This topic is very personal to me so any advice would be very welcome....

A friend and his wife have a child that has been very ill and have been told this evening that the child wont live beyond the next 2 months, this is extremely difficultfro them. The wife is emotionally shattered and wants to be beside their child until her last day, the husband feels this is too heavy an emotional burden for him to bear and wants to put the child in a children's Hospice.. Please is it a crime for a mans heart not to be able to watch his 4 year old daughter die?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he can't! and now his wife is calling him selfish, please what do you think? Any advice would be very welcome

Let the woman who gave birth to the child have her wish.

The man should go find a place to pray. I really hope a miracle happens.

GoD be with the couple.

The couple should pray to God,and if possible make a convenant with Him,the doctor may be totally wrong and the child will survive,kindly update us when the child gets better

Oh! I really feel pity for the couple.
Op, is d kid an SS?
There is absolutely nothing God cannot do, they should hold on to their faith, miracles abound, they shouldnt lose hope, d girl may survive it, let d mother have her wish, she suffered her birthpain and i can understand her feelings, its not easy.
On d other hand, if d girl eventualyy didnt make it, let them remember that God gives, God takes, let them have their faith in him still. God knows better than we do, its better to lose d kid now, when they can still even have other ones, than to cater and train d kid till when she becomes adult and stil have to die after becoming adults, when d couple can no longer have another child, and secondly, its better to let go rather than for the little angel to continually live in pain, if you really love someone dearly, you wont want to see d person living continually in gross pain.
This my advise is not out of wickedness or meanness, but out of love,and i really feel for the couple, and for d kid.
May God be with them in this their distress period and give them d strenght to carry on, regardless of what happens.

This is beyond me.......I don't even know what I'd do in this situation

Ive spent much time in the hospital to know that men handle it differently. They tend to back away from it while the ladies stay night and day around the sick children.

OP said young couple right?..it's simple, jump right into bed and begin to initiate the process of making another one no time for dulling oh....

Truckpusher: OP said young couple right?..it's simple, jump right into bed and begin to initiate the process of making another one no time for dulling oh....

Your head needs readjusted.

SniperInADiaper:

Your head needs readjusted.

sniper you dey para oh!..oya come make i kiss you small

Truckpusher: sniper you dey para oh!..oya come make i kiss you small

I always thought you were gay...this confirms it

Truckpusher: sniper you dey para oh!..oya come make i kiss you small

Oya come.. Make I kick sense into your balls.

SniperInADiaper:

Oya come.. Make I kick sense into your balls.

why my love?

Mynd_44:
I always thought you were gay...this confirms it

*pukes*...coming from you of all people.... why am my not surprised

Mynd_44:
I always thought you were gay...this confirms it

you really feel that i'm gay?... and if yes where did you get that notion from?...seriously asking

Truckpusher: you really feel that i'm gay?... and if yes where did you get that notion from?...seriously asking

Truckpusher don vex

SniperInADiaper:

Truckpusher don vex

vex ke ...somebody just come here dey advertise ignorance , you want make i keep quiet dey watch am..smdh

this reminds me of when i lost my kid sister.
my parents were not what you would call young couples then but they were human. sorry i can't spare the details as i think its too personnal, i can still picture the agony on my mum's face... taking your kid around keeping late nights, spending like crazy and not getting any results. i was not around when it all happened but even after weeks the atmosphere was still heavy like the sky was gonna fall. i remember how i felt, being that i was not told, i was just required to come back home and on my way home the sorries and the take hearts nearly caught me off guard. i feared for the worst... she was the last, she was the master piece, and each occassion that causes me to remember it leaves me with goose bumps and a sullen spirit.

I believe miracles happen, but just in case it's the child's time to go.. let me share our experience when we lost our daughter.

She was our first child.
Although hard to bear, i remember being advised to be there for my wife. I remember i would excuse myself for brief moments, lock myself in my car (or the bathroom) and cry my eyeballs out. Wipe my face and then come out to be the strong one for her.

