> > > Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" > > > Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife." > > > Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?" > > > Millionaire: I was "A Billionaire"

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Uyime Tech Systems (5/17/2006 3:20:27 PM): Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear." Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?" Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

well u lucky u get jokes, i dont get jokes, dont really know what they are, maybe preaching or something, well i know if i got msgs like urs, i ll definitely read em,

There was a man who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water. He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him. The man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again. Another man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion that kept stinging him. But the man said: "It is the nature of the scorpion to sting. It is my nature to love. Why should I give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?" Don't give up loving, Don't give up your goodness, Even if the people around you, HURT and STING .

good one taiye

dont have it now

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing,She is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine. When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL says I love you, She means it. When a GIRL says "i miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than her.

in 1976, obasanjo visited our school and said we were the leaders of tomorrow. 30 yrs later he is still our leader. He used up our parents quota, he is using our quota and now he wants to use our children's quota. say no to 3rd term!!!

After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.

Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.

Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"

Preacher: "How come I never see you in church anymore, Morris?"

Morris: "There are too many hypocrites there, Reverend."

Preacher: "Don't worry, Morris; there's always room for one more."

ON JUNE 6 - 2006 & 6 MIN & 6 SEC AFTER 6 AM DAY TIME AND DATE WILL BE 06:06:06:06:/06/06/06 HAPPENS ONCE IN 100000 YEARS

men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying 2 go back between the legs of a woman. why?becoz there's no place like home.

Bible researcher interviewed Hausa, Yoruba and Ibo folks to know what they would rather change in the bible if they were given the chance. The Hausa man said: "Walahi, the adulteress Jesus asked to go should have been stoned fa!" The Ibo man replied: "NNA, I can't understand why Judas returned the money after selling Jesus. In short, he is not a good business man." The Yoruba man retorted: Jesus should have waited just one more day before raising Lazarus from the dead. We had already paid for the ASO -EBI. At least he should have allowed us enjoy the OWAMBE before performing his miracle .

To realize The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn't have one. To realize The value of four years: Ask a final year student from a University who just had an extra year. To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has Just failed JAMB. To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn. To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby. To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has just won a race. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. Have a wonderful time.

The Lord is my Operating System, I shall not hang. He makes me to boot normally without errors. He loads my routing table with cool links; he restored my path. He routed me to the server of righteousness, for His domain sake. Even though I browse hackers’ sites, I will fear no attack, for he is my Firewall. Thy antivirus and Intrusion Prevention System, they comfort me. Thou preparest a link before me in the presence of time-outs; thou connected my links with fiber optics. Surely solid connection and replies shall follow me all the period of my pings. And I shall telnet from the server of the Lord for ever and ever. Amen

Ordinary people

@ Christino, You copied my jokes

why would i? :ounless its not copyright

An airplane flying has some problems. The pilot says the plane is losing height and all the baggage must be thrown out. (Pilot) "We're still losing height, we must throw everything out that is in the cabin" Despite more things being thrown out the plane continues its descent. (Pilot) "Still going down - we must throw out some people" There's a big gasp from the passengers! (Pilot) "But to make this fair - passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order, so A, any Africans on board?" No one moves. (Pilot) "B, any Blacks on board?" No one moves. (Pilot) "C, any Caribbeans on board?" Still no one moves. Little black boy asks his dad , "Dad, what are we?" (Dad) Shhhhhhhh "Tonight son, we are Zulus.

At the university of liverpool, a Professor was talking about increasing milk production of the cows, when a girl in the class asked: "Why do cows always seem depressed when being milked?" The Professor answered, "Well my girl, if every morning at dawn they woke you up, rubbed your boobs for two hours and didn't make love to you afterwards, you'll look depressed too!"

I want to introduce you to the law of aerodynamics that states that it is possible that something can go up and remain there. Before this year runs out, u shall find urself somewhere that u cant even bring urself down. Your blessings shall never come down, u shall never fail, the law of gravity will never work in your finances, business, family, all area of your life etc. Stay blessed. The devil is a liar. You may be going through a tough time right now but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith. My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you.

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, and only character endures.

-Horace Greeley

Wise saying!

Love is like the rain, at first, you go out into it willingly and dance, but once you are soaked down to the skin, you realize how cold it can truly be, and Suppose one morning you don't wake up. Do all your friends know you love them? I was thinking, a man could die today, tomorrow or next week, and wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in case God calls me home. I LOVE YA!!! Send this to anyone you love, and send it back to me if you truly love me

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn. . . As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh a lot, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command. "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?

'when a GIRL says, ' (contd)

i love u, Christino.

lol ;d

A little girl and her mother were in church when the girl started to feel ill. "Mommy, can we leave now?" asked the girl. "No." replied Mom. "I think I'm gonna throw up." "Well go out the front door, walk around the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." A few moments later the girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" asked Mom. "Yes." "How could you have gone all the way around the church, throw up and be back here so soon?" "I didn't even have to go outside. They have a box right by the front door that says 'for the sick'

Three pastors were having lunch in a diner.One said, "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away."Another said, "Me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since!"

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."