Reforming ANA Nigeria Plc (2): PAUL LIAM – Lunacy of ANA’s Wretched Errant-Sycophant!

By Amusa Tajudeen Lasisi

Disclaimer: Reader(s) are strongly advised not to read this piece if they’re in any way reverent of feature of the piece – Paul Liam or Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc as by so doing shall infringe on the writer’s right of free expression which might attract dire legal consequence(s) as the writer is therefore not liable thereafter for whatsoever reaction that might arise and shall not entertain any undue query.

“Madness isn't just an illness;
it can also uncover areas of
thinking which are normally
shrouded in darkness”
Antoni Tàpies

In a preceding piece of this thrilling series titled “Reforming ANA Nigeria Plc (1): B.M Dzukogi – A Wretched Cog in ANA’s Pathetic Wheel!” we identified, simplified and discussed in details the wretched and hopeless roles played by B.M Dzukogi in stalling the motion of Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc wheels; Also we taught and recited severally to an Ex-superintendent of Government’s Researches and Documentations Bureaucracy and currently ‘Dearest Destructor-General’ (DDG) like we usually do in crèche and nursery school’s sections how to construct and write simple citations in National Gazettes especially those that criminally gulp-up hard-earned taxpayers’ monies in dubious print and publishing scams and thence recommended him for measurement and evaluations via forthcoming July/July 2013 National Common Entrance Examination (NCEE) conducted either by National Examinations Council (NECO) or National Business and Technical Examinations Board (NABTEB).
In continuation of this series, we shall tilt our lens this time around to one amongst B.M Dzukogi’s errant-disciples – Paul Liam; just like his ancestor-sycophant – B.M Dzukogi; I knew Paul Liam in 2007 through a peer-writer and friend Gimba Kakanda when he paid a seemingly impromptu and unsolicited visit at his Minna residence; Gimba in gesture of kind host-manship introduced him to me as an ‘upcoming teen-author’ with future promising prospects of treading the path of either Prof. Chinua Achebe or Prof. Wole Soyinka; I on that very day if I could remember vividly upon extending my hand for a shake knew at an instant that this seemingly unusual guest of Gimba seems somewhat amusing in ways I just could not understand and rather still explain as my spirit just did not coincide with his and the rest since then between I and Paul are tales way too needless for this critical discuss.
The foregoing little narrative above shows that Paul Liam as he is so-called unfortunately had been in spotlight just like B.M Dzukogi for quite a handful of pathetic mannerisms and hopeless antecedents which somewhat presented him before me more or less a personality who was yet to come with terms with contemporary realities of life and as such could not have in any way fit perfectly well into the promising crop of the apparently ‘upcoming teen-author’ Gimba had earlier mistakenly placed him.
Like the preceding issues; we shall examine this subject – Paul Liam from different perspectives possible whence we can arrive at logical inferences on the magnitude of lunacy that he is presently suffering from, romance with his ancestor-sycophant – B.M Dzukogi and its attendant implication in morphing Paul Liam into a well-gluttonized and pathetic errant-sycophant and lastly hope possibly of a(ny) salvage through emergency psychiatry intervention.

(A) Paul Liam as ANA’s teen-author – Historical root-cause of a chronic Lunacy!
Just like I had exhaustively detailed earlier in a twin publication – Revolutionizing ANA Nigeria Plc (2): Bemoaning a pathetic membership structure! Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc appears to comprise basically of two calibers of scribble-gatherers’; the first caliber comprising basically of old-for-nothing vicious-looking crop of sycophants who actually think they know what writing is all about but unfortunately seems to be in sole reality only with pen-scribbling and a second caliber that are mainly young and vibrant teenage personalities struggling desperately to cope with psychological realities associated with puberty and adolescence; my accidental encounter with Paul in 2007 at Gimba’s residence wherein my spirit out-rightly rejected him seems a clear fact that Paul by all standards possible truly belongs to the second caliber of this pathetic and woeful scribble-gatherers’. It became obvious too that Paul who was himself confused with the mystery of hormonal activities in his body and erroneously misinterpreted this pubertal phenomenon for some kind of literary genius thence unfortunately fell prey to high-handed and first caliber ancestor-sycophants like B.M Dzukogi who also was actually struggling to cope psychologically with a seemingly decreasing level of hormonal activity albeit osteoporosis due to aging and caught in complex web of schizophrenic delusions – a clear case of two mad men claiming sanity over themselves – A seemingly unimaginable, horrible and pitiful psychiatric scenarios…! In these delusions evolved ANA’s teen-authorship scheme; This scheme considering huge amount of energy, time and resource that got injected in it failed woefully was later as we all knew produced nothing other than touting Saddiq M Dzukogi as its proposed President and may be Paul Liam himself Vice-President as the case eventually chose to become.

