Hello nairalanders,

I have a question on my mind today that I would like to share. I would also like to read others thoughts on this as well. Anyway, I feel like we as African women have been raised to spoil our men and a lot of the times don't get appreciated for it. You see African men married to non-African women and treat those women like princesses even though they don't do half the things we do. They treat those women better. They will cook and clean for those women while the woman cannot even cook. I don't understand the way men think. I think many African men view African women as their maids since they were pampered since they were little boys. They take us for granted and have a sense of entitlement towards us. I always felt that when I get married I will cook, clean for my man and wash his clothes despite my plans to worn full time after marriage. However, I do expect to help around the house, especially with cleaning and chil rearing.. It is unfair to expect one person to maintain the whole house. I know for those in Africa many have maids so it is a little easier for some women. Also the man should also help with the kids like sometimes giving them a shower for example.

I think too many (not all) of us turn ourselves into maids for our husbands. When you try too hard to please a man he takes you for granted. Men don't appreciate women like that. You could do everything for him and he will fall for a woman who doesn't do half the things you do for him.

Well so what do you folks think about this? I feel like I am becoming paranoid about men and relationships. What do the women here think? For the men, how do you feel about the division of housework between spouses? Why do you think African men act differently when it comes to non-African women? Is it bc those women, mainly American women don't take the nonsense? Or better yet is it bc they know those women will be quick to dial 911 and throw them out of the house. What I do notice is that few of those mixed marriages last. Many of the times, they do come back home to marry and African woman. I personally don't have a problem pampering my husband, but I want him to appreciate me for that in return and pamper me too. Lol... I know this is a long rant, but I look forward to the comments.

crap!

OP, pele, i think i am very guilty of thiis habit, may be because i am d last born in my family, my wife is over pampering me and i am always appreciating her, she cut my nails, shave every shaveable corner in my body, atimes when i come back from d office and very tired, i will go to bed straight without even removing my shoes, she will remore everything, feed me, beg me to take my bath and also beg me to take some drugs. I hardly allow her to go out or travel because i will miss her so badly. Ashake mi, my jewel of inestimable value, i really appreciate u. Thanks for being my mother. I will forever love u. May the good Lord keep u for me and our children. Love u loads.

akinreals: OP, pele, i think i am very guilty of thiis habit, may be because i am d last born in my family, my wife is over pampering me and i am always appreciating her, she cut my nails, shave every shaveable corner in my body, atimes when i come back from d office and very tired, i will go to bed straight without even removing my shoes, she will remore everything, feed me, beg me to take my bath and also beg me to take some drugs. I hardly allow her to go out or travel because i will miss her so badly. Ashake mi, my jewel of inestimable value, i really appreciate u. Thanks for being my mother. I will forever love u. May the good Lord keep u for me and our children. Love u loads.

wat do u do for her??

nene1: Well so what do you folks think about this? I feel like I am becoming paranoid about men and relationships. What do the women here think? For the men, how do you feel about the division of housework between spouses? Why do you think African men act differently when it comes to non-African women? Is it bc those women, mainly American women don't take the nonsense? Or better yet is it bc they know those women will be quick to dial 911 and throw them out of the house. What I do notice is that few of those mixed marriages last. Many of the times, they do come back home to marry and African woman. I personally don't have a problem pampering my husband, but I want him to appreciate me for that in return and pamper me too. Lol... I know this is a long rant, but I look forward to the comments.

It would be easier for the African man if he knows what African women want.

Some African women want to be the traditional wife and also get the benefit of a Western wife. Example see thread below

https://www.nairaland.com/1253893/she-not-liability

You hardly see non -African women who want to work their man to the bone to provide for the family while they sit down watching African magic. One woman even said her husband should be sending money to her siblings and parents while she does nothing

You cant want the benefit of non African marriages(helping with chores) without the responsibilities that go with it(helping with finances)

I have read on several threads where a lot of African women posit that household finances is the sole responsibility of the man, So in this case the man too can say all household chores should be the responsibility of the woman

But in a case where a woman contributes then she deserves help from her Husband.

I think its wicked for any partner to see the other working till they drop(Domestic or non domestic) and not offer any help

dayokanu - you have come again.

lol but seriously I do think u have a point.

LMAO!

dayokanu:

It would be easier for the African man if he knows what African women want.

Some African women want to be the traditional wife and also get the benefit of a Western wife. Example see thread below

https://www.nairaland.com/1253893/she-not-liability

You hardly see non -African women who want to work their man to the bone to provide for the family while they sit down watching African magic. One woman even said her husband should be sending money to her siblings and parents while she does nothing

You cant want the benefit of non African marriages(helping with chores) without the responsibilities that go with it(helping with finances)

I have read on several threads where a lot of African women posit that household finances is the sole responsibility of the man, So in this case the man too can say all household chores should be the responsibility of the woman

But in a case where a woman contributes then she deserves help from her Husband.

I think its wicked for any partner to see the other working till they drop(Domestic or non domestic) and not offer any help

Excellent post... i could not have said it better

akinreals: OP, pele, i think i am very guilty of thiis habit, may be because i am d last born in my family, my wife is over pampering me and i am always appreciating her, she cut my nails, shave every shaveable corner in my body, atimes when i come back from d office and very tired, i will go to bed straight without even removing my shoes, she will remore everything, feed me, beg me to take my bath and also beg me to take some drugs. I hardly allow her to go out or travel because i will miss her so badly. Ashake mi, my jewel of inestimable value, i really appreciate u. Thanks for being my mother. I will forever love u. May the good Lord keep u for me and our children. Love u loads.

r u sure ur wifee is not ur slave