This story is confusing so answers are needed to keep the sanity of a totally distubed male mind.

I've been wondering what could make a woman do the following and still claim to be a good Wife and mother (i guess I'm from planet mars).

I need you to help assess the situation tgen go ahead and judge.

Yes! Here's where you get to do that freely with the details provided below.
Summary of the actions of a regular Nigerian female married to an average Nigerian male.
Please be objective in your judgements as both parties deserve fair treatment.

1) 32 year old Wife of 6 years starves hubby of sex
Her reason: "He's not romantic doesn't know how to turn me on".

2) Requests the condom each time prior to sex i.e once in a lifetime
Her reason: "I'm a career woman, i have to get that promotion.
I lost out the other time when i got pregnant with our second child".

3) Leaves home before hubby when it's time to go to work:
Her reason: "5:30am does it for me and i can't go with you in your car, the bike man is faster or I'll be late again"

4) Leaves home early, no chores no prayers:
Her reason: "You have made me loose faith in God"

5) Goes through hubby's phone virtually all the time:
Her reason: "What you know will not kill you but it empowers you"

6) Posts pictures on facebook when hubby insists she remove it from whatsapp (Hubby is not her facebook friend so only saw it by chance).
Her reason: There's really nothing wrong with the picture.

7) Rides past hubby on three occasions on her way home just about 3km to the house, didn't know hubby saw her
Her reason: "I wanted to quickly relieve the nanny".

Posts suggestive messages and pictures on social media:
Her reason: "I just like them, it's not what i'm going through".

9) Arrives home at 10/11pm on a 2hour 30mins journey.
Office COB is 5pm:
Her reasons: Traffic or i left at 5.30pm

10) Won't apply for a transfer despite the fact that the new house of six months is far from her workplace.
Her reason: "Those four bank branches close to the house are not challenging, i can't meet my targets there or get promoted".

11) Hubby takes the family to the hospital, the kids had fever. Wife then uses the oportunity to complain to a Doctor without hubby's knowledge and even runs tests without telling him.
Gets prescription drugs and didn't show him.
Her reason: None

The man of the house is angry at all of this, tension is high.
One thing leads to another and a case of domestic violence occurs.
Hubby is still angry but swallows his pride and tries to make ammends with lovemaking two days later.
The Wife pushed him to the floor from the bed.
He gets angry and seemingly accepts his fate.
Realizing that Wifey had deactivated her facebook account after his comment on the controversial picture she posted despite his disapproval.
He sends Wife packing probably to ease the tension or for good.
She has been away for close to a week leaving her kids behind but taking her work clothes with her....life goes on!
No attempts at reconciliation or a word from Wife's family.

How would you rate this situation?
What could be wrong here?
Is the man overbearing or insecure?
What steps should have been taken to avert this?

Comments and reactions are welcome.
Maturity in posting responses is expected to come in play.

Hubby is a paranoid man.. maybe bipolar..

Coldplay007:
Hubby is a paranoid man.. maybe bipolar..

Honestly, the guy sounds like a petty, nit picky person. 80% of the reasons she gave there made perfect sense but he wouldn't see that because of paranoia.
Op your wife is a driven career woman. She is passionate about her job that's why she wants to meet targets and leave house early and so on. Also, nothing is wrong with her searching your phone and passing you unknowingly in traffic.
You're just a sensitive man.

What more clue are you looking for? That woman is certainly seeing someone else or extremely close to it.

The hand writing is on the wall for you to see.

The love is gone in the marriage.
It's been a marriage of endurance.
Both parties will do well to remain separated and reflect on what they want.
Time apart may truly show them the best decision. Are they happier apart than together?

But the case of domestic violence was against Who?
Did she slap her husband or he slapped her?
I don't think you'll do that to anyone, and then claim to swallow pride by trying to sleep with the same person. She probably felt like digging a knife into the husband's heart.

Coldplay007:
Hubby is a paranoid man.. maybe bipolar..

