4Him:

Serves you immigration law breakers right.

4Him:


It is "criminals" like this who make things 100x more difficult for genuine visa seekers in Nigeria to obtain travel permits.

4Him:

Why did you come to Ireland with a pregnancy with the intention of defrauding the system? If i were an Irish citizen i'd vote to have all of you deported ASAP.

4Him:


Tell your friend to go home and stop weeping . . . wasnt she thinking when she signed away her right to have her husband here all because of "papers"?
I no longer blame the poor fellow . . .

ayomifull:

Thank you very much Mr immigration law UN breaker and congratulations for being a very holy, sinless man who has to throw the first stone.


Oh really?

Its not too late you can become one now and ask Irish Govt infact all European and Amercan govt to deport all foreigners, those that came in with visiting visa and married for paper, those who came in with 6 months visa years ago etc righteous man!, and don't forget to go and kill Nigeria Govt who awarded electricity contract to unregistered foreign companies, paid 100% upfront and did no job, good man and remeber to advise that all of them should be deported.


No thanks but she is not weeping she is only in a situation anyone can find him/herself, i know no thread ends without some sort of abuse.

Awe,if you are furtunate in life don't call your padis lazy bones, and come to think of it how many Europeans, Americans cme to Nigeria to do this? Does that not mean something? Please tell those defrauders in Nigeria who calls themselves govt to make their country comfortable for all and give equal or near equal opportunity to all.

One of those 'defrauders' is Rotimi Adebari who was the first foreigner to be made a mayor of a county in Ireland, what did Nigerians do? Crying hell that he was an assylum seeker blablablablablablablabla. Thank God for the number of 'defrauders' from Nigeria today who are holding great postitions in Ireland in various fields including me who got a good job in ISP company without having to know anyone or bribing anyone abd despite being a 'defrauder' yesterday, i'm sure your like would not even employ me.

I rest my case, thank you all for your wonderful contributions, i thinks i have one or 2 words for her from your contributions so this thread can rest peacefully now, as i will not visti it again. THANKS TO YOU ALL.

ayomifull:

Thank you very much Mr immigration law UN breaker and congratulations for being a very holy, sinless man who has to throw the first stone.

ayomifull:

don't forget to go and kill Nigeria Govt who awarded electricity contract to unregistered foreign companies, paid 100% upfront and did no job, good man and remeber to advise that all of them should be deported.

ayomifull:

Awe,if you are furtunate in life don't call your padis lazy bones, and come to think of it how many Europeans, Americans cme to Nigeria to do this? Does that not mean something? Please tell those defrauders in Nigeria who calls themselves govt to make their country comfortable for all and give equal or near equal opportunity to all.

ayomifull:

One of those 'defrauders' is Rotimi Adebari who was the first foreigner to be made a mayor of a county in Ireland, what did Nigerians do? Crying hell that he was an assylum seeker blablablablablablablabla. Thank God for the number of 'defrauders' from Nigeria today who are holding great postitions in Ireland in various fields including me who got a good job in ISP company without having to know anyone or bribing anyone abd despite being a 'defrauder' yesterday, i'm sure your like would not even employ me.

mamaput:

It is easy to say go back but there are children involved.
you do not take your children in a night and fog action and go with them into the unknown.
arrangements have to be made like school and job.
the man has no money to feed his kids .
should they go and soak garri with him.

almondjoy:

Yes, only for a while to give them an opportunity to plan together as a family. Does she not miss him at all? The life she is living in Ireland is also in the 'unknown" department. Or is she sleeping in her bed with the Irish residence permit or with several Irish potatos in her underwear every night to "gum" body and soul? As a married woman, I am sure she could not have forgotten what "regular" sex feels like! Or is there someone else doing a fantastic job over there that she can't afford to leave?

Please be honest with us.

yemivictor:

@ Topic,

Had it been that the husband had landed a job, any job at all! The "ultimatum" would have carried more weight!

All in all, it's a tough choice for the lady in question!!

[size=15pt]But if she cherishes her marriage @ all, she should be making plans to go back home, regardless!!![/size]

Dalby:

This guy has been at it, trying to get a job for years, with no light at the end of the tunnel. You say she needs to come down so they can fashion out a strategy on the way forward for the family At that point who will take care of all the responsibilities
This is actually a no win situation because the marriage you will be trying to protect by coming over, you will lose when the economic reality becomes apparent once in Nigeria.

almondjoy:

Infact that is the key problem here. The "ultimatum" You have said it all. It is a tough choice. If I were ever given this kind of ultimatum from a sweetheart like "you". . .I really do not care if you have a job or not. I think I will love you enough to at least come home and see your face. Even if no be face I go chop. Nice one Yemi.

I did not think that such a "small" boy like you would understand sensitive things like this. Not because we share the same views but because it shows you really examined this matter from all angles.

God job baby brother. . .more "agape" love coming your way!


