors by now is sweatin
profusely.
Amara Turn: she said give me give me,.. Em em
frm page 9 to page
23..
Akpors faint himsef.
Akpors! Akpors!! they pour
water on Akpors no way. Akpors is now in
hospital Ekaite is feedin hm Milk
and Malt.
laugh it out joor
dats val for u

A robot that satisfy women was designed.
It was tested with three
women!
The first woman was
An Hausa woman. .
After 1 hour with the robot she came out, smiled and said,
Gaskiya, walahi
e sweet me
die
The 2nd woman was
a Yoruba woman
After four hours
with the robot ??
she came
out and smiled, then said
osheeeyyyyyy!!
The 3rd woman was a
Calabar woman:
after 8 hours..
the woman had not
come out. .
the people had to go in and check
what was wrong, probably the robot has killed the woman
wen they opened the door they saw
The calabar woman
chasing the robot up and down yelling,
"Come here you liar, if
your battery is low,
how come you are
running??
Common come here
Lol

An old woman was being raped as she shouted
out for help.
When people arrived, they started pulling the
man from her.
"Leave him!" she exclaimed"let him first ejaculate
so that we can have the evidence when we reach
the police!"
lolzzz

A man suffers in the hands ofhis wife because
his wife likes sex too much and he cant satisfy
her.
So he went to a doctor
man: doctor i have a serious problem, i cant
satisfy my wife. My wife always want me to go 5 to 6 rounds or more befor she is satisfied. i sleep
with one eye open because of this family
problem.
Pls help me
Doctor: wen making love with ur wife...just think
about all ur problems at the same time...i mean all
the problems u have...just think about them. Then
come back and tell me the result
The man went home and his wife crawled to him
at nite and the man began hisduty with his
wife...the man taught about his girlfriend that is
pregnant for him without his wife"s knowledge, he
taught about their house rent, ... As he was
thinking about this, he was also busy performing and hiswife said pls its okay.
The man just lay flat on the bed and his wife was
surprised. The man hadly last ontop of her
After resting she said to him..ok honey lets do
again..the man began his dutyand also began
his thinking problems as well,he taught about
were to get money for nepa bill, the money for
the rice he ate in the office on credit, how to solve
his brothers appendix problem, how to settle the bank for the loan he collectedfor his big for
noting son who used it to learn carpentary work.
he taught about his father in the village that
warned him never to come back unless he gives
birth to a female child. He taught about an
slowpoke his wife delivered to him as a child befor he knew it he has gotten to 7 rounds and
his wife fainted..
after some minutes he revived her back and ask
her if she want more..
She replied..
NO!! We really need to see a doctor.
u have a serious problem
since then the man can now sleep with two eyes
closed.
lol

Must Read!!! Akpos Story!!!
I was coming home Wednesday evening
after a hectic day and found a small bag on
the ground. I opened it and behold what I
found inside; $90,000 dollars!! Fear first
catch me, but I took the bag home and
when ...I emptied It, I found some
Documents, ID card, ATM cardand an
Iphone. I thought about throwing the sim
away and keep the phone and also dispose
the documents and keep the money. After
a long thought, I decided to leave things as
they were, hoping that the owner would
call. Not long after a call camethrough on
the Iphone, I picked and talked with the
caller. Apparently it was the owner of the
bag coz he named absolutely every content
of the bag. We met afterwards and i
handed him the bag. he offered me
$9,000 dollars but i turned it down , he
collected my number and i left. Yesterday
he called me and offered me a job at
Chevron worth 750,000 Nairaper month, a
3 bedroom flat fully furnished, and a 2012
BMW X6 As I was smiling and testing the
car my brother just slapped me and said
"Oya Oya Oya Wake up!! Eba don ready!"
Akpos Almost Kill His Brother!!!
Hit Like if u understand
And share For more if u Enjoyed it!!! ♥

