I did both my Traditional and Registry marriage early last year. I had to go for the registry wedding as I had no time to plan for the Church wedding and also wanted the Marriage certificate for some documentations with regards to her NYSC. Along the line we saw the need to start a building project, which we started last month. We still believe there will be church wedding as we are both Catholics, but the magnitude of the ceremony is what we were still discussing.
Last weekend, she joyfully announced that she is pregnant. I was elated and thanked God. Now she wants us to do the wedding As soon as possible before people will notice. Her insistence got me angry!! As I type this, I am bitterly upset, because as much I know, we are fully married.

Is there anything wrong with pregnancy before church wedding? Or am I the one getting angry wrongly?
Is it the church wedding that confer on couple the right the get pregnant and bear children? Does the church/white wedding define a successful or blessed marriage as my spouse believes?

why not let people know you've already done the registry and traditional wedding, i fail to see why you must fight the church because you got your wife pregnant.

Baridon1122: I did both my Traditional and Registry marriage early last year. I had to go for the registry wedding as I had no time to plan for the Church wedding and also wanted the Marriage certificate for some documentations with regards to her NYSC. Along the line we saw the need to start a building project, which we started last month. We still believe there will be church wedding as we are both Catholics, but the magnitude of the ceremony is what we were still discussing.
Last weekend, she joyfully announced that she is pregnant. I was elated and thanked God. Now she wants us to do the wedding As soon as possible before people will notice. Her insistence got me angry!! As I type this, I am bitterly upset, because as much I know, we are fully married.

Is there anything wrong with pregnancy before church wedding? Or am I the one getting angry wrongly?
Is it the church wedding that confer on couple the right the get pregnant and bear children? Does the church/white wedding define a successful or blessed marriage as my spouse believes?

why should her insistence get you antsy?
are you angry because you cannot afford what she's asking for at the moment or you are angry at the church? what was the agreement between you two? why impregnate her when you knew you weren't ready for the church wedding? pregnancy changes the dynamics of any relationship. my advice: go and do the wedding - ladies live for the church wedding. suspend your housing project for now and do the white wedding.

double post!

coogar:

why should her insistence get you antsy?
are you angry because you cannot afford what she's asking for at the moment or you are angry at the church? what was the agreement between you two? why impregnate her when you knew you weren't ready for the church wedding? pregnancy changes the dynamics of any relationship. my advice: go and do the wedding - ladies live for the church wedding. suspend your housing project for now and do the white wedding.

It is statements like the one highlighted in red that reduce my respect for some ladies!! Correct yourself and say "Nigerian Ladies". What is so special about church wedding??

@OP, I get no advice for ya, let me go and make sure my woman is not trying the same antics to get a church wedding, because I don't like show offs.

let the baby come out first before the church wedding

Curious_city:
It is statements like the one highlighted in red that reduce my respect for some ladies!! Correct yourself and say "Nigerian Ladies". What is so special about church wedding??

you have to respect yourself first before you can respect any lady. the only reason you reduce your respect for some ladies is because your self-respect is nothing to write home about.

@OP, I get no advice for ya, let me go and make sure my woman is not trying the same antics to get a church wedding, because I don't like show offs.

don't put a woman in the family way if you are not ready to take her to church......unless that's the agreement from the onset.

Curious_city:

It is statements like the one highlighted in red that reduce my respect for some ladies!! Correct yourself and say "Nigerian Ladies". What is so special about church wedding??

@OP, I get no advice for ya, let me go and make sure my woman is not trying the same antics to get a church wedding, because I don't like show offs.

Rotflmao

Cooger's right, who doesn't want to show off in a Vera wang- like grown before getting knocked up?

jmoore: let the baby come out first before the church wedding

that's one option.

coogar:

you have to respect yourself first before you can respect any lady. the only reason you reduce your respect for some ladies is because your self-respect is nothing to write home about.



don't put a woman in the family way if you are not ready to take her to church......unless that's the agreement from the onset.

Well, @coogar, I don't need to argue with U. I leave U to other women who know and agree that women don't 'live for the church wedding'.
By your assertion, the quality of the union before and after the church wedding does not matter? When did the Church wedding become "a do or die"
thing in Nigeria?
My own understanding is that white/church wedding is the invention of the white woman. Yet, many of them don't mind common-law partnership or what we call in naija "co-habitation".
They live happily with it and raise useful children. Yet in Nigeria, women live for the church wedding. Do U really believe what you typed??

IMO only bums do common law.

Curious_city:
Well, @coogar, I don't need to argue with U. I leave U to other women who know and agree that women don't 'live for the church wedding'.

maybe the ones in the village with no exposure or the ones whose parents never did church wedding. how would you put a woman in the house without the church's blessings and you call yourself a christian?

