I just discovered that I am pregnant for a yoruba man. We have been dating for several months and things are great, but the pregnancy is completely unplanned. I don't know much about his family, specifically how they feel about pregnancy outside of marriage, abortion, etc. I have read a lot about traditional yoruba culture, but I don't know if his family is extremely traditional or if they have assimilated some to the American culture because they have been here for several years. Anyway, I am hoping to gain some insight about how his family may react to my pregnancy. I know that no one will really know for sure. I am just asking that people provide information based on what would be typical of yoruba parents. FYI, we are both mature adults in our mid 30's. We are well educated and financially stable. We do not live with our parents and we do not require assistance from them. If you need to ask questions before being able to offer advice, I will be happy to answer.

Just be ready to be a single parent.

Mr. Globe:
Just be ready to be a single parent.

Really? That is something I do not want. Can you tell me why this is likely?

ImJustMe:

Really? That is something I do not want. Can you tell me why this is likely?

He has a wife at home probably and can you cook dishes from his tribe?

Mr. Globe:

He has a wife at home probably and can you cook dishes from his tribe?

That is funny! He doesn't have a wife. That is the least of my concerns. He is already an American citizen (he was when I met him) and spends all of his time in America along with his immediate family.

I can cook a few dishes, yes. I'm no expert though.

@OP,have you told the man and what did he say.

You both are adults so i believe you know what to get when you have unprotected sex.
And please,disregard that notion that he already has a wife at home;its coming from a stranger who knows zilch about your man.

ifyalways: @OP,have you told the man and what did he say.

You both are adults so i believe you know what to get when you have unprotected sex.
And please,disregard that notion that he already has a wife at home;its coming from a stranger who knows zilch about your man.

I understand what you are saying about unprotected sex. You are right. That is why I say the pregnancy was unplanned. I cannot honestly say that it is unexpected. Like you said, we are both adults. We know better.

I did tell him. He said he will support me regardless of my decision. He seems overwhelmed but believes that no matter what, everything will be fine.

I laugh at you Op. believe me when I say he has a wife at home whether arranged by him or his parents. Am judging by his tribe. Its interesting you can prepare some Yoruba dishes.

ImJustMe: I just discovered that I am pregnant for a yoruba man. We have been dating for several months and things are great, but the pregnancy is completely unplanned. I don't know much about his family, specifically how they feel about pregnancy outside of marriage, abortion, etc. I have read a lot about traditional yoruba culture, but I don't know if his family is extremely traditional or if they have assimilated some to the American culture because they have been here for several years. Anyway, I am hoping to gain some insight about how his family may react to my pregnancy. I know that no one will really know for sure. I am just asking that people provide information based on what would be typical of yoruba parents. FYI, we are both mature adults in our mid 30's. We are well educated and financially stable. We do not live with our parents and we do not require assistance from them. If you need to ask questions before being able to offer advice, I will be happy to answer.

everything in life is all about risk,the highest risk is not taking risk,so as a matured adult,u have nothing to worry about,if it works,i mean life partner thing,then u are lucky,if it doesn`t work,u try again,the little knowledge i have about the yoruba are,they are humble people,but having baby with several women,is not a problem for them,they are good with that,but having a steady partner,i don`t know

ImJustMe: I just discovered that I am pregnant for a yoruba man. We have been dating for several months and things are great, but the pregnancy is completely unplanned. I don't know much about his family, specifically how they feel about pregnancy outside of marriage, abortion, etc. I have read a lot about traditional yoruba culture, but I don't know if his family is extremely traditional or if they have assimilated some to the American culture because they have been here for several years. Anyway, I am hoping to gain some insight about how his family may react to my pregnancy. I know that no one will really know for sure. I am just asking that people provide information based on what would be typical of yoruba parents. FYI, we are both mature adults in our mid 30's. We are well educated and financially stable. We do not live with our parents and we do not require assistance from them. If you need to ask questions before being able to offer advice, I will be happy to answer.

I will suggest you tell him about your pregnancy. I personally do not believe in generalising people based on tribe or culture. From my experiences in life,i have learnt to always relate with each person as they come or as we meet in life's journey on earth. However,in every tribe and culture,there are the good people and bad ones. Being matured,educated and financially stable is a pointer that to a large extent,he is his own man,and as such has his own decisions to make,not minding his tribe or culture. If after telling him, from his reactions, you will have an idea on if he will accept you and the pregnancy or not.i assume that the little time you have spent with him should give some hints of knowing your man.However, whatever the situation may be,please do not go for abortion. babies are blessings from God and abortion is a crime against God.If you have further questions, i can be of immense help. God be with you as you take a decision.

