It does matter who puts food on the table, however, leadership in the home is not about who puts food on the table. I have seen women who are in their thirties pressuring guys for marriage even though the guy is not ready for marriage. Few years down the line these same women will begin to disrespect their husbands.

First lesson for the guys is, do not let anyone pressure you into marriage. The same girls that will say don't worry, God will provide will be the ones to insult and abuse you a few years down the line. So guys, if you are not sure you are ready dont do it.

Having said that, respect in the home should not be about who earns more. Even if the wife earns more it should not mean she should disrecpect her husband. As we have just read in the tale, the man may earn 10 times more in the future and in anycase you have said for better for worse.

I think the biggest problem is just our society and values system. The only thing we all care about is money and we take that into marriage. Most Nigerian women will rather marry a a man that will cheat and beat them as long as he is rich, than marry a God fearing not so rich man!

It does matter who puts food on the table, from my perspective. What doesn't matter is who has the bigger earning power. As far as I am concerned, it's bad for a guy to be unemployed and live off a woman indefinitely.

There can be setbacks or bumps along the way, but a guy must get up, get out there, and make some paper for the family. Unless in extreme cases, where some couples decide that the man needs to give up his career for the woman. But I ain't ever gonna do that

nice nollywood story. very few husbands are that good and btw, thats not the natural order of things. the husband is the provider.the wife is just supposed to support.

Was going to comment,you know, say something sarcastic,then i looked at the pix, the fierce looking face,........, and not forgetting that sharp sword!!
I think i'll pass..........

OP's unmarried! Nairaland's eligible bachelors, chaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrge!!!

It does not matter, whoever can afford it should do it.

It doesn't matter.

effisyman: The lady was under her parents roof and was being fed and cloth by them.

Any man who wish to take her away must be ready to shoulder those responsibilities too.

Most male children are fed and cloth by their parents as well,No?Abi wont you take care of your male kids too ni?
I was able to feed and clothe myself while still living in my fathers house before i got married.

Anyway sha most nigerian value systems tie respect to finance .
Religion and culture have conditioned us both men and women to be that way so i cant fault it.Its just my personal opinion that the most important thing is that the provision is met,regardless of who meets it.

The man is the head of the family! That said,the woman should hold him up when necessary

AjanleKoko: Unless in extreme cases, where some couples decide that the man needs to give up his career for the woman. But I ain't ever gonna do that

See you. I've already set my conditions for giving up the job - once madam earns equivalent of 30m naira net I shall 'retire' to take care of my twin boys full time - football training camps, boys trips, etc. from then onwards.

That way when they both turn out to be Cristiano Ronaldos I can become their agent.

debosky:

See you. I've already set my conditions for giving up the job - once madam earns equivalent of 30m naira net I shall 'retire' to take care of my twin boys full time - football training camps, boys trips, etc. from then onwards.

That way when they both turn out to be Cristiano Ronaldos I can become their agent.

Man, you cheap. N30m net? No Effing Way!!!
N200m net, we can talk about it

AjanleKoko:

Man, you cheap. N30m net? No Effing Way!!!
N200m net, we can talk about it

I am not cheap - I am realistic. By the time she reaches 200m net, the twin boys might already be past the football development age, and age falsification is out of the question.

What's the title of the movie

Nashville: It does matter who puts food on the table, however, leadership in the home is not about who puts food on the table. I have seen women who are in their thirties pressuring guys for marriage even though the guy is not ready for marriage. Few years down the line these same women will begin to disrespect their husbands.

First lesson for the guys is, do not let anyone pressure you into marriage. The same girls that will say don't worry, God will provide will be the ones to insult and abuse you a few years down the line. So guys, if you are not sure you are ready dont do it.

Having said that, respect in the home should not be about who earns more. Even if the wife earns more it should not mean she should disrecpect her husband. As we have just read in the tale, the man may earn 10 times more in the future and in anycase you have said for better for worse.

I think the biggest problem is just our society and values system. The only thing we all care about is money and we take that into marriage. Most Nigerian women will rather marry a a man that will cheat and beat them as long as he is rich, than marry a God fearing not so rich man!

And you think the "not so rich guys" don't beat or cheat? There's nothing a girl who marries a rich man goes thru that one who struggles with a man cannot go thru. your point is noted anyways.