After the funeral, my wife went to spend some time with her mom, away from the oohs*, aahs* and sorrys* of people. After a while, the sympathies/comments really get nauseating. We then went on a vacation and i continued to reassure her that everything would be alright. In retrospect, i don't think she ever saw me cry.... But i wept.. God knows how many times i wept. To be honest, time does heal all wounds... but the scars still remain. Funny enough, the experience forged an even greater bond between us.

Ask your friend to always remember.."This too shall pass"... This is not the time to think about himself, he should remember that his wife and child need him more. Emotional outbursts from his wife are to be expected and also she'll ask him some tough questions about life, God etc... He should take it in stride and i pray God grants him the wisdom to see this through.

However, if a miracle occurs and his child gets well... He should never forget this experience and always remember how valuable his family is to him.
BTW we've been blessed with another child and he's a bundle of joy

Pray and wait on the Lord,and go to the hospital

@aniffy4eva and dubem3 I'm sorry about your loss and I thank God for the restoration and the strength to deal with the loss.

lestat: This topic is very personal to me so any advice would be very welcome....

A friend and his wife have a child that has been very ill and have been told this evening that the child wont live beyond the next 2 months, this is extremely difficultfro them. The wife is emotionally shattered and wants to be beside their child until her last day, the husband feels this is too heavy an emotional burden for him to bear and wants to put the child in a children's Hospice.. Please is it a crime for a mans heart not to be able to watch his 4 year old daughter die?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he can't! and now his wife is calling him selfish, please what do you think? Any advice would be very welcome

I cannot imagine the pain they are going through right now and I pray for a miracle for them.

That being said, I don't think emotional burden is a good enough reason to put your dying child in hospice. Basically what he is saying is that he wants to start the process of forgetting about the child right now. If thy we're unable to handle the care she needs at home or if her pain and suffering would be better managed in hospice, those are good reasons. Also I know in the US you can also get hospice care at home.

The man should think about the dying child too, will she prefer to live at home with her loved ones in an environment that she is comfortable with or would she want to be thrown into a strange new environment with strange faces.

That being said, sick children sometimes tears families apart because of these types of differences. If the guy insists on hospice, will he be able to handle his wife later resenting him for not allowing her provide the optimum care and love to her dying child in her final days. I think he should just be supportive and be there for his wife and child or he may be headed for a marriage breakdown. He is not the only one suffering an emotional burden because of this.

It's a difficult situation. But very sick children very often throw a wedge in marriages. Sad.

@OP wow this is a really difficult life situation. But their is no wrong or right answer here as both parents heart is being torn to pieces. They both need to come together and make a collaborative decision. One that will not adversly affect their marriage once the child is gone. They need to sit down and discuss it as parents. If the husband refuse and the child dies in the hospice the wife may blame him for depriving her time with her child. On the flip side the husband may blame the wife for keeping the child in the home and he having to see his child suffer. They both need too come together and figure out what is best for their family. May g-d comfort them in their time of need.

ileobatojo:

I cannot imagine the pain they are going through right now and I pray for a miracle for them.

That being said, I don't think emotional burden is a good enough reason to put your dying child in hospice. Basically what he is saying is that he wants to start the process of forgetting about the child right now. If thy we're unable to handle the care she needs at home or if her pain and suffering would be better managed in hospice, those are good reasons. Also I know in the US you can also get hospice care at home.

The man should think about the dying child too, will she prefer to live at home with her loved ones in an environment that she is comfortable with or would she want to be thrown into a strange new environment with strange faces.

That being said, sick children sometimes tears families apart because of these types of differences. If the guy insists on hospice, will he be able to handle his wife later detesting hin for not allowing her provide the optimum care and love to her dying child in her final days. I think he should just be supportive and be there for his wife and child or he may be headed for a marriage breakdown. He is not the only one suffering an emotional burden because of this.

It's a difficult situation. But very sick children very often throw a wedge in marriages. Sad.

