cashmentor: Yes, you're the Boss, but you must show it by your humility and servant-styled leadership............ Draw closer to your brother, (you shouldd have done this long ago) instead you allowed envy creep into your heart....... There's still time, become best friends with your brother and you won't have to bother about him being proud or whatever.
Then call a meeting wit dad, ask him why he treats you the way he's doing.. Passionately with a sorrowful voice.... Tell him how he's killing your spirit, but never ever bring your brother to the discussion, this is between you and dad. Talk to him diplomatically without bringing your brothers name or or your dad choice of him over you, into the table......
Try visiting your pastor/priest for counceling though, it helps....

Parents who do this IMO do not have the maturity to sit in a meeting to smoothen things out. Just go "solo"; be the best you can at whatever your hands find to do and have faith / beileve in God!

but meanaaawhileaaa, u might try giving dem some space like getting a seperate apartment. they r ur family so dont beef dem o,stil maintain communication but forget abt d 'm being cheated' attitude. try making new friends esp those who dont know ur family, dat'l bring a breath of fresh air to u, seriousli. n with tym u'l luk bak n shake ur head at dem old feelings. n pls oga comot mind from weda dem sell house abi dem no sell. its painful dat u werent informed i know but my guy, u just gats to bone o.i wish u d best as u move forward.

Are u sure he's ur REAL dad?? Anyway don't whine..just work hard, shut them out, and don't give a fcck bout dem. Though i feel ur pains.

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booqee: Are u sure he's ur REAL dad?? Anyway don't whine..just work hard, shut them out, and don't give a fcck bout dem. Though i feel ur pains.

WHAT IS IT WITH ALL DIS ARE U SURE HE IS UR FATHER STUFF? Hav u all nt seen parents who treats dia biological child like d wia picked. Mtchewww

I feel your pains. My father virtually told me I was ostracized when I was 15 years old. For years, I lived like a slave in my house. And yes, I am the first child. Today, I have bought cars (twice) for my father and mother, I pay my brothers school fees in US, I support another brother and his wife in the US, I gave my sister my former car, I made significant contributions to my sister and brothers wedding, I have paid rent countless times for my siblings, I have sponsored mu siblings on vacation trips to the UK etc. I can keep on counting what I have done for them. But it can never make the pain go away. For 7 years between 15 and 22 years, I did not have a friendly conversation with my siblings. Not one. One day, in my 300 level, I was just fed up and decided to start talking to them. And it has never been the same. They sometime talk to me anyhow, but this treatment has a terrible effect on the self esteem of a child. It is not about the money, or inheritance or all the rubbish some people are saying. But it can be hard and the pain will never go away. Except you locate yourself in a position where you find unconditional love or acceptance again (maybe from a wife, best actually from a wife). I am very comfortable and successful by many standards, but the pain of rejection never goes away. And I am still trying to find and locate myself in that unconditional love situation. People that have not gone through it can never understand. They will only say rubbish. I wish you the best bro. Pray and keep praying. U will overcome

jaystunt: I am the first born in a family of 6 but I hardly ever get the honour or respect that a first born is entitled to.
I'm what u can refer to as a 'figure head' as my dad who's never scared to show his favoritism to my immediate brother thinks he as the 'real deal', hence leaving me relegated to the background. He(my brother) was not quite good with his books but skilled with his hands, and I was the opposite. My dad is a sucker for people like that but to do it in his home at the detriment of his first child is what I've been grappling with for over 20yrs of my life.

Right from when we were very young my kid bro has been very close to my dad and when I got to secondary school and subsequently the uni, it only made the gap btw him and myself wider. We never got together like a father and child do. I remember poisoning myself in junior high when I just couldn't cope with the situation.

Fast forward 5yrs after college, the family split only (a yr ago). Dad relocated to Ibadan and I and my two brothers stayed put in Lagos but in my apartment. He visits every month, but I see nothing changed in the way he behaves towards me.

Only recently I got to know he's about selling one of his houses out. He gave my immediate brother the papers and the all clear to sell It. When I got wind of the information, I wept like a baby as I never thought he could do that to me.
My immediate brother knows pretty well that dad is on his side and hardly respects me in my own flat. It's even gotten to a stage where I feel like throwing him out. He's such a nuisance this days to me not because I'm jealous but his disregard for me as his senior.

I'm a year older but his attitude towards is dat of an elder brother to his junior. My dad still gets things from me but his loyalty and love rests on my brother.