Yes...It matters

No, it doesn't matter.

me' n 'me:


And you think the "not so rich guys" don't beat or cheat? There's nothing a girl who marries a rich man goes thru that one who struggles with a man cannot go thru. your point is noted anyways.

I want to believe you read my post. I said a God fearing but not so rich man. Please read before you comment!

People who have not found true love would always have pre conditions for it.

Love is understanding..Love conquers all

LFJ:

If you marry with this type of thinking, there will be need for special prayer for such marriage to be successful. If you chose the right partner, there is no need to fear.

It shouldnt ideally

But when you insist a man should provide solely, So whats the womans stake in the house?

I have noticed that we Nigerians seem stuck in this traditional belief that the man is solely responsibility to provide for the home financially. While i do understand that this belief is strongly rooted in our traditional family value system in this part of the world, i have however noticed that education and civilisation has enabled us drop a lot from our traditional family system which we perceive to be either obnoxious or unfair.

Let me highlight a few examples here. In the past a man never cooks, it used to be a taboo for a man's hand to be seen in his wifes pot but today men cook for the home as well as the women. In the past a man does no home chores today it is also acceptable that both do them. In the past when travelling, it is the woman that carries on her head the loads and bags for the family, today this has shifted to the man beacause they are physically stronger. Men alone go to work to earn money also in the past while the woman stays home and caters for the family but today it is generally acceptable that a true man is the one that not only allows his wife to work but supports her financial and other dreams. Finally even while performing the act the man alone use to stay on top but these days i need not describe the scene.

So my question comes, why is it that our society has accepted so much of the practices from the foreign value systems but seems adamant on this one? Why this cherry picking? Could it be out of ignorance or could it just be that the woman gender are still so week in our society that they need this protection. From my last count there are more women going to school these days than the men and also it has become somewhat easier for women to gain employment after school than it is for the men. Today's life opportunities are open to all irrespective of gender. While it is possible that most men who still strongly belive in this value system are those who remain stuck in their thinking that it is solely a woman's responsibility to cook, wash nanny the kids and lick their nyashes on all issues, it is also possible that most women in this class are those who lack the understanding that the essence of working wether for the man or the woman is to carter for the family.

As for me, i am a firm believer of equality of all humans. I will not raise my girl child in this generation to grow up believing that there is a man out there who will carter for her needs either in or out of marriage. If the man earns let him provide, if the woman earns let her provide and if both earns let them both provide in love, with understanding and give the family a living standard that is commensurate with the combined earning power of both of them. Let me state categorically that any woman who provides financially either by supporting her husband or by leading in the role, while believing in her head that she is carrying out a role meant for the man, will never truly respect the man nor will she ever be able to provide in love.

debosky:

See you. I've already set my conditions for giving up the job - once madam earns equivalent of 30m naira net I shall 'retire' to take care of my twin boys full time - football training camps, boys trips, etc. from then onwards.

That way when they both turn out to be Cristiano Ronaldos I can become their agent.

you really should get out of my head bro....
In addition to soccer, im looking at Novak Djokovic..if they can attend the Bellosteros academy in FLorida...

There was happiness in the family and the wife never refused to do her primary home duties for that 3 years

This is the kind of nonsense they use to kill women's spirits in Nigeria.
Who are these witches and wizards that write these subtle depressing messages to women that encourage suffering yourself at work and still come home and do your 'primary duties' as the epitome of the 'good wife'?
In the stupid story, nothing is said of the man helping the wife at home during their trying time, nothing is said of him taking care of the kids, putting the house in order, but of course they had to put it in there that the wife stepped up to the plate of 'giving her paycheck to the husband'.
What on earth was he doing while the wife was working?

Then the stupid nonsensical reward of 'cars', 'moving to new house', whereas nothing is said of how he might have given the wife peace of mind by not cheating, beating her or acting dementedly egoistical, or being a good father to the kids that is what is important in the sustenance of a marriage and that is the only reason I will stay with a jobless man not the silly vain rewards.

stillwater:


What on earth was he doing while the wife was working?

Ask the poster?

stillwater:

This is the kind of nonsense they use to kill women's spirits in Nigeria.
Who are these witches and wizards that write these subtle depressing messages to women that encourage suffering yourself at work and still come home and do your 'primary duties' as the epitome of the 'good wife'?
In the stupid story, nothing is said of the man helping the wife at home during their trying time, nothing is said of him taking care of the kids, putting the house in order, but of course they had to put it in there that the wife stepped up to the plate of 'giving her paycheck to the husband'.
What on earth was he doing while the wife was working?