What has paranoia and being a bipolar patient got to do with it?

Women of these days' hypocrisy is alarming. Imagine it is the husband melting out same treatment?

Which sensible married woman won't pray with her husband or even do house chores? Career or no career.

What's making her go through the husband's phone? A cheat doesn't want to be cheated. Fact.

I tell my wife a picture she used on her whatsapp is too insensitive, she removes it then goes straight to facebook to post same picture. Massive lack of respect for the husband. A thing a senseless woman who doesn't care about her marriage would do. Career or no career, the man is still the head and must be respected. Can she be stupidly idiotic to her boss at work like that?

11. Is even quite telling.

Even if she is not cheating she lacks respect for the husband or even deliberately trying to frustrate the husband so he backs out of the marriage rather than her doing it.

Being a career woman doesn't mean you have to neglect your husband/home. Imagine it was the husband doing the same, women on here will be calling him names.

So many sick irresponsible female on this post.... Rubbish human beings.

@op....the man has apologized... Let her be... I always tell my wife... I will never debase myself before I'm forgiven... I will apologize 6times at different intervals and that's it... Even if she doesn't accept it or not... I will never talk about the issue again.


Allow her to stay in her father's house.. Let her enjoy and have fun... Someday she will calm down and then the ball will be in ur court... Then u will do and undo....my dad will always say that anger doesn't last forever... Just calm down... The woman head go clear.

It's not a do or die affair... Give the kids as much attention as possible. Try to live as if your wife doesn't exist, it would calm your nerves. I beleive in all things, family comes 1st... So let her be, before people say you're not only paranoia & so on.

Coldplay007:
Hubby is a paranoid man.. maybe bipolar..

I want to believe this is OP's wife or how else do we explain how a woman can quickly come to such rash judgement even wen d facts are glaring.

OP you are on the right track. Let her eat her career. Take some time to heal, find a way to tend to your kids and with time, you will find true love cos wat u had before was merely infatuation

Op is looking for justification of his actions, and paranoia, You beat up your wife and went back to have sex with her.....you are lucky she didnt stab you a 100 times and dismember your corpse.

Monitoring and controlling spirit horseband you are. You want her to be at your beck and calls always, without seeing things from her perspectives. No wonder none of her family member bothered to call you to know what happened. Why will they when they already know what an overbearing louse you are and they are happy that their daughter is cooling off with them.

You came to vent because you are missing the financial helps she brings. Nonsense. She is waiting to file a divorce soon so you can continue with your ego trips.

@Op see I am not married but I empathise with you.

For some people like me , am a guy. A great family trumps a great career sadly some women dont see it like that.

I work in Lagos now but I have sworn not to marry a lady raised in Lagos.

We have millions like ur wife, women who were not raised in a home . They might have grown up in a house but most do not even know a lost job can be gotten back but a lost home is gone forever.

I pity you so much cos the pressure of your wife irresposibility might make you to start having affairs especially if you are a very sexually agile man.

The truth is this, you married the wrong woman. I cant say the extent of your own culpability but its important you accept that fact.

The woman you married will likely sleep with her boss to earn a promotion. I hope single guys are reading this so they can learn to look out for these things before commiting to a lady.


I pray God heals your home @OP. The only thing that is left to secure your home now is prayers. Turn to God. He will restore your wayward wife.

Love is gone.
Trust is gone.
Communication is dead.

For a woman to put her career so much above family, without any care in the world or compromise _she has given up on the marriage or lost her sense of security in it.


They should put their pride aside and go back to where it all started.

Hmmm...

I was going to ask that you learn to turn her on , leave early to suit her timing, etc until I read the rest of her moves. It is well. Biko wish prescription pills did she get? Whew! My mind went....this guy don enter one chance there

TheArchangel:
Op is looking for justification of his actions, and paranoia, You beat up your wife and went back to have sex with her.....you are lucky she didnt stab you a 100 times and dismember your corpse.

