Hi Nairalanders!

So, here's my question. I'm looking for serious and mature respondents only.

I live in Canada, where abortion is legal and can even go to up to a week before birth without legal ramifications. I, however, find that abortion is immoral, and for except for when the mother is in imminent danger is wrong. Now, many will look at my previous posts and will say, didn't this girl go thru with one before? My answer to that is, while I was wrangling with the decision at the time, with the father in full knowledge of the situation, it turned out that there was significant internal bleeding in my abdomen caused by an ovarian cyst that can normally be formed in the first term of pregnancy. Medical Practitioners, you can surely attest to this situation be valid. The pain I was in was very significant, and I developed chills. The doctor said I was in a high risk of infection, and the best solution was to end the pregnancy because it was causing the cyst to open and close whilst refilling with liquid each time.

This was my 3rd pregnancy, I have 2 young children from a previous relationship. I'm pursuing my degree and working full-time. I have tried every single type of contraception available to me, from pills to condoms to IUDs and shots. All with devastating effects. I am now anemic because hormonal contraceptives, as well as copper IUD cause me to hemorrhage. I am sick and tired of this, and even though I'm only 25 and my beau and I aren't officially married yet, I want to permanently tie my tubes.

My doctor, said that since he knows me and my family history quite well, he wouldn't argue with my decision. You see, I had horrible pregnancies, with pre-term labour in both. In my second pregnancy, it turned out that my water was mysteriously emptying out of the sack when I was only 27 weeks along. They also discovered that my daughter was small for her gestational age. Thank God that I have 2 thriving, intelligent and growing kids, but I can't take another heartache as is.

My mom, is dead set against this, and will disown me if I ever go thru with it. She says that I'm too young, not married yet, and she feels in her spirit that I haven't finished giving her grandkids. Mind you she has 6 kids, and all are younger than me, so I feel that she should concentrate on her younger ones giving the grandkids.

So NLs, what would you do in my situation. Deal with taking iron and other medication for my anemia in the hopes that in the future I have a smooth sailing pregnancy. Or be happy with my blessings, live my life to care for those who are here and build our future?

NLers in canada are so full of drama....

coogar: NLers in canada are so full of drama....

lol! You're too much coogar! But this is family section isn't it. And I'm asking a question that pertains to my family life, so... what are you getting at

Nlders in Canada are full of drama

Viva I'd be right back but don't you think health section would be more suitable for this thread for professional advice?

jidegirl12: Nlders in Canada are full of drama

Viva I'd be right back but don't you think health section would be more suitable for this thread for professional advice?

I don't need health advice, I have a doctor, so I know what I'm getting into health-wise. But this is a family issue because my mother, who I love and respect very much, is fully up at arms about this. And she's old-school Punjabi (aka not to be played with). Also, with my man being Nigerian, he might be okay with it, but what would his family (mom, big aunts & siters) say if he marries a woman and she will not give him kids, ever?

vivalableue:
lol! You're too much coogar! But this is family section isn't it. And I'm asking a question that pertains to my family life, so... what are you getting at

you already have 2 beautiful kids, why have more and jeopardise your health. besides, is your partner allergic to condoms? must he have an unprotected sex? i think he should be more considerate knowing that you are prone to "horrible pregnancies".

I think you can only make that decision when you're sure of the person u're spending the rest of your life with. Most probably after marriage. If your husband or husband-to-be is comfortable with it, then by all means go ahead. Don't kill yourself unnecessarily. Your mum would come around with time. But then, it would just be fair to at least get his 100% support before you do such. You really don't want to meet a man and tell him you tied your tubes already.

I'm sorry if my advice is a lil off-grid, i didn't really get the part about maybe you're married or not.

My bad then, I just proofread the OP and saw OBGYN terms and reached my conclusion

So the kids are from previous marriage right? And hubby doesn't have any kids yet from previous marriage no? sorry brb ( busy here )

Coogar, yes condoms have been used... no issues with that other than I'd like to not use them once am married. Also yes, it sounds frightfully selfish to have had a horrible pregnancy. But the truth is that they were, and not withstanding the physical abuse, and mental anguish I was going thru, but the very fact that I was very sick just made me so grateful that my kids were born with no significant troubles. It was truly thru His grace that I am able to enjoy their presence with me today. I guess I'm afraid that I'm pushing my luck so to speak...

alutacontinua: I think you can only make that decision when you're sure of the person u're spending the rest of your life with. Most probably after marriage. If your husband or husband-to-be is comfortable with it, then by all means go ahead. Don't kill yourself unnecessarily. Your mum would come around with time. But then, it would just be fair to at least get his 100% support before you do such. You really don't want to meet a man and tell him you tied your tubes already.

I'm sorry if my advice is a lil off-grid, i didn't really get the part about maybe you're married or not.

^the bolded..

^^^ Ya that's true... I think he would feel robbed. Especially knowing the kind of fertility that runs in my genes. He would see the amount of boy children running around and surely want a brood of his own. We produce 3 boys for 1 girl in the family. No joke... My mom said once that the women in our family were made to bear male children I think its got something my great-grandparents did when they were still in India, and its the reason contraceptives don't work. I only had unguarded relations 3 times in my whole life, each time resulted in pregnancy automatically. And I was on contraceptive pills with each pregnancy. Every woman in my family has had at least 6-8 children, my aunt even had 10!!. But they look as though they never had 1 or, at worst the same weight is maintained on their bodies from marriage to date. That's why my mom is insisting that I continue like this...

Abstain from sex and forget about marriage