I honestly don't know what to do to get this depression of me.

Guys how can I stay and lead a happy life amidst dis mess! Pls help!

Ranti Fadahunsi: I feel your pains. My father virtually told me I was ostracized when I was 15 years old. For years, I lived like a slave in my house. And yes, I am the first child. Today, I have bought cars (twice) for my father and mother, I pay my brothers school fees in US, I support another brother and his wife in the US, I gave my sister my former car, I made significant contributions to my sister and brothers wedding, I have paid rent countless times for my siblings, I have sponsored mu siblings on vacation trips to the UK etc. I can keep on counting what I have done for them. But it can never make the pain go away. For 7 years between 15 and 22 years, I did not have a friendly conversation with my siblings. Not one. One day, in my 300 level, I was just fed up and decided to start talking to them. And it has never been the same. They sometime talk to me anyhow, but this treatment has a terrible effect on the self esteem of a child. It is not about the money, or inheritance or all the rubbish some people are saying. But it can be hard and the pain will never go away. Except you locate yourself in a position where you find unconditional love or acceptance again (maybe from a wife, best actually from a wife) . I am very comfortable and successful by many standards, but the pain of rejection never goes away. And I am still trying to find and locate myself in that unconditional love situation. People that have not gone through it can never understand. They will only say rubbish. I wish you the best bro. Pray and keep praying. U will overcome.

This is something I believe too like I mentioned earlier.
People who have never experienced it, or lack the empathy needed to be able to sync with others or sense their pain will never quite understand.
Things like parental treatment/love are the difference between a man in jail and a free, honest working man.

And I hope you meet the one to give you unconditional Love too dear.

Ivynwa: This is one good reason parents are always advised not to show favoritism to their children at the expense of others because it simply yields bad feelings. If only your father knows the storm and unhappiness he is stirring up in you, he doesn't know and he needs to be informed either by you, your mum or a relation of yours. He holds the key to making it alright and even renewing the not-too good feeling between you and your brother. I saw your post where you said that you can never talk to him yourself but you may be the best person to make him realize this. If you don't want to face him squarely, you can write these feelings of yours down in a letter/e-mail for him (with good choice of words). It may touch him or you can have your mum, an uncle or aunt talk to him so that he can realize how much he is hurting you. I mean you don't have to expect to be treated more specially than others because you are the first but you mentioned that you once poisoned yourself because you never got close to him like a father and child do meaning that there is a void between you two which you yearn to be filled.

If he is made to understand that there exist that gap, he may make an effort to close it and get closer to you. You have to be very careful about the way you feel over your brother's attitude to you because such feelings are dangerous, very dangerous. Stop attributing his behaviours to the fact that your Popsie regards him more and that makes him disrespects you, it can make you feel more hurt over it all and such feelings are capable of. driving a person to lengths that they may blink and regret the next minute. You can also tell your father or your mum about your brother disrespecting you, it is their duty as the parents to see to decorum in their family. You don't really have to feel bad about "the sale of the property" issue, you know. Your father is still alive and the property he owns are still his to handle as he likes until he wills it away to his children and they regain rights to own those, I understand your hurt there coming from the angle that your younger brother was given the paper and asked to sell it but that shouldn't bother you. Your father is the one selling his property through the help of your brother.

One more thing, please don't poison yourself again or want to hurt yourself over these feelings okay. Problems are better solved, they remain there if unsolved so why not make effort to get this solved. You and your father moves closer together, you and your brother respects each other more and everybody is happy. How about that?

The above is made on the assumption that series of events bothering the op are recent, father is unaware of his erring ways.... "collecting from Paul to pay Peter" ways, fair play from the brother in question.

Things are never that straightforward.

To Op....

Well done you on still being a provider/beacon in the family.

If you feel ur family stick their noses n your business, its time to draw the line in a prayerful manner.

With regards to your Dad, simply in a lucid manner, put across your feelings on him selling off his property without the courtesy of informing or alerting you. Remind him, its his not yours, to dispose of. But as a child or 1stborn, from whom he particularly benefits ,....financially + in other respects, his behaviour is rather odd.

Find other mentors that will support you in your endeavours and provide you fatherly and religious/ spiritual advice.

Once rid of the "family suckers, gossips or evil monitors" , or at least kept at distance simply fly in your chosen field.

Stop seeking affirmation.... then you're least opportuned to be abused, in the name of family loyalty.......