This apparent scenario that brought together two seemingly hormone-struggling individuals that are each pretending to the other as writer or better still scribble-gatherer is actually the genesis and historical root-cause responsible for Paul Liam’s incurable and all-time award-winning lunacy as detailed in the fraudulent and dubious publication ‘Book of Citation’ that greeted the 2nd Annual Mu’azu Babangida Aliyu (MBA) National Literary Colloquium; on Page 45 is Paul Liam’s citation and I quote part thus “He is the Author of INDEFINITE CRAVINGS and co-editor, DEWDROPS an anthology of teen authors published by the Hilltop Arts centre.” Aside main inferences which we intend to extract at the end of this exposition are two sub-inferences from the quote above which are:
- ‘He is the Author of Indefinite Cravings’ - by which I mean he must have overtime considering possibilities of diffusions or sycophantic cross-pollinations got sickened with this horrible disease of craving lunacy indefinitely complementing his ancestor-sycophants nay scribble-gatherers’ crave for hard-earned tax-payers' monies which culminated catalyzing sales and concession of Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc stocks cheaply to failed politicians and simultaneously quote it on floor of Legbo Kutigi International Stock Exchange (LKISE).
- ‘And co-editor, DEWDROPS an anthology of ‘teen authors’ published by the Hilltop Arts centre.’ – by which I also mean; Paul is a fully fledged ‘teen author’ seeing that it was even a National Gazette that brought this fact to our attention and shall not under any instance aside this particular exposition reply and interact with errant-sycophant of his class since teen authors are teenagers like their ancestor-sycophants who are yet to grasp parts-of-speech and alphabets in English Language and such need not waste my limited time lecturing two supposedly-grown individuals what terminologies like this entails as they are solely at will to explore this area of study and in so doing can freely apply for Basic Education Course in English Language in a(ny) nearby Federal Government of Nigeria Approved Junior Secondary School.

(B) PAUL LIAM as Staffer, Niger’s Research and Documentations Office – Pathetic Miscarriage of
Appointment, Gross Official Abuse and Prospect of Punishable Misconduct!
In this generation where government officials like B.M Dzukogi in shameless display of impunity nepotizes official positions, grossly abuse official privileges and get promoted nay rewarded for doing so through – ‘DDG-rization’; I just couldn’t reconcile the conditions or circumstance under which a Nationally Identified Teen Author like Paul would be employed and engaged as a staffer of Niger’s Research and Documentations Unit and worse still smuggled into the pay roaster of Niger State’s Government at expense of hard-earned taxpayers’ money; what prospects actually qualified Paul for this position seeing that the last time I checked; Paul was yet to have his five O’level credits completed in just a sitting and JAMB cut-off points required for consideration into a(ny) Nigerian University or may some mantra was done and fake-prospects were forged into his hands just for sycophancy-ing to continue and secondly also; how does extending literary capacity to a teen-author correlate with giving him government’s appointment letter or once you emerge a teen author that automatically qualifies you as staffer of Niger’s Research and Documentations Unit; to set records straight – I reproduce a typical facebook post of our subject below culled from his wall;

“Much as i respect and hold nothing against anyone airing or owning their opinion
on anything.i'll however not entertain any nuisance or childish enactment for
any reason. senility has never been a companion of mine.
WHAT THE Bleep IS ANA NATIONAL PLC?
The sender of this crass foolly should desist at once from wanting to have
anything to do with me, i'll not hasitate to react otherwise should
this joblessness and lack of purposeful direction continue”

Paul Liam | 27th Feb., 2013.