Dalby, you are a man. If your wife was in this position, what would you wish her do? Ignore your requests to move back home while you guys live apart for another 3-5 years? All I saying is that she should at least reason with him so they can map out a plan to be together at least for a short while. She can always come back. If she tries and it doesn't work out, then the world will know that she at least tried. Unless the man is a menacing husband envious of her progress. What is she really afraid of? Her safety or insecuity of a jobless spouse?

In that case let him file for a divorce and let them both get on with their lives period. This is not a marriage but a sham. Sometimes men are motivated when they have their wives around them. He is probably very unmotivated now since this quest for Irish "residency" has rendered him a second class citizen in his own matrimonial home. If he does not have a job now, who says his luck cannot change when she visits or anytime from now? Then again we have children separated from their father. . . that is the one I just cannot tolerate! If she does not want to move back home, please let her give him his children abeg so she can remain single and prosperous in Ireland!

Period!

almondjoy:

Infact that is the key problem here. The "ultimatum" You have said it all. It is a tough choice. If I were ever given this kind of ultimatum from a sweetheart like "you". . .I really do not care if you have a job or not. I think I will love you enough to at least come home and see your face. [b] Even if no be face I go chop. Nice one Yemi. [/b]
I did not think that such a "small" boy like you would understand sensitive things like this. Not because we share the same views but because it shows you really examined this matter from all angles.

God job baby brother. . .more "agape" love coming your way!

And i'm lapping it all up & loving it!

almondjoy:


Dalby, you are a man. If your wife was in this position, what would you wish her do? Ignore your requests to move back home while you guys live apart for another 3-5 years? All I saying is that she should at least reason with him so they can map out a plan to be together at least for a short while. She can always come back. If she tries and it doesn't work out, then the world will know that she at least tried. Unless the man is a menacing husband envious of her progress. What is she really afraid of? Her safety or insecurity of a jobless spouse?

In that case let him file for a divorce and let them both get on with their lives period. This is not a marriage but a sham. Sometimes men are motivated when they have their wives around them. He is probably very unmotivated now since this quest for Irish "residency" has rendered him a second class citizen in his own matrimonial home. If he does not have a job now, who says his luck cannot change when she visits or anytime from now? Then again we have children separated from their father. . . that is the one I just cannot tolerate! If she does not want to move back home, please let her give him his children abeg so she can remain single and prosperous in Ireland!

Period!

Blatant:

almondjoy, are you married?

you might be a great wife to one lucky guy some day
God bless you

yemivictor:

And i'm lapping it all up & loving it!

Dalby:

Frankly if na me I for bury my head in shame. I will not have the courage to ask her to come back knowing the role she plays in the running of the home. I would have intensified efforts at job hunting rather than get involved in an ego fight with my wife. If she comes back, family income becomes zero, no be death be that

I knew of someone that was jobless for 2 years, previously working in a bank. Things got so bad that he withdrew his 3 kids from school. The day he said he cried bitterly was the day he his son woke him up about a year down the road to say that he wants to go to school. He looked at himself a graduate not being able to afford education for his own child

almondjoy:

All these are unfortunate, but if my husband were ever in this position I will not discard him just like that. I will just keep doing my part till we find a way out. At least work on the marriage till I see no hope. People go through worse things in life and still survive. What if the man became sick and could not work for life? Or if the reverse where the case? Would she like to be treated in the same manner? This woman does not even want to compromise. Which woman has not seen "unemployment" side of a spouse? 99% of women have seen this side because no condition is permanent. I encourage men to work and keep their families together. Women should do the same so when one person is down, the other can at least pick up the pieces and glue them back for a short while or for however long.

For people like you, I recommend you go and watch "The Pursuit of Happiness" starring Will Smith. I learned a very huge lesson from that movie!

let me answer your question , since you are too dumb to read between the lines:

only a loser will insist that his spouse leave a paid job to come home to join him in unemployment. what sort of thinking is that?

does he even love his wife? he's busy giving ultimatums -

it is the husband you should be challenging - he is the one who decided to leave - probably because his ego cannot take the fact that his wife has become with the defacto breadwinner .

JustGood:

oyb wrote
you have to be completely stupid to believe that love and marriage is all about how much money a couple have available to them

you are even dafter to ask if he loves his wife. a man marries a woman and want her with him and you say it's wrong for him to desire to have his wife with him. Do you have any brain at all?

Every partner in a couple has the right to demand certain things of their relationship and one of the main things in every relationshsip is companionship. what kind of companionship exists when the wife is in Ireland for several years without seeing the husband?
It's a no brainer but you're obviously too daft too see that

jkpretty:

@Ayomikun

You are still asking question? Place your ghana-must-go on head and run home

Dalby:



I would really love to know when you saw the movie

Nobody has asked this woman to discard her husband, at least not me We are caught up between 2 issues, the moral issue and practical reality. People go through far less and do not survive; there are no absolutes in life. The good book says do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remove the log from your eyes before removing the log from your neighbours eyes all these laws are pointers for man to know thyself because there in lies liberation of freedom. If you are a doctor in a life threatening kidnapping situation, be a doctor in that situation and not RAMBO.