By your assertion, the quality of the union before and after the church wedding does not matter? When did the Church wedding become "a do or die"
thing in Nigeria?

where exactly did i mention this assertion? why do you people possess the uncanny ability to put words into people's mouth? the quality of the union matters so is the church wedding. both can coexist!

My own understanding is that white/church wedding is the invention of the white woman. Yet, many of them don't mind common-law partnership or what we call in naija "co-habitation". They live happily with it and raise useful children. Yet in Nigeria, women live for the church wedding. Do U really believe what you typed??

church wedding is the invention of the white folks so is christianity. i can also add the language you speak and write in, the clothes you wear, your education, your smart flat, the gadgets you use and so on and so forth - it's hypocritical to call one part a white man invention while you fully accept the other parts.

if you don't want a church wedding, then dump christianity in totality and start worshipping the gods of your ancestors. stop wearing normal clothes and get enough loincloths to cover your sun-battered bütt! vacate your flat for a mud-house too then i would accept your exemption from the white wedding.

@Coogar, a brief look at ya profile makes me hands up!! I can now understand!!

phew!!!!!!!!!!

@Op, do d church wedding. But nothing too elaborate.

I believe U want Ur woman 2 remain happy wt U. Afterall, she's nt asking 4 anythn out of d ordinary.


P.S: D time wey U take dey complain 4 here, Una 4 don finish chapel marriage...

women don't 'live for the church wedding'.

you'd be surprised at the number who do.

Winneygirl: @Op, do d church wedding. But nothing too elaborate.

I believe U want Ur woman 2 remain happy wt U. Afterall, she's nt asking 4 anythn out of d ordinary.


P.S: D time wey U take dey complain 4 here, Una 4 don finish chapel marriage...

No, she is not asking too much. I will certainly do church wedding. But her reason for rushing so that people will not notice. About the chapel wedding, that is the major reason we waited till now. She wanted a society wedding while I wanted a small crowd of families and close/useful friends. I can do a society wedding without borrowing money, but I don't see any usefulness of it. During our court wedding last year, we hosted about 80 people. It was nice and warm. Now she wants the whole town to attend.

@Coogar, That she is pregnant should make me finish the house quickly. I intend receiving my child into my own house and not a rented apartment where live presently. Does church wedding really make women happy as U said?

Baridon1122:
No, she is not asking too much. I will certainly do church wedding. But her reason for rushing so that people will not notice. About the chapel wedding, that is the major reason we waited till now. She wanted a society wedding while I wanted a small crowd of families and close/useful friends. I can do a society wedding without borrowing money, but I don't see any usefulness of it. During our court wedding last year, we hosted about 80 people. It was nice and warm. Now she wants the whole town to attend.

let her enjoy herself - she's your woman, her happiness should be your priority. like you already said, the money is not your problem so why are you denying a woman her happiness. as a guy, i don't even want common cold on my wedding day but you want a woman to carry pregnancy symptoms on her wedding day - how convenient would that be for her? how many women would feel comfy carrying a bump in their wedding dress.

@Coogar, That she is pregnant should make me finish the house quickly. I intend receiving my child into my own house and not a rented apartment where live presently. Does church wedding really make women happy as U said?

and what's wrong with you having your baby in a rented apartment - since when has that been a yardstick? i must have my baby in my own house? excuse me, if i may - did you grow up in a village?

coogar:




did you grow up in a village?

Yes! I still live there. Anything wrong with that?

coogar:

let her enjoy herself - she's your woman, her happiness should be your priority. like you already said, the money is not your problem so why are you denying a woman her happiness. as a guy, i don't even want common cold on my wedding day but you want a woman to carry pregnancy symptoms on her wedding day - how convenient would that be for her? how many women would feel comfy carrying a bump in their wedding dress.



and what's wrong with you having your baby in a rented apartment - since when has that been a yardstick? i must have my baby in my own house? excuse me, if i may - did you grow up in a village?

@Coogar, are U a male or female? U seems to think pregnancy is a disease or illness. IMO, it is a blessing.

Baridon1122:
@Coogar, are U a male or female? U seems to think pregnancy is a disease or illness. IMO, it is a blessing.

yes it's a blessing but can be discomforting! her wedding is a one day event that won't be repeated. let her enjoy it!

Baridon1122:
Yes! I still live there. Anything wrong with that?

little wonder you have that i must born pikin for my own house at the expense of your wife's happiness. now that i know you are a villager, i think you are right. complete that building first before doing any white wedding. make sure it's gated, painted with locking floor tiles in the surroundings.

good luck!