When I heard about my friend’s book deal, I wanted to be happy for her—really, I did. Sharon* had spent months laboring over a heartfelt essay about her traumatic childhood, and the piece was published to wide acclaim. Now she had landed a contract to turn the story into a memoir for a sum so enormous it could buy my house twice. I should have been celebrating her success. Instead, I was busy hunting for reasons she didn’t deserve it.

Envy can be an ugly emotion. A study published in the journal Scienceshowed that it actually activates a region of the brain involved in processing physical pain. No wonder people go to such lengths to ignore or deny the emotion. Yet it’s nearly impossibleto dodge, because envy is an inevitable consequence of the comparisons we seem programmed to make.

Researchers have found that when you put a group of strangers in a room, they start to assess each other almost immediately. “Whether you’re aware of it or not, most people are automatically sizing up the crowd—who’s smarter, who’s tougher, who’s more beautiful,” says Richard Smith, PhD, editor of the anthology Envy: Theory and Research. “We’re all different, and those differences matter.” But—contrary to popularbelief—feeling envious isn’t always a bad thing.

Psychologists have identified two very distinct kinds of envy: malicious and benign. Malicious envy is bitter and biting, driven by aneed to make things equal, even if that means tearing another person down. Benign envy, on the other hand, has an aspirational aspect—you think, “If she can do it, maybe I can, too.” Though the feeling is still unpleasant, it’s tinged with admiration ratherthan resentment.

In a study published last year, economists at the University of East Anglia found that malicious envy stifled innovation among farmers in four villages in rural Ethiopia. During experimental games, the farmers were often willing to sabotage their peers, even at their own expense. As the sabotage became more widespread within a community, farmers were less likely to adopt new practices, for fear that they would be targeted by their neighbors.

Meanwhile another 2011 study, done in the Netherlands, revealed benign envy as a powerful motivational force. Researchers at Tilburg University discovered that—compared with feelings of malicious envy and pure admiration—benign envy led students to dedicate more time to their schoolwork, and perform better on.

http://coolpenny./2013/06/12/when-envy-strikes-how-to-put-jealousy-to-good-use/

Hmm

Nice insightful post @OP

Now apply this to your average Naija folks. Malicious envy is so deeply engrained in their DNA, they can't escape it - even if they fly to the end of the world. The only thing that keeps them in check are the laws of the foreign land where they reside.

Bring these same people back to their homeland and you see jungle justice reigning - and my word, they are sooooooooo good at tearing (or attempting to tear) others down.

Thanks for sharing though.

Efemena_xy: Nice insightful post @OP

Now apply this to your average Naija folks. Malicious envy is so deeply engrained in their DNA, they can't escape it - even if they fly to the end of the world. The only thing that keeps them in check are the laws of the foreign land where they reside.

Bring these same people back to their homeland and you see jungle justice reigning - and my word, they are sooooooooo good at tearing (or attempting to tear) others down.

Thanks for sharing though.

yeah thats true.but you know jealousy is part of human nature,its not peculiar to a particular race however its more common with the female folk.they tend to compare themselves with others.my husband is better than yours,my boyfriend is better than yours,i am sexier than angela,i dress better than beatrice,i buy expensive make ups and weavons than damilola,i earn more than sade etc

kulyie: yeah thats true.but you know jealousy is part of human nature,its not peculiar to a particular race however its more common with the female folk.they tend to compare themselves with others.my husband is better than yours,my boyfriend is better than yours,i am sexier than angela,i dress better than beatrice,i buy expensive make ups and weavons than damilola,i earn more than sade etc

I get you - but the @OP is harping on about the two different types of jealousy. The constructive jealousy and the destructive jealousy.

And let's face it, our people are very popular for acting out destructive jealousy. Ever wondered why Naija nor dey progress compared to her western counterparts?

U guys need not go further.
Nairaland which happens to be an anonymous social site is a perfect xample.

Its really engraved in our DNA

Efemena_xy:

I get you - but the @OP is harping on about the two different types of jealousy. The constructive jealousy and the destructive jealousy.

And let's face it, our people are very popular for acting out destructive jealousy. Ever wondered why Naija nor dey progress compared to her western counterparts?

yeahhhhh.thats sooo true

yellowpawpaw: U guys need not go further.
Nairaland which happens to be an anonymous social site is a perfect xample.

Its really engraved in our DNA

gbam.e.g celebrity section.let them put a picture of any female celeb,maybe like halima abubakar,mercy aigbe,rita dominic or geneieve.you wanna try venom and bitterness people spew.e.g ashawo,fat ugly b1tch,make she go marry,see her fore head etc,

kulyie: gbam.e.g celebrity section.let them put a picture of any female celeb,maybe like halima abubakar,mercy aigbe,rita dominic or geneieve.you wanna try venom and bitterness people spew.e.g ashawo,fat ugly b1tch,make she go marry,see her fore head etc,

Hmmm

Hmm. . .nice piece.

ok

Nice. So, Benign envy encourages healthy competition and innovation while malicious envy promotes destruction and strife. Interesting. We need to take the former.

Tell me something I didn't already know.

