I have this friend that before she does anything back in Nigeria, she always inform her husband first. If he agrees with it, then she does it and the other way round. Now she is out of the country, away from her husband for a period of time, and when her new friends invite her for occasions (movies, clubbing, parties etc), she can't give her definite respond because she doesn't know if her husband will approve of it or not. she just say "I will have to ask my husband first". (she has just a land line in her house which makes communicating with her husband not instant). She is kind of confused because her friends mocks her that she is too afraid of her husband. She confided in me that the truth is if she goes outing without her husband's permission, she might offend him. Is this act of hers appropriate? Is she really afraid of her husband as her friends say, or is it that she only respects her husband feelings? I don't know the answer that's why I brought it to nairaland for opinions.

a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul,from a beautiful home,having a beautiful heart,this is not fear but love and respect for her husband.

a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul,from a beautiful home,having a beautiful heart,this is not fear but love and respect for her husband.

A case of respect. it would be fear if it wasn't vice versa.

since you said the husband does the same i believe this couple are so on point.

ar least they know where each other is at a point in time. nice one.

This is our way of life too. Its the foundation that both of them have laid for themselves, ever b4 getting married, its called respect for each other and its the best way for couples to live and i really admire her.

How can i be in a place and my hubby wont authoritatively say where i am and vice-versa.

So,@op, it is respect and her opinion has to be repected by her friends who think shes getting it wrong.

It would have been tagged fear if what she use to say is........"if i go now and my hubby find out or come home b4 me and find out, im in serious problem", then, its fear, but in this case now, the hubby cant even know what she doing or where she is, but still deem it fit to carry him along, its respect, and from your post, that is what her hubby also do to her.


If all couples are like this, there would be more sanity, trust and respect for each other in marriage, which can go a long way in reducing rate of divorce.
May God help us all

First off, I don't do clubbing

When I do movies, hubby knows.

To be quite honest I sense fear in her case.

She is more scared of her husband, there is only a tiny little bit of respect involved here.

Doing this in Nigeria is understandable,not when she's outside the shores of Nigeria. Isn't she mature enough to take some decision,and tell the hubby later,than behaving like a zombie. Such women to me aare over-acting a script,and I dislike a woman that can't use her brain sometimes.

Its more of fear,than respect,and I believe the woman has trust issues with her hubby,which she's desperately trying to earn by fire,by force.

#Disclaimer: am talking from a Bachelor point of view#

^^^^I love you. There are times I have gone out with colleagues after work for coffee without taking permission from oga.

This one is not respect, she is married to a controlling man and is trying so hard to prove herself to him for whatever he accuses or has accused her of. I have accepted invite for baby showers and told hubby about it when I got home (not that he would ever attend anyways), I have agreed to do things with friends without asking for permission because I know him, I know what is acceptable and what's isn't, and we are always on the same page. The hell I have made decisions for him in his absence lots of times. That is why two became one, you should be able to know what your partner's opinion would be in some cases that present themselves before you in his/her absence

The reason why I said she fears this man is, because she confided in the OP that she is scared of offending him if she goes out without his permission...... That to me is like saying, she has offended him before and the outcome wasn't a good one and she is trying so badly not to let it repeat itself.

This wan don pass zombie wife. Haba

respect,my mum does this anyway.

I don't think there is any element of fear. Both of them ask for permission before any action is taken. I think this is cool.

The woman shld continue doing what pleases her husband and husband too. She shldn't be bothered with people's opinion. Some might call her names, who cares!

Even if it is fear as suggested by some, since the two are sharing the same formula. Let them go on.

If it's a tradition, founded out of a mutual agreement, then I'll fault her if she doesn't abide by them.
However if they were rules imposed on her without asking for he opinion, I'd say she's living in a Prison.
From the post, she doesn't want to upset her husband, which is a good thing. She knows her man and how to handle him in order to avoid conflicts. That's not fear, that's wisdom!
That being said, people really need to mind their own business. Why would her so called friends be commenting on how she relates with her husband? Amebo people . . mtcccchew!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T !!!
iWish i had this kinda woman.
Sweethrt, ur Everyman'sDream.
Dnt let all these Devil feminists sow a seed of destruction in ur beautiful hrt.
Blurt them out of ur life nd kip doing wat makes ur man happy.