I really do not see what the big deal is here . . .
Obviously the pregnancy is not a big shock to you. I'm sure you knew it was a possibility even before it happened. Why else will you have unprotected s3x and neglect to take morning after pills. . .
You are not some teenager who got pregnant by mistake, you made a choice and you should be ready to stand by it.
Please get ready to take care of your child, with or without the father in your life!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Ujujoan: I really do not see what the big deal is here . . .
Obviously the pregnancy is not a big shock to you. I'm sure you knew it was a possibility even before it happened. Why else will you have unprotected s3x and neglect to take morning after pills. . .
You are not some teenager who got pregnant by mistake, you made a choice and you should be ready to stand by it.
Please get ready to take care of your child, with or without the father in your life!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Best comment. Let her say hi to single parenthood.

Op

Okay..you are pregnant...what is it you want from us?

Ujujoan: I really do not see what the big deal is here . . .
Obviously the pregnancy is not a big shock to you. I'm sure you knew it was a possibility even before it happened. Why else will you have unprotected s3x and neglect to take morning after pills. . .
You are not some teenager who got pregnant by mistake, you made a choice and you should be ready to stand by it.
Please get ready to take care of your child, with or without the father in your life!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I think you may have missed my question. I am not concerned by how the father will respond. We have already discussed this. He has been very supportive. I am just wondering how his family will respond. I am just trying to get a sense of how accepting they may or may not be of me and the pregnancy/child.

And I don't recall you asking if I took the morning after pill. Whether I did or not is none of your concern. I did not ask about the process of conception or safe sex practices. Like I said, I am educated. I am aware of such things. I am asking for someone to comment on what I may be up against with regards to his family.

ImJustMe:
I think you may have missed my question. I am not concerned by how the father will respond. We have already discussed this. He has been very supportive. I am just wondering how his family will respond. I am just trying to get a sense of how accepting they may or may not be of me and the pregnancy/child.

And I don't recall you asking if I took the morning after pill. Whether I did or not it none of your concern. I did not ask about the process of conception or safe sex practices. Like I said, I am educated. I am aware of such things. I am asking for someone to comment on what I may be up against with regards to his family.

You need to speak to his family. ..we don't know and surely can't speak for them.

Mrs.Chima:


You need to speak to his family. ..we don't know and surely can't speak for them.

That is my plan. I was just hoping to maybe get an idea of what to expect. I don't know many Yoruba people, so I have no idea how things may go. I know that simply because they are Yoruba does not guarantee a specific response, but I do know that there are some cultural norms and I just wanted people to share what may happen or maybe what they have seen happen in similar situations.

RollingFella:

I will suggest you tell him about your pregnancy. I personally do not believe in generalising people based on tribe or culture. From my experiences in life,i have learnt to always relate with each person as they come or as we meet in life's journey on earth. However,in every tribe and culture,there are the good people and bad ones. Being matured,educated and financially stable is a pointer that to a large extent,he is his own man,and as such has his own decisions to make,not minding his tribe or culture. If after telling him, from his reactions, you will have an idea on if he will accept you and the pregnancy or not.i assume that the little time you have spent with him should give some hints of knowing your man.However, whatever the situation may be,please do not go for abortion. babies are blessings from God and abortion is a crime against God.If you have further questions, i can be of immense help. God be with you as you take a decision.

I appreciate your response. I do not want to have an abortion. I included that in my question because I am not sure what his family's views on abortion are. As a tribe, I am unsure of where Yorubas stand on the issue. I have already told him about the pregnancy and he is supportive.

No one can help you with this. So you didnt know his family and you both were cohabitating and were in a serious relationship? Why are you all of a sudden interested in if his family will accept you? Are you planning on using them as a tool to make him marry you as i dont think he has put that option on the table yet. Your best bet is to meet them and then you will get to know. We dont know this family, and you dont either. I guess you are looking for stereotypes to ride on.

ImJustMe:
I think you may have missed my question. I am not concerned by how the father will respond. We have already discussed this. He has been very supportive. I am just wondering how his family will respond. I am just trying to get a sense of how accepting they may or may not be of me and the pregnancy/child.

And I don't recall you asking if I took the morning after pill. Whether I did or not is none of your concern. I did not ask about the process of conception or safe sex practices. Like I said, I am educated. I am aware of such things. I am asking for someone to comment on what I may be up against with regards to his family.

No need to get defensive here, we are all adults, nobody blames you!
My point is that you must have considered this BEFORE you got pregnant, seeing as it was expected (if not planned).
You must have thought about how his family will react to the pregnancy and whatever you concluded was enough for you to allow yourself get pregnant.
We are not his family and cannot answer that question for you . . . You should already know that!
Whether they accept you or not should not in any way affect your decision . . . you should be making plans on how to raise your child, not wondering if his family will welcome you.

baby_123: No one can help you with this. So you didnt know his family and you both were cohabitating and were in a serious relationship? Why are you all of a sudden interested in if his family will accept you? Are you planning on using them as a tool to make him marry you as i dont think he has put that option on the table yet. Your best bet is to meet them and then you will get to know. We dont know this family, and you dont either. I guess you are looking for stereotypes to ride on.

