How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? - Family - Nairaland
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| How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 12:17pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
I have a female friend who is quite close to me. She got everything a man would want in a woman but unfortunately I dont have feelings for her. She is godly, matured, hardworking, educated and quite successful. She has been doing her best to take the relationship to a whole new level. She calls me everyday and generally show lots of care and concern. I know she want us to settle down as soon as possible. Should I marry her, it sure I will have a mistress outside. I have done a deep soul search but the feelings are just not there. I have another girl who is not as successful as this other lady but I am in love with her. I want to make my relationship with her official. But my problem now is how do I let the first lady know without hurting her? How do I make her understand that I do not have feelings for her without affecting her self esteem? My people please help me before I hurt someone. Matured advice especially from Christian folks. Thank you |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by pheyikemi: 12:25pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
She z ur frnd, u aint dating her, so wt ur mouf tel her abt ds nyc lady u met nd really want to be wiv and dt u'll like her(ur frnd) to meet ur lady shikena. She'll get d picture |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 12:34pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
pheyikemi: She z ur frnd, u aint dating her, so wt ur mouf tel her abt ds nyc lady u met nd really want to be wiv and dt u'll like her(ur frnd) to meet ur lady shikena. She'll get d picture Telling her is not the issue but how to tell her without hurting her and affecting her self esteem. Remember she is still my friend and I wouldn`t be to see her hurt. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by pheyikemi: 12:44pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
Ournaija:*rolls eyes*, it myt jez be her nature to b caring. If she z dat into u, sit her down, tel her my earlier points and if she feels hurt, let her knw u lykd her nd dnt wanna hurt her by makin her life miserable in d nearest future if u both marry or beta still u seek a real pastor's advice 1st |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by babysnogls: 12:59pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
U should av put d distance btw u two long ago instead of d 'Canopy ministry' u were doin. Anyways.. If u av neva askd her out verbally, Invite her for a date and tell her to gist u about d man in her life then advice her to get a gd man as u wil also introduce ur own girl to her soon. Note: Canopy ministry is when u neva ask her out, yet u are all over her and ur presence chases away intending suitors. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 1:31pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
babysnogls: U should av put d distance btw u two long ago instead of d 'Canopy ministry' u were doin. Anyways.. If u av neva askd her out verbally, Invite her for a date and tell her to gist u about d man in her life then advice her to get a gd man as u wil also introduce ur own girl to her soon. Ok noted |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 1:38pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
pheyikemi: *rolls eyes*, it myt jez be her nature to b caring. If she z dat into u, sit her down, tel her my earlier points and if she feels hurt, let her knw u lykd her nd dnt wanna hurt her by makin her life miserable in d nearest future if u both marry or beta still u seek a real pastor's advice 1st It`s more than ordinary caring oooo. This days the calls are coming so frequent that am beginning to feel guilty for not calling. I wanted to gap her a it so that she can search for her own bobo. Now she is pushing gently to befriends to my family. Not that it`s bad, it`s just that I dont want to disappoint her. You know how people feel after all the friendship. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by pheyikemi: 2:04pm On Feb 11, 2013 |
Ournaija:to disappiont her now z beta dn disappointing her in marriage, she'll undastnd ds later. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Nobody: 2:09pm On Feb 12, 2013 |
You are sounding like a nice guy but you are not really nice if you were you would be "nice" enough to tell her in a kind way that you have someone you like. Women are not as fragile as you think when someone is being real and honest. The way you described her she will understand and so what if she does not want to be friends with you anymore? |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Nobody: 3:07pm On Feb 12, 2013 |
@ Poster . . I don't understand how a 'friend' will start thinking of settling down with you if you've not given her any green light. Have you EVER slept with her . . . even if it was just a one night stand   1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 4:56pm On Feb 12, 2013 |
Ujujoan: @ Poster . .we are both Christians. The thought of sleeping with her has not crossed my mind. I know she doesnt have a bf, she has told me many times that I make her happy each time we talk on fone. I hope you feel me. I dont want to hurt her for anything. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by pheyikemi: 6:17pm On Feb 12, 2013 |
Ournaija: we are both Christians. The thought of sleeping with her has not crossed my mind. I know she doesnt have a bf, she has told me many times that I make her happy each time we talk on fone. I hope you feel me. I dont want to hurt her for anything.. @Op, since u can't tel her, why not stay unmarried til u both grow old, then u won't hurt her okay 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 8:51am On Feb 14, 2013 |
pheyikemi: . @Op, since u can't tel her is the koko, why not stay unmarried til u both grow old, then u won't hurt her okay Telling her is not the issue but telling in such a way that it wouldnt hurt her. At least she is someone I love (platonic), respect and share my time with. How to handle it is what I need. I have made up my mind to let her know but how to handle it matters alot. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by maclatunji: 1:22am On Feb 15, 2013 |
Ournaija: Is she ugly? If na me, I go give her a chance. My personal belief: It is better to marry someone that loves you more than someone you love more especially as a man. We are perceived to be more rational. No cheating on the nice lady O. If you say she is not the one for you, cut her off completely but before you do that think long and hard. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by dayokanu(m): 1:56am On Feb 15, 2013 |
Nyansh her first if e sweet you continue |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Tgirl4real(f): 9:10am On Feb 15, 2013 |
Ujujoan: @ Poster . . It's very possible Uju. U no know women esp when they get to that marriageable age. @ OP, I don't really know what to say. This one thing u should know, there's nufin that will hurt her more than keeping the truth from her now. Have a date with her like someone suggested. U guys sit down and define ur relationship. That's one thing every male n female in a relationship should learn to do. Define your relationship with her. Let her know u only see her as a friend and nufin between u 2 and u would love her to remain as one. Moreover, u neva can tell. She could be d one in the future, so be careful how u treat her now. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 10:48am On Feb 15, 2013 |
