NAJALYN:

I am just wondering if this will help since marriage is a life- long affair. Please your contributions.

Plutarch:

Is it good to prepare well b4 going 4 exams?

Plutarch:

Is it good to prepare well b4 going 4 exams?

naijafrend:

@topic

Not necessarily, I have a friend from SE Asia who never dated and had an arranged marriage. They have a perfect family and is almost married for 2 decades. She says majority of their people have arranged marriage and surprisingly most of them are happy too.

I personally think courtship takes away that freshness from your marriage. Everything is predictable and there is nothing to look forward to when you know your partner in and out. If arranged marriages seem barbaric, it is best to keep the courtship period short.

zayhal:

Cases abound to justify that courtship has little to do to the success or otherwise of a marriage. I have two brothers both of whom courted for 7 and 9 years respectively. The one who courted for nine years is divorced now, the one of 7years usually have family members going to settle quarrel every now and then. I've got another family member who met his wife in February and they got married in June. Everyone complained that they were rushing things. It's been 6years into the marriage now. I still admire them and their lifestyle.

I'm not saying people shouldn't court, but it should be for a reasonable period of time and courtship shouldn't be expected to be the trial period of the marriage. It just doesn't work that way. A lot of people pretend during courtship.

zayhal:

You can't compare marriage with exams. In the latter, everything is almost predictable and there's an answer to every question. Marriage isn't that straightforward. If it goes according to your comparison, then those who have longer courtships will have more successful marriages. But obviously, it's not always like that.

bidemi12:

Your friend in SE asia is the exception to the rule. courtship before marriage is like oxygen to life

NAJALYN:

I thank you all for your brilliant contributions. Response received so far, are not in favour of courtship. Lets wait for more.

Princek12:

It is funny how so many people here are trying to justify marrying someone without courting them, just because so and so did it and it worked out. Let's not disregard common sense in our reasoning. If you don't court the person whom you intend to marry, how will you be able to learn about that person's character before entering a, presumably, lifetime contract?

Ujujoan:

Pleas not that nobody's entirely ruling out courtship. But then the fact that you courted is not a guarantee that your marriage will work and vice versa!

Nobody's saying 'don't court' . . .  and nobody's saying you MUST court! 

Ujujoan:

Pleas not that nobody's entirely ruling out courtship. But then the fact that you courted is not a guarantee that your marriage will work and vice versa!

Nobody's saying 'don't court' . . .  and nobody's saying you MUST court! 

Princek12:

It is funny how so many people here are trying to justify marrying someone without courting them, just because so and so did it and it worked out. Let's not disregard common sense in our reasoning. If you don't court the person whom you intend to marry, how will you be able to learn about that person's character before entering a, presumably, lifetime contract?

Princek12:

so what are you saying?

DeeJay20:

But you do agree that a couple should learn about each other before
doing an "altar job", i mean come on i got to know something about the ladyeee lol!

Ujujoan:


I saying one shouldn't let such baseless 'rules' control his or her actions!

I'm not saying you should marry a total stranger . . . you should so whatever you feel comfortable with. I just don't subscribe to the idea of being hung up on 'courtship' for years and years and years . . .  It's a complete waste of time!

naijafrend:

@topic

Not necessarily, I have a friend from SE Asia who never dated and had an arranged marriage. They have a perfect family and is almost married for 2 decades. She says majority of their people have arranged marriage and surprisingly most of them are happy too.

I personally think courtship takes away that freshness from your marriage. Everything is predictable and there is nothing to look forward to when you know your partner in and out. If arranged marriages seem barbaric, it is best to keep the courtship period short.

Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her interest in him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. In the western world, this concept of gender roles in courtship is changing, or has changed, in many societies.

Courtship may include the couple going out together in public, (often known as dating), for a meal, movie, dance, sports or other social activity. Courtship may also involve private activities which usually include much talking together, perhaps by telephone or by electronic means such as text messages or e-mail. There is often exchange of letters, gifts, flowers and songs.

Princek12:

It is funny how so many people here are trying to justify marrying someone without courting them, just because so and so did it and it worked out. Let's not disregard common sense in our reasoning. If you don't court the person whom you intend to marry, how will you be able to learn about that person's character before entering a, presumably, lifetime contract?

bidemi12:

Your friend in SE asia is the exception to the rule. courtship before marriage is like oxygen to life

deco2come:

Courtship doesn't take away the freshness of your marriage. If dating a lady for about 5 years will take away the freshness, what will happen after 8 years of marrying a lady without dating her；Do you think the freshness will also die?

The fact is this, marriage is like a two side blade, you might get the sharper side. Dating or no dating doesn't guarantee a joyful marriage. It boils down to getting the right person.

Princek12:

Whether one should court before marriage is one issue.

The duration of a reasonable courtship is another issue. As to that, reasonable minds could differ as to what constitutes a reasonable length of time. I say that it depends on the circumstances and should be long enough to provide both parties the opportunity to apprise each other's character. Several factors such as the proximity of the courting parties, their communication with each other, and their skill at observing people may be controlling in determining what is a reasonable time.