I'm back guys,d antispambot banned me.
Must Read!!! Akpos Story!!!
I was coming home Wednesday evening
after a hectic day and found a small bag on
the ground. I opened it and behold what I
found inside; $90,000 dollars!! Fear first
catch me, but I took the bag home and
when ...I emptied It, I found some
Documents, ID card, ATM cardand an
Iphone. I thought about throwing the sim
away and keep the phone and also dispose
the documents and keep the money. After
a long thought, I decided to leave things as
they were, hoping that the owner would
call. Not long after a call camethrough on
the Iphone, I picked and talked with the
caller. Apparently it was the owner of the
bag coz he named absolutely every content
of the bag. We met afterwards and i
handed him the bag. he offered me
$9,000 dollars but i turned it down , he
collected my number and i left. Yesterday
he called me and offered me a job at
Chevron worth 750,000 Nairaper month, a
3 bedroom flat fully furnished, and a 2012
BMW X6 As I was smiling and testing the
car my brother just slapped me and said
"Oya Oya Oya Wake up!! Eba don ready!"
Akpos Almost Kill His Brother!!!
Hit Like if u understand
And share For more if u Enjoyed it!!! ♥

Akpors was given fake money and he went
to the police stationn to report:
Akpors: (at the Police station)what kind of nonsense is this?
Police: hello mr man, what is the Problem?
Akpors: can you imagine, in this country, people
are just mean!
Police: mr man, you arent saying anything, what is the
problem.
Akpors: (still Angry). Why arepeople so unreasonable and wicked in this country? I
wish i was born in overseas.
Police: (impatient) listen mr man, are you ready to
tell us your problem or you want to waste our
time?
Akpors: can u imagine, i was given fake
money, fake money. Pure fake money
yesterday at my shop.
Police: so can you recognise the person that gave u d
fake money?
Akpors: how on earth can i do that, there are hundreds of people that visit my shop
everyday.
Police: ok where is the money.
Akpors: Do I look like a LEARNER!!? Officer, sorry, i have spent it...

BUSTED!!!
One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient - Mr Kpekus arrives complaining of serious back pain.
The doctor examines him andasks him:
"Tell me what happened to your back..."
Mr Kpekus replies:
"Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning, I got to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out of thebalcony door and did not findanyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I was very angry,.. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. It was very heavy... That is how I strained my back....!!!"
Later that day, a second patient - Mr Ambali arrives as if he has
been in a car wreck.
The doctor said:
"My previous patient looked bad,.... But you look terrible..... What the hell happened to you....??"
Mr Ambali replied:
"You know I have been unemployed for a while now...., today was the first day at my new job..... I forgot to set my alarm and I was late,..... I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, I was hit bya fridge! I don't know how and where from this fridge fall on me...!!!"
Before closing hours, the third patient - Mr Akpors comes.
He looks like he was punished in hell.
The doctor is shocked. He asked:
"What the hell happened to you....??"
Mr Akpors replies:
"Well, It started like this: "I was in a fridge..."

There was a robbery in my neighbour’s house
and I called 911… next thing Iheard was .
Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center..
for English press. 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3,for hausa press 4,
Then I pressed 1… then another voice came
up….For car accident press 1,for armed robbery press 2,for boko haram please hang up….
Den I pressed 2, anoda voicecame up….
If they’re with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK
47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bomb press 5,
all of the above press 6…
Then i checked and saw theywere with all of them then I pressed 6… then a voice came up
sayin….
Hmmmm…! My brother, if ur brother is a policeman
wll u let him go??

