Akpors visit an
hotel
After knoking
Discussn goes
thus:
Akpor: hello pls am
looking 4
juilet.
Lady: sorry dirty
guy rough and
stinky like u dont
look 4 expensive
Juilet..!
Akpors: am
expensive I have
money..,(hearing
the discussion
going on Juilet
came to them)
Juilet: am Juilet
what did u want?
Akpors: I need to
see u..!
Juilet: b4 any guy
can see me
talkless of
sleeping with me.,
he
must hand me
#50,000,
suprising akpors
brought out the
money and they
went in 4 about
5hrs..!
The next day
Akpors come back
again.!
Akpors: I want to
see Juilet.
Juilet came and
Demand 4
another #50,000
saying d same
words,
akpors dips his
hand into his
pocket
and bring out the
money...,
This also
happened on the
3rd
day..,
as they finished
with what they
had Done Akpors
said I really
enjoy You..,
then Juilet asked
what happen Mr.
Man no guy has
ever had sex with
me, 3 times in a
row
and give me such
money..,
are U rich Like
that?
Akpors replied did
u know Mr.
Eazy at the end of
the street.,
she replied yes he
his my former
Boss where I
worked b4..,
ok..Mr Eazy said u
forgot ur bag in
his shop with
#150,000 so
he sent me to give
u..!
Gbam||| the girl
fainted

Akpos has tickets
for the World Cup
final. As he
sits in the stadium,
a man comes over
and
asks if anyone is
sitting in the
seatnext to
him. ‘No,’ says
Akpos. ‘That seat
is empty.’
‘That’s incredible!’
says the man. ‘Who
in their
right mind would
have a seat like
this for the
World Cup final and
not use it?’ Akpos
replies,
‘Well, actually, I’ve
got the tickets for
both
these seats. My
wife was supposed
to be here
with me, but she
passed away.’ ‘I’m
sorry to
hear that,’ says
the man. ‘But
couldn’t you find
a friend or relative
to take the seat?’
Akpos
shakes his head,
‘No, they’re all at
the funeral.

At a Sunday
worship service,
Pastor said; Turn
to your left and
say to your
neighbour,
"neighbour, it shall
be permanent in
your life".
Akpos turned to
his left and saw a
cripple.
Apparently
confused and full
of pity, he stared
at him and said;
Please don't mind
Pastor. The cripple
replied; Is God dat
saved you today, i
wish you had said
it, i would have use
slap to scatter
your face.

[quote author=DONFAITH]Akpors was tired of City Girlswent to his village in search of a decent girl to pick as a Wife.

He got a real village Girl, paid her bride prize and
brought her to the City.
When he wanted to make Love to her, he found out that her public hair was
too much and asked her to shave.

The Girl said," Sir, I no fit shave oo! Nah this hair make all the boys wey dey village dey call me "NKECHI AFRO" [/quote lol,i beg no kil me.nkechi afro ke.

Akpos dies
and goes to Hell.
The devil greets
him, "You may
choose which room
you wish to enter.
Whichever you
choose, the person
in that room will
switch with you.
They’ll go to
heaven and you’ll
take over until somebody
switches with you.
So go on, pick a
room." The devil
leads him to the
first room
where someone is
tied to a wall and is
being whipped.
The second room
has someone being
burned by a torch.
The third has a man
getting blown
by a naked woman.
"I choose this
room!" Akpos says.
"Very well," the
devil says.
He walks up to the
woman and taps
her on the shoulder. "You can go now. I've
found your replacement."

Akpos farts
in the classroom
and his teacher
gets really upset
and throws
him out. He goes
and sits outside
the class
and can't stop
laughing. The
principal walks
by and sees him
sitting outside
laughing. He
asks, "Akpos what
are you doing
outside
sitting here
laughing?" Akpos
replies, "I farted in
class and the
teacher threw me
out." The
principal says, "Well
then, why are you
laughing?" Akpos
replies, "Cause the
dumb
idiots are sitting in
the class room
smelling and
enjoying
my
fart while they put
me outside in this
beautiful, clean air.

WIFE: How many
girlfriends did you have
before we got married?

Husband remains
silent...Five mintues
later.

WIFE: Why are you
silent?

HUSBAND: Don't disturb
while I'm counting!

Ok......