Unfortunately this is true and here my land leads to a lot of divorce :/

Soon you will come bck here to testify about this in Jesus name, chicken die i dey cry not to talk of baby of 4 years. let them pray and believe, God who gave will not make them loose this baby. it is well with them.

SniperInADiaper:

Unfortunately this is true and here my land leads to a lot of divorce :/

I've seen it happen a couple of times, couples blown apart due to serious health issues in their children.

SniperInADiaper: Ive spent much time in the hospital to know that men handle it differently. They tend to back away from it while the ladies stay night and day around the sick children.

hmmm! we do share the same thoughts. how are you doing anyway? it's been a while.

berem: hmmm! we do share the same thoughts. how are you doing anyway? it's been a while.

Indeed. Life is moving along.

Thank you all so much for your positive reassurances and heart felt comments.. the father's spirit is broken, he cant go to work, he calls me all the time his voice is shaky, it breaks my heart, but his reason is he cant bear to see their child suffer anymore, he doesn't want to watch her go, he says he can't see he suffer like this.. I don't know what to say... his wife wont leave her side. she cares for her day and night like she is healthy..i am confused here..THIS IS SOO HORRIBLE?!!!. but personally they both deserve to grieve how they see fit or this could leave lasting emotional scars, i don't know what to tell him i think maybe he should go to his parents place but allow the wife to stay in the house with their daughter, this is just my opinion havnt yet told him

lestat: Thank you all so much for your positive reassurances and heart felt comments.. the father's spirit is broken, he cant go to work, he calls me all the time his voice is shaky, it breaks my heart, but his reason is he cant bear to see their child suffer anymore, he doesn't want to watch her go, he says he can't see he suffer like this.. I don't know what to say... his wife wont leave her side. she cares for her day and night like she is healthy..i am confused here..THIS IS SOO HORRIBLE?!!!. but personally they both deserve to grieve how they see fit or this could leave lasting emotional scars, i don't know what to tell him i think maybe he should go to his parents place but allow the wife to stay in the house with their daughter, this is just my opinion havnt yet told him

Very very sad. I wonder if he's mostly bottling up his grief. It's possible his wife doesn't know the extent this is affecting him. I still don't think they should take the child to hospice unless mutually desired. I think he needs to see a grief counsellor and/or psychiatrist ASAP to help him cope better. He is mentally exhausted, out of gas. The wife probably should see a grief counsellor too. All the best to them.

aniffy4eva: I believe miracles happen, but just in case it's the child's time to go.. let me share our experience when we lost our daughter.

She was our first child.
Although hard to bear, i remember being advised to be there for my wife. I remember i would excuse myself for brief moments, lock myself in my car (or the bathroom) and cry my eyeballs out. Wipe my face and then come out to be the strong one for her.

After the funeral, my wife went to spend some time with her mom, away from the oohs*, aahs* and sorrys* of people. After a while, the sympathies/comments really get nauseating. We then went on a vacation and i continued to reassure her that everything would be alright. In retrospect, i don't think she ever saw me cry.... But i wept.. God knows how many times i wept. To be honest, time does heal all wounds... but the scars still remain. Funny enough, the experience forged an even greater bond between us.

Ask your friend to always remember.."This too shall pass"... This is not the time to think about himself, he should remember that his wife and child need him more. Emotional outbursts from his wife are to be expected and also she'll ask him some tough questions about life, God etc... He should take it in stride and i pray God grants him the wisdom to see this through.

However, if a miracle occurs and his child gets well... He should never forget this experience and always remember how valuable his family is to him.
BTW we've been blessed with another child and he's a bundle of joy

This post just made me teary...

God bless your family.

This is one of those situations you can hardly fault the decision of any of the parties involved, as we all deal with difficulties in different manners.
Hopefully, the man sees the need to agree with his wife on this, as I doubt it is a case of asking for too much for the child to have her parents close to her and vice versa during her last days. . . .Besides, they need all the peace, unity and love they can provide for themselves during this period.