Must Read!!! Akpos True Story!!! My people, you will never believe
what happened to me yesterday
at Sahad Stores in Abuja.
I still can't get over it.
I went to the super market topick
something to eat and as I was walking down the isle, I noticed
this man staring at me...
I looked at him and kept walking
to the front counter to pick
bottled water and gala.
As I picked them and turned to find the same man right in front
of my face!
I tried to give him some of my
love so I smiled and said "Hi!"
then I went on to get a can coke.
Can you believe that same man followed me through the store?
I was getting a little nervous and
mad because he was following
me without saying anything.
But you know me, trying to be
friendly... I just said "Hi!" He finally responded and said,
"I am sorry for staring but you
look just like my youngest son...
We just buried him two weeks
ago".
I felt stupid for getting mad as I expressed my sincerity to him.
He said he was fine as he knows
that his son is with the lord.
Then he asked me to do him a
favour.
I said "sure, if I can." He saidhe was a bit sad thathis
son never said goodbye to him
before passing on.
He asked me to get in line behind
him and as he left the store I
should say "Goodbye dad" sothat he could have a sense of closure.
Though his request was weird, I
however agreed to grant them.
So as he collected his bags from
the cashier and walked away,I
said "Bye Dad" he turned andsaid "Bye my dear son".
When the cashier calculated my
bill, she said the total was
N11,250!
I shouted "what?... Can you please
explain how a bottle of N70 water, N50 gala and N100 can
coke will sum to such amount?".
She said "your dad said you are
paying for his bill too."
"My dad? That man is not my
father!" I yelled back in response... I quickly rushed out just in time to
see the man moving towards the
parking lot.
I ran after him and was
screaming "excuse me... excuse
me!!!" He started running for his car as
he saw me coming.
I caught him just before he was
able to close his door.
I kept on pulling and pulling his
legs!!! Just like am pulling yours now!
Chei! Una too like gist, see asyou
sidon with seriousness dey read...
Nna too like tori jooor (Nnntooor...
Tongue out :-P)

Akpors was a journalist. He saw few people crowding around a dead figure. So he
wanted to be the first to givebreaking news
of this tragic event.
However,he could not get through as the crowd didn't move. Then he thought of plan.
He shouted at the top of his voice:
"LET ME THROUGH,HE'S MY FATHER."
The crowd split and he went through. When
he got to the middle, lying down there, was a "DEAD GOAT"

Akpors' WAEC Result is
Finally Out...
Papa Akpors: Akpors,I
learnt your WAEC result
is out.
Akpors: Daddy You
remember Arthur wey
dey carry first for our
whole skul ba? he
failed. .
Papa Akpors: that's
terrible,what happened?
Akpors: You also remember Eazy
wey
dey tutor me for house ba? He
failed
too.
Papa Akpors: what's with the
poor
performance?
Akpors: Daddy I
dunno, na so e be o. Even Kelveen
who
won the Cowbell competition
failed.
Papa Akpors: so how
was your own result?
Akpors : You also remember Osas
our
senior prefect? He failed too.
Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, Tell me
about your own result!!
Akpors : (angrily) If all those
people
failed, wetin You expect for my
own
result??
I be witch?? NA F9 PARALLEL OO
How Many Likes For
Akpos?

Mr.T Anonymous:
A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son...
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Without looking up from his game, Akpors pointed out,"When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of TheUnited States."

Mr.T Anonymous:
AKPOS was hungry and went to 'mai
shayi' (men selling tea and bread).
The following dialogue transpired between
them:
AKPOS: You get loaf of bread?
ABOKI: yes
AKPOS: bring one; slice am into two and put
two sachet of butter in between
ABOKI: (happy and thanking God for bringing
customer,is quickly doing as he is instructed )
AKPOS: You get egg?
ABOKI: yes customer
AKPOS: fry 6 eggs put am inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer
AKPOS: You get sardin for inside gongoni?
ABOKI: yes customer everything dey.
AKPOS: put two gongoni inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer (happyand doing as he is told, already enthusiastic he'll make a lot of money 2day)
AKPOS: you don finish? Oya press the bread together forme. ABOKI: See am customer, idon prepare am finish.
AKPOS: OYA CUT N10 Naira OWN FOR ME!
How Many Like For Akpos

The aboki go slice you hahaha don't mess with them oo

This are the commonest mistakes in Nigeria movies,jst laff it out.