Monitoring and controlling spirit horseband you are. You want her to be at your beck and calls always, without seeing things from her perspectives. No wonder none of her family member bothered to call you to know what happened. Why will they when they already know what an overbearing louse you are and they are happy that their daughter is cooling off with them.

You came to vent because you are missing the financial helps she brings. Nonsense. She is waiting to file a divorce soon so you can continue with your ego trips.

Women's hypocrisy these days is sickening. It is pathetic how you hurl abuses on the op but ignore the childish and very irresponsible wife.

Same you hypocrites will go on and call him names if he had gone outside to seek happiness whereas it is the wife's action that has led to the nonsense.

Which woman in her senses, a married one as that does the shiit the op has listed.

Wonder if you are married because if you are, you should know a wife, a sensible wife shouldn't behave the way that supposed wife has.

It is even more pathetic and outright idiotic that you insult him saying it is because of the finances, Seun should stop unmarried women from commenting on married couples' posts on nairaland.

Sorry to say, if you are married then I seriously pity that man who has "wived" you.

PaperLace:
Love is gone.
Trust is gone.
Communication is dead.

For a woman to put her career so much above family, without any care in the world or compromise _she has given up on the marriage or lost her sense of security in it.


They should put their pride aside and go back to where it all started.

She puts her career over her home. Why the f*ck did she marry in the first place? It is even disgusting that some so called wives her defending this shiit.

The man of the house is angry at all of this, tension is high

One thing leads to another and a case of domestic violence occurs.

Hubby is still angry but swallows his pride and tries to make ammends with lovemaking two days later.
Wife pushed him to the floor from the bed

I want to draw attention to this part. Can you imagine how the OP lightly skipped over the part where he beat his wife up as if it doesn't mean anything. As if domestic violence is not a serious thing?
You spend time bullet pointing her supposed flaws and highlighting them one by one but just skips over his beating up his wife.

This already tells me the story OP is telling is very one sided and flawed. Who knows what else the man has been doing at home to his wife that he didn't mention here? Busy highlighting points like he is blameless and perfect in the whole situation.

I bet if the wife comes to tell her own side of the story we would all know how guilty he is in all

abescom:
She puts her career over her home. Why the f*ck did she marry in the first place? It is even disgusting that some so called wives her defending this shiit.

I simply stated what she is doing, how is that defence?

Why did he marry her in the first place?

When you marry a career man/woman _there are things you'll have to put up with it. It's up to them to reach a compromise.

It's more disgusting you can't understand before typing shiit.

the truth is you are both tired of each other you are quit possessive and she is nonchalant . you need her attention and want to hold her as a wife but to her career comes first. I don't know what led you to abusing her as you obviously deliberately skipped that part. you were wrong to have beaten her you have only pushed her further away. and I sensed that wasn't the first time. reach out to her call her family and both of you should talk. tell me which woman will gladly accept you to her bosom after you have dealt with her physically? you are just unfortunate to marry a woman who doesn't care. That doesn't exonerate you either. it takes two to make a wrong in marriage.

PaperLace:



I simply stated what she is doing, how is that defence?

Why did he marry her in the first place?

When you marry a career man/woman _there are things you'll have to put up with it. It's up to them to reach a compromise.

It's more disgusting you can't understand before typing shiit.

Calm down. I was backing you up not going against you.

The lady isn't ready to be a wife.; that's why some men cheat

abescom:
Women's hypocrisy these days is sickening. It is pathetic how you hurl abuses on the op but ignore the childish and very irresponsible wife.

Same you hypocrites will go on and call him names if he had gone outside to seek happiness whereas it is the wife's action that has led to the nonsense.

Which woman in her senses, a married one as that does the shiit the op has listed.

Wonder if you are married because if you are, you should know a wife, a sensible wife shouldn't behave the way that supposed wife has.