Akpos, rukewe and
John decided to go
to China for
vacation.
Since they were
new to the place
they had to stay
in a hotel. And their
room was on the
60th floor. The
policy of the hotel
was that at
midnight the
elevators were
shut down. The
next
day, this guys
rented a car and
explored the city.
They enjoyed
themselves and
arrived at the
hotel
past midnight. The
elevators were
shut down.
There was no
other way to get
to their room but
to take the stairs
all the way to the
60th floor.
John said'''for the
first 20 floors, I will
tell jokes to keep
us going. Then Tito
could say
wise stories for
the next 20 floors
and lastly, we will
cover the final 20
floors with sad
stories from
akpos.''
So,John
started with jokes.
With laughs and
joy, they
reached the 20th
floor. Tito started
saying stories full
of wisdom. They
learned a lot while
reaching the 40th
floor.
Now it was time for
sad stories. So,
Akpos
started: ‘My first
sad story is that I
left the key for
the room in the car

Weight Reduction
Therapy

A very fat woman went
to see her doctor for
weight reduction
therapy.

DOCTOR : Take a half
teacup of tea every
morning, one ball of
kenkey (small size) every afternoon and three slices of yam every evening.

WOMAN: errm doc,
should I take it before or after meals?

AKPOS AND AKPAN

Akpos and Akpan were
friends and great
hunters. They hunted
and killed animals which
they skinned and sold in
the market. This time
they decided to skin a
lion. They went to the
deep forest and built a
house because they
figured it was going to
be a long hunt.

Early the next morning
Akpos woke up and
said
to Akpan, "bro it's
morning and we need
to
get two lions to skin,
so
we should get going".
But Akpan told him he
wasn't feeling well. So
Akpos set off to look
for
the lion alone. Akpos
had
not gone very far from
the house when he met
a huge lion in the forest.
He turned and ran for
his life heading back
straight to the house
with the lion in hot
pursuit.

Akpos ran and ran and
then he saw the house
at a distance with the
door wide open. He was
determined to get to
the
house and lock up the
door behind him. But
just a few yards to the
house, he tripped and
fell, the lion was so
close
behind that it couldn't
stop. The lion ran head
on into the house and
Akpan was still in bed.
Akpos quickly got up
and
locked the door from
outside and said to
Akpan
through the window
"hey bro, here's the
first
lion, you skin it while I
go look for the second
one."

D.A.V.E:
Ok......

lol

Why I hate My
Boyfriend

GIRL: I hate my
boyfriend!
BOY: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he
cant even buy me a
simple dinner, are all
boys like that?
BOY: Of course not, I'm
not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break
up with him.
BOY: Ok but know I'm
available.
[Girl stands to leave]
BOY: Wait, where are
you going?
GIRL: To break up with
my boyfriend of course.
BOY: You can't leave.
GIRL: Why?
BOY: Who is going to
pay for the lunch we
just had?

Akpors & his wife
were in a public
transport. He gave
money to a beggar
inside d bus & by d
tym they got
to d nxt bus stop,
his pen*s
disappeared.....
Akpors shouted
"my pen*s is lost oo!" and d ppl in d
bus ordered d
driver to stop.
Akpors told d
passengers wat
happened & dey
started beating d
begger up.
After receiving hot
beatings, d begger
agreed to fix his
pen*s back, he
brought out his
bag containing
all d dicks he had
collected dat day,
& poured dem on d
ground.
Akpors shouted "dat is my pen*s", and as he
was about to pick
it up, his wife
shouted "my friend
put dat tin down &
pick a bigger one,
nonsense".

Jamb Result!
Eng=35
Maths=21
physics=20
chemistry=31
total= 107
BUT your;
Facebook frndz=
4,999
Twitter followers=
10,572
BBM frndz= 1,520
2go frndz= 980
Whatsapp frndz=
632
2go star level=
Ultimate
U BE AKPOS
I Pity you,THE
DEVIL must have
been
singing
LIMPOPO on your
BRAIN

Akpos saying 2 his
mother : Hey
mom mom !
I saw dad taking
off the
secretary's shirt
in the office &
he .......
She said : what !
Hold it there son!
I want u 2 say all
that when ur
father
comes home .
That son of a
bitch!
As The father gets
in the house.....
Akpos : Hey mom
mom !
I saw dad taking
off the secretary's
dress
in the office & he...
did 2 her the
same stuff our
neighbour did 2 u
yesterday.
The mom fainted!!

you can now check
your weight
with your blacberry
phone. Just
dial *2352# then
keep it on the
floor and stand on
it accurately
and wait for the
result. Before
standing on it
make sure you
chop akpu and
egwisi soup.
Message from
Akpos.

Daddy Charges

A young blonde farm
girl answers the door
and sees an older
neighbor there. "Daddy
isn't home, but I know
what you want and I
can help you," she says.