Then the stupid nonsensical reward of 'cars', 'moving to new house', whereas nothing is said of how he might have given the wife peace of mind by not cheating, beating her or acting dementedly egoistical, or being a good father to the kids that is what is important in the sustenance of a marriage and that is the only reason I will stay with a jobless man not the silly vain rewards.

deep

It doesn't matter to me.....It should be 50:50 though!

Well it shouldn't matter, as long as the couple is in love and ready to start a family, there should be mutual respect and understanding between them regardless of who makes the bigger pay.

It really shouldn't /doesn't matter. :-)

Dr.C:
I have noticed that we Nigerians seem stuck in this traditional belief that the man is solely responsibility to provide for the home financially. While i do understand that this belief is strongly rooted in our traditional family value system in this part of the world, i have however noticed that education and civilisation has enabled us drop a lot from our traditional family system which we perceive to be either obnoxious or unfair.

Let me highlight a few examples here. In the past a man never cooks, it used to be a taboo for a man's hand to be seen in his wifes pot but today men cook for the home as well as the women. In the past a man does no home chores today it is also acceptable that both do them. In the past when travelling, it is the woman that carries on her head the loads and bags for the family, today this has shifted to the man beacause they are physically stronger. Men alone go to work to earn money also in the past while the woman stays home and caters for the family but today it is generally acceptable that a true man is the one that not only allows his wife to work but supports her financial and other dreams. Finally even while performing the act the man alone use to stay on top but these days i need not describe the scene.

So my question comes, why is it that our society has accepted so much of the practices from the foreign value systems but seems adamant on this one? Why this cherry picking? Could it be out of ignorance or could it just be that the woman gender are still so week in our society that they need this protection. From my last count there are more women going to school these days than the men and also it has become somewhat easier for women to gain employment after school than it is for the men. Today's life opportunities are open to all irrespective of gender. While it is possible that most men who still strongly belive in this value system are those who remain stuck in their thinking that it is solely a woman's responsibility to cook, wash nanny the kids and lick their nyashes on all issues, it is also possible that most women in this class are those who lack the understanding that the essence of working wether for the man or the woman is to carter for the family.

As for me, i am a firm believer of equality of all humans. I will not raise my girl child in this generation to grow up believing that there is a man out there who will carter for her needs either in or out of marriage. If the man earns let him provide, if the woman earns let her provide and if both earns let them both provide in love, with understanding and give the family a living standard that is commensurate with the combined earning power of both of them. Let me state categorically that any woman who provides financially either by supporting her husband or by leading in the role, while believing in her head that she is carrying out a role meant for the man, will never truly respect the man nor will she ever be able to provide in love.

I don't know where you guys are picking from. I grew up in a society where all the women are working (fed,local/state jobs, their own sole business, even some married women hawking) etc. Large percentage of store owners at bodija are women. I used to think it is the other way round (women fending for their families) but NL is telling me a different story.

biolabee:

you really should get out of my head bro....
In addition to soccer, im looking at Novak Djokovic..if they can attend the Bellosteros academy in FLorida...

If I have twin daughters I'm going down the tennis route - no money in women's football.

debosky:

If I have twin daughters I'm going down the tennis route - no money in women's football.

nice one and with endorsements rolling in

yum

stillwater:

This is the kind of nonsense they use to kill women's spirits in Nigeria.
Who are these witches and wizards that write these subtle depressing messages to women that encourage suffering yourself at work and still come home and do your 'primary duties' as the epitome of the 'good wife'?
In the stupid story, nothing is said of the man helping the wife at home during their trying time, nothing is said of him taking care of the kids, putting the house in order, but of course they had to put it in there that the wife stepped up to the plate of 'giving her paycheck to the husband'.
What on earth was he doing while the wife was working?

Then the stupid nonsensical reward of 'cars', 'moving to new house', whereas nothing is said of how he might have given the wife peace of mind by not cheating, beating her or acting dementedly egoistical, or being a good father to the kids that is what is important in the sustenance of a marriage and that is the only reason I will stay with a jobless man not the silly vain rewards.

my dear i wonder o!!

The Proclamation below should help.


THE FAMILY
A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD
The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.