My Landlord is fond of harrassing the wife and whenever he does that he receives enough beating from the children and the mother. So  he has learned now to attack the woman when the children are not around. Although most times the woman will not report to the children. But when they notice any mark on their mother's face that day the father is in trouble. Sometimes they lock him in and flog the hell out of him. I sometimes help him out when he screems but most times I let them do what they want.

Sometimes he will cage the wife in (including me because my apartment was within the compound) to lock the children out in order to give the wife enough beating and you will see the children stoning from outside through the gate. There was a day they broke my louvres with a stone and that was the month I packed out.

What do  you think is the cause of such complete death of morals in a family?

Hmmm. On no account should any child raise their hands on their parents. It's very wrong. The wife should tell her family so that the case of being continously beaten be handled.

The family has intervened and have decided to be silent. The last I experienced was when he broke to pieces the wife's truck box. The family fined him and forced him to pay for the box, but my dear he refused. Inshort the man is something else. The 2 years I stayed in that compound I can count the times he didn't fight with the wife. I tried to talk to the children not to allow their father make them put curse upon their head but I saw no change. If you look at it from another angle you won't fully blame the children.

All the same thank God am out of that compound. I POSTED THIS TOPIC FOR PEOPLE TO COMMENT ON THE CAUSES AND LIKELY REMEDIES TO HELP UP COMING FAMILIES

If they fight _{like dogs} as you described, have grown up children and yet the fight is still without end;

What makes you think they don't enjoy it?

kajab,

u funny oh! May be u are right!

that sht is crazy and funny at the same time cause i never heard of anything like this before in my entire life any ways well its wrong for anychild to hit a parent but did that parent raise them like if he really isnt a parent then i dont know what to say but he shouldnt be hitting his wife either so hes wrong , yo do nt even know what to say casuse this sht is mad funny

lol,anyway beating women aint in style again'that's foolish

I would like to thank those children. What they're doing is unorthodox but it's the best they feel they can do in this situation.

If a parent is being overly abusive I feel that the children has a right to defend themselves and they are being selfless by defending their mother.

Unfortunately the best weapon the mother has is her feet. She needs to leave.

I don't blame the kids. the murderous side in me would come out if someone was abusing my mother.

lunafish:

I would like to thank those children. What they're doing is unorthodox but it's the best they feel they can do in this situation.

If a parent is being overly abusive I feel that the children has a right to defend themselves and they are being selfless by defending their mother.

Unfortunately the best weapon the mother has is her feet. She needs to leave.

I don't blame the kids. the murderous side in me would come out if someone was abusing my mother.

She left after the man destroyed her truck box, that was last year March. But my dear she exposed the family to danger. one, I feel tha man isn't himself, it is the strategy of the devil to use him to drive the woman away so that they can have full chance to attack the family.

Why did I say this, the woman is a prayerful woman. Immediately she left the man had struck, right now he is half paralized. The second son, Nkesi, the one I love most, just started swelling and cannot walk. I went to see him in the clinic yesterday after church with my church members and there I saw the mother. She said the family wanted her out so that they could have time to attack the man and her children. And I asked if she has come back and her response was: "How I go do?"

I used to know this family . The man will drink and beat the wife. He promised thewife to stop drinking and started drinking "Only from the cover of the wiskey bottel"
When the boys grew he stoped. Not because they beat their dad , they never did that But they protected their mum by not letting the dad near her. More or less like in you have to get passed us to get to mum.
The man never belittled himself to fight his sons,,
The sons never belittled themselves to beat up their father .
Then apart from from letting go of himself ones in a while , The man was a good father and a good husband. he gave his family all they wanted and needed.
The man has passed away a few years ago and the kids are taking good care of their mum .

@ topic

Any man who beat up his wife is a mad dog. so why should his children not treat him like one.

wow!! i feel that!

For the sake of the mother. If the mum says dont do that they listen to her.
Her word is their command.
And there is a difference between beating and beating.
Do not forget in Nigeria you are still living in your fathers house and he is feeding you .
Am talking of kids between 15 and about 20 years old.
I agree any man that beats his wife is a mad dog .
But if i were in Nigeria today i ask myself could i afford to leave my husbands house just like that

Mamaput!

please answer this question:

Life and Marriage, which one comes first/ which one should you protect first?

kajad,

how far, I never see u for a long time now.

@mamaput

the belief that a married women must not leave her husband's house under all circumstances is very wrong. because of this belief, some women will receive several beating on a daily basis , and that is very normal to them. i am not saying they should leave their marriage -but they should get away for a while for their life sake. and while she is away ,i advice her to be in the mood of prayer for the touching of the holyspirit on her husband .

and to rosby, i will choose life. simply because god has not called us into bondage. marriage is not bondage.