It is even more pathetic and outright idiotic that you insult him saying it is because of the finances, Seun should stop unmarried women from commenting on married couples' posts on nairaland.

Sorry to say, if you are married then I seriously pity that man who has "wived" you.

idgaf

It's alarming that she has those responses to the questions asked.
That's typical of a black woman (sharp tongued).
It's every man's responsibility to overcome their anger over those attitude.
However, denying a sexually active man sex with all the different hormones flowing freeely inside him is asking for trouble (He would cheat and another problem starts).
As his Wife, it is responsibility number one to keep him satisfied and your right to be too unless you're having it elsewhere of course.
It's best to respect each other's feelings.
When it's not working and you've tried then mutual separation does it.

Who are this little imp getting married nowadays ,and also the small adult always shouting women are useless and men are retards ,forgetting to mention the oarents as one of their members.
Back to all u have listed, nos 1, did u and ur secondary school mate get rich at the same time ? Nope i guess y do u think marriages should be this way only which is ur way, marriage requires tolerance,patience,love,companionship,forgiveness 101 percent ,if u re not ready to bring this to table get the f...k out or dont even bother going into it. Lotta pple that gives advice on social media actually dont practice what they preach,they will just end up making u hate a man or a woman coming together to form a union.

So you don't like what she posts, then she deletes her Facebook and you're still upset. Why?

Okay tell us who beat who up and why. what led to the domestic violence part. That's more important than Facebook posts and her driving past you to go relieve the nanny on time. You don't gloss over important details and go in depth with irrelevant data and expect us to side with you.

She leaves home early and comes back late because of her bank job. Well I see how that can affect the family. Still doesn't make her a bad person and you both can work on that to reach a suitable agreement if you put aside violence and nit picking on other small issues.

1)Ask her what turns her on. Some women don't like sex because the men think it's only about them having a release. No time invested in making the woman cumm. You fix that!

2) she's right in asking for a condom. It's a contraceptive. Unless you're the one who's going to get pregnant and have more children for the family, don't challenge her wanting a condom. Alternatively you can seek other methods of contraception. That's probably what she got from the doctor that she didn't show you. Maybe she thinks you won't be in support. ITS HER BODY.!!!

3) who has time for chores if they have to leave home at 5:30? Dude are you for real? Clean up after yourself. If she does the same, you guys will barely have much chores to do except big stuff that can be done on off days. I can't imagine doing chores when I have to leave home by 7:00am even. Be realistic.

4) keep prayers short if you totally must have them every morning. Maybe that will convince her to join you. I pray in the car when I'm driving out in the morning with my foot on the gas pedal. No time to kneel and do a ceremony for it.

What type of suggestive message did she post on social media ? Give us an example.

MOST IMPORTANTLY. Go and apologize to your in-laws. If you beat their daughter up and expect them to reach out to you for reconciliation, then it means the whole problem is with you. Unless she's the one who beat you up in which case you're right to expect reconciliation moves from them.

The woman ain't interested in her marriage...

Simple.

cococandy:
So you don't like what she posts, then she deletes her Facebook and you're still upset. Why?

which woman who respects her husband does that? She was told the picture she had on whatsapp should not have been. She removes it and then posted it on facebook because her husband isn't a friend on facebook. Who does that? A senseless, irresponsible woman who should not be married does.

2) she's right in asking for a condom. It's a contraceptive. Unless you're the one who's going to get pregnant and have more children for the family, don't challenge her wanting a condom. Alternatively you can seek other methods of contraception. That's probably what she got from the doctor that she didn't show you. Maybe she thinks you won't be in support. ITS HER BODY.!!!

are you for real? It is not her body the day she got married. No one forced her. If anything, it should be a mutually agreed thing. Some of you women of these days are just plainly sick and outright irresponsible.