"You want our bull to
service your cow. Well,
Daddy charges $100 for
his best bull."

"That's not what I want,"
the neighbor says.

"Well, we do have a
young bull who's just
starting out. Daddy
charges $50 for him,"
the girl says.

"That's not what I want,"
the neighbor sternly
says.

"We have an old bull out
in the pasture. He can
still do the job. Daddy
only charges $20 for
him," says the girl.

"That's not what I want.
I came here to see your
father about your
brother," the neighbor
explains. "Your brother,
Henry, made my
daughter pregnant."

"Oh! Well, you'd better
talk to Daddy about
that," the girl says,
"cause I don't know
what he charges for
Henry."

Akpors was fond
of puttn his
wife photo inhis
wallet
so one day d wife
asked Him
Wife:Y z my foto
always in ur
wallet
Akpors: wen am in
trouble...i
just look at it and d
problem disappears
Wife:hmm...do u c
how
miraculous i am in
ur life?
Akpors:...I just look at
ur
picture and say to
my self
"wat problem could
be bigger
dan this"?..

What your mother
likes

Three sons left home to
make their fortunes and
did very well. one day,
the three competitive
brothers got back
together to discuss the
gift that they were giving
their elderly mother.

The 1st said,"I built a big
house for Mom."

The 2nd said, "I got her
a Mercedes with a
driver."

"I've got you both beaten,"
said the 3rd."You know
Mom enjoys the Bible,
and you know she can't
see very well. I sent her
a brown parrot that can
recite the entire Bible. It
took twenty monks in a
monastery twelve years
to teach him. I had to
pledge to contribute
$100,000 a year for ten
years for them to train
him, but it is worth it."

Soon thereafter, their
mom sent out her letters
of thanks.

To the. 1st son, she
wrote, "Milton, the
house you built is so
huge. I live in only 1
room, but I have 2 clean
the whole house."

To the 2nd son, she
wrote, "Marty, I am too
old to travel. I stay
home all the time, so I
never use the Mercedes.
And the driver was
rude!"

To the 3rd son, her
message was softer:
"Dearest Melvin, you
were the only son to
have the good sense to
know what your mother
likes. The chicken was
delicious!"

MY TESTIMONY GOES LIKE THIS..
I HAVE BEEN PRAYING TO GOD HELP ME AND BLESS ME. AND LAST WEEK GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYER.. AM A COMEDIAN IN ABA, AFTER ANCHORING AN EVENT IN LAGOS, MY CLIENT PAYED ADVANCE AND WE AGREED THAT AFTER THE EVENT HE WILL GIVE ME THE REST, I WENT TO LAGOS WITH HOPE... BUT AFTER THE EVENT, THE MONEY DIDN'T MATRILISE AS HE SAID, RATHER HE GAVE ME TRANSPORT MONEY TO GO BACK TO ABA. DUE TO MY CHRISTIAN MIND, I ACCEPTED AND WENT HOME, WHEN I REACH ABA, AFTER TWO WEEKS THE CLIENT CALLED THAT I SHOULD COME TO LAGOS THAT HE HAS SOMETHING FOR ME, I CAME, HE TOOK ME TO HIS OFFICE AND GAVE A CAR KEY AND POINTED AT THE BLACK TOYOTA CAMRY 2012 MODEL OUTSIDE HIS OFFICE AND SAID THAT I SHOULD TAKE IT HOME, THAT HE WANTED TO TEST ME, AND I DIDN'T FAIL THE TEST SO HE THEN SUPRISED ME.. I COLLECTED THE KEY WALKED TO CAR AS I WAS ABOUT TO OPEN IT I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED I WAKE UP FROM SLEEP.... THAT IS MY DREAM.

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DONFAITH:
At a launching
ceremony, an
illiterate Ibo man (chief
Akpors)
noticed that each
dignitary
making a donation had
two
titles attached to their
names. For instance,
Chief (Dr.)
Micheal Ohenhe, Prof
(Pastor)
Felix Okechukwu etc.
Chief Akpors
determined not to
allow anyone upstage
him at the
occasion. When it was
his turn to speak,
he took the mic and
announced
thus: I, Late (Chief)
Akpors
Aramilieba Magnus
Adusy
donate the sum of
N500, 000
cash. Late Who?? The
hall was empty
in 60 seconds... How
many likes 4 akpors?!

soo funny,water dey pour for ma eyes like rain,keep it up.
Thumbs up!

if diz tin no reach FP..ai dn quit nairaland ooooo

Really funny and ribs cracking, keep them coming

Appealing. So sublime.