LABY B,

Wise talk!

I never said a woman should not leave her husbands house.
But i am asking is it possible for her in Nigeria to go.
What about the kids, what about the money,who will feed her.
Do not forget the pressure from even her own people what they will say.
Many women that run to their fathers house , dose the husband not come looking for them . Is it not the father that sends them back to the husband.
Do you know even here when i try to encourage a woman to leave the husband how many people paunce on me.
Its always the same a man beats up the wife. When people ask he always has a reason and in the end it is the wife that has to ask for forgiveness.

That is why every woman should be self reliance. There is a limit to endurance. No one can endure death. So when you know your marraige is about taking your life the best is to step out for a while and have a rethink. If you die the marriage you have been trying to keep living will die also and your children will be left without you and your support/role. If you step out when your marriage is a threat to your life your children will have you and their father. You will be alife to play your role, 100% to your children and their father will be there to play his role if he wishes. YOUR LIFE FIRST - FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND THE PURPOSE FOR WHICH GOD SENT YOU HERE ON EARTH FOR. (MARRIAGE IS NO CERTIFICATE TO HEAVEN)

Any hardworking, determined and optimistic woman will not leave her husbands house to retire in her parents house with her children.

Do not forget the tradition ,what people will say. It is only Strong women that are able to break loose, and there are not so many strong women

@ mamaput. i know . some of these so called traditions are just unspeakable. in the nigerian society, a single lady or a married woman that lives alone are looked down upon. it is like a shamful thing. and the society will give them all sorts of negative meanings. thats why some women will remain at their husband's home even if they are at the point of death. because all options are like a blockout. they cannot return to their parents home 'cos thats a taboo . and they cannot live alone 'cos thats another big taboo.

only god can help us with some of this cultural beliefs.

It shocks me that the Mothers of today still teach their children the "old" ways
It shocks me that the young ladys do not break loose.
Just the other day i was talking to a young girl about 22 and she really meant that if a woman dose something really bad then the husband has the right to beat her.
Then all the people that use the bible to say God said this and that.

I personally do not subscribe to spouse battery, neither do i subscribe to child battering their parents, for whatever reasons.

@mamaput
On your Bible reference, Yes, the Bible does not encourage, teach or permit divorce, but in the case of battery, no one needs the Bible to make you decide between two opinions. In such a case, I would advise the battered woman in question to seek help, from her relatives, from his relatives, and from the police, if her/his relatives prove a failure.
What if she gets killed in the process? God wont pat her a "well-done" for allowing herself to get killed.

you know what some Christan's say for better for worse carry your cross.

ok. i dont know y but i support dis.


Y should a man be beating his wife in the first place.

Go children

when hey r not kids! the man self way e go dey beat up the wife? jus PRAY this kind of situation does not come my way cuz i dnt know what i ll do-may be kill my husband

It really is not a good experience, i think the whole family needs deliverance
Firstly, the man should stop beating his wife because itz no good. This is a woman he is meant to be in love with, a woman he once looked into her eyes and said "i love you"
Secondly the children must be very stupid and i think their reaction is based on the kind of training the man gave them.

Though i don't think i'll have any reason to beat up my wife but if my kids try that nonsense they should all get ready for their funeral ceremonies.

First why must men beat up their wifes?secondly why must children beat up their dad?God is against all this.the bible says if the foundation be faulty what can the righteous do.that is why i will still stand on this that marriage should be built on God and his principles and we should learn to seek the face of God before getting married.the a faulty foundation was layed even with the way the kids where brought up.bible says bring up a child in the way that he should go and when he grows he will no depart from it.mamaput this goes out to you the bible does not contradict itself cos my God is not an author of confusion.bible says choose this day life or death.it did not say choose this day in other things excluding marriage.when the man beats the wife the a point that she feels her life is not safe no more then she has to choose life.and flee from every apperance of evil.the kids also are ignorant of the devices of the devil cos they have layed cos on themselves.no matter what no one should lay his/her hands on his/her parents.i must say if the foundation is faulty what can the righteous do?

Two wrongs can never make it right.

A man should never raise his hand to his wife. If the children comes to the rescue of their mother while beating her, and eventually beats him up, Serves him right.

They are invariably cursing themselves . They are in the better position to stop their Dad by [b]discussin[/b]g it with him,I believe he will be ashamed of himself that his children are calling him to order.