I dragged my feet to the dining table slowly, I knew what was about to come. It was dad’s quarterly appraisal of what we have been doing in the year. Dad has this habit of making all of us gather round every three months to talk about our dreams and ambitions for the next three months and also ruminate on whether we have been able to achieve the goals of the last quarter.

I was dreading this particular meeting because I know I have been lazy this new year. I haven’t been up to date with my work and I was more concerned with frivolities than hard work. I shuddered at the thought of what dad will think of me if I told him that I had not been able to achieve one single goal that I set in the last quarter of 2012. I can still remember that day vividly; sitting down with my family and telling them excitedly how I was going to make sure that I took more writing more seriously and get some serious writing done. How I was going to try and push start a career in presenting and above all, how I was going to take my fallen grade from Upper Credit back to the Distinction that everyone had been so proud of.

Although examinations have not yet started so my Distinction goal was still in view, I know deep within me that I will have to work damn hard to make the grade with the level of lackadaisical attitude have been showing to my work. The writing on the other hand had just been me being lazy as usual. That kick that I used to get in putting pen down to paper was slowly fading because I could hardly think of topics that interest me. And even when I do get one, I write with such a dispassionate interest and doubt in my own abilities that it sometimes scare me.

Everybody was already seated and I slid into the chair next to my brother, Kunle because it was the farthest that I could get away from dad. As was the usual routine, the meeting took off with dad’s opening speech and then handing over to the eldest to tell everybody what he has been doing the last three months and what his plans are for the next quarter. This meeting was particularly important because it was the first for the year 2013 and so meant that we have to have some good things to talk about. My two brothers took their turns to talk but it was all just a droning in my ear. I wasn’t paying any attention; I was still too busy trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. I was thrown out of my reverie when dad cleared his throat and I realized everybody was staring at me.

It was my turn to speak and I still hadn’t come up with anything yet. I cleared my throat and adjusted in my seat nervously. Then as if by some divine inspiration, I started speaking. I talked about the challenges that I have had to face running two programmes and still trying to maintain a social life that was up to date. I talked about my insecurities as a writer, those moments when I want to write so badly and I cannot for the life of me know anything to write. The times when I just want break down because of the stress and how nobody seemed to understand how badly I was trying to keep a balance. That I believed had been my achievement for the past quarter. Although I wasn’t where I envisioned myself three months back, I was making my way there albeit slowly.

The rough gets tough, the times get hard but they do not always seem to last forever. It takes only one push, that little strength or iota of determination to take that extra one step, to keep going. It wasn’t a quarter too late after all, it was just a quarter slow and one that needs a lot of self confidence and motivation to keep going.

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