Unlike scenario of his ancestor-sycophant B.M Dzukogi’s where I painstakingly took my time to correct, right and appropriate the phrase of Government’s Incumbent DDG; I shall not waste such quanta of energy on Paul considering his present status as an upcoming teen author but all the same call attention to five key errors with this brazen junk Zuckerberg prefers to call post;
(i) Paul; please and please - in an(y) instance(s) where “i(’s)" is/are to be used in a(ny) given grammatical context as (a) pronoun(s); kindly have them capitalized like this! – “I” as WASSCE/NECO marker(s) and examiner(s) shall call your attention to this only after F9’s becomes guest(s) to your O’Level prospects – you can as well peep this in your files at home to confirm my counsel and prove my point clearer; at least B.M Dzukogi ought to have told you this! Didn’t he? Why? Ok…! – sorry I forgot earlier that he was actually busy preparing papers needed in shamelessly quoting Association of Nigeria Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc on floor of Legbo Kutigi International Stock Exchange (LKISE) that he missed the basics and essentials of morphing errant-sycophant into persons that at least ought to know how pronouns are used in seemingly little grammatical circumstances like cyber social network in this case facebook.
(ii) Also Paul; the first letter that appear in a word (or words) after a full stop should be capitalized like this! – i.e. “Much as I respect and hold nothing against anyone airing or owning their opinion on anything. I'll however not entertain any nuisance or childish enactment for any reason. Senility has never been a companion of mine.” and never “Much as i respect and hold nothing against anyone airing or owning their opinion on anything.i'll however not entertain any nuisance or childish enactment for any reason. senility has never been a companion of mine.” Less I forget too Paul – kindly space this word (or words) after this full stop once and not twice by tapping gently the longest button on your keyboard once; by so doing at least you might possibly be considered in class of Nigeria’s teenage population that actually knows how well modern electronic gadgets properly are used.
(iii) Thirdly Paul; endeavour to write down what I’m about to tell you in your diary that is if you even have one and practice concurrently any time you’re free to do so – this word ‘foolly’ which you brazenly wronged and miss-spelt by adding an erroneous ‘o’ is correctly spelt ‘folly’ please don’t forget this little fact it might be very helpful when you’re ready to tidy up those O’Level prospects of yours in just a sitting.
(iv) Hmm… Paul; this one almost passed me by; just like the diary-thing we talked about in (iii) above; kindly include this word ‘hesitate’ unlike ‘hasitate’ that you unfortunately was used to – don’t you think this was actually the reason why in WASSCE/NECO your result especially in English Language appeared laced with a fanciful F9; don’t worry Paul I shall unlike your sycophantic pay-master B.M Dzukogi call your answer booklet up and see whatever it is I could possibly do to correct this teenage-related kind of error at least by so doing I shall possibly get your result reconsidered for say a befitting E8; or what’s your likely take on this? Please let me know in due course and don’t tell anyone about it – it’s a secret we now both share!
(v) And lastly Paul – don’t you think that there is a close relationship between lunacy and glaucoma even though ophthalmologists or better still psychiatrists are yet to confirm this fact scientifically because it became obvious that your case shall be a better illustration and possibly present you in Guinness Worlds Records as a better 21st Century successful test-experiment in that you actually cannot differentiate between ‘ANA Nigeria Plc’ and ‘ANA National Plc’; this fact I shall inform the world about via publication in an(y) International Journal of Psychiatry and/or Ophthalmology; I so humbly beg of you to be steadfast henceforth so as not to distort the ‘test-quality’ of an Internationally Acclaimed Psychiatric Discovery; this could be the bomb the world has been waiting for! Paul I so believe I can confidently count on you in this… Please don’t fail me – I do sincerely beg of you!

“Insanity in individuals is something rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule.”
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

(C) Paul Liam as ANA’s wretched photographer – Exodus into eternal doom!
During 2nd Annual Mu’azu Babangida Aliyu (MBA) National Literary Colloquium that held in Minna in month of December 2012, Niger State’s Education Resource Centre (ERC) was venue where scribble-gathering parley sessions took place – Lo and Behold the photographer as the whole world saw was no other person but Paul Liam; I just could not believe this unimaginable shame and disgrace! What has scribbling down junks got to do with photography or could snapshots be the only available antidote to this seemingly persistent and seemingly incurable lunacy! That not even been the only displayed infamy; Paul Liam during the parley sessions became a principal distracter wherein he like a digitized-robot took unsolicited snapshots from one table to another! This is the greatest unimaginable disaster I had witnessed since the origination of Talba’s Colloquia Series; There and then it became obvious to my person that the once touted teen-authorship scheme that Association of Nigerian Authors’ and B.M Dzukogi et al spearheaded with intent mission of raising future Atta’s and Habila’s is nothing other than a well-adorned scam morphing young and unsuspecting teenagers into photographers, cameramen, errant boys & girls, waiters, waitresses and most notably wretched errant-sycophants!

