Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,407 members, 7,954,617 topics. Date: Saturday, 21 September 2024 at 01:24 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Business / Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless (767 Views)
GTBank's Internet Banking Services...totally OVER-HYPED! / "Nobody Is Totally Useless, At Least They Will Serve As Bad Example" / Intercontinental Bank Has Become Useless (2) (3) (4)
(1) (Reply)
Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless by Gooogle(m): 1:42pm On May 05, 2013 |
Here are the 89 biggest cliches that will help you get promoted to middle management because they’ll make you sound like you know a lot about how organizations operate (along with my handy translations). When possible, you should use these in team meetings or in front of your bosses who will have a say in promoting you: 1. It’s a paradigm shift = I don’t know what’s going on in our business. But we’re not making as much money as we used to. 2. We’re data-driven = We try not to make decisions by the seat of our pants. When possible, we try to base them in facts. 3. We need to wrap our heads around this = Gosh, I never thought of that. We need to discuss that…. 4. It’s a win-win = Hey, we both get something out of this (even though I’m really trying to get the best from you) 5. ROI [used in any sentence] = Look at me, I’m very financially-minded, even if I never took any finance classes in school 6. Let’s blue sky this/let’s ballpark this = Let’s shoot around a bunch of ideas since we have no clue what to do 7. I’m a bit of a visionary = I’m a bit of an egomaniac and narcissist 8. I’m a team player/we only hire team players = I hope everyone on the team thinks this is a meritocracy, even though I’m the dictator in charge 9. Let’s circle back to that/Let’s put that in the parking lot/let’s touch base on that later/let’s take this off-line = Shut up and let’s go back to what I was talking about 10. We think outside the box here/color outside the lines = We wouldn’t know about how to do something innovative if it came up to us and bit us in the behind 11. I/we/you don’t have the bandwidth = Since we cut 60% of our headcount, we’re all doing the job of 3 people, so we’re all burned out 12. This is where the rubber meets the road = Don’t screw up 13. Net net/the net of it is/when you net it out = I never studied finance or accounting but I sound like someone who can make money if I keep talking about another word for profit 14. We’ll go back and sharpen our pencils = We’ll go back and offer you the same for 20% less in hopes you’ll buy it before the end of the quarter 15. It’s like the book “Crossing the Chasm”/”Blue Ocean”/”Good To Great” / “Tipping Point” / “Outliers” = I’ve never read any of these books but I sound literate if I quote from them. And, besides, you cretins probably never read them either to call me out on it 16. Let’s right-size it = Let’s whack/fire a bunch of people 17. It’s next-gen/turn-key/plug-and-play = I want it to sound so technical that you’ll just buy it without asking me any questions 18. We need to manage the optics of this = How can we lie about this in a way people will believe? 19. This is creative destruction = I’ve never read Joseph Schumpeter but our core business is getting killed so it’s your responsibility to come up with a new product the market will buy 20. We don’t have enough boots on the ground = I don’t want to be fired for this disastrous product/country launch, so I’m going to sound tough referring to the military and say I don’t have enough resources For more. Click http://www.forbes.com/sites/ericjackson/2012/06/19/89-business-cliches-that-will-get-any-mba-promoted-to-middle-management-and-make-them-totally-useless/ |
Re: Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless by Gooogle(m): 1:43pm On May 05, 2013 |
so lets have the ones you use in your office. In mine, we use terms like " business critical". Only God knows what that means. Meanwhile, if you dont have any in your office, you can borrow some and go overwhelm them.lol |
(1) (Reply)
Aliko Dangote,makes 7 Billion Dollars This Year, / 6 Money Lies We Love To Tell Ourselves / ...
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 11 |