My thoughts exactly . .
She wants us to tell her how yoruba people are bla bla bla with women who get pregnant for their sons!
I don't see how useful that would be to her!

Ujujoan:

No need to get defensive here, we are all adults, nobody blames you!
My point is that you must have considered this BEFORE you got pregnant, seeing as it was expected (if not planned).
You must have thought about how his family will react to the pregnancy and whatever you concluded was enough for you to allow yourself get pregnant.
We are not his family and cannot answer that question for you . . . You should already know that!
Whether they accept you or not should not in any way affect your decision . . . you should be making plans on how to raise your child, not wondering if his family will welcome you.

I never said whether or not they will accept me has an impact on my decision. Nor did I say that I was not planning how to raise my child. I can plan to be a parent AND wonder if his family will accept me. Those things can be done simultaneously. Thank you for responding.

Ujujoan:

My thoughts exactly . .
She wants us to tell her how yoruba people are bla bla bla with women who get pregnant for their sons!
I don't see how useful that would be to her!

She definitely wanted the child, but maybe the guy is not responding to marriage like she would expect. So now she is trying to learn how to work the family or fight the family. For an AA funny that you want to dwell on stereotypes when you most likely have been judged by such most of your life.

ImJustMe:

I never said whether or not they will accept me has an impact on my decision. Nor did I say that I was not planning how to raise my child. I can plan to be a parent AND wonder if his family will accept me. Those things can be done simultaneously. Thank you for responding.

Why are you all of a sudden concerned about a family you didnt care about, when you were cohabitating with their son? I would think before you would move in with a man. All those areas would have been looked into carefully.

baby_123:

She definitely wanted the child, but maybe the guy is not responding to marriage like she would expect. So now she is trying to learn how to work the family or fight the family. For an AA funny that you want to dwell on stereotypes when you most likely have been judged by such most of your life.

I am not trying to use his family. What I am most worried about is that they will not be accepting of the child. I have not asked him to marry me, so I am not sure if that is an option. I have read threads in this forum before and seen advice offered to people based on tribal beliefs and such. I was not trying to offend. I was just looking for help.

baby_123:

Why are you all of a sudden concerned about a family you didnt care about, when you were cohabitating with their son? I would think before you would move in with a man. All those areas would have been looked into carefully.

We are not cohabitating. We are dating. I have met his family and they seem to like me, but I am worried that they will be upset about the pregnancy given that we are not married.

ImJustMe:

We are not cohabitating. We are dating. I have met his family and they seem to like me, but I am worried that they will be upset about the pregnancy given that we are not married.

Why? Have you told them? Or is there something about them you know that you are not telling us. What is the true story?

ImJustMe:

I am not trying to use his family. What I am most worried about is that they will not be accepting of the child. I have not asked him to marry me, so I am not sure if that is an option. I have read threads in this forum before and seen advice offered to people based on tribal beliefs and such. I was not trying to offend. I was just looking for help.

Why do you think they will not be accepting of the child? Why are you the one that has to ask him to marry you? If you are okay raising the child by yourself should that become the case, why are you concerned about acceptance You come across like you dont know this family at all. Why till now has he not told his family

ImJustMe:

I appreciate your response. I do not want to have an abortion. I included that in my question because I am not sure what his family's views on abortion are. As a tribe, I am unsure of where Yorubas stand on the issue. I have already told him about the pregnancy and he is supportive.

You told him but did he offer marriage?

OP, answer our questions honestly...

I will go out on a limb that he didn't offer marriage. The family acceptance is the very last thing you shall worry about. You are right it is not our concern why you guys had unsafe sex if there were not any family planning. ..of course the guy doesnt care...he can walk away. The fact that he didn't offer marriage is a red flag. You need yo handle the situation with the baby daddy before tackling his family.

Most Nigerian parents (Yoruba or not) frown at pregnancy out of wedlock. But most of them tend to be more accepting later on especially when the baby is born. Most parents just have a way of keeping their grudge aside when they evevtually get to meet their grandchild.

Now, my concern is; what plan does your boyfriend have for u and the pregancy? U said he's been supportive, what exactly do u mean by that? What do u guys want to do? Have u guys discussed the options u have? Whether to Keep the pregnancy, move in together and co-parent without getting married? Or getting married?

Your guy has a great role to play in how his parents will view and accept the pregnancy too. He has to subtly tell them about the pregnancy while also stating the plans he has for u and the unborn child. When his parents see he actually cares about u and the pregnancy and that he has a solid plan, they might just budge.

U said the parents tend to like u right? That might also help. Goodluck!

NB. . .please ignore posts u feel donot offer any piece of advice. U really don't owe anybody any explanation.

Op is absolutely confusing matters!
Yoruba people have their culture but within every culture, there are the good set of families and the not so good ones.
So asking us to tell u what to expect from ur man's family (based on his ethnic background), is totally lame!
This is your personal mess. So go clean it up.