I feel sorry for Nigerians.

It must be terribly disheartening to spend all that money on the lottery, only for the jackpot to be won by foreigners who never bought tickets every week.

I asked the Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan to describe himself in one word.
He said, "Icon."
"That's cheating", I replied, "I clearly said you could only use one word".

Three contractors are bidding for the contract to mend a fence at the White House. One is from India, one is from China and one is from Nigeria.

So the Indian pulls out his tape measure, measures the fence, does some calculations and says to the White House official, "I can fix this fence for $300. That's $100 for materials, $100 for my workers, and $100 profit for me."

Next the Chinese guy pulls out his tape measure, meausres the fence, does some calculations and says to the White House official. "I can fix this fence for $200. That's $50 for materials, $50 for my workers, and $100 profit for me."

The Nigerian guy doesn't do any measuring at all. He pulls the White House official aside and whispers, "I can fix the fence for $2,200."

The White House offical is shocked and says "but you haven't done any measuring, how did you arrive at such a high figure?"

"Well.." says the Nigeiran, "thats $1000 for you, $1000 for me, and $200 to pay the Chinese to fix it."

My Nigerian neighbour was telling me how he spent the last two days in a hospital.

"What did you have?" I asked.

"At first an X-ray machine and then a bed on a ward, but they're both on Ebay now."