Compromise , we do not know what she has or has not done. True all women have seen the unemployment side of their spouse same situation, but all women do not handle the situation in the same manner why

A man lay at his sick bed seconds away from dying. In that instant he had flash backs from the day he was born, to his first day at school, his successes and failures, highs and lows and the events that led him to his sick bed. Critical decision moments of his life shown before him, the only regrets he had as he lay there were decisions that he did not take, because all those that he took led him to this point.

What I said is for her to convince her husband why she has to stay some more, being in the best long term interest of the family.


Secure a 1 month leave from her present place of work to come and spend sometime in Nigeria, and finally encourage the husband to increase his efforts at getting a job to take care of the family should her comming back to Nigeria become pertinent.

I would also like to know how you characterize people like me. I will look to see the movie though then we can talk some more about it

almondjoy:


I saw that movie last year. I really could not get much of a solution from all you wrote up there. Please in some 2 sentences or less could you please share with us what this woman should do. You are so stuck at the "problem analysis" phase of this relationship. Solution please.

I would characterize you as one who likes to stew about problems thinking they would go away on their own, while sitting in one place to "fast, pray and pay tithes" hoping for a miracle without moving an inch from your bed! If the man could be convinced, I am sure he would not be giving an ultimatum.
Solutions please and stop dancing around the problem!

Thank you!

Dalby:

I was not referring to you when I was talking about the logs and spec. What I was merely saying was that we all need to look inwards, understand ourselves, and it is only then we can understand others and live with them

As you can see in my last post, I am not really in support of this woman moving immediately to Nigeria but to thread carefully

I asked when you saw the movie because your comments here and the one at the jobless head of house are really not in tandem. I was thinking probably that it was because of the movie

When we are angry, we can say anything to hurt the others person, and I am feeling it is under that circumstance that this was said, a man trying to assert authority. If the woman chooses to be stubborn and say never, it will have moved from that to an affront on his ego. At this point there is often no going back. On the other hand if she tell him that she will comply, then goes ahead to ask for a month leave from her employer, comes back to Nigeria. The man will definitely calm down knowing that she obeyed him. That way his ego is intact and she can then suggest to him rationally what she thinks is the best way forward

I bet you in less than 4 weeks she will be on her way back to Ireland.

I do not think that your characterization was anywhere near correct patience is actually a good virtue you know. I actually make reference to the bible because there is so much wisdom in it, but unfortunately most of my views are actually not in line with what most people believe (Preachers and followers alike). I[b] believe in Karma, cause and effect but their views are twisted on the subject. [/b] Tithing from your perspective, I have not done since 1999. It goes beyond giving 10% of your income to the pastor the church, read the sermon on the mount

almondjoy:

Yes the other thread just focussed on joblessness and the relationship with being the head of the household, and nothing else. So I treated it as such. What we have here is a family situation for a woman who really has business away from her husband and family. Different situation here!

almondjoy:

All those reference to praying fasting and tithing was just in jest to how typical Nigerians solve problems in general. Once again all you can write in form of solution is for this lady to "thread carefully"!

almondjoy:

How if I may ask. . . what would you do if you were in her shoes is really what I am asking you and you cannot even answer that. Instead of playing "diplomat", just spit it out and say what you would do instead of sitting on the fence. That is even worse than no solution!

Make up your mind and tell me what you would do if you were in the woman's situation. I think that is what this thread is all about abi? Not speculations that lead to nowhere!

Just give it your last shot! Make it good this time without skirting around the subject and beating around the bush. Could you be decisive for once please!

almondjoy:

Oh, one more thing. . .just for the records. Whatever any man chooses to call himself is his business. . . head of the household or tail of the dog pound! Jobless or not. . . no man is the head of my household. . .I prefer to use the term partners!

Dalby:

@Almondjoy

What I said is for her to convince her husband why she has to stay some more, being in the best long term interest of the family. Secure a 1 month leave from her present place of work to come and spend sometime in Nigeria, and finally encourage the husband to increase his efforts at getting a job to take care of the family should her comming back to Nigeria become pertinent.

I bet you in less than 4 weeks she will be on her way back to Ireland.

My sister how else do you want me to explain it again. When you read my post, you always seem to gloss over my solution above. Its like there is something you want to hear from me

Dalby:

@Almondjoy

What I said is for her to convince her husband why she has to stay some more, being in the best long term interest of the family.

Dalby:

@Almondjoy

Secure a 1 month leave from her present place of work to come and spend sometime in Nigeria, and finally encourage the husband to increase his efforts at getting a job to take care of the family should her comming back to Nigeria become pertinent.

Dalby:

@Almondjoy

It just hit me, she arranges with MEND through her mother, to abduct the husband. They place a ransom demand, and a time frame to pay. She refuses to pay, the man is killed. Nothing is traced to her, she remains in Ireland. Moves the child and mother in Nigeria to Ireland and they all leave happily ever after ;[/b]D

Very funny!

Dalby:


[b]Semantics
If you call a child's tricycle a car, does it automatically make it a car

A tricycle will always be a tricycle, and a car always a car. Each performing its unique function and adding to the whole. That the tricycle does not run as fast as the car does not make it any less important or the car superior

wmunonline:

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