Isn't it odd, when there are responsibilities.... you as the 1st born are expected to shoulder them all, regardless of your personal commitments. But when there are goodies to share, then your ability to self-sustain and Not be a menace to others is a precluding factor....... double jeopardy!!!!

.

.

1. Throw your younger brother out
2. Get a wife
3. Get a life
4. Ignore them
5. Move on.

Family is not about blood relations alone. It's also attitude. D'you feel at home? If you don't, then it's not home. It's not family, it's relatives. There's a difference.

Ranti Fadahunsi: I feel your pains. My father virtually told me I was ostracized when I was 15 years old. For years, I lived like a slave in my house. And yes, I am the first child. Today, I have bought cars (twice) for my father and mother, I pay my brothers school fees in US, I support another brother and his wife in the US, I gave my sister my former car, I made significant contributions to my sister and brothers wedding, I have paid rent countless times for my siblings, I have sponsored mu siblings on vacation trips to the UK etc. I can keep on counting what I have done for them. But it can never make the pain go away. For 7 years between 15 and 22 years, I did not have a friendly conversation with my siblings. Not one. One day, in my 300 level, I was just fed up and decided to start talking to them. And it has never been the same. They sometime talk to me anyhow, but this treatment has a terrible effect on the self esteem of a child. It is not about the money, or inheritance or all the rubbish some people are saying. But it can be hard and the pain will never go away. Except you locate yourself in a position where you find unconditional love or acceptance again (maybe from a wife, best actually from a wife). I am very comfortable and successful by many standards, but the pain of rejection never goes away. And I am still trying to find and locate myself in that unconditional love situation. People that have not gone through it can never understand. They will only say rubbish. I wish you the best bro. Pray and keep praying. U will overcome

To you sir
I applaud

I call it a pseudo- Joseph calling.....
At least, Joseph was loved by his father.

However, despite the pain of rejection, I would encourage you to only have sincere family members around as much as possible.

Otherwise the day they fall away, when there's no largesse to feed on..... will make the pain much worse.

Help as much as you can, but not from wrong motives.

As it has a way of coming round to bite really hard. Ive observed n experienced it severally.

God bless u + ur family.

.

@OP: I didn't read other people's advice but I will say this< MOVE OUT, STAY AWAY, MOVE ON. Stop competing with your brother.... DO YOU!

Create your own family, your own wealth, don't be afraid.

If I begin to tell you the pain that I have gone thru, you will know that your situation is NOT as bad. As rich as I am, my father has broken my nose more than once - my mother's psychological abuse is another matter.

I thank God sha...I don't have too many friends - but I'm certainly working on myself.

toshmann: 1. Throw your younger brother out
2. Get a wife
3. Get a life
4. Ignore them
5. Move on.

Family is not about blood relations alone. It's also attitude. D'you feel at home? If you don't, then it's not home. It's not family, it's relatives. There's a difference.

I don't agree with the "get a WIFE" part but you are very much on point.

I don't agree that a wife should be responsible for your new found freedom and your "happiness" - work on yourself before you get married because if you are not careful you will unconsciously repeat and continue the cycle of hurt, pain, trauma, and psychological abuse - exactly what your FATHER has done to your child.

Facing almost same, it hasn't gotten much to your situation though... Rememba u are d FIRST BORN if u fail to succeed, u got no excuse for it... Cos, if u dont u knw wher u goin in life, life will pull u to wher it headin... Wat u need now is dont loose focus... Walk with a positive minded people, not to loose focus... Pray and dont let wat they do show in your attitude meanin be friendly and put on a nevamind face... *rememba, u r learnin through all this challenges, and it an opportunity for u 2b a superiority*

It's obvious how ur lyf might probably turned out 2 be,frm ur response to others views.it is clear that you are not rational in thinking and not open minded.sum of ur age group might probably reason along wit you and give you some words of comfort buh those that get real wit u hve you best interest @ heart!that u might probably be wealthier than ur dad(dat's bullshit)dat u deserve respect 2 build ur selfesteem(I tink dat yoruba way of tinking)dat u shuld stand up and confront your father(I tink u will end up losing ur family)MR MAN make yourself relevant!act,use dialogue,talk 2 ur mum,move and stop acting lyk a dumbfounded fool

If you ask me, i would tell you that almost everything you have been told on this thread is a good approach to solve your issues.

