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Lwkmd - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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When She Asks For A 3rd Round. Lwkmd / Funniest Joke Ever Lwkmd Accent Brouhaha!!! / Lwkmd! (2) (3) (4)

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Lwkmd by Nobody: 12:25pm On Apr 14, 2013
Girl ; " Dad, what's better ? To pass or to fail ?
"
Dad ; " To pass obviously "
Girl ; " OH GOOD, YOU'LL BE PROUD OF ME ! I
PASSED MY PREGNANCY TEST "
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 1:02pm On Apr 14, 2013
Akpors and his son had a
misunderstanding and dis was
dia conversation
AKPORS: i am nt even sure if u are
my real son
SON: dad pls dnt say such a thing
dad ''with a sad face''
AKPORS: now get into the car we
are going to d hospital 4 a test to
confirm if u ar my real so.
On their way to d hospital the boy
phone ring's
SON: hello who is dis?
CALLER: congratulation u just won
20 million naira on mtn 1trillion
mega splash raffle-draw
SON: u mean i just won 20 million
naira?
The dad hears dis and takes a U
turn
SON: aren't we going to d hospital
anymore?
AKPORS: son are u blind dat u
can't see dat we so much alike,ur
eyes are like mine,ur nostrils ar
like mine so what do we need an
hospital for? so smile 4 daddy
Lol
One word for Akpors
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 1:17pm On Apr 14, 2013
True or False?
TEACHER: Class choose between money and
brain?
AKPOS : I’d go for the money!
TEACHER :I’d go for brain!
AKPOS :Well everybody goes for what he
doesn’t have!
Re: Lwkmd by Lagusta(m): 3:38pm On Apr 14, 2013
godjohnson: Girl ; " Dad, what's better ? To pass or to fail ?
"
Dad ; " To pass obviously "
Girl ; " OH GOOD, YOU'LL BE PROUD OF ME ! I
PASSED MY PREGNANCY TEST "

this one made me laff till i had an errrectiion
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 4:49pm On Apr 16, 2013
**JAMB QUESTION**
A Guy was raped by some ladies
alongside Onitsha Main market
yesterday morning while
jogging...This morning over 100
guys where found jogging past
the same road...
What are they looking for there?

1 Like

Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 2:12pm On Apr 18, 2013
Father-In-Law: Young man, u’re coming to seek my daughter’s
hand in marriage and u’re chewing gum.
That’s a sign of disrespect!
Akpors: Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.
Father-In-Law: You mean u drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my
daughter’s hand in marriage?
Akpors: Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to the club.
Father-In-Law: U club too?
Akpors: I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison.
Father-In-Law: U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God!
Akpors: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!!
Father-In-Law: What!!! U’re akiller
Akpors: Sir, it happened out of anger. It was a certain man that
didn’t allow me marry his daughter so I killed him.
Father-In-Law: U are highly welcome my son. U are on the right
track. U’re absolutely the right man for my daughter.
One word for Akpos.
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 2:13pm On Apr 18, 2013
Lagusta:

this one made me laff till i had an errrectiion
shocked
Lagusta:

this one made me laff till i had an errrectiion
Re: Lwkmd by Tureyogb(f): 4:43pm On Apr 18, 2013
godjohnson: **JAMB QUESTION**
A Guy was raped by some ladies
alongside Onitsha Main market
yesterday morning while
jogging...This morning over 100
guys where found jogging past
the same road...
What are they looking for there?
cool
godjohnson: **JAMB QUESTION**
A Guy was raped by some ladies
alongside Onitsha Main market
yesterday morning while
jogging...This morning over 100
guys where found jogging past
the same road...
What are they looking for there?
Re: Lwkmd by Tureyogb(f): 4:48pm On Apr 18, 2013
D guys 1 do vice versa
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 9:55pm On Apr 18, 2013
Girl: I'm warning you, my Mummy
is coming back soon..
AKPOS: But I'm not doing anything..
Girl: That's why I'm warning you, Hurry up.
CASHIER: This is the 5th movie ticket you've
bought tonight Sir, Why?..
AKPOS: Yes, that Idiot at the entrance keeps
tearing it.
TEACHER: What's your favorite flower?.
AKPOS: Chrysanthemum.
TEACHER: Spell it..
AKPOS: I was joking o. My favorite flower is Rose, R-O-S-E.
Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly
and the other one was beautiful. Akpos walked
straight to the ugly girl.
Akpos: Hello!
Ugly girl: Hi!!
Akpos: Wanna dance?
Ugly Girl: Yes (excited)
Akpos: OK, Go and dance, I wanna talk to your friend..
Papa Akpos: My pikin say you drive am commot
for school, Wetin he do
Teacher :- Your
son is not brilliant at all, he cant even spell
"LION"...
Papa Akpos : Ah Ah...You know say na SMALL pikin......You for tell
am make he spell
SMALL ANIMAL like " MOSQUITO"...
Teacher: Behind every successful man there isa
woman. What do we learn from this?
Akpos: We should stop wasting time in studies
and find that WOMAN
Teacher: Make a Sentence with 'Big'
Akpos: The Ram Is Big
Teacher: Make a longer sentence.
Akpos: The Ram is big ooooooo
OPERATOR: 911, wat's your emergency?
AKPOS: Two girls are fighting over me..
OPERATOR: So?.
AKPOS: The ugly one is
winning.
Teacher: Who can state one diff btw a Bird and a
Fly? ..
Akpos: A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
Sanyeri : why you dey always clean ur yansh before u shit?
Akpors : na becos i fit forget to clean am after i shit finish!
Re: Lwkmd by Lagusta(m): 10:16pm On Apr 18, 2013
^^^^^ this is marvellously stupendously majestically consequentially HILARIOUS!!!

grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Lwkmd by ikechukz(m): 10:24pm On Apr 18, 2013
u try sha
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 5:39pm On Apr 19, 2013
tanx guys.more updates coming
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 12:59pm On Apr 21, 2013
Girl: Baby I am wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want sumthing big and round
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?
One word for the Boy.
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 1:00pm On Apr 21, 2013
Girl: If we get married, stop smoking.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: Drinking too. Akpors: Ok!
Girl: N going to the night club too.
Akpors:- Yes.
Girl:-You stop watchin soccer matches with yo boyz
Akpors: Okay!
Girl:- What else can u leave??
Akpors:- The idea of marrying You...
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 1:05pm On Apr 21, 2013
A hot secretary came out angry
out of her boss'
office, her colleague asked "What
happened? You
went in happy and came out
angry."
She replied, "he asked me if am
free tonight? I
said absolutely free! Then the
bastard gave me 45
pages to type!
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 1:13pm On Apr 21, 2013
Police : Where do you live ?
Johnny : With my parents
Police : Where does your parents live ?
Johnny : With me
Police : Where do you all live ?…
Johnny : Together
Police : Where is your house ?
Johnny : Next to my neighbours house
Police : Where is your neighbour’s house ?
Johnny : If I tell you, you won’t believe me
Police : Tell me
Johnny : Next to my house.
Re: Lwkmd by Nobody: 1:14pm On Apr 21, 2013
A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything
he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very
proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go
and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children
from school.
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an
overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said; "These are your
children sir". In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their
choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their
pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.
The Wife said; Don't tell me all these are your children ?.
The man asked her calmly; Can you first tell me why our children
are not in the car?. ...=D

2 Likes

Re: Lwkmd by ovalrose(f): 3:00pm On Apr 21, 2013
Ladies and gentlemen,a round of applause for this one.

(1) (Reply)

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