Suffice also | Niger’s Education Resource Centre (ERC) prior to its unfortunate hijack by unscrupulous elements within Association of Nigeria’s scribblers’-gathering’ served as a veritable educational resource outlet where book fares are held and books disbursed to Niger’s reading audience at considerate and affordable costs and in addition housed the National Educational Research and Development Council (NERDC) Minna Zonal Office; the centre prior to this hopeless hostage conundrum was more or less established as an educational resource base that eases-out increasing needs of educational consultations in the state – why high-handed sycophants and hopeless scribble-gatherers’ would unanimously conspire, cow and deceive the government just for selfish and vain sake of being paraded as Destructive Destructor-Generals (DDGs) is just so unimaginable, horrible and chaotic; the most nauseating being the scale of hard-earned taxpayers’ monies that were wasted, looted and stolen all in name of renovating or better still destroying this one time beautiful state edifice as it is now a norm wherever and whenever in Nigeria that refurbishing projects of this nature are mostly doled out at criminally bloated costs!

“Madness is a final distillation of self, a final editing down.
It's the drowning out of false voices.”
Don DeLillo

(D) Paul Liam as ANA’s errant-sycophant – Carcass far submerged beyond rescue!
In concluding this little exposition wherein we leave the impending inference(s) in court of our dear readers; we shall consider the subject of this piece Paul Liam as Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc wretched errant-sycophant; his longtime loyal role as deputy albeit vice errant-sycophant next to Saddiq M Dzukogi – the possible next feature of this thrilling series and how the permeating circumstance of a growing poor child in Nigeria’s pathetic socio-economic space can alter his sanity towards a negative nose-dive and resultant consequences inherent in the socio-economic mannerism of such a child.

Paul Liam immediately after close of 2nd Annual Mu’azu Babangida Aliyu (MBA) National Literary Colloquium in December 2012 shocked each and every one of us with a fairly-used motorcycle popularly known as ‘rubber-rubber’ which upon valuation worth no more than N 40,000 a paltry sum that translates to negligible 0.4% of the criminally acquired N 10,000,000 Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc stole from coffers of Niger’s taxpayers’; what Paul didn’t know and ought to have known is this! – 0.4 out of 100 is way too little and negligible to be called a gift; how for goddamn sake would B.M Dzukogi, Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc et al hand Paul this paltry sum be-littering Paul to nothing other than a fairly-used human creature that doesn’t deserve something better and new or were there just too many hands after this money that he had after serious fighting, quarreling and deliberations at ANA’s hopeless meetings with other top-sycophants luckily squeezed this sum for Paul; I see now how far B.M Dzukogi actually went to make Paul the proud owner of a fairly-used and second-handed ‘rubber-rubber’ motorcycle. But Paul mind you please! – Kindly recall that it’s not over yet and don’t be too glad as President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan upon seeing that your ancestry-sycophants Association of Nigerian Authors’ – ANA Nigeria Plc actually supported fully the partial removal of Oil Subsidy in January 2012 shall in the nearest future say 2014-2015 remove completely oil subsidy possibly as a parting gift nay exit legacy; Hope the tank of your new found toy won’t go dry then as Niger’s taxpayers’ might not again fall prey or be anymore fooled again into putting their hard-earned crisp naira notes freely into your pockets; Paul this and other issues you consider well as posterity shall hold you severely accountable for whatsoever sin you commit now; Well Paul; all hope seems not to be lost as miracles do happen and yours could just be one of such; I henceforth therefore pretend I don’t know you as a ‘carcass far submerged beyond rescue’ but rather as an individual that God himself could still rescue considering your divergence with B.M Dzukogi in faith that is; if you reconsider giving him a chance! Paul act while you still have the opportunity to do so; a word they say is enough if not for the wise at least for the foolish…!

“As soon as he ceased to be mad he
became merely stupid. There are
maladies we must not seek to cure
because they alone protect us from
others that are more serious.”
Marcel Proust (1871 - 1922)

Amusa Tajudeen Lasisi is of Federal University of Technology, Minna and can be reached via tajudeen4ac@yahoo.com

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