Judging from your post i have inferred that you are the whiny and teary type, you sound soft to the point of weakness, maybe you are not weak, but you certainly project an aura of weakness, maybe that's why they pass you by, na wa for your Dad, it's inherently wrong to show his favoritism the way he has done, but if i were in you shoe i would work on a few things.

Make up with your brother and then ignore him.
Develop a strong inward and outward aura, have a Devil may care attitude,
work like the devil is at your back, so you can make your own money and not have to care about your father's
Believe me inheritance is not always a blessing.


Peace.

[b][/b]My Broda,I feel ur pain and fustration.
I am the first born too. i understand your pain.
but one of the resolutions i made that helped me was that. . i did not want to be part of my fathers properties. i prayed to God to give me mine. so wen my dad gave out some of his things without my knowledge i wasnt even interested. unless u are under 20 or u still breast feed, as long as you are a grown up u dont need too much of fathers attention again, look at how u will be a Dad to ur own family.
Do not envy anyone not even ur broda. Love your Dad as if all he is doing does not matter and you will see how God will bless you beyound measure. they is alws a blessing attached to honouring ones parents. dont miss it my bro.
stay blessed

jaystunt:
The problem is theU're the ones in my business. Honestly if I didn't have him coming to me every month and dis particular brother of mine staying under the same roof with me, I wouldn't be so much bothered about them. They're all up in my face, killing me emotionally and psychologically.

Have u tot of relocating or leaving the apartment to get a new one far from them. When u do dis don't let dem know and don't let them visit for a while. No sleep over or so and be for any visit, they most call to notify u.
If de call u 1001 x don't pick if they use another number give it to ur girl frnd to answer it. But in all pray, respect urself and father and don't quarel with them, I tell u they will be the ones to miss u and at d end will also respect u.

Pls ask ur mum whether u are ur dad real son. D should be something ur dad is hiden from u. And that is why he prefer ur other bros than u.

Guy be strong and like pfii said, pretend they dont exist. Try and get a wife for yourselve, be totally independent. If you aint got no money you aint got nothing Its the bitter truth men!!.People tend to associate with you when you are a success. I wish you the best man, take care.

Opp I'll recommend the following step by step approach to you.
1.Move out of the house if its rented,find a good story which you can tell them on why you are moving out of the flat.its even better if you still have several outstanding months left of your rent for your brothers to enjoy before the responsibility of paying rent for that house authomatically falls to them.
2.In your new house,do not allow any family visitor stay beyond 2 or 3 days.make sure only you has the keys to your house,if any family member visits you,give them the impression that you have only one key for the house,so if you are going out,anyone family member on visit has to step out or go on exile.
3.Very importantly,you need to build your self esteem and begin to love who you are and feel good about yourself.if you do not exercise,start now;you can buy some equipment for gyming and light exercises,buy a sport bicycle and other bike kits and ride within your neighborhood every weekend,especially saturdays and maybe sundays early in the morning,engage in hobbies that will build your self esteem and help you build new relationships.you may even find a woman who loves you in the course of enjoying your hobbies
4.Remove your mind from inherittance and build your own fortune.the sooner you distance youself from your family,the better.

worry 359: jaystunt
You have had the benefit of full education paid for by your father but you are still not content.
You say that you "cry like baby" because things do not go your way.
You seem to be a very juvinile person crying and wailing while you brother gets on and does things.
Your father does not have to give everthing to you just because you are first born!!
Because of your attitude he probably sees you as a failure and waste of time, your comments are very feminine and he may suspect you of being a harmosexual Gay boi.
You may get his trust by working hard but complaining on forum like woman and crying will only get you further into trouble.
If you were my son I would throw you out to make your own life!

Which kind mumu u be. People like you are part of the reason young men develop mental issue and don't seek help because of rebuke.

About 50% of world suicide cases are young men between the ages of 16-35. Men who feel uncomfortable sharing their feelings because of fear of being called weak.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJFKeRA2_RQ :try listening to this video it will comfort you.

sweet_gala Male
Sounds like Gay boi man lovers name.
Are you boyfriend of original poster?
Do you "cry like baby" if you don't get your own way.

All these advices sef can make you do something which will cause more harm than an intended good.

I used to be in that shoe when I was growing up with my siblings. But things changed. My own advice is that be yourself, always know that you're unique and special. Strive for excellence and have a focus. And always love your family no matter what. So long as that favouritism is flawed, it'll not survive.