@op abeg leave that woman alone for the love of God,there absolutely nothing wrong with that. I do it as well since I was dating my hubby till we got married and up untill now and it as worked perfectly well for me. He knows where I am at every point in time and same as him. All those friends are mocking her sure have worse problems they facing in their homes. Abeg if anything happens to either of the spouse na who dey go call first? No b the other half? So its not a matter of fear or trust at all. Its just their own way in their home. I have picked this habit since wen I was a spinster n its working for my home,even when I go out alone I let my hubby know when I get to my destination with either a text,call or just a flash, and when am leaving I do same and if there is any delay wathsoever or I need to stop by at anywhere I let him know and he does same too even when hubby was outa d country we still kept on like that and funny enough we even exchange text of what's happening where we are and laugh over it if its funny. So op please that lady she is on point no shaking.

possibilita: a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul,from a beautiful home,having a beautiful heart,this is not fear but love and respect for her husband.

I think she should see this.

The kind of woman i pray for.

Zombie oh! Zombi!

Zombi no go go unless u tell am to go! Zombie!



Am just singing oh!

Anyway, she FEARs d man!

What stops her from using her discretion? If its a birthday party par example, and she knows she won't reach her hubby till evening, she can call him maybe during the party or later...saying...hubby guess what ! I went to mama Chier cover party, it was sooo cool...she sends her greetings. Blah blah blah...

I feel trust.lacks in this marriage...but that's my thought

I'm all for letting hubby know where you are at all times but I don't think its necessarry to take permission for every step you want to take. The former builds trust and respect and the latter only fear.

If u can't reach hubby you can just take a decision and go where you want to go but make sure to tell him about it later. Especially for harmless activities like hanging out with the girls.

But as someone here has already said every marriage is personal. My viewpoint may not work for them. Even if the hubby is controlling and she is only doing this out of fear, from the Op's story she doesn't seem to mind. So they are compatible, a good match. He controls and she doesn't mind being controlled. She shouldn't listen to her friends and change because that will only cause problems in her marriage.

Yomieluv: Doing this in Nigeria is understandable,not when she's outside the shores of Nigeria. Isn't she mature enough to take some decision,and tell the hubby later,than behaving like a zombie. Such women to me aare over-acting a script,and I dislike a woman that can't use her brain sometimes.

Its more of fear,than respect,and I believe the woman has trust issues with her hubby,which she's desperately trying to earn by fire,by force.

#Disclaimer: am talking from a Bachelor point of view#

It is even this that shows she respects and loves her hubby and not that she is afraid of him. It is pure love for her spouse even in his absence.

No one but the woman herself can know for sure if it's fear or respect. But if it's working for her she can keep right on. Obviously, people will tease her about it so no point in her being surprised by that.

I think its good if its done out of respect

I think, it's fear and respect....me, for one I don't like clubbing.. Then two, I rarely allow my friends to interfere in my love relationship, talk less of ,if am now married... My intimate sides is out of bounds for them ... So nothing like planting unnecessary ideas that am scared or inlove. In this scenario, it's fear. But they can treat each other in whatever way that rocks their boat or marriage for d best....no probs...her frnds shud back off , enjoy moments together and stop analyzing her marriage...it's their world, their home...

I call it respect,I really don't see anything wrong with this.I don't hang out without letting my hubby know where and with whom,he does the same too.It is good to update each other on locations,if not for anything,for security reasons.

possibilita: a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul,from a beautiful home,having a beautiful heart,this is not fear but love and respect for her husband.

well said.
@OP imagine yourself when your spouse does not acknowledge and reference you for any decision she wants to take in your home

Evil communication corrupts good manners.

The friends have their reasons for prying into her personal matters no doubt.

She must not be aware husbands are scarce material and everyone is looking for one - be he married, single or engaged.

After they "inherit" ie snatch her husband, lets see if they wont give him minute by minute updates of where they are at any point in time, and also require the same from him.

To each his/her own, that is the way they have decided to rock their boat. Mind your own business.