One thing I know is that of all the easy steps to living a miserable life on earth, envy and jealousy is by far the easiest one.

nyc

envy is an emotion, hence it is part of being human cos humans are emotional. It is very very normal to be envious, one shouldnt pretend when you feel envious just like you express yourself when you are happy, that same way express yourself when envious for it is an emotion/feeling to be expressed, simple! and it goes after a while just as all other feelings . So there is no big deal to envy, yeah...the only thing is to be cautious just like you are with everything in life in other words, have self control, that way, you wont go overboard with expression of envy. A simple 'meehhn, i envy you oo' then 'tell me how you did it' will do.

kulyie: gbam.e.g celebrity section.let them put a picture of any female celeb,maybe like halima abubakar,mercy aigbe,rita dominic or geneieve.you wanna try venom and bitterness people spew.e.g ashawo,fat ugly b1tch,make she go marry,see her fore head etc,

See them below:
Re: Tiwa Savage's Traditional
Wedding Outfit -Photos

phellycia2013[/:

Is fyn sha bt i dnt lyk d
attire
na ovasabi go dey worry tiwa she wants tu
be classy n beautiful n oyiboish. my
sista my wedding day I want tu be
beauriful jx like mrs okoye class will
definitely come buh when U̶̲̥̅̊ put classy
first dts D̶̲̥̅̊ result

Efemena_xy:

I get you - but the @OP is harping on about the two different types of jealousy. The constructive jealousy and the destructive jealousy.

And let's face it, our people are very popular for acting out destructive jealousy. Ever wondered why Naija nor dey progress compared to her western counterparts?

I thought the op was talking envy , are u mistaken envy for jealousy?

It takes focusing on your own goals and life to stop envy. The trick is, you just know yours will soon happen and that your friend getting his is validation that indeed yours will soon happen. Only feelings of inferiority fuel envy.

A friend of mine opened a new section of his club and I was so happy for him and I was carrying on. Several of our mutual "friends" started acting up, saying "why are you acting like you own the club?". Those are the kind of people you stay away from; they don't know how to be happy for others success because of deep feelings of inferiority that drive them to think they need to be "on top" to counter those feelings.

"An admirer who feels that he cannot be happy by surrendering himself elects to become envious of that which he admires. So he speaks another language--the thing which he really admires is called a stu.pid, insipid and queer sort of thing. Admiration is happy self-surrender; envy is unhappy self-assertion."-SOREN KIERKEGAARD

Unfortunately for us as humans, of all the disorders and emotions of our souls, envy is the only feeling nobody confesses to...not even to themselves.

Especially ladies.......

Vivly: Nice. So, Benign envy encourages healthy competition and innovation while malicious envy promotes destruction and strife. Interesting. We need to take the former.

. Yes, u get d whole jist.

Vivly: Nice. So, Benign envy encourages healthy competition and innovation while malicious envy promotes destruction and strife. Interesting. We need to take the former.

Just as one glass of beer is fine and 12 bottles is bad? Well that's bull poo! Cause one eventually leads to the other. I'd say, No Drinks at all, but since drinks just like envy are now a part of most human nature, I guess I agree with the popular notion 'everything in moderation'.

This got me laughing

kulyie: gbam.e.g celebrity section.let them put a picture of any female celeb,maybe like halima abubakar,mercy aigbe,rita dominic or geneieve.you wanna try venom and bitterness people spew.e.g ashawo,fat ugly b1tch,make she go marry,see her fore head etc,

This is insightful

envy is an emotion and "can" be normal- true. I'm using "can" because sometimes there ain't nothing normal about envying every single good thing that happens in say a friend's life or a siblings'.

true also that women fall more victim to the destructive type of envy.

I wish however, that more of us women and indeed Nigerians- can see it for what it is, a form of weakness. the destructive type is such a weak emotion and should be consciously subdued.

its a way of telling yourself that you "cannot" be that good or intelligent or successful. so when you do eventually fail, the only person to blame here is you.

we should focus more on self-discovery, as a way to remind ourselves of what we are infinitely capable of. we're not all the same and that reality doesn't have to be such a bad thing if u know who u truly are. its not an easy journey to undertake but in the end, it will be worth it 'cos you'll be at peace with yourself and in turn, the world around you.

I went to see a friend of mine sometime ago, on getting there the first thing she said was " You are looking hotter than me these days, you just dey buy things pass me, take am easy o" she said this while smiling one kind smile though.

I smiled too but I still dey think what kind of talk is that one, na competition?

Well envy\jealousy is human nature, we all feel it I'd like to believe but how you react to it is what really matters.

Efemena_xy: Nice insightful post @OP

Now apply this to your average Naija folks. Malicious envy is so deeply engrained in their DNA, they can't escape it - even if they fly to the end of the world. The only thing that keeps them in check are the laws of the foreign land where they reside.

Bring these same people back to their homeland and you see jungle justice reigning - and my word, they are sooooooooo good at tearing (or attempting to tear) others down.

Thanks for sharing though.

Your point is quite expressive and funny.

My God is a jealous God so am suppose to be like him, i can not plan 4 anybody downfall though