Then they'll come leaning on you, asking for your support. It make take a while, soon or later.

Billyonaire: @OP, You are a lucky man, but you are emotional. Take away the emotion and be a real man.
Do the following;
* Do not renew your rent once it expires, and make sure your junior brother in question 'believes' you cant afford to pay anymore.
* Use the finances to rent another apartment so you can concentrate with yourself.
* Forget your Dad and your little brother, act as they do not exist for now
* Hardwork doesnt kill, make so much money and the walls of Jericho will crumble.

It works all the time.

Jaystunt, if you ever come back to this thread, please follow these instructions. Goodluck.

The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self respect spring~joan didion

hey bro just bare in mind that,the most hated child in a family usually becomes the BEST. . .ask Bill Gates,Dr.Orji uzor Kalu(fr.Gov.Abia state),Tonto Dike,Zinedine Zidane,Charley boy,Yul edochie,Undertaker,Michael Jackson,2pac,Genevieve Nnaji, etc & ofcus Me am in the same shoes with u bro,de only difference is that my popsis name is innocent,all u hav 2do is hold on to Baba God very tight & dnt ever depend on ur father's property to survive,prove 2him that u can still make it without his support & care.4get bout de past & move on wit ur normal life with serious prayers.my father even swore to me that i wil neva go to Uni in his house,that even if i eventually gain admission that his one naira wont enter my studies! but here i am in Canada studying & smiling,its the Lord's doing. . .the last time i checkd, God is still alive & compassionate.remember what the Psalmist said in Psalm 27:10.& stick to God,He will definetly see ur through

alota pp are quoting the op outa contest...he's not whining, he's nt envious of his sib, he's nt being weak....he's reacting the way anyoda person would!! hw can a dad by pass his First Son and give his property deeds to the younger less responsible child and u expect him not to feel pained?? dts nonsenseee. If the sib was dat independent he wdnt still be bunking wt hs broad. like someone said tho, op u gotta call ur mum and find out if ure really the mans first kid. feel ur pain tho, im a first son too and i'd be really crushed if dt were to happen to me.
I really do think starting a family of ur own will make u notice ur dads attitude less tho

..

Talk to your mama. Maybe she do away match born you and your papa come find out.

Why dem come separate? Your mama holds the key to this puzzle

jaystunt: I am the first born in a family of 6 but I hardly ever get the honour or respect that a first born is entitled to.
I'm what u can refer to as a 'figure head' as my dad who's never scared to show his favoritism to my immediate brother thinks he as the 'real deal', hence leaving me relegated to the background. He(my brother) was not quite good with his books but skilled with his hands, and I was the opposite. My dad is a sucker for people like that but to do it in his home at the detriment of his first child is what I've been grappling with for over 20yrs of my life.

Right from when we were very young my kid bro has been very close to my dad and when I got to secondary school and subsequently the uni, it only made the gap btw him and myself wider. We never got together like a father and child do. I remember poisoning myself in junior high when I just couldn't cope with the situation.

Fast forward 5yrs after college, the family split only (a yr ago). Dad relocated to Ibadan and I and my two brothers stayed put in Lagos but in my apartment. He visits every month, but I see nothing changed in the way he behaves towards me.

Only recently I got to know he's about selling one of his houses out. He gave my immediate brother the papers and the all clear to sell It. When I got wind of the information, I wept like a baby as I never thought he could do that to me.
My immediate brother knows pretty well that dad is on his side and hardly respects me in my own flat. It's even gotten to a stage where I feel like throwing him out. He's such a nuisance this days to me not because I'm jealous but his disregard for me as his senior.

I'm a year older but his attitude towards is dat of an elder brother to his junior. My dad still gets things from me but his loyalty and love rests on my brother.

I honestly don't know what to do to get this depression of me.

Guys how can I stay and lead a happy life amidst dis mess! Pls help!

Kick that nigga out and he gon learn

@OP>>> Buy this ideas

LeonessAug: Get yourself a good woman to make you happy. Also try to be independent, work hard and make your own money.....they wil come to you when the time comes.

toshmann: 1. Throw your younger brother out (politely)
2. Get a wife (rugged & influecial, but lovely)
3. Get a life
4. Ignore them
5. Move on.

Family is not about blood relations alone. It's also attitude. D'you feel at home? If you don't, then it's not home. It's not family, it's relatives. There's a difference.

All said