maclatunji: Yes I have done the bolded. You know how guys feel when they sit near an opposite s.ex whom they have feelings for. Those feelings are missing. I see her more of a sister than a friend. She has all the qualities I would want my woman to possess. She is very intelligent, brilliant and quite successful. But the feeling is not just there. I stopped calling for a while and she called to ask me why am avoiding. I have tried to discourage her from coming to my place. I love her as I said, I do not want to mess her up emotionally. How do I help her get the message in a less hurtful way? |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by maclatunji: 9:35am On Feb 16, 2013 |
Ournaija: Ahhh...loff. I see you are looking for the Hollywood kind of 'love'. What if the person you will 'love' is one that will treat you like garbage and frustrate your efforts no matter how hard you try to please her? I would suggest you let your mother and sister have a look at her... they may agree that she is God sent to you. If after that you say your answer is still 'no', call her to a nice place and explain that you feel that she is making a claim for you and probably looking at marriage. As you are, you like her as a person but not as a wife. You would appreciate it if the interaction between you is limited so that each person can move on. Some love grows on you, not the ones you see in movies. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by GraceBestowed(f): 1:33pm On Feb 16, 2013 |
I'm responding from a Christian woman's point of view. What I don't get is that you say that you're sure to have a mistress outside your marriage if you, eventually, wife this friend. Please, take your mind off that notion. Marriage is not a joke, and it's fair that you're thinking about it so seriously, but you also need to use wisdom. You need to ask her for space, don't just ignore her, ask her for space, also ask this other chick you love for space, spend time alone with yourself, and pray about it, God will never lead you wrong. You need to do this wholeheartedly, or else, your fleshly desire will rule you into making a decision that negatively affects your destiny. All the best! |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Lolaabokoku(f): 8:01pm On Feb 16, 2013 |
na by force? |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by maclatunji: 8:53pm On Feb 16, 2013 |
Lolaabokoku: na by force? Something like that... the lady is like: "you are mine and aren't going anywhere." I think its kind of sweet. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by bendazum: 11:12pm On Feb 16, 2013 |
maclatunji: |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by amtheone(m): 11:16pm On Feb 16, 2013 |
Poster. This is what usually happens when u fall in love for selfish reasons. There is no point asking people to give u advice on how to tell her off without hurting her. There is no such word. Why did u give her hope when u didn't mean it? Why are u dating two grown ladies at d same time? Why are u comparing them? There is no need for ceremony abt the whole thing, just tell her. She will feel really bad considering all dat she has done to make the relation works. But don't tomorow wake up and do d same with d one u seem to love at d moment. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 4:58am On Feb 17, 2013 |
amtheone: Poster. This is what usually happens when u fall in love for selfish reasons.We are friends, we seems to have much in common and I never gave her false hope. I enjoy her company as well, I cant deny that. I want her to marry someone who is also in love with her, she deserves it. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by amtheone(m): 7:52am On Feb 17, 2013 |
@ournaija, Ok. If like what u said dat u guys are just friends then there is no much problems or issues. But again, u mentioned about having much in common. That is where u have issue, because ladies most time don't take issue lightly. So, it depends on what u guys have been having in common all this while. However, I have this feeling dat ur friend has some hopes in u and u telling her off will hurt. Having said so, u have to tell her the truth. Whatever happen, u have to manage it well as a man. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Nobody: 1:59pm On Feb 17, 2013 |
Ournaija: We are friends, we seems to have much in common and I never gave her false hope. I enjoy her company as well, I cant deny that. I want her to marry someone who is also in love with her, she deserves it. Why so much ceremony? Is the lady having some heart ailment that if you tell her may lead to a sudden heart attack? Again the way you described this lady if truly you have not lead her on,if you tell her the truth in a kind way she will be very happy. I sense you are scared of losing her completely you should ask yourself why. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by sophy09: 2:20pm On Feb 17, 2013 |
Poster, I feel sorry for you. It is guys like you who do not know what they have until the lose it. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by obowunmi(m): 2:52pm On Feb 17, 2013 |
OP: Introduce her to the new baby. Life is too short for such sentiments. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by obowunmi(m): 2:54pm On Feb 17, 2013 |
plus, if you are a true christian as you claim, why don't you take their names to God in prayer and pray about both of them. I'm sure God will show you something...... and if you don't try this method, then maybe "god" isn't real after all. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by dvonne(f): 3:37pm On Feb 17, 2013 |
Go with the one you love ! Anyone advising you to go for someone who loves you has never been married. You will wake up beside that person for the next 70 years. Loving some one comes from the soul not their achievements rather your soul recognizes them as the right fit for you and this does not mean they are perfect but they are perfect for you. A woman who tries to woo a man by calling him all the time is setting herself up for disappointment anyway. This is such an important decision for you please do not marry out of pity , politely tell the other lady that you have found love and pray she does too. Do not rely on the other lady's love which can change in future rather rely on the love you feel in your heart Introduce her to your single friends. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Nobody: 4:58pm On Feb 17, 2013 |
dvonne: Go with the one you love ! Very good advice. |
| Re: How Do I Tell My Female Friend That I Don`t Have Feelings For Her? by Ournaija: 7:46pm On Feb 17, 2013 |
dvonne: Go with the one you love !Thank you so much. I have given this serious thought thru and thru. My heart still goes for the other lady though not perfect and successful as this other lady but I love her. Initially, I thought she no send me until I found out. She loves me dearly tooo. My friend whom I dont want hurt is also dear to me. |
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