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No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men - Culture - Nairaland

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No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by mzfelivisions(f): 9:14am On Mar 03, 2013
Hello all, I'm a foriegner living in Nigeria because of love of the culture and people. I knew from my 1st visit tht this was where I wanted to live my life.I'm a widowed mother who unfortunately doesn't look her age. My delima is that as much as l love Nigerian men, I'm afraid of them because they seem to like quarrels and controversy and to be emotionally bankrupt. It seems they assimilate the amount of Shakara a woman causes with the assumed depth and commitment to their "professed love". Where I come from, love is not noisy, its deep, trusted, and given freely. There's no price tag attached(although a man should be a man and support his household) and its definately not a trophy to be shown off or bragged about. Its a nurturing of two spirits that are becomming one. Men want to be loved and catered to, yet are incapable of loving. Its as if they don't realize that love is reciprocal and that its the love they feed their partner that they will inturn feed them back, that will nurture their children, give her the strength to run their businesses n home. Also every indication of likeness is attached to sex and trial. Is that how pertners are chosen, just by trying everyone til you find the one who does it right? What about the sanctity of a woman? Isn't she supposed to be a mans prize? His pride? How can she be if everyone has tried up until him? Please help me understand or I think I will have to remain single in Nigeria, as I've no plan of leaving the country.
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by Arkhin(m): 9:27am On Mar 03, 2013
Hmmmm.... Well all i can say is that i think i understand why u feel like that, coming from a different culture to another one needs a lot of understanding. But in the same vein, not all Nigerian men are like that, we have a lot of lovely guys around. Maybe what you are experiencing is a function of where you are.
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by Vivly(f): 9:29am On Mar 03, 2013
lipsrsealed
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by pleep(m): 9:54am On Mar 03, 2013
Dafuq? average Nigerian women are convincing these niggas to put them through school and being wooed for years on end and you cant even find a Nigerian man to be nice to you?

abeg.. . if u cant even get a naija man there is no hope for you ooo.


tongue jk, but seriously i don't really understand what you are trying to say
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by ail88: 10:01am On Mar 03, 2013
Well I feel your pain but like he said it may be as a result of where you live.. i am a proud Nigerian man cus i feel most Nigerian men without western influence have true love and understands a woman better than those with western influence..Our cultures teaches us to love ,respect,and honor women .most men love to be with a woman with humility ,obedience and respect.if you have these qualities then you will deffi find a graet lover in Niaja..
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by achinaboy(m): 10:40am On Mar 03, 2013
you sound like a nigerian,i wonder what could be ur nationality
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by victorazy(m): 10:45am On Mar 03, 2013
I can luv u better. Just write to me victorazy@yahoo.com Abuja.

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Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by mzfelivisions(f): 10:55am On Mar 03, 2013
I'm not saying there r no men around, there are plenty.. Too many in fact. What I'm saying is that I don't understand them.. I am not getting their message. They don't appear genuine to me because the way to show me you love me is pickin my call or replying my text that your in a meeting. Sending me a message tht your thinking of me, asking how my children are faring and trying to know them. Not booking me into a luxury suite to lay up with me for the weekend. Take my kids out for a movie, not buy me a new phone, spend a sunday in the park not tkin me out to drink n eat while u hang out with your friends. I want to understand what a man rationalizes love as in Nigeria, because I believe they're the best men on earth when compared to those outside. Its just maybe I don't understand the language they're speaking to me. I'm naturally reserved and love my privacy, so love family time and I had expected from the men I know that are Nigerians that quiet time is prefered, but it seems most love social life and that's not me. I'm grounded, family oriented, and quiet. I enjoy lifes simple pleasures. How do tell if a man is serious or wnts to slip n ur panties?
pleep: Dafuq? average Nigerian women are convincing these niggas to put them through school and being wooed for years on end and you cant even find a Nigerian man to be nice to you?

abeg.. . if u cant even get a naija man there is no hope for you ooo.


tongue jk, but seriously i don't really understand what you are trying to say
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by pleep(m): 11:23am On Mar 03, 2013
Ok, I think i see the problem here. You are dating rich Nigerian men, guys like that no get time for love, in their minds all women want is money.

This is because Nigeria is a very materialistic society, and relationships have basically devolved into a money for sex transaction. People just go through the motions without any substance... These guys are dating you like they would date a Nigerian woman and you are experiencing culture shock.
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by mzfelivisions(f): 11:31am On Mar 03, 2013
Ok.. But I'm not dating anyone as tht implies intimacy to me. Iv friends that I kno are intrested, but only met 1 who was trusted n felt safe enough to allow to call me his own. But tht was ruined by envy as it breeds hatred.. Another thread completely. I'm just deciding to dive in again but seems I've no clue what to make of the vibes I'm receiving.
pleep: Ok I see what the problem here. You are dating rich Nigerian men, guys like that no get time for love, in their minds all women want is money.

