you know you are a Nigerian if,

-one of your antecedents have never sacrificed their life for you to have a better tomorrow

-you consider yourself a consenting adult at the age of 10

-you are most likely to smoke under the scorching burn of the African midday sun

-your expelled gas of flatulence is enough to eliminate an outnumbering opposition

-all your misfortunes are thought to be the handwork of the devil

-the first time you visited the public pool, there was no space for you

-you have ever used charcoal as a paste because it was more economical at the moment

-your family almost cooked the aquarium fishes as a result of awaiting payments

-your accumulated amount of the nations wealth is a major cause of your protruding stomach

-you have used incense as a deodorant because you wanted to wear a new look

-the kids called you a dalmatian on your way to work because you wore white on a rainy day

-you are astounded by everything state of the art

-hardship and social exclusion made you what you are today

-you have a strong urge to take some money from the offering bag while passed around in church

-you have ever used the kitchen sifter as a shower facility because you wanted to feel among

-a numerous amount of eyes are peeping through the window because you bought a T.V set

-white foreigners are the most fragile items that seem to have a life

-you used the pressing iron to toast a bread because of you cannot handle the toasting machine

-your national football coach is always culpable after a defeat from the opposing side

-you were alone in the dressing room looking at the mirror but wondering if "black is beautiful"

-the last time you dined with a relative, you used a longer spoon

-using the bible to swear is a repeated nursery rhyme

-you see a dollar sign hovering in your dream anytime you use the internet

-your neighbor dials the fire service whenever you bleach your cooking oil

-the government increases its national budget because you have a growing family

-people die of suffocation from carbon poisoning anytime you drive your car

-you have a tendency to drink even more when you have a failing health

-the government never had a second thought before you were executed in a foreign country

-the only prayer you have in life reads "OH Lord!, Please, let my enemies die before me"

-the police arrives seven minutes after the robbers attacked your residence

-the neighbors never welcome you because they are preparing a food for lunch

-denial at the spot when caught red handed is allowed

-you heard three gunshots from a firing round of twelve on armed forces remembrance day

-the national anthem of the country has been remixed to make the people dance

-you call yourself a member of the church whenever its harvest time

-you never killed a soul but you claim you went to war

-the environment was sanitized the day you emptied your kitchen waste

-nothing edible was found by the dogs in your dustbin,

lol, 4nny