All in Nigeria movies.
~chief is inside d car with d glass windows rolled up, armed robbers attacks & shoots at chief,the bullet wont break the glass but will kill chief inside the car. How come??
~A man shoots himself in the head 3 times..,habaaa! ­!! How in e world is that possible.
~Rmd remembering when he was still 7years old as far back as 1960 and suddenly ahummer passes in front him...,CHINEKE
~Patience ozokwor poisons zack orji's food. She stirs d poison so it will circulate to all part of d meal and then she tastes it . zack dies whileshe survives Nawa ooo.
~Someone flashes back to 1982 and behind him is a signboard ''vote for Good luck Jonathan''. Hmmm.
~A 7yrs old character is washing plates and he suddenly bcoms an adult in his 20s still washing the same plates and wearing d same trousers.
~Omotola is dipicted as a poor woman suffering in d village and has 2 do serious farm job 2 survive only for you 2 see dat her fingernailsare fixed with long plastic nails and painted crimson red.
~Tonto dike acting as born again village girl, yet has tatoos on her body.
~Someones dies with low cut and his spirit comes back wearing afro......wetin ­?
~A woman suddenly decides 2 poison her husband, then she opens her food carbinet and brings out d substance. Is poison part of cooking ingredients
~They shoot some1 on d leg yet blood starts coming out from d nose.
~John okafor(Mr Ibu) is d father of Nkem owoh(Osuofia)biko who is older?
~ You must cough before youdie.

BADDEST JOKE OF THE YEAR
OMG . . .
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH ­EHEH
I CANT STOP LAFFING O
This joke will almost make you die of laughter if you arenot careful.
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Because I don't want you to die, I will not post it.
Hehehehehehe lolzzzz
Have a luvly day ahd Pals!!!

kai....

this dead boring

hcl_acid:

The aboki go slice you hahaha don't mess with them oo

i'm a gentle boi nau,or wat do u tink

shakara4u: kai....

this dead boring

is it a must 4 u 2 comment,see ur big teeth like dat of a ................
anyway,take this
A married man died before having sex with his wife.
The wife then cuts his manhood embalms
and fixed it on the wall.
Each night she went to the wall to satisfy herself.
One day her neighbor found out!
Then he made a hole in d wall, removed d man's manhood and put his manhood
instead,
waiting for the lady.
The lady came with a knife, cuts the manhood and said,darling we are
moving to a new house.

Mr.T Anonymous:
A robot that satisfy women was designed.
It was tested with three
women!
The first woman was
An Hausa woman. .
After 1 hour with the robot she came out, smiled and said,
Gaskiya, walahi
e sweet me
die
The 2nd woman was
a Yoruba woman
After four hours
with the robot ??
she came
out and smiled, then said
osheeeyyyyyy!!
The 3rd woman was a
Calabar woman:
after 8 hours..
the woman had not
come out. .
the people had to go in and check
what was wrong, probably the robot has killed the woman
wen they opened the door they saw
The calabar woman
chasing the robot up and down yelling,
"Come here you liar, if
your battery is low,
how come you are
running??
Common come here
Lol

where the Calabar woman dey? When I'm through, na she go run!!

One day, two boys were playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked-there was a woman bathing naked in the stream. The two boys watched in silence. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me ifI ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I feltsomething getting hard so I ran.

^^ got me cracking hard

A three year old baby walkedover to a pregnant lady whilewaiting with his mother in a Doctor's office.
He Inquistively ask the lady,"Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied,"I'm having a baby"
with big eyes, he asked "Is itin your stomach?"
she said "He sure is,"
Then the little boy with a puzzled look, asked "Is it a good baby?"
she said "Oh yes, it's really a good baby "
with an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,"Then why did you eat him??" :O

A newly married couple brought a female househelp from the village to assist in keeping their home tidy so they would have time for their careers & other more important things.
One day, oga decided to givehis wife a surprise package. He moulded a Big Heart(LOVE)with the assistance of the househelp, a project which took almost the whole day.
Madam came back & met the househelp sleeping & snoring:
Madam: Will u get up now! Stupid girl. What have u beendoing since morning?
Househelp: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me & oga dey make love since morning. Na just now now we finish I say make I lie down small...
The househelp talk am well?
Have a pleasant week!