Evacroft:
Who are this little imp getting married nowadays ,and also the small adult always shouting women are useless and men are retards ,forgetting to mention the oarents as one of their members.
Back to all u have listed, nos 1, did u and ur secondary school mate get rich at the same time ? Nope i guess y do u think marriages should be this way only which is ur way, marriage requires tolerance,patience,love,companionship,forgiveness 101 percent ,if u re not ready to bring this to table get the f...k out or dont even bother going into it. Lotta pple that gives advice on social media actually dont practice what they preach,they will just end up making u hate a man or a woman coming together to form a union.

Absolutely spot on. I can't believe the women who have commented here so far. Th level of senseless submissions on here is shocking and very nauseating.

Seems like you're the husband's alternate account
Which husband tries to police what his wife posts on Facebook unless he's insecure.
He should show us a sample of the said picture let's see what's so wrong with it.

And then she deletes the Facebook and he's still mad. One would think that would have solved the whole issue. Just that he's a nag

And yes after they got married, it's still her body. She's not a commodity owned and to be used as pleased by the owner. What a stupid comment you just made.

abescom:
which woman who respects her husband does that? She was told the picture she had on whatsapp should not have been. She removes it and then posted it on facebook because her husband isn't a friend on facebook. Who does that? A senseless, irresponsible woman who should not be married does.

are you for real? It is not her body the day she got married. No one forced her. If anything, it should be a mutually agreed thing. Some of you women of these days are just plainly sick and outright irresponsible.

so this section still emits foolish opinion?

abeg guy divorce your wife, no stress yourself....

check this plain stupidity

6) Posts pictures on facebook when hubby insists she remove it from whatsapp (Hubby is not her facebook friend so only saw it by chance).Her reason: There's really nothing wrong with the picture.

cococandy:
Seems like you're the husband's alternate account
Which husband tries to police what his wife posts on Facebook unless he's insecure.
He should show us a sample of the said picture let's see what's so wrong with it.

And then she deletes the Facebook and he's still mad. One would think that would have solved the whole issue. Just that he's a nag

And yes after they got married, it's still her body. She's not a commodity owned and to be used as pleased by the owner. What a stupid comment you just made.

Alternate account ko, alternate moniker ni.

I don't even know the OP but I hate stupid women who ought not to get into marriage getting into marriage and ruining a man.

And re the picture - the husband doesn't like it, it doesn't matter what you or others think. He doesn't like it and that's the most important thing. If the wife has any iota of respect for the husband she would not have gone on facebook to post the same.

No matter how you try to justify it, it is disrespect. And deleting the facebook counts for nothing, it was after all not until the husband saw the picture she posted on there and commented on it.

I pity your husband seriously. A sensible woman knows her body belongs to the husband. Only irresponsible women think otherwise.

lilmax:
so this section still emits foolish opinion?

abeg guy divorce your wife, no stress yourself....

check this plain stupidity

6) Posts pictures on facebook when hubby insists she remove it from whatsapp (Hubby is not her facebook friend so only saw it by chance).Her reason: There's really nothing wrong with the picture.

The height of disrespect. The op is even gentle asking and wanting to go and beg her. I will never beg such a woman. Never.

Only a nag will come online to whine about a Facebook post when the said Facebook account has been entirely deleted.
Says a lot about the level of seriousness of the other non-issues they have.

You pity someone whose feet you're not worthy to clean? Mumu. Don't go and get your life in order. You dey pity who no dey on the same level with you.
Misplaced priorities

abescom:
Alternate account ko, alternate moniker ni.

I don't even know the OP but I hate stupid women who ought not to get into marriage getting into marriage and ruining a man.

And re the picture - the husband doesn't like it, it doesn't matter what you or others think. He doesn't like it and that's the most important thing. If the wife has any iota of respect for the husband she would not have gone on facebook to post the same.

No matter how you try to justify it, it is disrespect. And deleting the facebook counts for nothing, it was after all not until the husband saw the picture she posted on there and commented on it.

I pity your husband seriously. A sensible woman knows her body belongs to the husband. Only irresponsible women think otherwise.