This is because Nigeria is a very materialistic society, and relationships have basically devolved into a money for sex transaction. These guys are dating you like they would date a Nigerian woman and you are experiencing culture shock.

Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by pleep(m): 11:35am On Mar 03, 2013
haha wow, if your not actually dating anyone i don't think you have any excuse to make generalizations like this... why would you expect people to "open their hearts" for you when your not even their girlfriend?

Lol, i suggest you try dating more than 1 Nigerian dude before you form opinions. gl wink
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by pleep(m): 11:38am On Mar 03, 2013
Nairaland sheesh.
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by mzfelivisions(f): 12:22pm On Mar 03, 2013
No I think you have misinterpreted. I go on dates, but I hv no lover. I dnt feel buying me a drink or dinner or shoes, a bag or even a phone entitles any man access to my body. I dnt think because I spend time with you that meams I'm obligated to lie n ur bed.. Is that what your insinuating? That's why I clarified that I'm not dating anyone. I spend time with friends, we go out, but I will not sleep with sumone as a precursor for him saying he wants to commit to me. I have many friends and many as you call toasters, but sex seems to be the hangup. Is it sex that quailfies a relationship? Once you sleep with a person? If so then I guess your right I've no right, but if a relationship is a sharing of commonality, hopes, dreams and a merging of commonalipeople to grow and build a future then I feel I have more than enough right. It just seems my definition of a relationship may be outdated due to realities that face some. Is it wrong to feel that I'm not a posession to b traded upon. You dnt even kno if u can deal with my tantrum, but u wanna enter my bed. Aren't there prerequisites tht should be met before such levels of connection are attained? Am I looking at it all wrong? Wat I want from a man cnt be bought with money.
pleep: haha wow, if your not actually dating anyone i don't think you have any excuse to make generalizations like this... why would you expect people to "open their hearts" for you when your not even their girlfriend?

Lol, i suggest you try dating more than 1 Nigerian dude before you form opinions. gl wink
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by achinaboy(m): 12:56pm On Mar 03, 2013
pleep: Ok, I think i see the problem here. You are dating rich Nigerian men, guys like that no get time for love, in their minds all women want is money.

This is because Nigeria is a very materialistic society, and relationships have basically devolved into a money for sex transaction. People just go through the motions without any substance... These guys are dating you like they would date a Nigerian woman and you are experiencing culture shock.

there is no culture shock as i can,she is basically dating married men that got their own family to love and care,,,my advice is at this point of her life,she should lower her expectations and flow with the game,,that will be the best for her
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by mzfelivisions(f): 2:34pm On Mar 03, 2013
I won't say I'm dating married men, but if you read that Im a widowed mother( my eldest child will be 19) I think that wld imply that I am of a certain age range. That age group if reasonable and responsible will either be married, divorced or widowed. If you've not been married by your 40s+ then I'm worried that either your priorities are not on family or tht there is an issue sumplace. I love and care for myself and my family dear, there's nothing I can't do for myself, which is y I wonder y a man feels I must grace his bed to prove commitment dear
achina boy:
there is no culture shock as i can,she is basically dating married men that got their own family to love and care,,,my advice is at this point of her life,she should lower her expectations and flow with the game,,that will be the best for her
Re: No Harm Intended, Just Want Advice. I Can't Understand Nigerian Men by morpheus24: 5:31am On Mar 04, 2013
mzfelivisions: Hello all, I'm a foriegner living in Nigeria because of love of the culture and people. I knew from my 1st visit tht this was where I wanted to live my life.I'm a widowed mother who unfortunately doesn't look her age. My delima is that as much as l love Nigerian men, I'm afraid of them because they seem to like quarrels and controversy and to be emotionally bankrupt. It seems they assimilate the amount of Shakara a woman causes with the assumed depth and commitment to their "professed love". Where I come from, love is not noisy, its deep, trusted, and given freely. There's no price tag attached(although a man should be a man and support his household) and its definately not a trophy to be shown off or bragged about. Its a nurturing of two spirits that are becomming one. Men want to be loved and catered to, yet are incapable of loving. Its as if they don't realize that love is reciprocal and that its the love they feed their partner that they will inturn feed them back, that will nurture their children, give her the strength to run their businesses n home. Also every indication of likeness is attached to sex and trial. Is that how pertners are chosen, just by trying everyone til you find the one who does it right? What about the sanctity of a woman? Isn't she supposed to be a mans prize? His pride? How can she be if everyone has tried up until him? Please help me understand or I think I will have to remain single in Nigeria, as I've no plan of leaving the country.
You should just leave Nigerian men alone if you can't understand them otherwise you will spend a life time trying to make them conform to your version of what "love" means as it is defined or expressed in your culture.

PS If a Nigerian man shouts it doesn't mean he is going to be violent, infact most Nigerians are very expressive, animated and loud. A part of our culture that is clearly understood if you are Nigerian.

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