Hi all - I am AA. My boyfriend Nigerian.

My boyfriend does a lot for his family (monetarily and otherwise). I love that he is so responsible, and I have a great amount of respect for him. However, he has another brother and I've noticed that not as much is expected from him. When I've asked him about it in the past, he says that it is his duty as the first son.

Is this the norm? What exactly are some of the responsibilities of a "first son"? It pains me to see him work so hard, and then have to bear the brunt of responsibility for others, when there are other siblings that can help out as well. Is this fair?

I have to agree that the first son has responsibilities though I can't pinpoint what those responsibilities are. However, I don't see why his other siblings are so dependent on your boyfriend. Don't they have goals set up for themselves? I don't know how it is in his family, but caution has to be involved because he might eventually ruin himself unless he's Bill Gates.

But I have to let you know that when you try to bring him to order his family might say you are a bad influence to their son. Or probably call you a witch, just be ready for that.

nalijah07:

Hi all - I am AA. My boyfriend Nigerian.

My boyfriend does a lot for his family (monetarily and otherwise). I love that he is so responsible, and I have a great amount of respect for him. However, he has another brother and I've noticed that not as much is expected from him. When I've asked him about it in the past, he says that it is his duty as the first son.

Is this the norm? What exactly are some of the responsibilities of a "first son"? It pains me to see him work so hard, and then have to bear the brunt of responsibility for others, when there are other siblings that can help out as well. Is this fair?

"The only proof that one lived is to impact on others lives positively"

Strengthen him give him all the support u can muster, yes its very tough no doubt, but don't forget he is helping a soul out somewhere(be it his brothers, sisters, friends, it might even be a community). And that has always been the quality of great people, no matter how small they contribute.

But don't hesitate to remind him he should at the same time think of your future together, and no matter what, not forget you by the side in his quest to be a superman. lol.

Am sure he will love u more for that, at least his level of responsibility as you have well noted says it.

And watch the advices u might get from narrow minded people.

It might help out "to live like ur gonna die tommorrow and learn like your gonna live forever"

Thanks for your replies. I will follow your advice.

I didn't want to make a big deal of it, until I consulted the members of this forum

as a first son my self, i live and lead by example. whether u know it or not pple are looking up to and taking note the things u do.
u assume the position of man of house (immediate family) if papa is not around. although he needs to attain a certain age

It's no longer a first son thing. It's who can afford to give. I know many baby brothers that dictate what happens in their family because they can afford to throw around cash. Having the heart to give has nothing to do with your age either. Many big brothers will not give their relative more than the obligatory handouts.

BlackMamba:

It's no longer a first son thing. It's who can afford to give. I know many baby brothers that dictate what happens in their family because they can afford to throw around cash. Having the heart to give has nothing to do with your age either. Many big brothers will not give their relative more than the obligatory handouts.

You are so very right

Abeg which wan be first son? for my family everybody they carry im own cross ooooo

I think at the very least, all of the children should pool their resources together, or even take turns handling situations.

To me it makes no sense for one person to do it all, when everyone else is on the same level as you (But this is just my opinion, and I've promised myself not to make an issue of this).

Igbos say anyone wey get money make im bury im papa,no be the first son kill am.

meaning

anyone that has the means can do whatever a first son is unable to do

you have to be successful